[Icarus]

Haven't seen or talked to my father since 2005.

He's a spineless coward who almost destroyed my family completely. If it weren't for my Mom's support, I would be dead or in prison by now.

If my father were run over by an 18-wheeler, my one and only concern would be that such a death would be too quick and painless. Since I do not believe in Hell, I hope he dies of cancer, very painfully and very, very slowly.

[blackglasses]

We talk. It's not a close relationship. I know that he has ran through his share of women since he brags about it and I see all the women he's around. we're pretty distant but we talk

[Samseau]

My father is one of my closest friends. He raised me and my brother with firm values and guidance. We do not share all the same goals in life but he always helps me with mine.

He is a strong, powerfully built man, just like my grandfather. I'm pretty sure I inherited a lot of alpha qualities from both of them. Both are natural salesmen and businessmen. Both are wiseguys. Both are cocky. Both don't give a shit what other people think.

I was really lucky to have my Dad.

[pitt]

My dad is one of these intellectuals about the world. He knows everything that is happening in the world (watches a lot of news and reads newspapers) but won't do anything to better himself. He only wants to have enough money to survive, he never believed in becoming wealthy and shit like that. Its annoying when i think about all the opportunities he had to become successful. I see him every few years and i stopped living with him from a very young age.


Remember this, good parents make good kids. I can't understand how some parents just don't give a fuck about their kids. If you are going to have kids, make sure they are going to become successful. And for this, you need to accompany them as they grow, i.e. make sure they are always getting good marks, correct their weaknesses every time, encourage them to play sports, take days out with them, give them life lessons, advise them on courses they should take at university. encourage them to read interesting books, go game with them, take them to fuck fest countries, etc Make sure they feel in a position where they are very grateful to have you as a dad. I am sure many of us on here will have amazing successful kids.

Funny enough, i don't see my dad as a great dad but every time we meet, we always have good conversations. I enjoy chilling with him, he is indeed a very cool dude but i don't forget to indirectly tell him that he is not a good dad (he laughs when i say that). I am glad i didn't take his beta approach in life where he believes that life is in control (he actually told me that shit, i was thinking to myself ''this is where you messed up you clown, you are in control''). My dad is not a stand up dude, they say ''the apple don't fall too far from the tree'', i fucking did fall super far from that tree.

[thegmanifesto]

(05-31-2013 11:44 AM)MikeCF Wrote:  

(05-31-2013 12:19 AM)houston Wrote:  

I actually have a lot of shit to get off my chest with him but I don't know. One day I'll try to.

Don't wait.

Seriously.

He'll be dead or senile before you know it. Or he'll get into a car wreck.

"I never told my dad what I wanted to" = a major regret. If he dies before you get a chance to talk, that will not only haunt you for years, but it will also negatively affect your other relationships.

Agreed.

Do it this week. Don't procrastinate on this.

You will be a better Man for it.

[gamepadawan]

(05-31-2013 03:37 PM)Gator_McKlusky Wrote:  

Am I the only one here with a good father? Professional, supportive, hard working, loved by everybody. Worked a lot during my youth, but still made it to soccer games, etc. Granted we had our squabbles between 14-22 as I was testing boundaries and growing, but now that I'm settled we get along great. The dude loves my mother and loves being a dad. He is always bragging about my bro and I. Glad I had him as a role model.

no my dad is cool as fuck we go to breweries together a lot and share craftbeer, that and ufc fights/movies

[Kingsley Davis]

RIP Kingsley Davis (my father).

[A War You Cannot Win]

My Dad was a combat veteran who served the Corps in 'Nam. He has sired 3-4 separate family units besides blowing his load in my Mother. Consequently, I have a whole horde of half siblings I've never met. I don't think he liked me much growing up. Visits were infrequent at best, and much of that time was devoted to admonishing me for my poor performance in school. When I finally joined the Corps and went to war myself, I immediately became his favorite.

I'm still ambivalent towards the man. I hardly feel a paternal connection with him at all. I am thankful of his genes though. I come from a hearty stock at least.

[Screwston]

(05-31-2013 07:01 PM)thegmanifesto Wrote:  

(05-31-2013 11:44 AM)MikeCF Wrote:  

(05-31-2013 12:19 AM)houston Wrote:  

I actually have a lot of shit to get off my chest with him but I don't know. One day I'll try to.

Don't wait.

Seriously.

He'll be dead or senile before you know it. Or he'll get into a car wreck.

"I never told my dad what I wanted to" = a major regret. If he dies before you get a chance to talk, that will not only haunt you for years, but it will also negatively affect your other relationships.

Agreed.

Do it this week. Don't procrastinate on this.

You will be a better Man for it.

I want to but I'm scared. Why am I scared and nervous to talk to my dad about anything serious?? It shouldn't be like that.

[cardguy]

A good way in to this sort of conversation might be to discuss his childhood with him.

[MikeCF]

(05-31-2013 08:09 PM)houston Wrote:  

I want to but I'm scared. Why am I scared and nervous to talk to my dad about anything serious?? It shouldn't be like that.

Because men have been taught for who knows how long to fear intimacy and bonding.

The evo psy people would say that intimacy is vulnerability, which would lead to death in the wild.

But we're not in the wild, so it doesn't make sense for guys to live in full denial of their feelings for others.

Men turn to drugs, alcohol, and other crutches and often act out in blind rage because they never achieve a human connection with another person and feel lost and alone.

[xsplat]

I've always felt the greatest respect for my Dad, and still do. He's been an excellent mentor, and I have no problems telling him that I love him, and he does the same for me.

We didn't spend a great amount of quality time when I was a kid, but we did have plenty of heart to heart chats about anything. I suppose one way I got to know him was from dipping into his library. He had a great Sci-fi collection. Also had a good Mad Magazine collection, and a small porn stash.

He continues to inspire me with his very social lifestyle of 1/2 or 2/3 time retired life travelling with his wife. He's very into his music lately. I should hop on a plane and surprise him.

[Hades]

(05-31-2013 08:09 PM)houston Wrote:  

I want to but I'm scared. Why am I scared and nervous to talk to my dad about anything serious?? It shouldn't be like that.

I'm not as psychologically nuanced as MikeCF but from my experience I would guess that his hesitation and seeming indifference to get to know you better is as much his problem as yours, and he's probably just as scared as you are. You don't want to get judged by your father openly and then rejected and abandoned as a son and he doesn't want to know your feelings to him and get told that the greatest failure in his life was that he was not a good father, that would confirm all of his fears and regrets (regret is the worst kind of pain).
You two have years of insecurities to work out and don't want to risk losing the uneasy but superficially stable relationship between the two of you in exchange for a potentially serious loss.

I had a similar situation to you except maybe a more chaotic household with regards to alcoholism (not going into detail lol) but yeah, it can take a couple of years to undo some of the damage. Definitely try to bridge the gap with him. I don't know how but you guys need to go on a two week fishing trip, or maybe get drunk and make sad conversation together, however you guys prefer to spend time.

[Clash1e]

I still live with my parents. My father is 45 and is fantastic at fixing anything around the house, including cars. Problem is his memory is faulty and that messes with his social skills and thinking. My mother says he's always been like this and I only started to notice when I hit puberty. He repeats himself sometimes.

He's former military from former USSR. He was big into fighting with other ethnics in the army, specifically with Chechens and Bulgarians. This was common in the more diverse military bases. My theory is a few too many blows to the head did this to him.

Trying to relate to him and talk to him for long periods of time can be very irritating and grating on the nerves. Stories are repeated many times, things I should do are repeated as well. Reasoning with him is nearly impossible. If you think you got through you should think again because he probably forgot it or lied and did what he originally wanted to do. Hes also prone to lying to cover up the fact that something slipped his mind. He lies about petty things just so he'll have his way or because that's what he thinks people want to hear. He's quick to anger and skilled at fighting so trying to talk about these things or giving backtalk or ignoring aren't good ideas. Though in his defense he has gotten remarkably better at controlling his emotional state in recent years. Abuse was common pre-puberty now non-existent.

One of the reasons I dormed was to escape this. Now I'm back home commuting to a different nearby school. I just tolerate it now and spend a lot of time studying in library and meeting new girls. I do my best to show respect for him when hes around because he is my father, but I also try to minimize being around for too long for the reasons above.

[Screwston]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I wasn't trying to make this a sob story and get everyone to help me out. Just sharing our relationship. I never talk to anyone about how I feel, but some family members ask and tell me I need to be the bigger man and talk to him first or we'll never get anywhere. Honestly, I think I'll cry when I lock us in a room or go fishing (can't go get drinks since he hasn't had a drop in years) or whatever I decide. It really does hurt me a lot when I think about everything because I just wanted him to talk to me when I was younger. Nothing else, just talk to me and ask questions about how I was doing. Especially since I was his only son for 20 something years (younger half brothers now)At least he didn't walk out on me or beat me or anything like that, I can't complain to much. Maybe I'm being a pussy and shouldn't focus on the past??

[Dulceácido]

(06-01-2013 05:33 PM)houston Wrote:  

Thanks everyone for the advice. I wasn't trying to make this a sob story and get everyone to help me out. Just sharing our relationship. I never talk to anyone about how I feel, but some family members ask and tell me I need to be the bigger man and talk to him first or we'll never get anywhere. Honestly, I think I'll cry when I lock us in a room or go fishing (can't go get drinks since he hasn't had a drop in years) or whatever I decide. It really does hurt me a lot when I think about everything because I just wanted him to talk to me when I was younger. Nothing else, just talk to me and ask questions about how I was doing. Especially since I was his only son for 20 something years (younger half brothers now)At least he didn't walk out on me or beat me or anything like that, I can't complain to much. Maybe I'm being a pussy and shouldn't focus on the past??

It's certainly worth it to get it off your chest, even if that's the only thing you accomplish.