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Birth Rape
05-05-2012, 11:47 AM
Rape is at epidemic proportions. Most of it goes unreported and unnoticed, as this article suggests. In the name of raising awareness, we must be on the lookout for these lesser known but no less vile forms of rape:
Restaurant Rape - waiter gives you a salad instead of mashed potatoes with gravy on top.
Homework Rape - Your professor gives you an assignment of which you don't approve.
Stylist Rape - the sales lady at Macy's hands you a size 16 dress despite your insistence that you are "a borderline 6."
Mixology Rape - the bartender makes your martini a little too 'dirty.'
Yoga Rape - Your yogi puts you in an uncomfortable pose.
Jesus Rape - Some Christian mildly disagrees with your proclivity for sex with strange men, women and midgets.
Romney Rape - When the Republicans make you pay for your own birth control and abortions.
Girls Night Out Rape - When men try to flirt with you and your friends when it is clearly 'Girls Night Out.' Hello, don't you see our tiaras?!
With your help, we can make great progress in attacking and demolishing the rape culture that is so pervasive in America.
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Birth Rape
05-05-2012, 12:16 PM
and by tagging 'rape' on to anything that makes them feel insecure feminists trivialize the horrible crime that is raping another human being.
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Birth Rape
05-05-2012, 01:23 PM
The topic was mentioned/linked to in a blog post that I read, if I spent any amount of time actually reading Jezebel articles I would probably just give up on life.
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Birth Rape
05-05-2012, 01:49 PM
Toilet rape - when you're taking a shit and some toilet water splashes up onto your vagina without your consent.
What a bunch of fucking lunatics. As if OB/GYNs' malpractice insurance wasn't expensive enough already. If I were an actual rape victim I would be absolutely livid about people cheapening the word "rape" by using it to describe things that don't begin to compare to the act of forcibly having sex with someone.
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Birth Rape
05-05-2012, 02:11 PM
Mac Rape - The ketchup splashes over your big Mac, onto your fingers and even covering the top of your nose, while the guy at the counter did not tell you not to squeeze that ketchup bag with both hands.
"Fart, and if you must, fart often. But always fart without apology. Fart for freedom, fart for liberty, and fart proudly" (Ben Franklin)
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Birth Rape
05-05-2012, 02:27 PM
Bacon Rape is my favorite.
This is when you put bacon strips all over your thanksgiving turkey, and then just cook it like normal. You don't have to squirt the stuff on it though. You just cover the whole thing with the strips, and let the bacon do it's job.
Aloha!
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Birth Rape
05-05-2012, 02:35 PM
Vegan Rape - Puree your favorite sausages and meats in a blender with juice and vegetables and serve to any vegetarians/vegan's you're seeing.
Vice-Captain - #TeamWaitAndSee
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Birth Rape
05-05-2012, 02:54 PM
I don't know, when I see stuff likes this it kind of makes me feel good inside that I'm doing something with my life. As opposed to writing articles on Jezebel.
I can't even get angry seeing this stuff anymore, I just feel a little bit of pity for the author. That and getting inside as many (hot, skinny) girls as possible seems virtuous in comparison.
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Birth Rape
05-05-2012, 02:55 PM
Entitlement Rape - I asked some guy a to buy me a drink and he didn't do it. He said something about "why don't I just give you my checkbook." Hairy bearded Middle Eastern-looking bastard.
Non-date Rape - My BMI and age are both over 30, I have 2 kids, and no men who meet my standards (6 feet tall, rich, handsome, alpha, 400 other bullet points) have asked me out in the past week. Except that one tall banker, but he was creepy.
Retroactive Rape - I had amazing consensual sex last night but now I feel bad so it must have been rape (this one is too true).
Metaphysical Relativism Rape - Reality is created by our own individual perceptions. There may not be any objective evidence of it, but I believe I was raped so that makes it true for me.
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Birth Rape
05-05-2012, 05:19 PM
Lol at the entitlement rape ^^. Uncle Roosh rings a bell
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Birth Rape
05-05-2012, 05:41 PM
The Ontological Argument that You Are a Rapist:
Imagine a rape than which no greater rape can be conceived. Such a rape would be even greater if you had actually committed it. I can conceive of this greatest-possible rape, which necessarily has the property that you actually committed it, so it must be actual that you committed it. Ergo you are a rapist. QED bitches.
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Birth Rape
05-05-2012, 05:48 PM
Rapeception
When a rapist doesn't realize they are raping someone by any of the above rapes. In turn this makes them raped because they did not consent to raping.
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Birth Rape
05-05-2012, 08:53 PM
Foreign Poverty Rape. As a U.S. citizen, having consentual sex with a woman outside of the U.S.
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Birth Rape
05-05-2012, 10:47 PM
Paraplegic Rape
When a handicapped man is sound asleep
and a drunken female burglar stumbles into his room,
jumps on his cock cowgirl style and cums cos
"omggggg I've never done a cripple before" <--which she tweets btw.
Then she bails by stealing his electric wheelchair.
Two days later she calls the cops and says
"He raped me because he blinked twice then stopped holding eye contact while I was riding him and his paralyzed torso."
"The whole point of being alpha, is doing what the fuck you want.
That's why you see real life alphas without chicks. He's doing him.
Real alphas don't tend to have game. They don't tend to care about the emotional lives of the people around them."
-WIA
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Birth Rape
05-06-2012, 12:19 AM
I'm going to head over to America, seduce some feminists and then accuse them of rape the next day. Let's see what happens when the tables are turned?
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Birth Rape
05-06-2012, 11:14 AM
The cycle of disrespect can start with just an appetizer.
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Birth Rape
05-07-2012, 03:18 PM
Grim rape
I was dying to be fucked by this guy...
"Fart, and if you must, fart often. But always fart without apology. Fart for freedom, fart for liberty, and fart proudly" (Ben Franklin)
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Birth Rape
05-07-2012, 04:19 PM
This reminds me of back in college where I walked into my friends flat one day and all the girls he lived with were trying to 'help their friend realise that she had in fact been raped' the night before, when she was drunk and had sex in the kitchen with that guy while some friends watched.
Of course, I didn't want to barge in and say 'Are you serious?' Because then I would have been considered a dissenting-verbal-opinion-rapist.
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Birth Rape
05-07-2012, 05:22 PM
OMG nobody will fuck me because I am too fat-rape.
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Birth Rape
05-07-2012, 05:37 PM
He-Dun-Appreciate-My-Curves Rape. Also, men with a tendency to do this have pedo fetishes, because they obviously prefer girls with little boys bodies.
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Birth Rape
05-07-2012, 05:57 PM
Rape Rape
When a man misuses and abuses the term "rape." (It's okay for a woman to trivialize the term, rendering it ever more meaningless.)
Roosh Rape
When I'm banging a girl and she makes a noise that sounds like "oh-roosh-vee" and my boner gets 15-20 percent softer, making the sex less pleasurable for her.
Rape Fantasy Non-Rape Rape
When a girl, during the throes of passion, asks you to pull her hair and "fuck [her] like a slut," but you refuse to, in a mix of fear and white-knighthood ("she doesn't mean it.")
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