The curse of "catching feelings"
11-17-2013, 12:58 AM
Know then thyself, presume not God to scan;
The proper study of Mankind is Man.
Plac'd on this isthmus of a middle state,
A being darkly wise, and rudely great:
With too much knowledge for the Sceptic side,
With too much weakness for the Stoic's pride,
He hangs between; in doubt to act, or rest,
In doubt to deem himself a God, or Beast;
In doubt his Mind or Body to prefer,
Born but to die, and reas'ning but to err;
Alike in ignorance, his reason such,
Whether he thinks too little, or too much:
Chaos of Thought and Passion, all confus'd;
Still by himself abus'd, or disabus'd;
Created half to rise, and half to fall;
Great lord of all things, yet a prey to all;
Sole judge of Truth, in endless Error hurl'd:
The glory, jest, and riddle of the world!
-Alexander Pope, An Essay On Man
I live my life based on one core belief: that humans are simply animals. That we are nothing more than really, really smart apes. And like all animals, thanks to evolution via natural selection we come equipped with certain adaptations that have allowed us to become the dominant species on this planet.
You and I are only here because our ancestors were good at two things: surviving, and reproducing. And while this might seem simple enough given our current faculties (consciousness, language, long-term memory, the ability to imagine the consequences of our actions without actually performing the actions themselves, and so on), there was once a time when our species (or the species that led to our species, etc.) lacked these capabilities. So, how did we manage to survive?
Emotions. Instincts. Unthinking reaction to environmental stimuli.
It can be scary to consider how little control you actually have over your body. Your breathing, your digestion, your heart beating in your chest. When you touch your hand to a hot stove, or have a baseball thrown at your head, or see a beautiful woman naked, you don't control your reaction-your body simply acts, completely of its own accord.
Many times, this is a good thing. It would be impossible to consciously control all the decisions your body makes every second; many times, it does a better job than your conscious mind would ever be able to do. And hundreds of thousands of years ago, it was perfectly suited to react to a harsh environment, filled with threats and only the slimmest of possibilities for survival and reproduction.
But we don't live in that environment anymore, and now our senses betray us.
Our inclination towards sugar, which in the past may have helped us to store precious calories to be used in times of scarcity, now burdens us to the point of sickness and death.
Our masculine desires for beauty and variety addict us to porn, which raises our tolerance to the point of impotency when confronted with a real woman.
Our natural xenophobia and tendencies towards in-group loyalty cause racial strife and ethnic wars.
When the OP talks about "catching feelings," what he's really referring to is a system: a system designed to find a suitable mate, bond her to you, impregnate her, and ensure paternity so your genes can pass over to the next generation. The way this system operates is through feelings, feelings which in the past would have been perfectly suited to the body's goals but which now conspire against his conscious mind.
A man's success in this world depends almost entirely upon his ability to regulate his animal nature. Self-control, rational thought, delayed gratification-these are overwhelmingly recent biological inventions, dwarfed by the vast power of instinct and emotion.
My greatest advances in Game have come from training myself to detect these emotions, and not necessarily to hide from them, but to welcome them. To accept them as part of me, feel them pass over me and through me, and to enjoy the fullness of being that comes from experiencing them.
And at the same time, to see them for what they truly are: insidious biological programming attempting to direct me towards a genetic goal that may or may not align with my conscious, rational aims. To wear them as one might wear a jacket, to provide warmth and protection in times of need, and to be discarded when they become tight and constraining. To feel each emotion regardless of the desire to feel, but to only utilize those of my choosing to help me on my Journey.
The feelings will always be there. They are a part of you. They cannot be denied, but they can be controlled. Learn to distance yourself from them, view them not as the ship upon which your life sails but as the storms through which your life must pass. Memorize the conditions that lead to their creation, minimize the destruction they leave in their wake, study them as one would any other natural phenomena. Embrace the tailwinds that speed your crossing and distance yourself from the headwinds that would hinder you. This will be a lifelong endeavor.
To quote the inimitable Roissy: "When you have mastery over yourself, you will have mastery over her."
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