[rhino]

"From an early age, boys are encouraged to "act like a man," "man up," "tough it out," or "suck it up." These expectations give boys a very narrow view of masculinity. I grew up in a single parent household, and people always told me that I was the man of the house and should behave accordingly. However, I had no idea what that meant. I had a steep learning curve and picked many of the wrong lessons by watching older men and boys in my neighborhood. It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I encountered more positive images of manhood and masculinity. Now, I work with young boys to help them cope with their own masculinity. Many of them are confused and have distorted views on what it means to be a man. But there is hope, and it starts with parents. It's crucial for parents to offer their sons a more holistic view of masculinity. Here are 7 things parents must teach their boys about masculinity."

1. It's okay to cry and show a full range of emotions

We've all heard the phrase, "Boys don't cry." When I was growing up, I heard it more times than I can recall. If I even thought about shedding a tear, I would be teased or reprimanded. Parents have to teach their sons that it is okay to cry and express a full range of emotions - fear, joy, sadness, disappointment, love, anger, etc. Our emotions are what allow us to connect with our humanity and with one another.

2. Girls aren't the worst thing

We've also heard parents tell their sons to stop acting like a girl, as if being a girl is the worst thing in the world. Through our language and attitudes, we can inadvertently send subtle messages to our sons that girls are inferior. These degrading comparisons lead to distorted views on masculinity and male/female equality. It is important to teach boys that true masculinity requires a healthy respect for girls and women.

3. There is no need to constantly prove your masculinity

In our society, boys often feel that their masculinity is constantly under scrutiny. From macho posturing to trying to be the alpha male of their group, many boys feel the need to prove their masculinity on a regular basis. In addition, boys feel challenged and want to defend their manhood when people use insensitive comments, such as the aforementioned ones about acting like a girl. We must teach sons to be self-confident (not arrogant) and let them know that it's okay to let their guard down and be comfortable in their own skin. We must also let them know that the tough, hyper-masculine image is not the only example of masculinity.

4. It's okay to suck at sports

As a child, I was a terrible baseball player. I struck out nearly every time I stepped to the plate. The other boys insulted me and yelled at me because of my lackluster skills. It took me several years to erase the shame I felt for underperforming in the baseball field. Boys feel tremendous pressure to excel at sports, and boys who don't like sports are viewed suspiciously. We have to teach our sons that their masculinity isn't tied to their ability to swing a bat or catch a ball.

5. Your sexual conquests don't define you

Too many boys are taught to define their manhood by their sexual conquests. Teaching our sons to respect their bodies and form lasting relationships is much more important.

6. You can talk about your feelings

Many men bottle up their emotions and refuse to talk about them because they believe that expressing emotions and being vulnerable are signs of weakness. As a consequence, boys learn to do the same. We have to create a safe environment where boys feel comfortable talking about their feelings. More importantly, we have to listen when they share.

7. Violence is not the answer when conflicts arise

Many boys feel as if violence is the only way to resolve conflicts. I've seen boys result to violence because they felt disrespected or threatened in some way. Violence was a constant part of my life when I was a child. I fought other boys and had to defend myself against attacks. This constant aggression was unhealthy and affected my relationships. We have to teach our sons healthier conflict resolution techniques. Violence usually leads to more violence. Masculinity isn't defined by our ability to hurt and dominate others."

http://shine.yahoo.com/photos/7-things-p...00767.html

By Frederick J. Goodall



This is what contemporary careerism looks like:

1. Take a good pulse of the culture you live in.

2. Tell the majority what they want to hear.

3. Reap the benefits.

This dude fills a much-needed niche.

Good ole hustla.

[Emancipator]

I grew up in a single parent household

Hence the shittiest advice one could give.

[Wadsworth]

(10-28-2013 02:29 PM)rhino Wrote:  

"From an early age, boys are encouraged to "act like a man," "man up," "tough it out," or "suck it up." These expectations give boys a very narrow view of masculinity.

This has become such a meaningless and empty platitude. It's correct of course, but the people who repeat this feel-good platitude are always the same ones telling men to man up.

Look at all the boilerplate the feminists are churning out about men. The rise of women has turned us into boys etc. Men aren't manning up and getting married. Real men don't rape or hit their girlfriends, yadda yadda yadda.

Look at this article, penned by a scow on father's day of all days. Wow.

If you argue for male reproductive rights with these people, what do they tell you? You need to man up instead of trying to dodge "your responsibilities." Complain about a guy being forced to pay for a kid that isn't even his, and they'll tell you about how real men support their wives etc.

In short, I don't have a problem with the idea that men are conditioned to "suck it up" and "man up" in this culture. But it's hardly the patriarchy that's doing this, it's mostly feminists that are doing it, the same clueless feminists that talk about how horrible patriarchal norms are.

(10-28-2013 02:29 PM)rhino Wrote:  

3. There is no need to constantly prove your masculinity

In our society, boys often feel that their masculinity is constantly under scrutiny... many boys feel the need to prove their masculinity on a regular basis.

Yes, I agree, and men in this culture no longer prove their masculinity by beating each other up or by being the dominant male in a football game, now we prove our masculinity by demonstrating how "pro women" we are. This explains the rise of the mangina. If you want to prove your "manhood" in this culture, the easiest way to do it now is spout platitudes about the patriarchy and women's oppression and how much you oppose those things. Barf.

It's the same proving behavior that's always been with us, it's just manifesting in a more "female compatible" way. Do feminists have a problem with this type of proving behavior? Certainly not.

Look at this mangina's website and tell me he isn't engaged in proving behavior.

[Handsome Creepy Eel]

I expected a mildly disgusting piece of drivel from a typical white knight and was not disappointed! Was surprised to see that he was black though.

[Collide]

(10-28-2013 02:29 PM)rhino Wrote:  

7 Things Parents Need to Teach Their Sons About Masculinity

[blah blah blah]

By Frederick J. Goodall

[delicioustacos]

These points are all true. Just not for the reasons Carlton Banks thinks. I would tell my son some version of these things, if Planned Parenthood hadn't dumped him in a landfill:

1. It's okay to cry and show a full range of emotions

Of course it's OK to cry. There's this idea that we tell boys to never cry about anything. But no one is gonna stop a boy from crying if his dog dies. However, we do generally get boys not to fake cry for attention. We're much better with boys in this regard than girls.

When you see a little kid fall over, you can always see that moment where they decide whether to cry. Thinking: "if I cry, will I get something out of this?" If someone's going to hug them and stroke their hair they'll start bawling. If no one gives a fuck they'll brush it off and move on. When you really have to cry, it's not a choice. Shit hits you so hard that your body reacts. Waves of pain like a sickness. When it passes, you feel better. Crying is like puking.

You cry to purge pain. Of course this is OK. What isn't OK is using people's instinct to comfort a crying person as an attention getting ruse.

2. Girls aren't the worst thing

True. They have holes that feel awesome. I consider them one of the best things.

3. There is no need to constantly prove your masculinity

True. I'm a massive pussy. It's obvious at a glance. I keep getting carloads of Cholos screaming "Faggot" at me as I walk down the street. I don't give a fuck. Your girlfriend's fat and I'm the faggot who fucked your sister.

4. It's okay to suck at sports

Yeah. Not ideal, but, some dudes suck genetically and there's nothing you can do about it. If you threw a football at me I'd flinch and be afraid of breaking a nail. It sucks when you're a kid but you develop other skills to compensate. Get funny or play the guitar.

5. Your sexual conquests don't define you

Thank God, I've banged some major league hogs.

6. You can talk about your feelings

Of course you can. But the best time to talk about them is after they've marinated for a few days and turned funny. That way you're amusing people instead of boring them with whiny bullshit.

7. Violence is not the answer when conflicts arise

God damn right. You lose, you go to the hospital. You win, you go to jail. Fuck that shit. Talk your way out of anything. No one really wants to kick your ass that bad unless you're a massive prick or they're nuts. Ninety nine times out of a hundred you can tell when a bad situation's coming. Leave, or talk your way out of it.

[Kingsley Davis]

Carlton Banks.

   

[Kingsley Davis]

delete/drunk

[JimNortonFan]

Step 1: Give bad advice

Step 2: People follow it

Step 3: Things get worse

Step 4: Offer more advice at a higher price

Step 5: $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

[LeBeau]

If you want to mold a more masculine man in the future, you need fewer talks about acceptance and more tough love about congruency:

[Agent 47]

^^^^^ Oh my god, my lungs..... That made my day. Thank you sir.

[WesternCancer]

Guys/women like this who try and use either 1950's movies or stereotypes of frat parties to define masculinity piss me off to no end.

This girl I know once started bitching about this illusory brand of masculinity saying "men are way too caught up in trying to be ultra-masculine, drinking beer, driving trucks, fist pumping etc"

That shit is straight ignorant. They're claiming reality is equal to their perceptions.

The men that do follow this imaginary form of masculinity are weak men. The men that follow the advice given are just as weak.

Masculinity is strength. Masculinity is confidence in ones ability, it is domination and it is success.

[Dr. Howard]

Retarded advice. Better advice would be:

7 ways that the world is cruel. Adapt accordingly.

The 7 items would include:
1. Bad people do bad things and don't always get caught
2. The people who act the toughest usually are not.
3. Having a girlfriend or wife is like having a lion, tiger or bear as a pet. Cool, functionally useless money pit and dangerous if you are not careful.
4. People who appear weak are targeted for bullying and crime.
5. Strangers stereotype people based on looks, dress, gender and mannerisms.
6. Negative 'friends' will tease you for being smart, because they are not.
7. School teachers are not experts in what they teach but you have to listen to them anyway.

Edit: added "money pit" to the pet analogy haha.

[Tuthmosis]

Found a picture of the author's son:

   

[The Beast1]

(10-28-2013 02:29 PM)rhino Wrote:  

"From an early age, boys are encouraged to "act like a man," "man up," "tough it out," or "suck it up." These expectations give boys a very narrow view of masculinity. I grew up in a single parent household, and people always told me that I was the man of the house and should behave accordingly. However, I had no idea what that meant. I had a steep learning curve and picked many of the wrong lessons by watching older men and boys in my neighborhood. It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I encountered more positive images of manhood and masculinity. Now, I work with young boys to help them cope with their own masculinity. Many of them are confused and have distorted views on what it means to be a man. But there is hope, and it starts with parents. It's crucial for parents to offer their sons a more holistic view of masculinity. Here are 7 things parents must teach their boys about masculinity."

1. It's okay to cry and show a full range of emotions

We've all heard the phrase, "Boys don't cry." When I was growing up, I heard it more times than I can recall. If I even thought about shedding a tear, I would be teased or reprimanded. Parents have to teach their sons that it is okay to cry and express a full range of emotions - fear, joy, sadness, disappointment, love, anger, etc. Our emotions are what allow us to connect with our humanity and with one another.
Emotions are great, but when they control you, then we have a problem. You shouldn't allow yourself to become controlled by your emotions. Learn what anxiety is, sadness, and happiness is. Chase the fleetings moments of feeling true inner confidence. Keep your mental facalties in check by going to the gym daily. Understand that no one likes a man that lets himself be controlled by his emotions.
2. Girls aren't the worst thing

We've also heard parents tell their sons to stop acting like a girl, as if being a girl is the worst thing in the world. Through our language and attitudes, we can inadvertently send subtle messages to our sons that girls are inferior. These degrading comparisons lead to distorted views on masculinity and male/female equality. It is important to teach boys that true masculinity requires a healthy respect for girls and women.

Unless you're gay, then girls are a double edged sword of awesome and misery. Learn that being a leader of women and men hedges yourself against the BS that women will throw at you.

3. There is no need to constantly prove your masculinity

In our society, boys often feel that their masculinity is constantly under scrutiny. From macho posturing to trying to be the alpha male of their group, many boys feel the need to prove their masculinity on a regular basis. In addition, boys feel challenged and want to defend their manhood when people use insensitive comments, such as the aforementioned ones about acting like a girl. We must teach sons to be self-confident (not arrogant) and let them know that it's okay to let their guard down and be comfortable in their own skin. We must also let them know that the tough, hyper-masculine image is not the only example of masculinity.

If someone is testing your "manhood" then they're checking to make sure you're inner strength is congruent with your outer body language. Masculinity is never something you can secure. It is a fleeting feeling that is gained when you understand that masculinity is something you get when you continually better yourself. If you don't better yourself, you lose your masculinity.

4. It's okay to suck at sports

As a child, I was a terrible baseball player. I struck out nearly every time I stepped to the plate. The other boys insulted me and yelled at me because of my lackluster skills. It took me several years to erase the shame I felt for underperforming in the baseball field. Boys feel tremendous pressure to excel at sports, and boys who don't like sports are viewed suspiciously. We have to teach our sons that their masculinity isn't tied to their ability to swing a bat or catch a ball.

It isn't okay to be a fat load and never set foot in a gym. If you suck at sports, then you probably don't have any noticeable muscle or athletic ability. Hit the gym and discover how you can attain a small taste of what masculinity tastes like when you achieve a goal.

5. Your sexual conquests don't define you

Too many boys are taught to define their manhood by their sexual conquests. Teaching our sons to respect their bodies and form lasting relationships is much more important.

Sorry brah, but we're responding to the market. I want to be apart of the 20% that is getting 80% of the ladies. I don't want to be the tampon that never gets a date. Why don't you direct your attention to the opposite sex and have them change their ways.

6. You can talk about your feelings

Many men bottle up their emotions and refuse to talk about them because they believe that expressing emotions and being vulnerable are signs of weakness. As a consequence, boys learn to do the same. We have to create a safe environment where boys feel comfortable talking about their feelings. More importantly, we have to listen when they share.

Again, no one likes a man that is controlled by his emotions. We call people like that women. Learn what the emotions mean and how to handle them. Don't be afraid of what your limbic system is speaking to you.

7. Violence is not the answer when conflicts arise

Many boys feel as if violence is the only way to resolve conflicts. I've seen boys result to violence because they felt disrespected or threatened in some way. Violence was a constant part of my life when I was a child. I fought other boys and had to defend myself against attacks. This constant aggression was unhealthy and affected my relationships. We have to teach our sons healthier conflict resolution techniques. Violence usually leads to more violence. Masculinity isn't defined by our ability to hurt and dominate others."

Real men hate men who defer to the point where they have no real back bone. That is why you got picked on and that is why you seem to fit in with the SWPL crowd. Get a back bone and start defining yourself by the goals you have accomplished. You'll notice that once you start reaching some goals, you will feel an inner confidence that will make others naturally defer to you. Violence only occurs against pathetic wimpy men who aren't able to make decisions on their own.

http://shine.yahoo.com/photos/7-things-p...00767.html

By Frederick J. Goodall



This is what contemporary careerism looks like:

1. Take a good pulse of the culture you live in.

2. Tell the majority what they want to hear.

3. Reap the benefits.

This dude fills a much-needed niche.

Good ole hustla.

Agreed, this only perpetuates BS to people who don't understand how to feel like a man. He got beat up as a kid because he had no spine. You need to not be wishy washy and define who you are and where you want to go. When you don't do this, you get picked on. When you're a wimp with no athletic ability, you get your ass kicked.

Welcome to the cruel world.

[Hades]

I don't think anybody disputes that it's not OK to suck at life, there are winners and losers everywhere - it's just a shame that this "educator" is professionally cultivating losers though.

[la_mode]

Above all, teach them to be cool. Of course, some boys are born nerds and this will never be possible, but being cool is more important than anything else in my opinion.

[Architekt]

(10-30-2013 12:49 AM)Hades Wrote:  

I don't think anybody disputes that it's not OK to suck at life, there are winners and losers everywhere - it's just a shame that this "educator" is professionally cultivating losers though.

This is one of the reasons I hate today's society so much

It's fine if you're not the best, you can always be better than someone at something and craft your passion and skill into something useful

What these people do, though, is disgusting. Literally teaching people to be failures

We're only a couple of steps short of the matrix - human batteries with no other objective except enabling our own decline

[Nascimento]

This is such a joke I struggled to believe this was an article written by a guy and is 100% serious. That morpheus meme was laugh out loud funny.

Anyways, this is my attempt at making a serious reply to these 7 principles:

1. It's okay to cry and show a full range of emotions
- It's okay to cry, sure. People that are important to you will pass away and it will hurt. Maybe you have bone surgery and you are awake for the whole thing and you cry. But showing a full range of emotions? I think it's more important to be in control of your emotions.

2. Girls aren't the worst thing
- Nah, but we shouldn't pedestalize them either.

3. There is no need to constantly prove you masculinity
- At times it is necessary, anyone who believes otherwise has no balls. But what is important is how you are proving it. Think sports, physical challenges, approaching because you want to fuck her and not because you just think she might be cool..

4. It's okay to suck at sports
- No it's not. You should try to excel yourself in some area of sport or fitness. It's not the result, its the process. This means you don't necessarily have to aim to be the #1 athlete, but you should try to constantly improve your level, lift weights with frequency to achieve decent musculature, etc.

5. Sexual conquests don't define you
- no they don't. But if you deny the importance of actively chasing that primal desire, you don't or shouldn't have balls.

6. You can talk about your feelings
- ties again to learning to control your emotions. It's okay and human to have them, but not okay to let them control you.

7. Violence is not the answer when conflicts arise
- Nope, and it shouldn't be. But it might be necessary, and every man should be ready or at least willing if the situation presents itself.