[Tuthmosis]

Have any of you guys been involved in a legit open or polyamorous relationship, where you keep a main girl, who knows about your side pieces and is cool with it? Whether you have or not, I'm interested in your advice/opinion.

I have an ex-LTR who I'm considering reincorporating into my life, with the proviso that we're both allowed to pursue our own shit. I have a feeling she'd be down for this type of arrangement. The logic behind this is that she's in another city, and I'd like to assure myself consistent access to her when we see each other periodically. She's the rare chick who I genuinely enjoy hanging out with, in addition to banging. She's attractive, anti-feminist, domestic, supportive, has long hair, etc. (which is why I LTR'd her in the first place). Most of the calendar year, we'll be off doing other things, since we're prohibitively far, and have zero intentions of trying to have a long-distance thing (this has been stated repeatedly).

Being ignorant in these ways, I want to know the best game-centered practices on navigating this sort of arrangement are--particularly if you've pulled it off before. Needless to say, I'm accustomed to traditional rotation game. You have several girls, who don't know about each other--with maybe one bottom bitch you see more often. Or, alternatively, you park the game for a bit for a quality girl.

Is my arrangement even advisable? I would be calling the shots throughout, and not be limited in my access to new pussy in my current location. She wouldn't even be allowed to know my everyday dealings. Keep in mind that I don't mind her banging some beta dude while I'm away or having him buy her shit. There are no promises from either side, just two people agreeing that they'll make it a point to periodically hang out, stay in touch, and bang. Assume that without this explicit arrangement in place, she'd not be down for any of this. At the same time, she's likely to be amenable to something more formalized, even if it means that I'm banging left and right, or even having another LTR in my permanent location.

If your advice is, "What's the point, Tuth? Just move on to new pussy," go ahead and say it, but realize that's not point of this exercise. Assume that that's my leaning anyway, but that I'm considering this because of the factors I've mentioned above.

Please advise. (Was this beta?)

(Paging Oldnem)

[Stitch]

No advice, other than I'm somewhat doing the same thing with a good friend in a different state--we even compare dating strategies etc but she also seems completely down with getting together whenever we're in the same town and is open to the poly idea. Not sure if it's a good idea or not, but I'm going to give it a go when she visits this fall and see how it goes. I think with the right cool woman (they do exist) that could be a fairly good deal.

[el mechanico]

I wouldn't advise this. The guys she's dating are going to go apeshit unless she's a total slut and gets pumped after a night of drinking. Either way it's not worth it.

Here's what I've been thinking...
I've got two girls in right now. One wants to go out and pick up girls for us to fuck and the other has a female lover or two. Both want to date me or ltr whatever. I'm down with this as long as they bring more pussy to the table. Girls have way better pulling skillz than we do. So you in fact just can take a break and let the girl do the work. Go find a girl like this.

[rozayINTL]

Tuth I find this kind of setup most interesting in terms of a more serious relationship (maybe even marriage), with the main dynamic being the presence of a child or children.

I know there's gotta be married guys out there who have alpha pimphand dominance over their 'wives' who raise the kids and allow their husbands to get a little something on the side. It seems this arrangement is rare though because of divorce rape.. maybe its more prevalent in european/south american countries.

Interesting topic.


Tuth in this case as far as I can tell the terms of this arrangement or "relationship" are so vague and even non existent from an actual relationship standpoint, I don't think it can be considered an open relationship. I wouldn't advise it given your circumstances for similar reasons to E-mec. Is there really that much to be gained?

It seems as if the relationship in these cases needs to come well before the "open" part, to really establish the foundation of whats going on

[Veloce]

Here's my take

The ex-LTR that I just got back together with, when I broke it off with her I told her I wanted to bang other chicks. At FIRST she was cool with this, and I was ready to go for the open relationship. I don't care about her habits as long as I don't know about it. But I knew she was agreeing out of desperation to keep me in her life. I told her this and said, "Really? You're going to be cool with me saying, 'no, you can't come over tonight', and you knowing it's because I'm banging another girl?" After a few minutes she acquiesced and realized she wouldn't be fine with it.

I don't think there's a girl on earth who is cool with the open relationships IF and only if she values her man enough. I think bitches that claim to be cool and poly don't have that deep, instinctual, passionate attachment to their man's cock that she could/should have. I think some bitches keep guys around that they're attracted enough to have a decent relationship with, the guy probably satisfies most of her needs, but there's something lacking that she still needs to have a cock rotation. But maybe that's my narcissistic delusion. It's just been my experience. I've seen girls go from casual dating to deeply attached and monogamous simply based on my game and her attraction to me.

I really do think the only solution is to cheat. I really dig the girl I'm with now but I just banged a hot booty call 2 nights ago. The girl doesn't need to know about it and I care enough about her that I'd rather just let her live in a happy fantasy world where she's the only girl in my life. It's fucked up but it's the best solution I've found.

[Lumiere]

(06-04-2012 11:21 AM)thedude3737 Wrote:  

I really do think the only solution is to cheat.

It's not.

If you are intelligent enough to frame it correctly there is absolutely no need whatsoever for dishonesty if you want to see multiple girls at the same time.

[Timoteo]

I think the fact that she's in a different city mitigates any possible problems and negatives. Since it's a situation where you'll simply see her when you see her, it's all good. It's a bonus that she's someone that you once held very strong feelings for, and you still enjoy spending time with her when you can. If you can fold her back in, and she doesn't present any problems with regards to what and who you're doing when you aren't together. I see no reason to explicitly state that you're going to see "other" women, because she isn't your PRIMARY woman. She's just a woman you really like, and a part of your rotation that you don't see that often.

[Stitch]

Quote:

If you are intelligent enough to frame it correctly there is absolutely no need whatsoever for dishonesty if you want to see multiple girls at the same time.

Well, that's the trick, isn't it?

[thegmanifesto]

(06-04-2012 11:41 AM)Lumiere Wrote:  

(06-04-2012 11:21 AM)thedude3737 Wrote:  

I really do think the only solution is to cheat.

It's not.

If you are intelligent enough to frame it correctly there is absolutely no need whatsoever for dishonesty if you want to see multiple girls at the same time.

Yeah, this is kind of like saying:

If you are intelligent enough to make a bunch of money there is absolutely no need whatsoever to be anything less than filthy rich.

Not sure if that really helps anyone.

[Veloce]

(06-04-2012 11:41 AM)Lumiere Wrote:  

(06-04-2012 11:21 AM)thedude3737 Wrote:  

I really do think the only solution is to cheat.

It's not.

If you are intelligent enough to frame it correctly there is absolutely no need whatsoever for dishonesty if you want to see multiple girls at the same time.

I should have specified the amount of time. I've dated multiple women simultaneously plenty of times and with their explicit knowledge of my habits. But always, ALWAYS at some point, they either fall out of rotation or want to be exclusive with me. I've never dated a woman consistently, as in on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, and gotten beyond 3 months without her asking we be exclusive. I have lost touch with women and restarted months or years later, but that's different. I'm talking consistent dating. And in the case I'm in right now, the girl went far and above to be my girlfriend. She had dropped the ultimatum several times, "I want to be your girlfriend or nothing." I dragged it out as long as I could but the 3 month mark came and sure enough, I could tell she was serious.

At that time, and presently, I didn't want to stop seeing her. I could go on for some time about her merits. So I agreed to it. I haven't kept my word, and if she found out I'm sure it'd be over in a heartbeat, but it's still worth it to me.

[bacan]

If you are lucky, you can have a one-sided open relationship like I have had before and currently have right now.... (This wouldn't apply to Tuth's long distance hypothetical)

I think some girls like to know that you care about them so much that you can't bear the thought of them being with another guy... And that you can equalize the relationship in other ways knowing that you as a guy put a high value on sexual novelty and she has a girl is likely to value other things you can offer her more instead of just sexual freedom

[Gmac]

Yeah I banged a few girls who knew about my blog, KNEW that I was banging other girls all the time, and could READ my blog posts and tweets about it. One lasted a few months (she couldn't handle the lack of intimacy and commitment), but tried to kickstart again recently, the other got serious with some guy so we broke off the arrangement. Both were fuck buddies, open relationships, whatever. I only wrote about the latter though: http://hokieblogger.com/2011/11/08/group...an-nympho/

[Samseau]

I'm going against the grain here.

I don't advocate verbalizing anything.


Just act, and see how she reacts. During the mini-relationship I had for the past three months I also banged two other girls on the side. I didn't talk about it, but she found out anyways. I didn't say anything to her, and when she asked about it and I simply told her the truth: I had banged them or I had dated them.

She wasn't happy with the situation but she only worked harder for my attention afterwards.


The only reason things ended between us was because she wasn't from America and her visa was up. I don't think I could make it three months with an American girl

[Veloce]

(06-04-2012 09:35 PM)Samseau Wrote:  

I'm going against the grain here.

I don't advocate verbalizing anything.


Just act, and see how she reacts. During the mini-relationship I had for the past three months I also banged two other girls on the side. I didn't talk about it, but she found out anyways. I didn't say anything to her, and when she asked about it and I simply told her the truth: I had banged them or I had dated them.

She wasn't happy with the situation but she only worked harder for my attention afterwards.


The only reason things ended between us was because she wasn't from America and her visa was up. I don't think I could make it three months with an American girl

100% agree. The older I get, the less I talk about relationships with girls. I remember dating in my early and mid 20s, girls are OBSESSED with this shit, I guess they still are, but back then I would indulge it more. Girls always wanna know where they stand, "What's our status?", if I'm seeing anyone else, yadda yadda yadda. I've been through a lot of it. The best thing I've found is to be as vague as possible and change the subject, and if she wants to beat it to death and won't get out of my face until she gets the answer she wants, then I give her that answer IF I want to keep her around.

And really, think about it. Do you really want to sit down with a girl and have that talk? Talk about what you are and aren't allowed to do like some sort of contract? It's obvious that some guys on this forum can agree that there are some girls, rare as they may be, that are worth keeping around. There's nothing beta about that and it still requires game, so there's nothing wrong with discussing it on a PUA forum. You got a girl, fine. But if some hot piece of ass crosses your path and it's there for the taking, I don't see any reason not to jump at it, as long as you're not disrespecting your girl and you're discreet. Chances are, if you're with a cool chick, she'd be understanding of your sexual appetite and need to fuck other girls, she just doesn't wanna know about it.

[Timoteo]

(06-04-2012 08:30 PM)thedude3737 Wrote:  

(06-04-2012 11:41 AM)Lumiere Wrote:  

(06-04-2012 11:21 AM)thedude3737 Wrote:  

I really do think the only solution is to cheat.

It's not.

If you are intelligent enough to frame it correctly there is absolutely no need whatsoever for dishonesty if you want to see multiple girls at the same time.

I should have specified the amount of time. I've dated multiple women simultaneously plenty of times and with their explicit knowledge of my habits. But always, ALWAYS at some point, they either fall out of rotation or want to be exclusive with me. I've never dated a woman consistently, as in on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, and gotten beyond 3 months without her asking we be exclusive. I have lost touch with women and restarted months or years later, but that's different. I'm talking consistent dating. And in the case I'm in right now, the girl went far and above to be my girlfriend. She had dropped the ultimatum several times, "I want to be your girlfriend or nothing." I dragged it out as long as I could but the 3 month mark came and sure enough, I could tell she was serious.

At that time, and presently, I didn't want to stop seeing her. I could go on for some time about her merits. So I agreed to it. I haven't kept my word, and if she found out I'm sure it'd be over in a heartbeat, but it's still worth it to me.

Yep. Women don't like to share. If they want you, they'll swallow for a while, thinking at some point I'll get him for myself. When they can't, they'll drop the ultimatum. They'll walk, but the opening for you to get back in will be there for a while. Mistresses are the same way. They're cool getting what they're getting from a married guy for a while, but when they're lonely on holidays, birthdays, Valentine's Day, etc. etc. they want more. They don't stay content forever.

[Tuthmosis]

I appreciate the insights and advice so far, but a couple of you guys are neglecting some of the unique aspects of this particular situation. That's not to squelch general discussion about open relationships, but to be clear about the distinctions of the scenario painted here:

1. In general, I don't go making any arrangements with girls. I keep everything on the DL. This one would be articulated because of the massive physical distance between us (the breadth of a continent). My local "open relationships" (rotation) will continue to be unstated and in-the-shadows. I say only what needs to be said. This case is different because if I just "go with the flow," nothing will happen.

2. I already have a history with this chick. She's "had" me and doesn't now, so that mitigates the she's-going-to-want-all-of-you argument. She can't have me all to herself, because we're so fucking far apart and there's no chance of anyone moving. She'd like to have me in some capacity larger than she does now, which is what's making me think to make this proposal. The feeling (IsThisBeta?) is kind of mutual. She's a dope chick and I like the idea of knowing that I'll be seeing her periodically (in more than some platonic way), but not at the expense of losing my other options (which is impossible, because I'd spend the lion's share of my time away from this broad--except for, say, an aggregate 4-6 weeks out of the year).

3. I don't care about her dudes. If the sausages get pissed or don't like it, that's not my problem. She has the choice of either telling them to fuck off or of cutting it off with me for the sake of having a "real relationship" with some other guy. My sense is that she'd rather have Tuthmosis in her life and wouldn't give up access to him lightly, for just any random cock. Sure, sooner or later, something worthwhile will come around for her, but that might be a while. This girl is pretty "alpha female" (even though I hate that concept), but respects me and is docile around me (I tamed her-ass). Most dudes get walked all over by her; not in a bitchy way (she's very docile-seeming and pleasant), but because she's charming and cute (so dudes fall for her) but she rarely likes a guy very much or for too long. The exception, of course, is the Lord of the Two Lands.

   

Keep in mind that this girl had a kind of hippie upbringing where she was surrounded by "alternative lifestyle" relationships. That's why I'm running it by the community™ before opening my big mouth. There's a decent chance she'd be amenable to this sort of arrangement.

[soup]

(06-03-2012 04:08 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

I wouldn't advise this. The guys she's dating are going to go apeshit unless she's a total slut and gets pumped after a night of drinking. Either way it's not worth it.

Here's what I've been thinking...
I've got two girls in right now. One wants to go out and pick up girls for us to fuck and the other has a female lover or two. Both want to date me or ltr whatever. I'm down with this as long as they bring more pussy to the table. Girls have way better pulling skillz than we do. So you in fact just can take a break and let the girl do the work. Go find a girl like this.

This is the only kind of LTR I'd even consider- a chick who is on my team and brings me other women.

[Lumiere]

(06-04-2012 05:47 PM)Stitch Wrote:  

Quote:

If you are intelligent enough to frame it correctly there is absolutely no need whatsoever for dishonesty if you want to see multiple girls at the same time.

Well, that's the trick, isn't it?

Yes it is.

[Moma]

(06-06-2012 06:48 AM)Lumiere Wrote:  

If you are intelligent enough to frame it correctly there is absolutely no need whatsoever for dishonesty if you want to see multiple girls at the same time.

Can you elaborate on how to frame it correctly, please?

[Catch 22]

thedude3737 Wrote:

Here's my take

The ex-LTR that I just got back together with, when I broke it off with her I told her I wanted to bang other chicks. At FIRST she was cool with this, and I was ready to go for the open relationship. I don't care about her habits as long as I don't know about it. But I knew she was agreeing out of desperation to keep me in her life.

Wow, I'm surprised by the negativity to Tuth's idea. Maybe this is the pain from years in DC talking, but I personally would much prefer a rotation of quality than banging newbies who may or may not be quality.

Tuth, I'm doing what you're suggesting with an ex-LTR (who's in the same city even) and it's working out fine. No need for dating or faking, she just comes over for a couple hours and we bang. Convenient shit.

I disagree with his conclusion, but thedude nailed the key to the approach. In my case, she realizes it's never going to happen with us, but she knows she has to go for it if she wants me in her life at all. You make it clear that it's either this or go separate ways, give her some time to think about, and then wait and see. Took about 3 weeks to a month in my case. You just move on, and if you get the call, great.

It's best not to talk about other people, though. I'll tell her the occasional story (good ones only, like the bang who I later found out was cheating on her girlfriend) to remind her that she's dealing with quality, but no need to go there. As others have mentioned, you don't want too much jealousy mixing in. Bad dates are good to talk about too, especially if you dropped them because of something they did.

[ElJefe]

I'm not sure I understand your question. If you're asking a question, there's something you're unsure of. Are you asking how to score this girl? Or are you asking how to keep her stuck to you inspite of distances? If not, what's the question about? Whether it's a good idea?

If so, ask yourself: what's the worst thing that can happen? She ends it?

I like to let things develop naturally as the sitation warrants.

When I was younger, I had this need to verbalize agreements, get-it-down-in-writing kinda deal. I had a phobia of sharing a girl with other guys. Now I'm seeing a young girl who is doing exactly what I did back then - and I myself feel on the fence. On the one hand, I love her persistence and neediness, on the other I feel pressured.

Here's what it comes down to: I have too much other stuff I'm worrying about to have energy to think about making a girl happy. Simply because of where I am in my life, I don't have the energy to be in a relationship with the girl I'm seeing. I don't even have energy to see more girls than her, and she lives quite far away. Thus I dropped a girl, who looks-wise, most guys would kill for (I will be kicking myself for that later). Sometimes the girl I'm seeing will give me a ring and start whining about me not being interested enough. I just tell her, "I think we're doing fine. We're taking things as they come. No need to rush".

Where are you in your life?

If you want to see a girl who lives far away, and it doesn't ruin your other plans, see her when you can afford it and have the time. If she wants to see you, she'll see you. When she can afford it, and has the time. As long as you don't put the rest of your life on hold or retard your other goals, go ahead. That principle should apply always, at all times in all situations.

If the marginal effort is low, and the marginal benefit high, go for it. If the marginal effort is high, and the marginal benefit low, then don't bother. Easy.

[Gmac]

(06-05-2012 12:43 PM)Timoteo Wrote:  

(06-04-2012 08:30 PM)thedude3737 Wrote:  

(06-04-2012 11:41 AM)Lumiere Wrote:  

(06-04-2012 11:21 AM)thedude3737 Wrote:  

I really do think the only solution is to cheat.

It's not.

If you are intelligent enough to frame it correctly there is absolutely no need whatsoever for dishonesty if you want to see multiple girls at the same time.

I should have specified the amount of time. I've dated multiple women simultaneously plenty of times and with their explicit knowledge of my habits. But always, ALWAYS at some point, they either fall out of rotation or want to be exclusive with me. I've never dated a woman consistently, as in on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, and gotten beyond 3 months without her asking we be exclusive. I have lost touch with women and restarted months or years later, but that's different. I'm talking consistent dating. And in the case I'm in right now, the girl went far and above to be my girlfriend. She had dropped the ultimatum several times, "I want to be your girlfriend or nothing." I dragged it out as long as I could but the 3 month mark came and sure enough, I could tell she was serious.

At that time, and presently, I didn't want to stop seeing her. I could go on for some time about her merits. So I agreed to it. I haven't kept my word, and if she found out I'm sure it'd be over in a heartbeat, but it's still worth it to me.

Yep. Women don't like to share. If they want you, they'll swallow for a while, thinking at some point I'll get him for myself. When they can't, they'll drop the ultimatum. They'll walk, but the opening for you to get back in will be there for a while. Mistresses are the same way. They're cool getting what they're getting from a married guy for a while, but when they're lonely on holidays, birthdays, Valentine's Day, etc. etc. they want more. They don't stay content forever.

This is true, I've seen the women my dad dates go through it. The thing I've noticed is the older the woman is, the most she's willing to put up with it.

[Timoteo]

(06-07-2012 05:25 AM)Gmac Wrote:  

(06-05-2012 12:43 PM)Timoteo Wrote:  

(06-04-2012 08:30 PM)thedude3737 Wrote:  

(06-04-2012 11:41 AM)Lumiere Wrote:  

(06-04-2012 11:21 AM)thedude3737 Wrote:  

I really do think the only solution is to cheat.

It's not.

If you are intelligent enough to frame it correctly there is absolutely no need whatsoever for dishonesty if you want to see multiple girls at the same time.

I should have specified the amount of time. I've dated multiple women simultaneously plenty of times and with their explicit knowledge of my habits. But always, ALWAYS at some point, they either fall out of rotation or want to be exclusive with me. I've never dated a woman consistently, as in on a weekly or bi-weekly basis, and gotten beyond 3 months without her asking we be exclusive. I have lost touch with women and restarted months or years later, but that's different. I'm talking consistent dating. And in the case I'm in right now, the girl went far and above to be my girlfriend. She had dropped the ultimatum several times, "I want to be your girlfriend or nothing." I dragged it out as long as I could but the 3 month mark came and sure enough, I could tell she was serious.

At that time, and presently, I didn't want to stop seeing her. I could go on for some time about her merits. So I agreed to it. I haven't kept my word, and if she found out I'm sure it'd be over in a heartbeat, but it's still worth it to me.

Yep. Women don't like to share. If they want you, they'll swallow for a while, thinking at some point I'll get him for myself. When they can't, they'll drop the ultimatum. They'll walk, but the opening for you to get back in will be there for a while. Mistresses are the same way. They're cool getting what they're getting from a married guy for a while, but when they're lonely on holidays, birthdays, Valentine's Day, etc. etc. they want more. They don't stay content forever.

This is true, I've seen the women my dad dates go through it. The thing I've noticed is the older the woman is, the most she's willing to put up with it.

I think the older ones grudgingly give up on the dream. They resign themselves to their place in the market. They pretty much know they won't get a great guy to themselves, because they really don't have that much to offer him - at least not as much as a younger, hotter woman. So they accept the scraps. Actually, if they lowered their still ridiculously high standards, they could have a guy to themselves. But they don't want that guy.

[Belize King]

I had a "relationship" where we spent alot of time together. She knew my parents(thru my little sister) and I met hers. We cooked for each other, went out, took a few trips. We never brought up the "are we together". We enjoyed each others time but didn't care what happened when we weren't together. Was she banging other dudes? Probably not. Point is I didn't ask nor did I care. She always called before she came by, never asked what did I do last night or over the weekend. It was the perfect relationship. She didn't want to be together nor did I. Those girls are rare.

Point is like Samseau said, dont verbalize it. You got a huge advantage because of the different cities. Whenever she text, you can still text her while you are with another girl. If she is one of the few women who still calls, that can get hairy but if you are only smashing a hamster and not dating then they shouldn't care if you run out and answer a phone call.

My phone game is pretty tight. Most of the lizards I had, know I never kept my phone on my 24/7. I advise that to all players. Once a girl realizes your phone isn't attach to your hip like theirs are, you get a pass on all your excuses on why you didn't answer a call or text.
I was a student before this deployment so "I was in class" or "I was studying" worked everytime.

[soup]

We have to be the dominant ones in the relationship. We are the "parents," and they are the "children." You don't collaborate with your children. Tell her what she needs to hear, and do what you want.