[Nascimento]

Is it about learning to control them, or desensitizing yourself to them?

I'm new to game. Started about a year ago, didn't start progressing or getting success until the night of my 19th. I have gotten much, much better, and I know I will only continue to grow, which has me very excited for what will come.

But at the moment, I am having some issue with 'emotions'.

I feel emotional highs every night out, even if I don't manage to get escalate far or get any numbers. I get these highs just from interacting with women that attract me. Brings me to the moment, and I could care less about that girl that I have been trying to take out on a date to close.

But when I am not on a night out, specifically the weeknights.. It can be tough, me trying to setup dates and having the girl flake, having a girl that I took out once or twice no longer want to hang out, or just going several days without talking to girls.

During the course of my weekdays I go to college.. I go to lecture, socialize with some of the people I know, I lift weights, and that is pretty much it. I anticipate the weekend like no other.

What I am really asking is.. these emotions, surely I am not the only one to deal with this, being single. Being in a relationship and having control of it would probably put some of this at ease, but it is not what I am looking for. How do you guys handle girls flaking on you, or girls you genuinely enjoyed spending time with and them just dropping out on you, causing you to move on (that isn't the issue, mostly the fact that you have to start over with another woman again).

Surely not a problem if you have girls on rotation. That is my goal, but I haven't come close yet. Approaching and meeting new girls works, but I can't really do that until the weekend comes around. That is a lie, I can do some day approaches on campus, but it is not with the same consistency and abundance as I can during nights out.

Would love to hear some of your inputs on this, especially from the more experienced guys who have been at my stage.

Also, I feel I have to say that I am on nofap right now.. I quit porn a long time ago and really limited the fap, and now I have cut it out entirely, I am on 20 something days. It gives me lots of motivation to meet women, but at the expense of using it as release everytime I feel what I have stated above.

[Aliblahba]

Don't do anything you're not comfortable with. If you are ok with only banging one girl at a time, then so be it. As for girls flaking, don't sweat it. Some chicks flake. Use it as a motivator to tighten up your game to reduce it.

I try to keep emotional distance with girls, so the parting is less of a pain in the ass. There's a sweet spot I find where we're comfortable together, but she's not breathing down my neck for a heavy relationship.

You have to both stay in control AND desensitize yourself.

[Parlay44]

That's an inner game issue my friend. There's two parts to emotion.

Empathy ...what you feel or read from others.

Projection ...what you feel and project or put out to the world.

These are psychological terms. You should Google them and read up on what they fully mean.

I've gotten to the point where whenever someone tries to project an emotion(like guilt or shame) at me I can ignore it and choose not to feel it. You can turn off your empathy to individual emotions at will.

Projection is similar to being an actor. It's best understood by the statement, "It's not what you say but how you say it". Stand up comedians and public speakers have very good control of which emotions they project to their audience. It's showmanship. You're controlling which emotions you want your subject to feel.

[Nascimento]

Quote:

Don't do anything you're not comfortable with. If you are ok with only banging one girl at a time, then so be it. As for girls flaking, don't sweat it. Some chicks flake. Use it as a motivator to tighten up your game to reduce it.

I try to keep emotional distance with girls, so the parting is less of a pain in the ass. There's a sweet spot I find where we're comfortable together, but she's not breathing down my neck for a heavy relationship.

You have to both stay in control AND desensitize yourself

How do you manage to keep emotional distance from girls? I know there is only so much you can do with conscious mental effort.

Quote:

That's an inner game issue my friend. There's two parts to emotion.

Empathy ...what you feel or read from others.

Projection ...what you feel and project or put out to the world.

These are psychological terms. You should Google them and read up on what they fully mean.

I've gotten to the point where whenever someone tries to project an emotion(like guilt or shame) at me I can ignore it and choose not to feel it. You can turn off your empathy to individual emotions at will.

Projection is similar to being an actor. It's best understood by the statement, "It's not what you say but how you say it". Stand up comedians and public speakers have very good control of which emotions they project to their audience. It's showmanship. You're controlling which emotions you want your subject to feel.

Yeah, it makes sense. I have had inner game issues in the past, having said that I feel I have come a long way. Short answer is that I had no experience with women whatsoever until about 8 months ago, where it all took off. Ever since I found how great it feels to be around women and sexually escalating with them I haven't looked back. Despite that, I do feel that some of these inner game issues that have come up will only resolve when I have dealt with an abundance of women, which I know comes with time, but also worked more on myself.

You say you can turn off your empathy to individual emotions at will.. could you be more specific? How are you able to do this? I feel if I could consciously decide what feelings I allow and accept, that this would make me feel much better.

[Parlay44]

Quote:

You say you can turn off your empathy to individual emotions at will.. could you be more specific? How are you able to do this? I feel if I could consciously decide what feelings I allow and accept, that this would make me feel much better.

That takes time. You have to have your heart broken a dozen times and be borderline suicidal over a woman before you hit rock bottom and figure out how not to let a woman make you feel that way again. You have to rebuild yourself from the ground up. Some people call it mileage, finding yourself, growing up, being a man ...etc. It's like getting over drug addiction or gambling. It's all in your mind.

If you feel like you have no control over your emotions you should seek out some counseling. It's the best way of learning how to organize your thoughts. Most of us go through life blindly making tons of mistakes until we figure out life and how to function day to day.

[Nascimento]

(02-11-2013 07:04 PM)Parlay44 Wrote:  

Quote:

You say you can turn off your empathy to individual emotions at will.. could you be more specific? How are you able to do this? I feel if I could consciously decide what feelings I allow and accept, that this would make me feel much better.

That takes time. You have to have your heart broken a dozen times and be borderline suicidal over a woman before you hit rock bottom and figure out how not to let a woman make you feel that way again. You have to rebuild yourself from the ground up. Some people call it mileage, finding yourself, growing up, being a man ...etc. It's like getting over drug addiction or gambling. It's all in your mind.

If you feel like you have no control over your emotions you should seek out some counseling. It's the best way of learning how to organize your thoughts. Most of us go through life blindly making tons of mistakes until we figure out life and how to function day to day.

I can't say I have felt what you describe, but I have hit bottom once.. and that was when I realized I didn't want to go any longer without having experience with women, so I started acting.

Would you say longer exposure to this.. what I am feeling right now, will just make me more tolerant? I like to use the fight club analogy.. 'the first night you go to fight club, your get your ass kicked.. you didn't expect it to be so hard. But after a few weeks, your a man carved out of wood.'

Think that applies here as well?

Also, its not that I don't have control over my emotions.. I believe everyone feels different ranges of emotions at times, it would be unhuman otherwise. I just want to learn how to control this aspect of it better. When I am being social or out with others, I have no problem at all. It is when I am at home in solitude that it strikes.

[Parlay44]

Quote:

Would you say longer exposure to this.. what I am feeling right now, will just make me more tolerant? I like to use the fight club analogy.. 'the first night you go to fight club, your get your ass kicked.. you didn't expect it to be so hard. But after a few weeks, your a man carved out of wood.'

It's not about being tolerant of it. It's about being able to rise above it and have a higher level understanding. When you're 3 your whole world is crayons and Legos. When you're 40 you have no use for such things but have the memories and experience of playing with them. And you can bring yourself back down to that mental level anytime you want and color and build things out of Legos with your 3 year old son. Life is all about different levels of understanding.

[soup]

You have to kill off the beta/blue pill side of you that gets one oneitis so that you can rebuild from a position of strength into an ice cold player who can manipulate his emotions and not the other way around.

And by manipulate, I mean he sets up his life so that his emotions can be expressed freely. He arranges his world so that what he feels is the appropriate feeling for the moment. The world revolves around how he feels.

Doing this takes a great deal of effort and time and is probably not possible to experience on a consistent basis. But, the other option, to let the world control you.. that's worse in my opinion.

[Christian McQueen]

I know exactly what your feeling in terms of the weekend 'high' and then the drop on Mon. When I was in college I went through the EXACT same behaviour.

The key here is to do this: Mon-Thurs FOCUS on school and working out and building yourself up into who you want to be. If you can go out Thurs-Sat nights and have a date lined up for Sunday night something chill like have a girl over for a movie.

You will get more done, better grades etc, and starting Thurs you can celebrate what you've gotten done that week. Your game will be even more on point because you're putting YOURSELF first.

As far as the emotions it's really true that only EXPERIENCE with women will help you develop the coldness of players. It wasn't until I went through HELL with a BPD bitch (google it), and hit rock bottom and literally almost killed myself that I could completely swallow the Red Pill. At that point I said 'never again'. Right now I'm at one extreme of having zero sociopath like coldness BUT as I enter my 30's I'm sure I'll find that right balance.

[Nascimento]

Quote:

You have to kill off the beta/blue pill side of you that gets one oneitis so that you can rebuild from a position of strength into an ice cold player who can manipulate his emotions and not the other way around.

And by manipulate, I mean he sets up his life so that his emotions can be expressed freely. He arranges his world so that what he feels is the appropriate feeling for the moment. The world revolves around how he feels.

Doing this takes a great deal of effort and time and is probably not possible to experience on a consistent basis. But, the other option, to let the world control you.. that's worse in my opinion.

That sound just about right. Surely this is possible through time and experience through such things. Do you have any ideas of any steps that can be taken to initiate this mentality?

Quote:

As far as the emotions it's really true that only EXPERIENCE with women will help you develop the coldness of players. It wasn't until I went through HELL with a BPD bitch (google it), and hit rock bottom and literally almost killed myself that I could completely swallow the Red Pill. At that point I said 'never again'. Right now I'm at one extreme of having zero sociopath like coldness BUT as I enter my 30's I'm sure I'll find that right balance.

I know it might be too much to ask, but I want to develop this mentality, or coldness, as soon as possible. I have already lived up to 19 years of my life under this blue pill mentality, and I won't lie, it has been hard trying to transition. I don't think I've made a breakthrough yet, although I am fully aware of the red pill mentality. I'm not saying that I will go to the extreme and declare I will never emotionally invest in a woman, but I want to be able to choose how to control emotions so that I can choose whether that happens or not.

I want to develop this coldness.. to benefit myself and the women that will cross paths with me. I don't want to have to hit rock bottom in a relationship to achieve that though..

[Parlay44]

Quote:

I want to develop this coldness.. to benefit myself and the women that will cross paths with me. I don't want to have to hit rock bottom in a relationship to achieve that though..

It's like trying explain the blues to a rich guy No offense.

You can listen to it, like it and groove to it but you'll never really understand the hardship the musician has endured until you have been through it yourself and can relate.

Just go out and live your life. Travel. Go to concerts. Get drunk with your friends. Pontificate about the nature of the universe. Don't judge women as being sluts. Try to fuck any girl that gets your dick hard. Some you'll fall for. Some will fall for you and you'll break their heart. It's how it goes. You gotta grind through it. The red pill is a hard pill to swallow. It's a big dry horsepill coated in sandpaper

[Ensam]

Meditation and mindfulness are great ways of maintaining emotional mastery. I believe someone posted http://www.wisebrain.org/. It's a great resource for getting started.

A practical tip for projecting emotion is to think about a time you felt a certain way but don't talk about it directly. Just recall how you felt in the moment you're thinking of and it'll carry through all of your micro-expressions. If you can start projecting the same emotion she's feeling you'll have instant rapport.

[The Come Back]

I will second everyone who said that the only way to master emotions is through experience. You have to go through those emotional highs and lows to understand that you WILL get over it/her once youve been with enough women.

[Parlay44]

Download and watch Love in the time of Cholera.
It's the ultimate getting over one-itis movie.

[G Trooper]

I believe it was the great Mark Minter who said the cure for oneitis is fouritis....if you get what I mean.

Also, you say you cant wait to go out at night on the weekends to hit your consistency with getting girls. Well the bars are always open...why not go out gaming Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday too? What city are you gaming in?

[XXL]

Quote:

This is for anyone who isn't getting the results they want. For anyone who isn't pulling the type of girls they want to pull. For anyone who gets blown out way too much and goes home feeling bad.

You just CARE too much.

You GIVE A FUCK if the girl talks to you.

It would make you feel GOOD if she'd just be NICE.

And DAMMIT you're going out to meet girls and what's wrong with that? Why can't people just be friendly to one another? Why can't people treat one another with respect?

Here's why...

It's not like YOU are going up to all these physically UNATTRACTIVE girls and wanting them to like you. You're going up to HOT girls and wanting them to like you. THEREFORE YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN THE GIRL WHO BLOWS YOU OFF BECAUSE YOU'RE RESPONDING TOWARDS VALUE AS WELL. So stop being all mad and taking it personally that girls aren't nice to you because everyone just does what they do and there's no need to judge it -- simply make the choice to become happy in your own skin.

Girls (fully unconsciously...not consciously AT ALL...) want the guy who is already getting laid, already has tons of girls chasing him, needs absolutely nothing from her. Yeah he's attracted to her and thinks she's hot but ultimately he really doesn't give a fuck -- there's just too many hot girls and he's overstimulated and oversexed regardless.

The fact that you CARE if she talks to you or not signals to her that you aren't one of those guys. You're the guy who is NOT getting laid by hot girls. You're the guy who OTHER GIRLS DO NOT LIKE AND THEREFORE *SHE* SHOULD NOT LIKE.

So how do you stop?

Build social momentum, lifestyle momentum, and sex life momentum.

If you're a newbie who SUCKS because YOU CARE if girls are nice to you........then you may wanna start SMALL and then BUILD IT UP over time.

Go out and make out with a cute fat girl who is willing. It's easy just walk up and start yammering away as you put your face close to her, she'll giggle that you're doing it, and keep trying to make out with her as you blather away and she giggles until she's cool with it.

It may not be something to write home about, but let's be real here, if you're a newbie who isn't pulling girls you'll feel a boost in your emotional state.

Then use that to make you not give a fuck on a girl who is a lil more attractive. Make out with her too. Then use this emotional state to NOT CARE as you go around the venue talking to lots of people, and BECAUSE YOU DO NOT CARE people will start being a lot nicer to you because they respond to the "high value" of you "just being yourself" -- ie: having your own fun and not giving a fuck.

As the night progresses keep building up your emotional state. And because you've built your own emotional state you simply DO NOT CARE. All you want to do is have so much fun and amuse yourself, talk to lots of fun people, have a great time.

Then go up to the hottest girl in the club. Do exactly what you did on the fat girl and okay cutie girls. Makeout with her too. Yell and scream at her. Say "You're done get the fuck out of here! You're done in this town get the fuck out!" Then let her walk away confused and pull her back "Fight for me girl! I'm worth it! Don't have an ego about this! Fight for me!"

Take her to the corner and makeout with her more, stimulate her if she's okay with it and seems to like it, then drag her home and fuck. Do this every single night for a month with varying degrees of success -- sometimes you ride the wave of awesomeness and pull a few nights in a row, sometimes you hit a rough patch because as your self image starts to view you as this new awesome guy with girls you START TO CARE AGAIN AND THEREFORE SUCK.

Use this momentum building in your life as well. Build up your body and health and feel more and more awesome. Build up what you're doing at work so you feel more and more awesome. Do meditation every day and feel amazing and more amazing. Have fun and have fun friends, date the girls you want to date, read great books and enjoy life.

As you do this more and more, you build ABUNDANCE and therefore are a ROBUST individual as opposed to a FRAGILE one who posts threads on RSD Nation about how you can't get laid and you think it's because you're depressed or because of your looks. Keep working at it until you get it. Don't worry if you hit a rough patch just allow yourself to go through it and allow it to help you lose your attachment to people being nice to you. Then as you continue on it just gets better and better, and now you can offer value to OTHER PEOPLE because your'e just a cooler individual who is happy in his own skin and who people love and respect.

Over time you realize.......it doesn't even matter if you're getting laid a lot or not because that will come and go, but you can feel the sense of abundance and inner happiness just by being present to the moment and feeling the joy of this brief life. And then you no longer rely on this type of momentum as much. In the meantime though study the articles and videos RSD puts out and all that, and take massive action simultaneously to build up the shit out of your personal momentum -- keep improving at the ART of ENJOYING LIFE.

[CJ]

Hurray walls of text!

The simple version is this: The more you experience, the less you feel.

Analogy: One loss can break a football team in a 16 game season, but 1 loss to a baseball team really doesn't mean jack in a 162 game season.

Go out and keep experiencing life, and eventually you'll laugh at how much stock you put into one situation buried within your internal archives.

[Enigma]

(02-11-2013 10:50 PM)Ensam Wrote:  

Meditation and mindfulness are great ways of maintaining emotional mastery. I believe someone posted http://www.wisebrain.org/. It's a great resource for getting started.

A practical tip for projecting emotion is to think about a time you felt a certain way but don't talk about it directly. Just recall how you felt in the moment you're thinking of and it'll carry through all of your micro-expressions. If you can start projecting the same emotion she's feeling you'll have instant rapport.

I've mentioned a few things about meditation on here and I realized how truly effective it when I STOPPED meditating. I got slack for a couple weeks and was so much less focused, more easily agitated, etc. It helps you not only keep those emotions at bay but for you to take a step back from your brain when you become angry or upset and look at what you're doing. See how you're overreacting to something that truly doesn't matter and take some deep breaths.

I think many of the guys here are above average in intelligence. You don't realize how crazy your mind runs constantly until you start to watch it. Knowledge is nothing unless you can truly control your own mind and awareness.

[Acute Angle]

To answer the post title:
1. Feel them fully - they won't kill you.
2. Decide whether any of them require action and then act.
3. Learn what prompted them - any neediness requires addressing?
4. Forget them. More will be along in a moment.

[Nascimento]

Had a girl that I went on two dates with flake on me for the third today. The second date with her I escalated far but she stopped me when I went for sex. Don't know if that had anything to do with her flaking on the third, regardless, it doesn't really matter. I will move on from this one and if I feel like it in 2 weeks I will try and hit her up again and see if I can still pull something out.

Knowing about abundance, I tried to set something else up with another girl for today. She was good yesterday, but I was still hesitant due to logistical issues. She backed out today giving me either a genuine/fake excuse.

Talk about experiencing emotions.

It sucks, getting flaked on twice here. But I will go out this weekend with head up, chest out, and a slow walk with a grin on my face.

[Anon-A-Moose]

I stopped thinking of them as women with emotions and started thinking of it as just a game I'm playing. Nothing more than a strategy game. This simplifies things a lot.

[Kilgo]

The more emotionally detached you can remain, the better your success rate will be. Makes it easier to deal with shit tests, avoid oneitis, not fear losing her, etc.

Make yourself a mystery while at the same time connecting with her emotions. Let her wonder about you. Show your strength by not reacting to her nonsense. Let her chase you. Flip the script.

[w00t]

(02-11-2013 09:51 PM)Nascimento Wrote:  

I want to develop this coldness.. to benefit myself and the women that will cross paths with me. I don't want to have to hit rock bottom in a relationship to achieve that though..

Dude its easy. Just jump into the game, get fucked over by enough women and then realize what stupid retarded and vapid cunts they all are. If you meet enough women at some point you will be FORCED to drop your dysfunctional mindset as the gap between your thinking/believes and reality simply becomes too big to ignore.

[Flavius]

Getting fucked over doesn't fix it. That's actually more likely to make you feel more desperate and eager, which is counter-productive.

Remind yourself of a few things when you're out.

1. None of them are that special. They are all replaceable. Most of them aren't useful for more than sex, and a lot aren't even useful for that. So there's no need to get even slightly excited talking to them until they've given you a reason to think they have something to offer.

2. I don't remember who said this first, though it was probably Roissy. But just remember that logic is beyond most of them, so they're like 6-year old girls trapped in womens' bodies. "everything they say is cute".

3. Chat up everyone, everywhere. When you chat people up every chance you get, striking up a conversation with a good looking girl isn't as big of a deal.

[snoop]

(02-11-2013 06:13 PM)Nascimento Wrote:  

What I am really asking is.. these emotions, surely I am not the only one to deal with this, being single. Being in a relationship and having control of it would probably put some of this at ease, but it is not what I am looking for. How do you guys handle girls flaking on you, or girls you genuinely enjoyed spending time with and them just dropping out on you, causing you to move on (that isn't the issue, mostly the fact that you have to start over with another woman again).

Plan your dates as things you would do by yourself.

Once I planned to take a chick kayaking. She ended up being busy. I still went kayaking.

You can also use a group event as a "date" so if she flakes, her loss.