Quote: (09-12-2015 12:44 PM)The Lizard of Oz Wrote:
Quote: (09-11-2015 09:44 PM)TomArrow Wrote:
It does sound hard, the forgiving part. And somehow too simple.
Quote: (09-12-2015 07:07 AM)TomArrow Wrote:
That is very true, i can relate to that. Nonetheless, I think it is something of a distraction from confronting stuff.
Tom,
The sentences I bolded above are a result of a fundamental misunderstanding -- one that you share with many, perhaps most, people that find themselves in your situation. Please hear me out, this is important.
The misunderstanding comes from the idea that psychological problems have deep, hidden roots. Therefore, to solve them you have to dig deeply to uncover these roots. Any solution that does not involve some sort of deep introspection, some rummaging in the attic of your soul, so to speak, is therefore necessarily "too simple". And anyone who tells you to look outside, to change -- mechanically, as it were -- how you act, is providing a mere "distraction" from "confronting" the deep roots of your psychological problems.
This is a very natural and intuitively appealing idea, and it explains the enormous worldwide influence of Freudian psychoanalysis, and related schools of thought. Interestingly, it is also completely false.
...
Again: please go through Dusty's REBT thread (ideally while reading Ellis' book), identify the irrational or self-defeating habits of thought that create your psychological problems, and work to remove them. And over time, let yourself become less and less interested in your self, your feelings, your difficulties, even your triumphs; and more and more interested in everything outside of that self. That is the way to a better, more enjoyable, and more inspired life; please take it.
Damn, Lizard. Thanks a hell for taking the time and writing this down for me. I appreciate it.
I am not sure whether to believe that. My life experience hints at a combination of both. One thing that often and even now helped me, for instance, is confronting people from my past. To demistify them. But it is something to be done in the present, very indeed.
Then again, somehow I ended up asking for advice here. I will take a deep look at the thread you suggested.