[mojodrew]

hey,
my brother, who is a really good successful guy, is locked in a really unhealthy marraige with his hot, bitchy wife. she freaked out in front of our whole family the night before the wedding and i regret not talking him out of marrying her. now, 3 years later, they have a kid and she wants a bigger house before having another. he is well-off, but has still not sold the house theyre living in now. she wants to move closer to her parents, so they can move in when he goes away for work. she doesnt work. she hates my parents and recently had a huge blow up with them via-email and sms. she is 7 years is junior.
what do i tell him without directly attacking her? we arent super close, but this morning he wrote me an email saying hes thinking of buying the house in the suburbs which would leave them 2 minutes from the in-laws. i wrote him a lengthy email telling them that while the in-laws are nice people, everything has its limits and i didnt think it was a good idea, that they should talk it through and maybe even visit a couple's psychologist. i hope he doesnt get angry, but the regret i continue to feel for not talking him out of marrying her made me speak up this time around. he does all the work, and she treats him like shit and i really dont like her.
what should i say?

[Rocco81]

Well...a few things here from my perspective.

*Is he close and does he get along with the In-Laws? Having them close to watch kids might not be a bad idea.
*Having the in-laws in the house while he is away might not be bad.
*Her not working and wanting kids can sometimes be a great thing to me.

*Her blowing up at your family? That shit should be handled by your brother. You can probably guess that it wasn't the first time she blew up. Soooo...you can assume that this brother you are not so close with has let her get away with this kind of shit all along.

*If anything your brother just needs to man up and put this bitch in her place. I don't see the kids and not working and all that other jazz as important, but I do see her having a nasty disposition as your brother's fault for letting her get away with running the show.

[hydrogonian]

Unfortunately, your brother is an adult and therefore you should leave him be to his own decisions and life.

Its not your responsibility to comment or otherwise referee. The whole "I'm speaking up because I love you / because I'm your brother/best friend/father/mother/ priest/etc..." is almost always BS, and tends to come from someone with good intentions but incomplete perspective. Only your brother has all of the necessary information, and therefore perspective. Unless your brother is special ed, either intellectually or socially, and it doesnt sound like he is, then he knows more about his situation than you. You commenting will only put undue pressure on him and possibly your relationship with him.

I'm sure he knows what he's got, what his options are and what he will win or lose with every decision.

If he solicits your advice or opinion, and only then, then give it to him.

Otherwise, he best thing that you can do is be a friend to him and help him to relax and forget his troubles when you hang out.