[cardguy]

On the day of your wedding - did you have an inkling that things might go bad between you. And did you jump ahead hoping for the best?

Or - did you imagine that you and her would be the last couple on earth ever to fall out and get divorced?

I am just curious as to the psychology.

Since in the movies/TV shows people seem to be head over heels in love when they get married. And I just want to see if that is an accurate reflection of real life?

My best friend was dating a nutter for a long time. And it was only after they broke up that I found out she always thought she was a nutter - and just sleepwalked into the relationship because it was the best option available at the time.

Whereas I always imagined - people acting crazy was something that would only slowly rear its head long into a relationship.

I have never being married or even had a girlfriend. So - I have no basis for trying to understand this area.

[AntiTrace]

My ex wife and I went our separate ways about 2 years into our marriage. We had dated for around 4 years prior to it.

I don't remember what I felt when got married. I've always been a realist and every man in my family has been divorced multiple times, so I probably figured it was only a matter of time. Which is probably why I kept all bank accounts separate and cars in our separate names.

We were young and dumb. The only thing we really had in common was sex. That girl was built for sex and is still the best piece of ass I've ever had. We get along fine to this day, she still claims to love me, and still have sex regularly. I do still love her in the sense that I do care about her general well being and will help her out from time to time when she needs it, but I'm not in love with her anymore.

I milked the cow for free. Then I got dumb and bought the cow. Soon I realized owning the cow wasn't all that great, so I sold it back. Now I still milk it for free.

[Acute Angle]

(07-27-2013 07:10 AM)cardguy Wrote:  

On the day of your wedding - did you have an inkling that things might go bad between you. And did you jump ahead hoping for the best?

Or - did you imagine that you and her would be the last couple on earth ever to fall out and get divorced?

I am just curious as to the psychology.

I've never married but I lived with a woman for many years. At the start we both thought we would be together 'forever'. There were multiple red flags but I ignored them, principally because I'd never had such great sex in my life. The great sex continued, at a less frenetic pace, until we split up, so at least I didn't lose out too much in that respect. But it was an emotional hell towards the end.

Never never underestimate the power of limerance, oxytocin, dopamine and all the other shit that swirls around when you first fall in love. It's there to trap you, but if feels great. Calling Mark Minter.....

[cardguy]

I think it is possible to make yourself immune from falling in love.

I don't believe in all that Hollywood nonsense.

[Cincinnatus]

Relevant: Study: Brides with Cold Feet More Likely to Cause Divorce Than Grooms with Cold Feet

[bacan]

Love is a powerful feeling, really powerful. I've never been married but have had thoughts to consider it.

When you really love someone I can see how everything about marriage makes sense (wanting to be together forever, announcing to your family that you love her, making her part of your family and creating one with her)

Too bad it doesn't work anymore in our modern culture and legal system. It really is a beautiful thing when it works.