[Nomad77]

Ok, what should I have done differently?

[Hotwheels]

Not much you can do differently. He has to want to fix himself.

I don't help those that make no attempt to help themselves, and your friend did nothing in the described scenario to help himself. It is a waste of time and ends up causing rifts.

If your friend doesn't want to get laid he won't. If he wants to he will take steps to move in that direction.

Your only option that I see in that situation was to shame him.

Which often leads to the aforementioned rifts...

[Nomad77]

Ok, got it. Very true. I've basically decided not to push him any more and till I see him making an effort himself.

[Don]

(03-18-2013 02:07 PM)Nomad77 Wrote:  

Ok, got it. Very true. I've basically decided not to push him any more and till I see him making an effort himself.

I don't think that's such a good idea Nomad. I can relate a bit with Fred, and I think what he could use is some momentum. Go out with him a couple more times, encourage him to approach more chicks. If he gets some success, just enough to get a taste of it, it might just be enough to get him out of stasis.

[Nomad77]

Thanks but I have already been doing that for months. He enjoys participating but once I withdraws everything collapses. He's basically not ready to stand on his own.

[Engineering Bandicoot]

(03-18-2013 03:08 PM)Nomad77 Wrote:  

Thanks but I have already been doing that for months. He enjoys participating but once I withdraws everything collapses. He's basically not ready to stand on his own.

He most likely needs more time for his phyche to recover. I know how it feels to have no self esteem and like there's no way life can get better. I've been there, I didn't have anyone to fall back onto either, it was just me, myself, and I. I reached my mental limits and had to take a few years off, it was that bad. Just recently have I begun to really recover, slowly but surely. This society will never give you a break, try to avoid activities which are too damaging to your mental state, take too much "damage", and you'll "break" or burnout. Once this happens, it will take a very long time to fully recover if at all. Time won't heal all wounds, but it does ease the pain at the very least. Your friend needs to find something in life that gives him the desire to live again, whatever that may be. For me it's Japanese Pop music, their music makes me feel alive again, nothing else does this for me (Listened through a good DAC from a high bitrate source with a good amp and quality headphones like Beyerdynamics). He needs to do this on his own, he must be the one to take those hard first steps forward again. One thing I've learned is that fear is toxic, it's paralyzing and all powerful, you can't let it control you at all costs, push forward no matter how negative you feel. Oh and I've found Psychiatrists to be absolutely useless, I analysed my sessions several times in my head, and I came to the conclusion that they only care about making money like any other job. They don't care about you. You will have very few allies when you are at the low points in your life, your close family, and maybe a few close friends if you're lucky. I'd recommend your friend to use the internet and try to diagnose what's troubling him on his own. Write a daily journal on a Word Document to keep track of what your thoughts are, and to write down what's troubling you, so you won't forget, and you'll have a record to look back on. We have the internet, there are very few problems that can't be solved by researching the answers online. I'm not a very good writer, nor am I a health care professional. This was just my honest response, good luck and don't give up. Oh, and I must repeat this again. Until your friend stabilizes to a decent level, he needs to stay a way from too negative experiences. I'm not saying to become a hermit, but to just be wise in what situations he puts himself in.

ThePrivateMan wrote an excellent post relating to this a while back, I hope this helps.

http://theprivateman.wordpress.com/2011/...-expanded/

[Aliblahba]

(03-18-2013 01:39 PM)Nomad77 Wrote:  

Ok, what should I have done differently?

Find cooler friends.

[Nomad77]

@Bandicoot He knows what his problems are and he knows what he has to do to take care of himself but it's like a drug addict. He does well for awhile then sort of regresses and just gets into this deep depression which messes him up. He knows how not to get into it but he allows himself to get into it anyway. I guess it's an ongoing battle for him. Thanks