" I just kept up a mask of laughing her shit off, but afterwards I realized that that is not what I had wanted to say, which would have been a simple: Fuck you".
Should have been nothing. If it's over, don't even make the call.
"That I have no right (whatever that means) of imposing my sexuality on the fair sex, that I have to accept my place among the unworthy and ugly scum of this world.
I know, it is overly dramatic. But being alone with those thoughts drives me crazy. Hope you do not mind if I share. Has any of you guys had experience with toxic shame and some experience dealing with this?"
Many have. You improve yourself till you're no longer "the unworthy ugly scum of the world" and people are looking up to you instead of down on you. And if you don't put in the work, you didn't deserve it anyway. Step 1 - start hitting the gym or doing something else positive with yourself. This will improve your mood too.
Should have been nothing. If it's over, don't even make the call.
"That I have no right (whatever that means) of imposing my sexuality on the fair sex, that I have to accept my place among the unworthy and ugly scum of this world.
I know, it is overly dramatic. But being alone with those thoughts drives me crazy. Hope you do not mind if I share. Has any of you guys had experience with toxic shame and some experience dealing with this?"
Many have. You improve yourself till you're no longer "the unworthy ugly scum of the world" and people are looking up to you instead of down on you. And if you don't put in the work, you didn't deserve it anyway. Step 1 - start hitting the gym or doing something else positive with yourself. This will improve your mood too.