[All or Nothing]

Today, I finally got a bid from a fraternity I wanted to join after rushing 3 times. I was texting my buddy who was in the fraternity and he brought up the fact that I was "quiet" was the only negative thing they said about me.

Now, in my moment of reflectiveness/insecurity, I gotta ask, is being quiet something that can truly work against someone? Does lacking something to say every moment really work against you? Honestly, I've always been a quiet reserved person in real life. For a long time as a kid, I was actually afraid to talk because I was worried about saying something stupid.

So for those of you guys out there who have been quiet at some point in your life/are quiet, did/do you find being quiet to be something that worked against you?

[misterstir]

"It is better to remain quiet and be thought stupid, than to speak up and remove all doubt"

All in all being quiet at the right time has saved my butt numerous times.

On the otherhand, as far as gaming goes, the right amount of quiet does wonders, the wrong amount of quiet cost you pussy.

[speakeasy]

(01-31-2012 12:58 AM)All or Nothing Wrote:  

Today, I finally got a bid from a fraternity I wanted to join after rushing 3 times. I was texting my buddy who was in the fraternity and he brought up the fact that I was "quiet" was the only negative thing they said about me.

Now, in my moment of reflectiveness/insecurity, I gotta ask, is being quiet something that can truly work against someone? Does lacking something to say every moment really work against you? Honestly, I've always been a quiet reserved person in real life. For a long time as a kid, I was actually afraid to talk because I was worried about saying something stupid.

So for those of you guys out there who have been quiet at some point in your life/are quiet, did/do you find being quiet to be something that worked against you?

You sound way to introspective to be in a fraternity. If you're quiet, why do you want to be around a bunch of rowdy fratboys? I tend to be quiet if I'm around people I'm not vibing with and just don't have much to say to. I don't like talking just for the sake of talking. I also don't like loud obnoxious fratboy types that like to run their mouths all the time while saying little of any substance. If that your temperament doesn't mesh with a frat, why join it? What does a frat do for you that you can't do for yourself anyway?

[soup]

What matters is doing the appropriate thing. So, if being quiet is going to help you get what you want, then be quiet. If being loud means getting what you want, you have to be loud.

I tend to be soft spoken in general. But when I go to a club, I have to remind myself to speak louder, and lower- from my diaphragm. Avoid sounding nasally. Try to get a deeper, bassier voice tone.

I've found that if I do a shot of 27 chin-ups, it makes my voice lower.. like in my chest instead of my head.

[Enfant_Terrible]

All or nothing, I'm like you. I'm generally a quiet and reserved person around others, love solitude, and reflect often. Is it a bad quality? Not necessarily. Being quiet allows you to step back and think, observe, or reflect, it allows you to listen and learn, and your words/thoughts would likely hold more weight because you've had time to consider them in silence. Plus it's just so damn relaxing not having to spend energy on talking bullshit.

As you can see, with reflection you have identified potential problems if you're too quiet. For example, especially with respect to gaming women, you might come across as boring or too "cerebral" (which scares some women) if your verbal skills lack the ability to ask interesting questions, tell stories/jokes, or give provocative opinions. It's all about calibrating yourself to a given situation. Ask yourself which situations are advantageous to be loud, clear, and assertive and which situations to be silent and to listen, think, or reflect.

Also, if you don't feel comfortable being loud and find situations unnecessary to be loud, your feeling is probably right. Don't be who you're not and enhance/highlight the cool things about you.

Btw, fuck the Greek system. They're an extension of high school clique-y-ness. Anybody should freely associate with anybody, I've known countless guys and girls in college who think they're hot shits who're too good to talk to everybody else just because they joined a club.

Reflect on your reason for joining while you're at it.

[timmy21]

absolutely not, I am very quiet as well, and there's nothing wrong with being introverted, a book you may want to read A Party Of One, you can pick it up on kindle

[ElJefe]

In general or just for this frat?

[Neo]

(01-31-2012 12:58 AM)All or Nothing Wrote:  

Today, I finally got a bid from a fraternity I wanted to join after rushing 3 times. I was texting my buddy who was in the fraternity and he brought up the fact that I was "quiet" was the only negative thing they said about me.

Now, in my moment of reflectiveness/insecurity, I gotta ask, is being quiet something that can truly work against someone? Does lacking something to say every moment really work against you? Honestly, I've always been a quiet reserved person in real life. For a long time as a kid, I was actually afraid to talk because I was worried about saying something stupid.

So for those of you guys out there who have been quiet at some point in your life/are quiet, did/do you find being quiet to be something that worked against you?

I wouldn't change your personality based on what a group of fraternity guys say. In certain cases it's possible. If you walk up to a girl in coffee shop, then run out of gas after a few seconds, yes not having much to say will probably hurt you. When out with girls you need to be able to keep a conversation going, but it's a two way street. A lot of times you sit there listening, I find people who just talk and talk and don't let you get a word in much more annoying than the quiet types.

It can also work for you, because you're a challenge. She wonders what you're thinking and it causes her to feel insecure. For years when out with a girl I wanted to hook up with I did the 'Shut the fuck up test.', After we've been talking for a bit I just stfu and stare into space or at a wall. Is she anxious to resume the conversation? If so she's interested. Don't underestimate the power of silence and creating a vacuum.

[Screwston]

You have 2 ears and 1 mouth. That means you need to listen twice as much as you talk.

I'm naturally a very quiet person. Of course, you have to switch it up if you want pussy. Other than that, ill never be some dumbass who rambles on about nothing 24/7. Learn to be the guy who's watching everything go down and waiting for the right moment to swoop in on your prey. Remember, nobody is expecting for the quiet guy to hop in.

Don't be shy though. Listen to a guy with a diarhea mouth. They remind me of girls who have a bunch of nothing to say.

[mofo]

Being loud is usually better.

[scotian]

Being quiet can be a hindrance in some ways. I know people who are very shy/introverted who even with their advanced education, can't seem to get a good job, this also affects their success with women.

On the other hand, I know several guys who were born with silver tongues and the gift of the gab, some of them are low life uneducated sum bags but invariably have success with women and can even talk themselves into getting good jobs which they are under qualified for!

I think most of us fall in the middle somewhere.

[lurker123123]

theres a difference between being quiet and shy. dont be shy.

and quiet depends on the situation. are you quiet with a really good friend? probably not. same you shouldnt be quiet when you're gaming girls that would make no sense. im quiet around people i have no interest in talking with. i just dont want to put in the effort sometimes

but yes you can be a less talkative type and still game girls 1 on 1. just run solo day game or night game.

[thegmanifesto]

(01-31-2012 12:58 AM)All or Nothing Wrote:  

Today, I finally got a bid from a fraternity I wanted to join after rushing 3 times. I was texting my buddy who was in the fraternity and he brought up the fact that I was "quiet" was the only negative thing they said about me.

Now, in my moment of reflectiveness/insecurity, I gotta ask, is being quiet something that can truly work against someone? Does lacking something to say every moment really work against you? Honestly, I've always been a quiet reserved person in real life. For a long time as a kid, I was actually afraid to talk because I was worried about saying something stupid.

So for those of you guys out there who have been quiet at some point in your life/are quiet, did/do you find being quiet to be something that worked against you?

Quiet from a position of strength = Good

Quiet from a position of weakness = not so good.

Silence is one of the most powerful tools you have.

Use it wisely.

[Vicious]

G pretty much nailed it.

If you want a practical example, check out The Godfather movie.
Compare the laconic Marlon Brando to any contemporary 'gangsta' who can't help run his mouth.
Which one is projecting more power?

[Thorfinnsson]

There are two kinds of quiet.

One is men who are quiet because they are socially awkward. Think dungeons & dragons. This is bad.

Two is men who are quiet because they only speak when they have something to say. Think Don Draper. This is good.

[Duke Castile]

It isn't a "bad" quality, it just isn't always a preferable one when in certain social situations. I don't like to think of that sort of thing as being "good/bad". It's more "profitable/not profitable".

Soup pointed to act with what's "appropriate" and that's close, but as we all know, doing as you wish and acting "appropriate" are not always in accordance with one another.

I think you need to adjust your behavior to what is most efficiently going to get you what you want.

Which is why you're here. Welcome ; )

[Chad Daring]

Quiet is bad, being sparing with your words is good. Knowing the difference is the hard part.

[BortimusPrime]

Just ask more open-ended questions. For some reason nudging everyone else into blathering more somehow lets you get away with not talking much, and still not get branded as an introvert. Use that psychotherapist/pornchatbot program as a guide.

Are you saying no just to be negative?

[All or Nothing]

(01-31-2012 01:57 AM)speakeasy Wrote:  

You sound way to introspective to be in a fraternity. If you're quiet, why do you want to be around a bunch of rowdy fratboys? I tend to be quiet if I'm around people I'm not vibing with and just don't have much to say to. I don't like talking just for the sake of talking. I also don't like loud obnoxious fratboy types that like to run their mouths all the time while saying little of any substance. If that your temperament doesn't mesh with a frat, why join it? What does a frat do for you that you can't do for yourself anyway?

They aren't really that rowdy. Most of them were pretty laid back.

Also, one of the main reasons I wanted to join a fraternity was that I am a Mechanical Engineering major. Being a SEMTE major has made it really hard for me to meet attractive girls, even at the parties I find. Also, I am a bit shy and insecure, I felt that being around a group of guys that are a lot more confident than me would help me break out of my shell.

(01-31-2012 07:48 AM)ElJefe Wrote:  

In general or just for this frat?

Just in general.

(01-31-2012 03:44 PM)thegmanifesto Wrote:  

Quiet from a position of strength = Good

Quiet from a position of weakness = not so good.

Silence is one of the most powerful tools you have.

Use it wisely.

Yeah, this makes a lot of sense.

(01-31-2012 09:03 PM)Chad Daring Wrote:  

Quiet is bad, being sparing with your words is good. Knowing the difference is the hard part.

How do you know the difference, or do you simply find out over time?

Also, thanks for all the replies guys.

[Drudenhaus]

I don't think being quiet is a bad thing at all to be quite honest, in my experience I've noticed a lot of girls approach quiet dudes since they appear as "non-threatening" for them, which is good because you can totally use that to your benefit and fool them.

Moreover, whether you're quite or not isn't really as bad as the lack of intelligence, if you're a smart dude then it's a win situation since you'll know how to handle things, regardless of how loud or quiet you are.

Girls also feel attracted to quiet, reserved guys because they give a mysterious vibe and they want to know more about them.

[Chad Daring]

I would say the difference is:

Being quiet = not saying anything / having nothing to say

Being sparing = saying something, but being succinct about it.

This is a problem I actually have, except opposite, I tend to ramble. I should say less more often. I tend to ramble. I used to be quiet though, people would talk ab out something that I was interested in or had an opinion on, but I'd keep my mouth shut. To them I looked stuck up and/or weird, like I was to good to talk to them and a bit of social hermit.

[Lemmo]

I'm quiet/introverted. That is just the way some people are wired. It isn't good or bad in a moral sense but without a doubt being quiet has done me harm socially and professionally. People are competitive and if they can interpret your silence in a way that makes them superior, they will.

[Chad Daring]

(02-01-2012 06:30 PM)Lemmo Wrote:  

I'm quiet/introverted. That is just the way some people are wired. It isn't good or bad in a moral sense but without a doubt being quiet has done me harm socially and professionally. People are competitive and if they can interpret your silence in a way that makes them superior, they will.

You can unprogram it with time. I was a massive introvert just a couple years ago. I a bit misanthropic (still am I Just smile when I say what I say now) and perfectly fine being alone. I agree it did worlds of hurt for me. Now I'm a loud asshole, everyone cheers and loves me. Its a weird world we live in.

[WanderingSoul]

Fuck the frat anyways. They are going to make you do a bunch of fucked up shit, treat you like a punk, and then you have to pay them money each semester. You are better off with your real friends, not rental friends.

[Cookie]

A good friend of mine played football all through high school and everybody thought he was going to be a huge frat boy when he went to college. I think he went to one quarters worth of their meeting because: "the frat guys were super gay, they all pounded girls from one social circle (their sister sorority) and weren't supposed to branch out, they always had parties and stuff that made going out without the frat impossible, new members had to clean up everything, it was like twice as much as having an apartment for the year.

I'm in college and my advice to you is this (it's also what I do): Invest your frat/room and board money in an apartment, some basic liquor staples, a few paintings and some Ikea furniture. You can have after parties this way, and you don't have to deal with a doucher roommates. Also if you have friends in the frat you can probably still hang out with them and go to their parties (the frats at my college are pretty lenient as long as they like you).