Quote: (08-15-2018 08:01 PM)PixelFree Wrote:
Thanks for the advice everyone. In regards to living situation, I’ve decided to postpone any decisions about it for at least 6 months. I should be clearer then.
Quote: (08-07-2018 08:43 PM)jbkunt2 Wrote:
2. Try the other ex when, and only when, you regain your mojo.
Amen to this. In fact, I met up with a super solid ex-FB of mine. Should have been one of the easiest things to get going again, but then it was all her ‘trying to get back with my ex’. Could be coincidence, but likely due to lack of mojo. I just can’t hide it, and chicks can sense it. Given how things have been going I’m 2-3 months away at least from being able to pull again like I used to.
Quote: (08-15-2018 09:04 AM)Excalibur Wrote:
I am very indecisive just like you. I took the plunge and got married 7 months ago and everyday I still question my decision.
Why don’t you share your fears, the reasons you could not go ahead with the marriage?
Like you I got into the pick up scene, got laid enough. But you don’t learn about the other 80% of women until you get into a committed relationship. You also learn a lot about yourself.
Great post. Very helpful, thanks.
Yes, part of me wonders if I’ll find someone as good a wife/child bearer material as my ex. It’s very easy to worry about this with a negative mindset. Logically though, I was never looking for these women in the past, I was just going for whoever was a 7+ in looks and I could fuck pretty much – and in fact in my many years of gaming came across 2-3 good candidates that I didn’t pursue because I knew they wanted something more serious, were very nice people and I didn’t want to screw them around.
In regards to my fears, the main reason I couldn’t go ahead with the marriage was because I found my LTR to be boring – both too shy/quiet and not interesting enough, conversationally or socially. For example, she rarely suggested anything fun to do, didn’t have many friends (her friends were my friends). At the time I thought she was 'dumb', but realise it was probably me who was dumb, and she was just young (21 -> 25, I was 36 -> 40) and her being in a new country/culture/language.
I also lost sexual interest in her which at the time I took to mean ‘it wasn’t meant to be’, but am now starting to think that’s probably guy-Disney and just part and parcel of LTR’s post 2-3 years (where a more unconditional, companion type love overtakes the lustful/erotic desire). I'm learning from David T's Rock Solid Relationship course that I was probably looking at our relationship too 'transactionally' - i.e. I will provide xyz, she provides a certain level of hotness, etc - rather than just unconditional love (after deciding she's worth going 'all in'), lifting each other up, etc
I just thought there is likely someone better out there for me, someone who is just as cute (or at least an 8/10), just as affectionate/sweet, but more ‘fun’ and interesting but still good wife/mum material.
That’s all I’m aware of consciously. Unsure of what else unconsciously – feeling ‘trapped’, moving around every 2 years as a kid making it difficult to form LTRs (?), general indecision, who knows.
I’d say general indecision / being too critical on myself is playing a big part. I’m the opposite of ‘go with the flow’, I over analyse everything and always try to ‘maximise’ every outcome in life - to the point of it being a negative thing.
Looking back, given that everyone has their downsides what I listed above shouldn’t be deal breakers and her positive qualities really were amazing. Very affectionate, positive, kind, thoughtful, young, hot, stylish, motherly/homemaker type, health conscious, into yoga, etc.
Do you guys relate to the indecision thing? I’m assuming everybody wonders if they could be with someone better, but some are able to either make peace with those thoughts or can see that type of thinking for the charade/trap it is.
Maybe if one is simply more happier with themselves/their life that these thoughts don’t arise at all?
You have to feel like you're "doing well for yourself" to some degree to not feel trapped or tempted to upgrade. That said, a cute foreign girl can skew a guy's perception of his home soil value somewhat. You can't have it all, and by forty you should know which attributes you will and won't compromise on. In Western cultures the hot young outgoing women you describe almost invariably date the top guys from their social circles and incidentally rarely with huge age gaps.
The much younger girl from a culture more accepting of dating older men is the route a lot of guys on this forum prefer but it has its drawbacks. You naturally have to sacrifice in the cultural compatibility category and in turn the conversational fun that you seem to miss (assuming you don't spend thousands of hours to learn her native tongue). It's natural to crave the features that your partner lacks but it shouldn't become a deal breaker if you chose her based on your priorities. I think the key factor is that in addition to attraction there is an underlying degree of respect that will stay intact as she loses her hotness. A lot of guys have trouble respecting a woman who has ridden the carousel for a decade and is now looking to settle down out of desperation.