Quote: (08-22-2015 08:55 PM)kaotic Wrote:
Quote: (08-22-2015 07:35 PM)BetaNoMore Wrote:
In the future, how do you suggest that I better set the frame so that I don't get burned in a similar situation. Earlier, papaya mentioned that he doesn't look for relationships early on and if it happens, it happens. From reading Rollo's book, he also talks about not being the one to mention a relationship first and let her earn it and bring it up.
If you want a relationship, don't bring it up, let her bring up the "what are we talk", then you'll know she's really invested in you already. Then you lay the ground rules.
You had the power dynamic in your favor when she was asking what you guys were. You failed there.
You want a chick that is invested in you, if she brings it up pretty early then you know she's committed.
You CAN'T be mad at a girl for fucking other guys before the talk.
You can lay the ground rule that you don't fuck girls who are fucking other guys, that does NOT mean you're having the "what are we talk"
If she doesn't bring up the talk, then she knows it's just a fuck buddy situation (which never lasts).
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So what happened with this girl, I honestly didn't think it'd be more than a hook up/quick rebound attempt. Given that we don't know if someone is relationship material or not early on or if you like them enough, how do you go about banging them but set it up so that you don't give them an opening for you to get burned. Come to think of it, it's almost like I'm wanting my cake and eating it too: The default is I don't know from the beginning if most girls I'm getting with are LTR material, I don't want to seem desperate by pushing an LTR frame too early (and because I honestly wasn't thinking about LTR so early on) but yet I don't want them to burn me like I was burned this time around...
edit: The TLDR version is what could I have done to prevent me from being burned in this situation.
You are wanting your cake and eating it.
If I know a girl isn't LTR material from the get go I don't bring it up, I fuck her, always wrap up, keep things light and fun. They'll do one of 2 things - ghost on you and hop on the next dick OR she call you out on your guys situation.
I had countless girls ghost and a few called me or I knew they were catching feelings and let them go.
You have to play the field with an open mind, trying to see if every single girl you meet is LTR material is obsessive and bad for you mental health.
Just go on dates with girls and see where it goes from there man.
You might want an LTR with a girl but SHE doesn't want one with you. That scenario can happen.
You need to assume any girl you meet might be sleeping around. Girls are very low key about that shit.
You really need to get the LTR thing out of your head at this moment, otherwise you'll just be a dude swinging from tree to tree of female dependency.
I have a good friend who always needs to have a GF I can't stand it because then his frame becomes weak and his balls are lacking.
Well then I really care can't be pissed that she fucked that dude because we never had the talk. The only legit beef I had was her lying about it. But that said, I don't want a girl who can fuck two dicks at the same time anyways.
I'm liking the groundwork of not fucking other guys if we're fucking. They'll probably lie about it anyways but at least it gives me a better opportunity to screen out people.
And honestly, I wasn't looking for a relationship while going on that tinder thing. Was just looking to get my dick wet, help get over the broken previous relationship and gain more experience.
Thanks again for the reply.