Quote: (03-28-2013 10:08 PM)Muk Wrote:
I'm 25 years old... and still a virgin...
it's not that I'm weird or ugly out anything, girls have always wanted some off this... actually... I'm not going to make excuses or anything, fact it's, I never worked up the nerve to escalate sexually I'm a big puss... whatever.... anyways
about an hour ago,I finally worked up the nerve and got a girl to my bed, naked, with her pussy in my face... and for the first time in my entire life,
I couldn't get it up, she tried everything ( bless her heart) but It wouldn't go...
what. the. fuck!?
Haha, that sounds so much like my first time, too. Except I was weird and ugly back then. She was a stripper too, so I was totally pissed at myself that I couldn't get hard when I never had a problem by myself. Especially since I didn't get another chance to bang her after that night.
I think the problem stemmed from a few reasons:
1.) Like others have said, anxiety. It was my first time and I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. And I feel like as the man, I need to be completely in control and lead the girl, but with no experience, I had no reference point from which to lead.
2.) As a late bloomer, being a "loser virgin" had become part of my self-identity. If I finally had sex, I was afraid of losing that. If I was no longer a "loser virgin", then who would I be?
3.) The thought of "OH MY GOD I HAVE A NAKED GIRL IN MY BED!!!!11!!" racing through my head. It was a situation I'd longed for my whole life, so I was nervous that it was finally here. Ties in with my last point.
4.) After so many celibate years, my penis had been conditioned to getting hard and getting off in a certain way, and actual sex is a completely different stimulus than either porn or the years of fantasies in my head. Besides any differences in visual stimulation between porn girls and real girls, porn is so cold, robotic, and efficient in its approach to sex. It doesn't prepare you for the reality of emotions involved with sex; I've never seen porn couples laughing with each other during sex or awkwardly fumbling to find the right position and angle.
5.) Wanting the first time to be special. I knew hooking up with the stripper was going to be a one-time thing, and as a hopeless romantic, part of me wanted my first time to be with a girl I actually cared about and was in a real relationship with. As desperate as I was to just wash the stink of virgin off me, I still didn't want the first time to be just meaningless sex (was that beta?).
There really isn't much you can do except to keep trying and practicing. It did help me after I could articulate what was holding me back. And if you get nervous, remember to tell yourself getting laid is something you REALLY want. Recognize the difference between "just wanting to be able to get laid" and "actually wanting to get laid". You might be stuck on the former.
Also, it might help to find a chick you trust who knows you're a virgin and is willing to have the patience to take it slow and make it special for you. My problem was the stripper had an impatient spoiled princess complex and just wanted to be fucked without having to spend any time teaching me what to do. So you might wanna focus on gaming the cute shy girls first instead of the club sluts.
And also if you get nervous, make sure to just breathe and relax. Getting angry at yourself for not being able to get hard is just going to create a feedback loop making you more anxious and even more difficult to get hard. Remind yourself that real-life sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable, not just like the emotionally detached, lifeless, mechanical pounding you see in porn.
Anyway, I hope this helps!