[bojangles]

haha thats fucking excellent

[Sumanguru]

Just something I felt compelled to point out.

(10-10-2013 05:27 AM)Sharkie Wrote:  

The gay guy, J, was quite obviously not gay and very much into R. She looked at me and rolled her eyes.

Forget about the incident for a moment.

This is a red flag IMO.

A) Seems like she didn't at least seriously entertain your idea that he's not gay. A partner ignoring your opinion, when that opinion is backed up by several facts that you mentioned, is not cool.

B) She wasn't able to see it for herself, which means she's inexperienced in life, naive, an awful people reader, or all the above (i.e. she's likely a young woman, lol). You're obviously at different intellectual/emotional levels, and that could cause EVEN MORE trouble than it already has in the future.

C) Now you have to go out and take care of this, all trouble for you. Seems like you've done a good job of handing it so far. But expect to have to take care of her stupidity in the future.

Originally I had "She chose to stay over instead of be with you" as one of the warning signs, but I saw you told her to stay. That's definitely a mistake on your part. Its good to show confidence in the face of competition, but having her stay the night when you know there's a dude there wanting her who she is ignorant of and you won't be there is a recipe for disaster (at best drama, at worst cheating or rape). Always bring your girl home to bed.

[sixsix]

I hate sneaky guys. Being friendly to someone's face and then sabotage him when he's gone.
Such a weasel thing to do. A strategy of the weak, because they know outright competition would fail.
But then again, there's no honor in this world and winning is winning, so we gotta be aware.

I don't think your girl did something wrong by staying.
She might have been a bit naive, but she is young and a girl.
Besides keeping an eye on this in the future (she owes increased respect to your judgement) I think this is fine.
She told you right away about it. Green flag.

A man got in bed with your sleeping girlfriend and touched her.
Since this is a public forum and I cannot and will not advocate violence this is all hypothetical/fictional:
But personally, I would have fucked the guy up. Might I regret it later on? Maybe.
If alphaness has any meaning, it is protecting your loved ones.

A guy I do not know, hitting on my girl, is just doing his job. No hate from me.
A guy I have met, hitting on my girl, is disrespecting me. A warning from me, and my girl should understand the implications.
A guy I have just met at a fucking party, getting in her bed while she sleeps, is violating my girlfriend.

No internet warrior rant. What if someone had groped your mother?
Would you have taken his flowers?

[Wahawahwah]

(10-11-2013 08:40 AM)Sumanguru Wrote:  

Its good to show confidence in the face of competition, but having her stay the night when you know there's a dude there wanting her who she is ignorant of and you won't be there is a recipe for disaster (at best drama, at worst cheating or rape). Always bring your girl home to bed.

Thanks.

I did not do it to show confidence in the face of competition. He was not competition. I figured him out to be a beta orbiter. And this was her group of friends. Every girl has beta orbiters, most are harmless and one tends to filter the harmless guys out. Yes he behaved inappropriately, but the girls are non slutty and the guys were fine. Hence I left her there,presumably safe.

What went wrong was an error in judgement on my part with regards to his desperation to get with her.

[Wahawahwah]

(10-11-2013 09:04 AM)sixsix Wrote:  

A man got in bed with your sleeping girlfriend and touched her.
Since this is a public forum and I cannot and will not advocate violence this is all hypothetical/fictional:
But personally, I would have fucked the guy up. Might I regret it later on? Maybe.
If alphaness has any meaning, it is protecting your loved ones.

Hahaha.

Yes I did confront him yesterday and roughed him up. I'm 5'11, he's 5'8-ish and a heavy smoker. It wasn't that hard.

There was no reason to do the same thing today again, especially in front of her.
But at the same time, there was no way I was allowing him to get near her or stay in her house, hence the overt kicking out.

[scandibro]

How old are you, if you don't mind? This whole sleeping over with everyone and the guy making a move in such a way, just seems quite immature to be honest.

I'm going to have to agree with others here, the fact that she wanted to stay, plus the fact that she was the one who said he was gay when he wasn't (sounds like hamster rationalisation for flirting with him) and adding the whole sleepover thing leaves me to believe you're dating an immature chick, regardless of her actual age.

The whole story sounds like something from my high school days.

Seems like you handled the confrontation fine though, but imo. lots of red flags here to not pursue a serious relationship in the kind of social circle that girl (and you?) is in.

[Wahawahwah]

(10-11-2013 10:33 PM)scandibro Wrote:  

How old are you, if you don't mind? This whole sleeping over with everyone and the guy making a move in such a way, just seems quite immature to be honest.

I'm going to have to agree with others here, the fact that she wanted to stay, plus the fact that she was the one who said he was gay when he wasn't (sounds like hamster rationalisation for flirting with him) and adding the whole sleepover thing leaves me to believe you're dating an immature chick, regardless of her actual age.

The whole story sounds like something from my high school days.

Seems like you handled the confrontation fine though, but imo. lots of red flags here to not pursue a serious relationship in the kind of social circle that girl (and you?) is in.

a


Thanks. Perhaps I should've described it a bit better in the first post.

I'm 25, the girl is 21.

Yes i agree, the whole incident was pretty juvenile.

Let me try to clarify your points one at a time -

1- This is her childhood group, they've been friends for like 15 years. They don't meet for sleepovers usually. However the place is huge and everyone was going to drink a lot because a couple of the group were going abroad for a year or something.

2- The girl wanted to come back home with me (if she had intended to stay, she'd have got her own vehicle). But given that I would be prepping for the client meeting, did not have time to spare for her, this was her most trusted group, non slutty company --- so I asked her to stay and have fun, and a friend then said she could drop her off. Logistics handled, I went off. Plus the girlfriend is reasonably decent and into me. Really couldn't ask for a safer scenario to leave a girl in.

3 - She didn't call him gay. It was a rumor that had spread through the group when one of the guys found out that he'd been caught with his pants down wid another guy on the ship. Her rolling the eyes at me was not because i called him straight, it was because I told her he was totally into her just after ten minutes. Point out a girl's orbiter and tell her he likes her, she'll offer you gestures of exasperation or mild disdain...it was in that context.

4- About the social circle, the guy is now ostracized from it. and the minute she told her friends, they flew at him. Fair warning though, yes.

I realize that Ive disagreed with all of your points, my intention is not to go on the defensive, just to provide more context.

[ralphi]

Women are pretty willfully ignorant about certain subjects.

For instance, I have never been able to explain to a girl I was sleeping with that all the guy friends in her life are just waiting around for their chance to bang. They absolutely refuse to accept logic on this. I think it's because the girl would be forced to contemplate how boring she is without her sex appeal. Not going to happen.

Tom Leykis did an episode on a girl he was dating who was from another country. Tom and his girl were going to visit her country and she made a list of friends she wanted to see. Tom looked at the list and they were all men. He tried to explain to her that these men weren't really her friends but she blew him off. Word got out that she was returning home with her successful radio talk show boyfriend and not one single guy on that list made time to visit with her.

Needles to say she had a shitty vacation and Tom Leykis got a good story and good anecdotal evidence to prove what every deep down knows is true.

[Wahawahwah]

Wilfully ignorant.
Nice phrase.

[kenny_powers]

(10-11-2013 08:40 AM)Sumanguru Wrote:  

B) She wasn't able to see it for herself, which means she's inexperienced in life, naive, an awful people reader, or all the above (i.e. she's likely a young woman, lol). You're obviously at different intellectual/emotional levels, and that could cause EVEN MORE trouble than it already has in the future.

You need to adjust your mindset brother. All girls are naive and inexperienced at life - regardless of age, education, living all over the world etc...

"Different intellectual/emotional levels"? Come on now....that is the language and mindset feminists use to shame you into dating women your own age.

[svenski7]

houston Wrote:

Gay Guy Game

This is what went through my head. One of my best friends used GGG to get with his current 8+ LTR. They were dancing, she said she wasn't interested and he retorted, "You know I'm gay, right?" He claims this turned her on.

He's a natural and has consistently described his "game" as, "not giving a fuck."

On the other hand, using GGG is like dropping an atomic bomb, you have to be careful. We were sitting in a lecture and there was some strange body language between him and the best looking girl there. He says, "Yeah...I'm pretty sure she still thinks I'm gay."

It sounds to me like this guy used GGG to get everyone's guard down.

[El Rey]

Why was your gf friends with a weird guy like this? Just having associated with him as a friend reflects badly on her. As you said, she is 21 and young and somewhat naive. There are quite a few mini red flags, and you are going out of your way to justify and explain a way a lot of her actions, etc. I side with WIA, there are some seeds sown here now. Be wary going forward, hold a tighter leash. Learn and live.

[Samseau]

(10-11-2013 11:14 PM)Sharkie Wrote:  

(10-11-2013 10:33 PM)scandibro Wrote:  

How old are you, if you don't mind? This whole sleeping over with everyone and the guy making a move in such a way, just seems quite immature to be honest.

I'm going to have to agree with others here, the fact that she wanted to stay, plus the fact that she was the one who said he was gay when he wasn't (sounds like hamster rationalisation for flirting with him) and adding the whole sleepover thing leaves me to believe you're dating an immature chick, regardless of her actual age.

The whole story sounds like something from my high school days.

Seems like you handled the confrontation fine though, but imo. lots of red flags here to not pursue a serious relationship in the kind of social circle that girl (and you?) is in.

a


Thanks. Perhaps I should've described it a bit better in the first post.

I'm 25, the girl is 21.

Yes i agree, the whole incident was pretty juvenile.

Let me try to clarify your points one at a time -

1- This is her childhood group, they've been friends for like 15 years. They don't meet for sleepovers usually. However the place is huge and everyone was going to drink a lot because a couple of the group were going abroad for a year or something.

2- The girl wanted to come back home with me (if she had intended to stay, she'd have got her own vehicle). But given that I would be prepping for the client meeting, did not have time to spare for her, this was her most trusted group, non slutty company --- so I asked her to stay and have fun, and a friend then said she could drop her off. Logistics handled, I went off. Plus the girlfriend is reasonably decent and into me. Really couldn't ask for a safer scenario to leave a girl in.

3 - She didn't call him gay. It was a rumor that had spread through the group when one of the guys found out that he'd been caught with his pants down wid another guy on the ship. Her rolling the eyes at me was not because i called him straight, it was because I told her he was totally into her just after ten minutes. Point out a girl's orbiter and tell her he likes her, she'll offer you gestures of exasperation or mild disdain...it was in that context.

4- About the social circle, the guy is now ostracized from it. and the minute she told her friends, they flew at him. Fair warning though, yes.

I realize that Ive disagreed with all of your points, my intention is not to go on the defensive, just to provide more context.

I think you acted appropriately. Game on soldier.

[bojangles]

yeah I think you did well, I don't see anything you did wrong to be honest. You're right about the guy being a 'beta orbiter', he probably got drunk's courage and her friends have sorted him out as well. Good story though

[Teutatis]

I don't think she did anything wrong and actually acted in a proper manner, and I think you just wanted her to have a good time with her friends, I can understand that, but yeah, letting her stay in a party after you left where not just girls but other men are present was a bad call on your part. Even if nothing had happened I still think it would be a bad call, but live and learn, we've all made many mistakes.

[Teutatis]

(10-12-2013 02:16 AM)ralphi Wrote:  

Women are pretty willfully ignorant about certain subjects.

For instance, I have never been able to explain to a girl I was sleeping with that all the guy friends in her life are just waiting around for their chance to bang. They absolutely refuse to accept logic on this. I think it's because the girl would be forced to contemplate how boring she is without her sex appeal. Not going to happen.

I think we've all had this conversation with girls before, but like you say, they have a hard time understanding that Tom doesn't give a shit about her poetry, and that Tom just wants to jump on her bones.

"Oh no, he's just a friend, he doesn't think that"
Willfully ignorant indeed.

[iknowexactly]

(10-10-2013 11:41 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

"I went with her at around 8, came back home around 12 (client presentation today, so couldn't stay over). "

Red Flag.

Your girl thought it'd be more fun and fulfilling to stay out late and drink, instead of go home with you.

She made that choice. She's probably been making that choice. But she hasn't always made that choice.

Every time i've been in that situation, months down the line, she'll continue to make that choice and eventually chooses someone else or something else.

WIA knows de troof!!!

1) Women don't have minds, they have reflexes.
2) Women don't have morals, they have feeeeelings
3) Never Believe excuses.
He's gay, we've been friends a long time/ he has a girlfriend/ other people will be there, it's just a card game/goodbye party/bowling trip/class trip/ just for lunch/ a business trip/just catching up/ he's married/he's engaged/he just broke up with his wife/ he just broke up with his fiancee
4)NEVER believe excuses.

Maybe a rule if you want to keep her on a leash is not to allow girlfriends/wives etc to be in a private setting where there's alcohol when men will be there.

If she digs you she will be happy to be on a leash because it shows you care, as long as you aren't doing paranoid shit like checking her phone and trying to keep her from going to work.

[Wahawahwah]

Thanks guys.

Teutatis- Yes, perhaps I need to be more skeptical when leaving her alone with mixed company.

Samseau, Bojangles - I'm with you guys!

El Rey - Yes, perhaps. It'll be interesting to see how these "seeds sown", to use your phrase, will turn out.

Svenski - Wow. I thought Houston was being sarcastic. imho you'd need BRASS BALLS to carry off GGG. Any movie examples?

Kenny -- Hahaha. While there will always be some differential between two people in a relationship, sometimes the gap is so much that one of them gets disillusioned and ends the relationship. For example, this - Johnny Depp, Vanessa Paradis Split: Actor Was 'Bored Senseless' (REPORT) . I think he was speaking in that context and not the shaming one, but hey,just speculating.

[Sumanguru]

(10-12-2013 08:40 AM)kenny_powers Wrote:  

All girls are naive and inexperienced at life - regardless of age, education, living all over the world etc...

There are degrees. I've dated women very similar to the one op is dating. That's why her actions stood out to me. I've also dated women who were/are better than that and, while not perfect, were fairly grounded for women and didn't have their heads totally up their own asses. YMMV. *Shrug*

[MidniteSpecial]

if you're girl felt violated toss the fukin gay into the wall.[/u]

[greensteelhead]

I was hoping that the gay friend was a lesbian, and you got a threesome out of it. Damn....

Well played. You handled the after incident activities like a boss. Really liked how you dismissed then cocksucker when he came to the house.

[svenski7]

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/10/2...-gay-game/

Sneaky fucks.

[ChocolateCockOfZeus]

Rainbow flag.

The guy took the rejection like a bitch (gay people generally are sensitive), called the girl a "dick" lmfao (a straight man would've said cunt), stormed out of the room like a bitch (gay people storm), called 14 times (calling more than twice is sus, more than 4 times is gay, more than 10 times is reaching George Michael in a bath house levels of gayness), then brought flowers (real men buy flowers twice a year, if at all, mothers day & moms b-day), and set himself up for humiliation (gay people do this daily). He's definitely at least 3/4ths gay.

I'm late, but respect for how you handled yourself.

[Duke Castile]

Sharkie, you live you learn. Best not to leave your girl at a sleepover.

In other news you'll know she's hiding something when she says "you can trust me, you saw how I told J to go fuck himself!"