[Teedub]

I don't care if this seems 'Beta' or whatever, as I don't really care about whether things are 'alpha' or 'beta' in terms of how we discuss it on here sometimes. I've mentioned on other threads how I think that debate is often verging on the side of the nonsensical and the ridiculous.

However, I accepted a job offer on Friday...and it didn't leave me with feelings of joy or anything remotely positive. It actually filled me with fear, and almost panic about my life. The job in question is a good one, and one I actually wanted, but nevertheless, I feel like I'm experiencing a quarter life crisis.

To be blunt, I'm starting to panic about my future. I don't know what I want. To be trapped forever as a cubicle slave? I don't want that. To be trapped in a 'mainstream' life? I don't want that. What do I want? To be free, to be happy, like anybody else I suppose.

To put this into perspective, I attended University relatively late, I started at 22. Before that I attended another Uni at 18, but dropped out at 19...Worked several crappy jobs before deciding to return to education. I got a good degree, and I guess this is going to be my first 'proper' job - one where I have to commit for a lengthy period. I've got it better than many men of previous generations, and I am aware of that, and it probably exemplifies how my mindset is thoroughly one typified by my generation's upbringing. A unique snowflake and all that.

After reading Jack Donovan's book, The Way of Men, and after observing my friends and their LTR's and general way of thinking, I seriously think I want to live abroad and live a life drastically different from theirs. Therefore, I join many men on here who are searching for a 'magical' place. I'm sincerely happy Vorkuta has found his, he seems a great guy and his post recently brought genuine smiles from me.

I sort of know what I DO want, and that is to do something independent from any feminized forces. Something I have talent in. Whether that is my own business, writing a fantastic book, screenwriting etc. However, after reading Donovan's work, I just feel men are utterly undervalued in the West now and are viewed as disposable morons by everyone but the men in the 'manosphere', or at least men sympathetic to the ideas held by said movement.

Sorry to be a bore or whatever, but this forum is the only place I know will hopefully help me in my dilemma, and I sincerely appreciate the advice given to me on this forum in the relatively recent past.

[Grit]

Realize that you can live your life any way you want. It is true that your environment will influence you to some extent, but the beauty of being a man is that *you* have an influence on your environment in the reverse direction. Act like a man and remind them that feminism is a huge social experiment. They will gnash and wail, but deep down they know grudgingly that men will always be in control.

As to your passions: its almost worthless to vocalize your desires. Everyone wants those great successes and achievements too. Put your pencil to paper, start writing, and after 1 million words come back. Are you a superb writer? Probably. Did you pen a few good books? Probably. Did you experience the perfect storm of luck and connections to become a rich and famous and a rockstar god author? Likely not. (Maybe the 50 shades of grey author is secretly some middle age guy with a pseudonym personality as a bored housefrump.... that would be shock of the century lol) But you have to decide: do the experiences along the way make it worth it, even though you didn't become famous?

But probably the best advice i have for you is that girls and women succumb to whimsical storytelling, gyrating your body, mysticism, and a variety of other fluff tactics. If you realize how much women can never take a life passion or career seriously, that should take the pressure off you a bit.

[cardguy]

I once heard a middle-aged woman on the radio.

She was asked if she was happy.

She said she was - but not in the way she imagined she would be when she was younger. And she sometimes found that confusing.

I can relate to that. And I think it is part of growing up.

Personally I have never being happier. And like you I left university wanting to do something cool with my life. Like write a great film script or a great play. Despite - in my case- having zero appitude for that sort of thing.

I also wanted to meet lots more interesting people.

But in my case. I feel I have slowly turned into the kind of interesting person that I was once constantly searching for. Almost like I needed to keep searching for a mentor or something. As such I no longer feel compelled to find new cities or new universities to go and try and make new friends.

And to be honest. It is nice not to have the nagging voice constantly in the back of your head telling you to drop everything and go travelling for six months.

That can be a great thing to do.

But - it is probably best to do it because you really want to. As opposed to doing it in the hopes you will find your new best friend, the love of your life or will somehow come back wiser and more interesting than you currently are.

Now - speaking as a 30 year old - I can really relate to the following quote from Schopenhauer:

Quote:

The nobler and more perfect a thing is, the later and slower it is in arriving at maturity. A man reaches the maturity of his reasoning powers and mental faculties hardly before the age of twenty-eight; a woman at eighteen.

I think a key breakthrough for me was when I realised I would never get married. And would never want to. Suddenly - I could sense my life open up with possibilities. I could fuck around and not have to worry about keeping to some 'script' set by society.

Or I could just do my own thing - and dip into what society 'expects' of me as and when it suited me. And not the other way round.

And I was 28 years old when I started to slowly figure this out for myself. Coincidentally - I discovered the manosphere a little later. And that helped develop alot of the thoughts I was having.

Not that I am advocating any lifestyle choices. But - I have noticed with other people a sense of anxiety that their life was not progressing at the pace they wanted.

And when you peeled back the anxieties - it ultimately came down to wanting to have a wife and two kids by the time they were 35.

For me - it is a case of

fuck.

dat.

shit.

[Teedub]

Cheers dude, but it is easier than it sounds. An existential crisis is hard to overcome.

Cardguy, cheers for the tale, and I get what you're saying.

[Rah]

Is it a job where you could learn skills that would allow you to start your own gig in a couple years? That's a pretty good reason to take a job.

If nothing else, you'll get to experience what working life is like and if you don't like it you can stop telling yourself that you "should just get a real job" for the rest of your life.

[cardguy]

I have my own place. And my greatest fun is singing loudly along to Whitney Houston, drinking bourbon whilst reading books on Hitler. At 5 in the morning.

I think I'm fucked in the head. But I love the freedom to do what the fuck I want. Life is what you make of it. And nothing is more fun than finding your own perverse pleasures. The government hasn't yet figured out a way to tax fun.

Every weekend - I am like a 6 year old kid at Christmas.

Yet so many people hand that freedom over to some bitch who wants to clamp down on them.

I discovered my favourite Whitney Houston song in this collection of brilliant monologues from the film American Psycho. These are my three favourite scenes from the movie. And in each scene, Patrick Bateman gives a brilliant deconstruction of a timeless piece of 80's pop music.

To me - the Whitney Houston song is an anthem for MGTOW.

[cardguy]

Okay - I want to try a different way of expressing myself.

Maintaining 'frame' is sometimes discussed in 'game' advice. The idea being that you get the girl to try and adjust to your way of seeing things.

Well for me - happiness comes when your own 'frame' is stronger than the 'frame' that society tries to get you to look at things through.

This is the reason why men are much happier than women. Most women never develop a strong enough 'frame' and as such are easily manipulated by consumerism and peer pressure. And as such often feel insecure and dissatisfied.

Many young men feel this way as well.

But the cool thing as a guy is that as you get older. Your sense of 'frame' gets stronger. Until - one day - you realise you are a mutherfuckin' oak tree.

And then you can really start to enjoy life all over again. But from a different vantage point. Where the only thing you start to care about is what is fun. For me. Right now.

Good times!

But - I don't think this shit starts to kick in for most guys until they are in their late 20's. So hang in there. The good shit is months away.

[cardguy]

Also - my hero (Mark Minter) didn't figure this shit out until he was in his 50's. So - be grateful you are asking the right questions now.

And not after your youth has passed.

[NFallin]

I just turned 24 and after having a "real corporate job" for a year after graduating university, I had a quarter life crisis.

I entered an area of business that was heavy on socializing, buying big houses, all the trinkets to go into those houses, and golfing on the weekends while the wifey babysat the kids. To some it might have been an awesome route to follow through with but to me it felt like I was entering San Quentin. I saw a path that would lead to good money, stability, and perks but my prized freedom would be limited. Couple weeks of vacation a year if that, constant stress and pressure to perform, and conformity for the mainstream marriage life. I was already calculating the amount of money I needed to save, and time required before I could pull the plug to get out. "Fuck this shit," I said.

The thing with some careers is that they consume your whole life. Your social and professional life become intertwined so that you burn out and things that used to be fun are no longer fun (drinking, eating in restaurants, watching strippers).

What I think makes me happy is having a job that you can turn off at the end of the day, a valued skill that is transferable to your own business or many companies to make some good coin, and the the ability to say fuck this and go to the other side of the world for six months if I feel like it. So I have gone blue collar in the Canadian Oil Sands.

The most empowering thing I have learned in the last month is that if you are unhappy and in a shitty situation, you have the power to change it. We are men, we can do whatever we want. Once you do make a change, you smile, and that confidence in yourself keeps rising and rising.

[Faust]

Quote:

Something I have talent in.

What do you have talent in?

[TheCaptainPower]

Congrats on the job!! Take your time with it, save some $$, and THEN figure out what you want to do.

[freshcream]

Did John Mayer coin this term?

btw, I agree. I think is a thing with this generation.

[FretDancer]

Quote:

We are men, we can do whatever we want. Once you do make a change, you smile, and that confidence in yourself keeps rising and rising.

Great post.

[polymath]

You're gonna be dead soon anyway. We all are. In light of this, there is little point to living in misery unless you feel that there is a greater purpose involved that fulfills you.

One thing that helps me when I am not feeling high on life:

Stay aware that your actions now will echo throughout later parts of your life. Your actions -- not your feelings, actions. As long as your actions are carrying you in a direction that you desire, whether in fitness or in your career, with a woman or with your lifestyle, they are good. When you feel detached from the universe, capitalize on your freedom from other people by focusing all of your awareness and energy toward good actions.

Someday you will feel more sure about your own happiness and success. On that day, you will not want to look back on years of wasted opportunity.

[cardguy]

That is some deep shit.

[_DC_]

Polymath, good shit. I love this forum.

[Teedub]

(02-23-2013 08:46 PM)cardguy Wrote:  

But - I don't think this shit starts to kick in for most guys until they are in their late 20's. So hang in there. The good shit is months away.

I hope so. I was a little tipsy when I wrote the O.P, so I was overly depressed I think. That said, what I wrote is what I feel, if that makes sense. I've read 30's are a man's best years. Do you think that is true?

(02-23-2013 10:30 PM)Faust Wrote:  

What do you have talent in?

Writing. Creative stuff in general. I'm not mathematical, but very linguistic.

(02-23-2013 11:28 PM)TheCaptainPower Wrote:  

Congrats on the job!! Take your time with it, save some $$, and THEN figure out what you want to do.

Yeah, that's the plan mate. Cheers!

(02-24-2013 01:15 AM)polymath Wrote:  

You're gonna be dead soon anyway. We all are. In light of this, there is little point to living in misery unless you feel that there is a greater purpose involved that fulfills you.

One thing that helps me when I am not feeling high on life:

Stay aware that your actions now will echo throughout later parts of your life. Your actions -- not your feelings, actions. As long as your actions are carrying you in a direction that you desire, whether in fitness or in your career, with a woman or with your lifestyle, they are good. When you feel detached from the universe, capitalize on your freedom from other people by focusing all of your awareness and energy toward good actions.

Someday you will feel more sure about your own happiness and success. On that day, you will not want to look back on years of wasted opportunity.

Great points the polymath, and I echo _DC_ in saying I love this fucking forum!

[Acute Angle]

I don't have the secret of life, but I've learned a few things:

Your most important relationship is with yourself. Get to really know yourself. Test your interests and capacities in widely differing situations. Don't be afraid to flit between careers if none of those paths speak to you, but when you find something that moves your soul, dedicate yourself to it and stick with it through the bad times.

Don't compromise. Be extremely yourself. And take the consequences like a man.

Develop your own moral framework. Bollocks to what other people think. Don't give a fuck about that. Do the amount of harm and good to others that you can comfortably live with.

[kingjuice]

Hubert Selby, Jr (Last Exit to Brooklyn, Requiem for a Dream) was told, repeatedly, that he was going to die (advanced tuberculosis, collapsed lung). He was bed ridden for ten years before he said "I know the alphabet. Maybe I could be a writer".
With no formal training (high school drop out) he became one of America's most important postwar writers.

A fitting quote:

Code:

Code:

I was sitting at home and had a profound experience. I experienced, in all of my Being, that someday I was going to die, and it wouldn't be like it had been happening, almost dying but somehow staying alive, but I would just die! And two things would happen right before I died: I would regret my entire life; I would want to live it over again. This terrified me. The thought that I would live my entire life, look at it and realize I blew it forced me to do something with my life. - Hubert Selby, Jr.

[Veloce]

Tee I'm not sure how old you are (if you mentioned it I missed it). Being 31 looking back on my 20s...my entire 20s was a crisis. My relationships, my career, finances...I didn't have a single thing that felt concrete or that I was really doing what I wanted to be doing.

As Poly eloquently put it, those were my FEELINGS. Turns out I was doing okay. I learned a lot in that decade of uncertainty, learned a lot about cooking, got some skills, learned a lot about women by being with some truly awful ones.

I won't speak for other dudes in their 30s. And this is going to sound cheesy, but 30 was the year that I truly felt like a *man*. It's not that all the answers came flooding to me or that all of a sudden I had shit figured out, but a certain calm centered-ness came over me where I just don't worry about that shit anymore.

It's normal for men to always have a feeling of, "What else is out there? There's got to be something greater out there that would make me happier." It's what makes us want the hotter girl, the bigger bank account, the flashier car, the trip to foreign lands. It's important to listen to this voice but not get carried away. It's simply the masculine voice inside all of us that pushes us to be better men.

[pitt]

It's completely normal feeling like that, specially when you know that you could be having fun overseas right now. Stick with your job and save enough money to be free.

http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-5946.h...arter+life
Check out this thread.

[bojangles]

give me a shout Tee, I've had a mini crisis of my own as Matt can attest, slowly getting through it, at first i didnt even realise it but now i've accepted it, shit's flowing.

[RichieP]

Get very in touch with what you want, what makes you feel alive in your heart and your soul.

Keep a journal. Everytime you have an experience that you think "YES... This is what I am here for" write it down. Seek out people who have "made it" - not materially - but in terms of living life on their terms and living in alignment with their core values. Only once you know what sort of things really bring you alive, can you start to move your life in those directions.

Think about it in different dimensions too: What sort of people do you want to hang out with regularly? What sort of experiences do you want to have? What kind of work do you like doing on a moment-to-moment basis - what gets you in "flow"? What kind of greater purpose do you want to put your energies towards? What do you want to do in your "playtime"? Are there any things you feel you gotta do before you die? Any types of experience you owe yourself?

Core values are like beacons. At first you can just see a glimmer of the light in the distance and you stumble towards it. As you get closer, the light gets stronger, the ground gets lighter and you can find your way more. Then finally (after years) you can see exactly what the beacon looks like and the route you must take. But at first, you've just gotta start with that faint glimmer in a certain direction, and fumble your way around in the relative dark, trying to moving towards it.

[polymath]

(02-24-2013 08:18 PM)RichieP Wrote:  

Core values are like beacons. At first you can just see a glimmer of the light in the distance and you stumble towards it. As you get closer, the light gets stronger, the ground gets lighter and you can find your way more. Then finally (after years) you can see exactly what the beacon looks like and the route you must take. But at first, you've just gotta start with that faint glimmer in a certain direction, and fumble your way around in the relative dark, trying to moving towards it.

Holy shit.

[cardguy]

Hey Teedub,

Just noticed you are on 666 posts!