Posts: 2,430
Threads: 0
Joined: Nov 2012
Reputation:
65
How do you guys handle emotions?
02-11-2013, 06:13 PM
Is it about learning to control them, or desensitizing yourself to them?
I'm new to game. Started about a year ago, didn't start progressing or getting success until the night of my 19th. I have gotten much, much better, and I know I will only continue to grow, which has me very excited for what will come.
But at the moment, I am having some issue with 'emotions'.
I feel emotional highs every night out, even if I don't manage to get escalate far or get any numbers. I get these highs just from interacting with women that attract me. Brings me to the moment, and I could care less about that girl that I have been trying to take out on a date to close.
But when I am not on a night out, specifically the weeknights.. It can be tough, me trying to setup dates and having the girl flake, having a girl that I took out once or twice no longer want to hang out, or just going several days without talking to girls.
During the course of my weekdays I go to college.. I go to lecture, socialize with some of the people I know, I lift weights, and that is pretty much it. I anticipate the weekend like no other.
What I am really asking is.. these emotions, surely I am not the only one to deal with this, being single. Being in a relationship and having control of it would probably put some of this at ease, but it is not what I am looking for. How do you guys handle girls flaking on you, or girls you genuinely enjoyed spending time with and them just dropping out on you, causing you to move on (that isn't the issue, mostly the fact that you have to start over with another woman again).
Surely not a problem if you have girls on rotation. That is my goal, but I haven't come close yet. Approaching and meeting new girls works, but I can't really do that until the weekend comes around. That is a lie, I can do some day approaches on campus, but it is not with the same consistency and abundance as I can during nights out.
Would love to hear some of your inputs on this, especially from the more experienced guys who have been at my stage.
Also, I feel I have to say that I am on nofap right now.. I quit porn a long time ago and really limited the fap, and now I have cut it out entirely, I am on 20 something days. It gives me lots of motivation to meet women, but at the expense of using it as release everytime I feel what I have stated above.
Posts: 8,017
Threads: 0
Joined: Nov 2010
How do you guys handle emotions?
02-11-2013, 06:21 PM
Don't do anything you're not comfortable with. If you are ok with only banging one girl at a time, then so be it. As for girls flaking, don't sweat it. Some chicks flake. Use it as a motivator to tighten up your game to reduce it.
I try to keep emotional distance with girls, so the parting is less of a pain in the ass. There's a sweet spot I find where we're comfortable together, but she's not breathing down my neck for a heavy relationship.
You have to both stay in control AND desensitize yourself.
Posts: 6,550
Threads: 0
Joined: Aug 2011
Reputation:
66
How do you guys handle emotions?
02-11-2013, 06:32 PM
That's an inner game issue my friend. There's two parts to emotion.
Empathy ...what you feel or read from others.
Projection ...what you feel and project or put out to the world.
These are psychological terms. You should Google them and read up on what they fully mean.
I've gotten to the point where whenever someone tries to project an emotion(like guilt or shame) at me I can ignore it and choose not to feel it. You can turn off your empathy to individual emotions at will.
Projection is similar to being an actor. It's best understood by the statement, "It's not what you say but how you say it". Stand up comedians and public speakers have very good control of which emotions they project to their audience. It's showmanship. You're controlling which emotions you want your subject to feel.
Team Nachos
Posts: 11,058
Threads: 0
Joined: Jul 2011
Reputation:
117
How do you guys handle emotions?
02-11-2013, 07:31 PM
You have to kill off the beta/blue pill side of you that gets one oneitis so that you can rebuild from a position of strength into an ice cold player who can manipulate his emotions and not the other way around.
And by manipulate, I mean he sets up his life so that his emotions can be expressed freely. He arranges his world so that what he feels is the appropriate feeling for the moment. The world revolves around how he feels.
Doing this takes a great deal of effort and time and is probably not possible to experience on a consistent basis. But, the other option, to let the world control you.. that's worse in my opinion.
Posts: 3,176
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2012
Reputation:
170
How do you guys handle emotions?
02-11-2013, 08:41 PM
I know exactly what your feeling in terms of the weekend 'high' and then the drop on Mon. When I was in college I went through the EXACT same behaviour.
The key here is to do this: Mon-Thurs FOCUS on school and working out and building yourself up into who you want to be. If you can go out Thurs-Sat nights and have a date lined up for Sunday night something chill like have a girl over for a movie.
You will get more done, better grades etc, and starting Thurs you can celebrate what you've gotten done that week. Your game will be even more on point because you're putting YOURSELF first.
As far as the emotions it's really true that only EXPERIENCE with women will help you develop the coldness of players. It wasn't until I went through HELL with a BPD bitch (google it), and hit rock bottom and literally almost killed myself that I could completely swallow the Red Pill. At that point I said 'never again'. Right now I'm at one extreme of having zero sociopath like coldness BUT as I enter my 30's I'm sure I'll find that right balance.
Posts: 17
Threads: 0
Joined: Jan 2013
Reputation:
0
How do you guys handle emotions?
02-11-2013, 11:24 PM
I will second everyone who said that the only way to master emotions is through experience. You have to go through those emotional highs and lows to understand that you WILL get over it/her once youve been with enough women.
Posts: 222
Threads: 0
Joined: Jan 2011
Reputation:
9
How do you guys handle emotions?
02-12-2013, 05:21 AM
I believe it was the great Mark Minter who said the cure for oneitis is fouritis....if you get what I mean.
Also, you say you cant wait to go out at night on the weekends to hit your consistency with getting girls. Well the bars are always open...why not go out gaming Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday too? What city are you gaming in?
Posts: 1,303
Threads: 0
Joined: Aug 2009
Reputation:
34
How do you guys handle emotions?
02-13-2013, 12:09 AM
Hurray walls of text!
The simple version is this: The more you experience, the less you feel.
Analogy: One loss can break a football team in a 16 game season, but 1 loss to a baseball team really doesn't mean jack in a 162 game season.
Go out and keep experiencing life, and eventually you'll laugh at how much stock you put into one situation buried within your internal archives.
Posts: 484
Threads: 0
Joined: Sep 2012
Reputation:
3
How do you guys handle emotions?
02-13-2013, 06:19 AM
To answer the post title:
1. Feel them fully - they won't kill you.
2. Decide whether any of them require action and then act.
3. Learn what prompted them - any neediness requires addressing?
4. Forget them. More will be along in a moment.
Posts: 2,430
Threads: 0
Joined: Nov 2012
Reputation:
65
How do you guys handle emotions?
02-13-2013, 06:15 PM
Had a girl that I went on two dates with flake on me for the third today. The second date with her I escalated far but she stopped me when I went for sex. Don't know if that had anything to do with her flaking on the third, regardless, it doesn't really matter. I will move on from this one and if I feel like it in 2 weeks I will try and hit her up again and see if I can still pull something out.
Knowing about abundance, I tried to set something else up with another girl for today. She was good yesterday, but I was still hesitant due to logistical issues. She backed out today giving me either a genuine/fake excuse.
Talk about experiencing emotions.
It sucks, getting flaked on twice here. But I will go out this weekend with head up, chest out, and a slow walk with a grin on my face.
Posts: 540
Threads: 0
Joined: Nov 2011
Reputation:
1
How do you guys handle emotions?
02-18-2013, 08:05 PM
I stopped thinking of them as women with emotions and started thinking of it as just a game I'm playing. Nothing more than a strategy game. This simplifies things a lot.
Posts: 50
Threads: 0
Joined: Mar 2013
Reputation:
1
How do you guys handle emotions?
03-01-2013, 10:39 AM
The more emotionally detached you can remain, the better your success rate will be. Makes it easier to deal with shit tests, avoid oneitis, not fear losing her, etc.
Make yourself a mystery while at the same time connecting with her emotions. Let her wonder about you. Show your strength by not reacting to her nonsense. Let her chase you. Flip the script.
Posts: 7
Threads: 0
Joined: Mar 2013
Reputation:
0
How do you guys handle emotions?
03-01-2013, 05:03 PM
Getting fucked over doesn't fix it. That's actually more likely to make you feel more desperate and eager, which is counter-productive.
Remind yourself of a few things when you're out.
1. None of them are that special. They are all replaceable. Most of them aren't useful for more than sex, and a lot aren't even useful for that. So there's no need to get even slightly excited talking to them until they've given you a reason to think they have something to offer.
2. I don't remember who said this first, though it was probably Roissy. But just remember that logic is beyond most of them, so they're like 6-year old girls trapped in womens' bodies. "everything they say is cute".
3. Chat up everyone, everywhere. When you chat people up every chance you get, striking up a conversation with a good looking girl isn't as big of a deal.
Posts: 529
Threads: 0
Joined: Feb 2012
How do you guys handle emotions?
03-01-2013, 05:21 PM
Quote: (02-11-2013 06:13 PM)Nascimento Wrote:
What I am really asking is.. these emotions, surely I am not the only one to deal with this, being single. Being in a relationship and having control of it would probably put some of this at ease, but it is not what I am looking for. How do you guys handle girls flaking on you, or girls you genuinely enjoyed spending time with and them just dropping out on you, causing you to move on (that isn't the issue, mostly the fact that you have to start over with another woman again).
Plan your dates as things you would do by yourself.
Once I planned to take a chick kayaking. She ended up being busy. I still went kayaking.
You can also use a group event as a "date" so if she flakes, her loss.