I've been lurking off and on for a couple of years, and have read a ton of the threads here. Most recently I was inspired by how you all helped TheWhiteWolf, and TravelerKai's comments about needing someone to talk to resonated with me in particular. I've started posting in the Approach and Player's Lounge threads and gotten some good feedback, but often feel like too much of a newb to be legitimately useful in those threads so I'm starting my own.
I'm 41 (people usually guess I'm mid-30's), divorced 5 years with two young boys 50% time. Since the divorce I was in a 3 year LTR that ended last fall. She is damaged (all her life, not because of me) and I wasted so much time trying to make a ho a housewife, she even lived with me and my kids for almost a year. I've been a serial monogamist my whole life, and have only been really dating multiple women at the same time for the past few months.
I found my way here by reading No More Mr. Nice Guy shortly after my divorce, that lead to Red Pill and Manosphere blogs, reddit, and forums. I've read Bang and Day Bang.
I lift 2-3 days a week, climb at the gym, mountain bike and hike. I'm bigger and stronger than I've ever been in my life and am getting stronger. I read regularly, fiction and non-fiction. I dress better than I ever have, and am more outgoing and social. I have no problem initiating conversations with random strangers, but am not good at escalating with attractive women and converting.
I don't have problems getting with women, unfortunately they are fairly mediocre. Since my LTR I've increased my notch count by 8, have been having sex with more than one woman most weeks for the past couple months, and once had sex with 4 different women in 5 days. It was fun, but not very rewarding. Of the 8 there is only one that I have any real interest in, she's 30 and attractive to me but acts younger and is kind of flaky and doesn't have her life together very well; we have chemistry but aren't very compatible. I don't have oneitus over her but do have some attachment, but we seem to be drifting apart since I don't give her as much of my attention as she wants or exclusivity. The most stable and responsible woman of the bunch quickly got pretty boring to me. Like OGNorCal707 has been talking about recently, I find that I tend to attract and be attracted to damaged women, they excite me and I want to help them become "the happy health women they want to be" (which of course they never do), I'm working on letting go of that compulsion.
I have few male friends locally, really only 1 that I hang out with consistently and a couple more occasionally. The one main friend is a nice, fun guy but isn't redpill or good at game, we chat with girls at the bars but don't have a plan or skills. I have some better friends that live around the country but only talk with them occasionally and only one is redpill with any game, fortunately he and I talk a lot. I am usually the one to initiate hanging out with friends and acquaintances, people rarely seem to call me up or invite me out.
Here's some of the specific things on my mind lately:
* I have no doubts that game works. I am having some struggles with what I want for myself. I enjoy deep connections with women, in particular the sex is better than when I'm pounding some mediocre piece of meat. And I would eventually like to have a quality woman that wants to be a part of my life, including spending time with my kids. Unfortunately I definitely crave attention and validation, at least to some degree, so I'm often seeking new women.
* I have difficulty tolerating what I perceive as a lack of personal responsibility in people. Yes, I shouldn't let people disrespect me, but I sometimes take it personally when people don't behave the way I think they should. This has damaged friendships and relationships.
* Related to the point above, because I shut people out when they don't meet my expectations, I often end up alone and feel like my only choice not to be alone is to tolerate damaged or mediocre people.
* I want to get better at clearly communicating my intentions to attractive women.
* I don't feel like I have a mission in life. Being the best dad I can be to my kids is extremely important to me, but I'm not very happy with my job and don't have hobbies that I'm highly skilled at. I've always been the jack-of-all-trades master-of-none type, a quick learner fast to get decent at something but not putting in the time and effort to excel.
* I want to be a positive masculine roll model for my boys.
* I think people aren't always direct and honest with me, especially about my shortcomings. I like the way you guys rib on each other and really dig to get at the deep issues. I want friends that I can do that with.
I do think I'm generally on the right track with improving my life, it's just very slow going without a mentor or more friends. I live in Northern Colorado, I've PM'ed one local forum member asking to be included at some point if there's a meetup. I welcome thoughts, feedback, PM's, whatever.
I'm 41 (people usually guess I'm mid-30's), divorced 5 years with two young boys 50% time. Since the divorce I was in a 3 year LTR that ended last fall. She is damaged (all her life, not because of me) and I wasted so much time trying to make a ho a housewife, she even lived with me and my kids for almost a year. I've been a serial monogamist my whole life, and have only been really dating multiple women at the same time for the past few months.
I found my way here by reading No More Mr. Nice Guy shortly after my divorce, that lead to Red Pill and Manosphere blogs, reddit, and forums. I've read Bang and Day Bang.
I lift 2-3 days a week, climb at the gym, mountain bike and hike. I'm bigger and stronger than I've ever been in my life and am getting stronger. I read regularly, fiction and non-fiction. I dress better than I ever have, and am more outgoing and social. I have no problem initiating conversations with random strangers, but am not good at escalating with attractive women and converting.
I don't have problems getting with women, unfortunately they are fairly mediocre. Since my LTR I've increased my notch count by 8, have been having sex with more than one woman most weeks for the past couple months, and once had sex with 4 different women in 5 days. It was fun, but not very rewarding. Of the 8 there is only one that I have any real interest in, she's 30 and attractive to me but acts younger and is kind of flaky and doesn't have her life together very well; we have chemistry but aren't very compatible. I don't have oneitus over her but do have some attachment, but we seem to be drifting apart since I don't give her as much of my attention as she wants or exclusivity. The most stable and responsible woman of the bunch quickly got pretty boring to me. Like OGNorCal707 has been talking about recently, I find that I tend to attract and be attracted to damaged women, they excite me and I want to help them become "the happy health women they want to be" (which of course they never do), I'm working on letting go of that compulsion.
I have few male friends locally, really only 1 that I hang out with consistently and a couple more occasionally. The one main friend is a nice, fun guy but isn't redpill or good at game, we chat with girls at the bars but don't have a plan or skills. I have some better friends that live around the country but only talk with them occasionally and only one is redpill with any game, fortunately he and I talk a lot. I am usually the one to initiate hanging out with friends and acquaintances, people rarely seem to call me up or invite me out.
Here's some of the specific things on my mind lately:
* I have no doubts that game works. I am having some struggles with what I want for myself. I enjoy deep connections with women, in particular the sex is better than when I'm pounding some mediocre piece of meat. And I would eventually like to have a quality woman that wants to be a part of my life, including spending time with my kids. Unfortunately I definitely crave attention and validation, at least to some degree, so I'm often seeking new women.
* I have difficulty tolerating what I perceive as a lack of personal responsibility in people. Yes, I shouldn't let people disrespect me, but I sometimes take it personally when people don't behave the way I think they should. This has damaged friendships and relationships.
* Related to the point above, because I shut people out when they don't meet my expectations, I often end up alone and feel like my only choice not to be alone is to tolerate damaged or mediocre people.
* I want to get better at clearly communicating my intentions to attractive women.
* I don't feel like I have a mission in life. Being the best dad I can be to my kids is extremely important to me, but I'm not very happy with my job and don't have hobbies that I'm highly skilled at. I've always been the jack-of-all-trades master-of-none type, a quick learner fast to get decent at something but not putting in the time and effort to excel.
* I want to be a positive masculine roll model for my boys.
* I think people aren't always direct and honest with me, especially about my shortcomings. I like the way you guys rib on each other and really dig to get at the deep issues. I want friends that I can do that with.
I do think I'm generally on the right track with improving my life, it's just very slow going without a mentor or more friends. I live in Northern Colorado, I've PM'ed one local forum member asking to be included at some point if there's a meetup. I welcome thoughts, feedback, PM's, whatever.