Quote: (05-01-2010 10:59 PM)weblinks Wrote:
I realize that I shouldn't waste time thinking about the past and people need to look out for themselves, but I want to think that I have higher morals and that I am better than others. For example, I look down on illegal immigrants who work in the US, get mad at employers who don't pay me, dislike idiots who
smoke in non-smoking areas, complain about people who play loud music, call the police
on kids who open fire hydrants, hate cheats and whores, don't respect sluts, criticize junkies and bums, hate thieves and killers, detest criminals and deadbeats, am annoyed at vandals, and get upset at jerks who spit or litter. One reason I am so hard on myself is because if I do bad things myself and criticize others, I am a hyprocrite. Someone who cheats on his girlfriend can't really criticize a homeless guy living on welfare. Who is more moral?
I am really torn up by this. I want everybody to do good, but too many people do bad. I can't feel superior, hold my head high, be proud of myself, and look down on others. I was raised better. I have a conscience. I want to think that I have high ethics and standards. I want to be like a saint. I know whining about my mistakes doesn't do any good, but I think you could see
why I feel so bad about this.
and
Quote: (05-03-2010 09:40 AM)weblinks Wrote:
Interesting.
Maybe everyone thinks they're are moral, but I think most people would agree
that some people have more ethics than others. I am sure the great majority of people would say Jimmy Carter has higher morals than Ted Bundy did, for example.
I appreciate the advice. I am not sure if being highly talented in a skill would outweigh an ethical flaw, though. Someone who speaks French and Japanese fluently could be proud and feel superior to others, but he would still be a bad person if he also robs banks.
Maybe I should crawl on my hands and knees for 10 years, volunteer in a homeless shelter, or become a priest to make up for my mistakes. I can't believe how stupid I have been been. If there is any good that can come out of my post, I hope everyone will be aware that mistakes you make will come back and bite you. Trust me, you can't escape guilt and regret.
Weblinks,
I mean this comment with no disrespect, and only a desire to help you come to grips with your internal struggle:
Whoever put these fundamentally flawed ideas of morality, superiority, judgment and self worth in your head has done you a huge disservice and have given you a 'broken' mental operating system which is causing you internal conflict because it is deeply flawed or otherwise misconstrued at its root. It sounds like you were raised in a religious household, but perhaps not. In any case, you are affected by, in my opinion, the very flawed morality taught in conservative Christian communities. Could be fundamentalist / Evangelist style Christianity or catholicism.
This isn't you fault; or even you parents fault, as I'm sure they taught you the same things that they were taught. I blame the very selfish motives of society, in general.
The USA (assuming where you are from) culture in-particular gives us very conflicting system of morality. We are taught to be good to each other, and that we are a country of morally superior people, but we are more subtly taught that we are worth as much as the money that we make. Therefore, we many time violate the first rule to meet the expectations of the second.
The twisted forms of Christian religion taught these days try to resolve these issues, with a result that breeds individuals who feel superior, judgmental, and at the same time will stab their brother in the back for some extra cash. I know, because its happened to me. I respect someone who robs me and is honest about it much more than someone who claims to be morally superior, but persecutes people who are different from them, who doesn't really care about others (because poor people don't have enough value) and who will talk out of one side of their mouth while supporting political policy that is entirely counter to their religious claims.
I'm not saying that this is you, I'm just drawing a line between your internal conflict and the conflicting value systems taught in conservative america.
This is my recommendation to you, to help you find more happiness and peace in life, and to help you to meet anyones standards of being a good person:
1. Stop judging people.
If you don't do anything else that I recommend, this single non-action will change your life more than any other. Believe me. Stop fucking judging people. I can't emphasize this key to happiness enough.
Whether they be whores, junkies, kids playing in fire hydrants, deadbeats, or any one else. No one is perfect, and you have no idea what those people went through to be in that position. One day, it could be you, or me, out of necessity. Mayberry only exists on TV, and the world is not black and white. Almost everyone operates in some type of grey zone, and those who claim to be perfect on the outside are often some of the worst, even by their own belligerently advertised standards. They are just better at hiding it than others. Look at Ted Haggard. But there are a million other people that could be held up as examples
A very few people get dealt a lucky hand in life, and never have the necessity to behave amorally by societies outwardly advertised standards (which includes the 'amorality' of being poor). Society then holds these people up for everyone to idolize (they are almost always wealthy - which is no coincidence), but the so advertised normalcy of this situation is not normal at all. Its an illusion, and its designed to keep you in line and producing.
Embrace the whore, the junkie, the deadbeat. Find out about them. Ask about how they got there. Many will surprise you. How many homelss vietnam and Gulf vets do you think there are? Are these people amoral?
Anyway, judgment and the following superiority complex are responsible for a hell of a lot of suffering and conflict in the world. Stop adding to it. By definition, judging others is not moral, its amoral. Once you stop, you will feel much less conflict about yourself.
The ONLY exception allowed to the rule of non-judgment, is when people are infringing on the inalienable rights of others, usually for their own benefit. Again, that is the only time when your are allowed to pass judgement. Actions that fall under that category: Murder, theft, lying and a sociopathic level of manipulation. Its difficult for me to come up with anything else.
An example of something that I also don't agree with, but that doesn't fall under any of the above categories: Illegal immigration.
I don't blame the immigrants and you shouldn't either. They are doing what is necessary to survive. Blame the politicians who let them in the country, to the benefit of big business. Manipulating and lying to the american people, for their benefit.
2. Become a humanist.
Even if you have religion, research and practice what it means to be a humanist. Get some empathy. If you love your family, there is a fundamental moral conflict in not loving your neighbor, and by extension, everyone else. The only moral excuse for loving less is for there to be physically less people. Thats the truth. Otherwise, don;t worry about being moral because your 'morality' would be counter to every form of morality taught in almost every traditional religious sect in the world. If you can't 'do unto others as you would have done unto you', which includes the extension of love and empathy, then don't worry about anything because the issue of you being moral would be solved. You would not be. Give, give, give. Don't worry about receiving, because the world will disappoint you.
Then, as long as your doing your best, even if you wander into your previously thought of 'amoral' territory out of necessity, you will be a good person. If you really want to feel good about yourself, just DON'T INFRINGE ON THE RIGHTS OF OTHERS. Thats it. Everything else is just details, as far as morality is concerned.
3.
Read:
"Quantum Psychology" by Wilson
and
"The Way of Zen" by Watts
In order, to give you some insight into the reality of values / morality systems. Not easy reads, although not that hard either, but life changing as far as perception is concerned.