[kali]

I have a few acquaintances that I used to go out with on a regular basis and they seem to always take advantage of myself or others when it comes to paying for drinks, taxis, food, etc. It almost becomes a confontration/ buzz kill to try and deal with the situation properly. Its embarrassing at times. Needless to say I dont go out with those paticular people anymore. Many of times, I realize the next day I spend about $150+ on drinks and another $40 dor dinner and the other person probably spent $20 if any. Obviously I take 100% responsibilty for this and do not let the situation happen anymore but is this something that is common? Your guards have to be up when you go out with these individuals, so you dont get stuck with the bill.

The kicker is these people are VERY well off.

Anyone else deal with wings like this?

[Cincinnatus]

I only let that shit happen once, and if it does, I never wing with said guy again. Every now and again I'll roll out on the town with friends and pick up the tab, but that's because I want to, not because I feel obligated to, or because I'm willing to let some bastards walk all over me.

Thankfully I've got several solid friendships that have lasted many years now.

[polymath]

That's why they're well off.

[Gmac]

Be up front about it and address the situation OUTSIDE of hanging out. Don't be a little bitch about it, but don't come too hard either. Once you give them a shot and they blow it, quit hanging out with them altogether.

Or if you are in such a tight knit circle that you can't get rid of them... bring up the bill situation early on or first thing by addressing the group... that way everyone has a similar understanding and you don't end up footing the bill.

Freeloaders are a fact of life, they'll always be around.

[Architekt]

I've been on both ends of this. When I haven't had money in the past, some of my friends have been happy to buy me drinks and stuff when we hang out, 'cause I'm a poor ass uni student and a lot of my friends work full time. I'd always endeavour to try get something back for them, or at least do something in return, though. On the opposite end, I have a couple of friends who straight up expect me to pay non-stop for their shit for nothing in return, and it's fucking annoying. It's not like I even offer - they just assume I will fork out the cash for their shit all the time. These days I'm a bit more business minded and I'm better at cutting deals.

[allgood]

This used to happen to me. When I would confront the 'friends' who were doing it, they would get offended and deny everything. Only one of them, in my life, has ever admitted to his behaviour. Most guys are unable to admit that they are being a freeloading asshole - they'll either deny it outright or else offer justifications for it. I've been called greedy, an asshole, and a liar, among other things, for bringing it up. They would claim that I was the one who owed them, not the other way around. They will bring your family into it, insulting you and everything about your life, attempting to tear you down, to try and justify why they shouldn't have to pay you back and pay their fair share from now on. Money makes some people do things like that. 'Friends' like this are not really friends. You have to stop hanging out with them in situations where money is involved, such as at bars. If you must continue going out to bars with the leech, make it clear before the first drink that it's separate bills. If that sets him off; if that makes him accuse you of being 'cheap', then he has issues and he's not your friend. In that case stop speaking with him, period - I've cut a few of these leeches off that way. You don't need wings who are going to take advantage of your generosity, call you a liar for it, and probably aren't helping you meet girls anyway.

Do not lend money to other guys and don't buy them more than one round if they're not reciprocating.

[polymath]

If your friends are calling your family into things, that's fucked.

Sometimes it really is a question of dissimilar financial situations. I have a buddy in Chicago who spent about a grand on me in two nights last time I was there visiting. He's a successful trader with a lot of money to burn. I can't afford to repay him or reciprocate at this point in my life (I said this to him before we went out, he didn't mind...truly a good friend), but you better believe I'm gonna show him a good time when I can.

[dk902]

Solution: go out by yourself.

You cut out all of this bullshit from weesh friends.

[Divorco]

(07-26-2012 10:00 PM)Gmac Wrote:  

I winged a guy from this forum who avoided paying and eventually had to "borrow" three bucks to buy himself water. I haven't seen him since; best three bucks I ever spent!

[el mechanico]

(07-27-2012 02:35 PM)Divorco Wrote:  

(07-26-2012 10:00 PM)Gmac Wrote:  

I winged a guy from this forum who avoided paying and eventually had to "borrow" three bucks to buy himself water. I haven't seen him since; best three bucks I ever spent!

Skywalker?

[MikeCF]

Some guys are mooches.

Better to learn it sooner rather than later.

A guy who is going to scam you on a $100 bar tab is certainly not going to be there for you when shit goes down and you need someone to have your back.

[Basil Ransom]

How are they forcing you? I'm not averse to buying my wingmen drinks, but there's no way they could force me to pay if I didn't want to.

I don't know you and your friends, but maybe they see you as a little bitch that they can exploit, and you've been in that position for years. Refuse to pay and refuse to hang out with them if necessary. Have friends on your terms, and be ready to walk if they aren't met.

[germanico]

So what benefits do you get out of that friendship?

If the dynamic with those guys is one where you pay for drinks but get nothing in return, then drop them. Just stop going out with them. You can hang out whenever its not going to cost you anything, like at house parties, but dont accept to go out anywhere else. If necessary, come up with excuses or just stop taking their calls.

However, if they are in fact loaded as you say, and by associating with them you get access to closed circles, girls, or business contacts, then keep them. I say that picking up the bar tab every now and then is a small price if you are cashing in benefits like those.

If they are long time friends, then speak up. "hey guys, I always pay the tab, and Im uncomfortable with that". Or just ask for separate tabs when you order, or order your own drinks directly at the bar and pay cash up front, so when the waiter comes with the tab you can just say "Oh, I already paid for mine at the bar". And if your "friends" make a fuss about this, then you will know who are your real friends. Which is also a small price to pay to find out.

[Sebastian]

I don't understand how you are forced to pay for the drinks.
Do you guys get a bottle service? (obviously not, if you are spending $150)
Do you go to the bar, order your drinks and ask him what he wants? or does he just tell the bartender after you?
Just pay for your drink and leave. I am sure those guys will stare you like you owe them a money.
You should give those kind of dirty bums behind. (worse than bums actually)

I guarantee, if you stop paying for it, they will talk shit about how cheap you are.
So you spent $$$ on them and all you are going to hear is 'you are cheap'
At least you are going to save money for future.

[DarkTriad]

(07-26-2012 10:00 PM)Gmac Wrote:  

Don't be a little bitch about it, but don't come too hard either.

This. I would make joke out of it, maybe a clever nickname, and keep referring to it as appropriate. Something that will embarass them enough to fight the cheapskate label.

[MrXY]

This thread illustrates yet another reason why i almost always go out solo when I am on a bang mission

[Idlenations]

It sound like they are using you to be honest, put your foot down and put a stop too buying their nights out. If they have a go about this kick them out of your life.

[Hades]

I'd let it slide once and never again. That kind of shit can mess up your night. If you can't depend on your friends to take care of their end you should just straight up ditch them.

[UgSlayer]

If it's one guy, he's using you. If it's a bunch of guys, they are using you and laughing about it behind your back.