[Samseau]

(02-28-2012 09:22 PM)gds555 Wrote:  

Samseau, I have to disagree with your opinion that the article "is just so horribly written I could barely read it". I thought the writing was fine: coherent, witty, well-organized, well-balanced, and reasonably concise.

I get the feeling you take the general attitude that formal writing style is "good" and informal writing style is "bad". That's the kind of view people took a hundred years ago and earlier, but it's out of touch with the modern world. I'd suggest reading the article again and trying to appreciate it for what it is, rather than condemning it just because it doesn't read like an essay by Samuel Johnson or Henry James.

Did you read the part of my post where I said my ability to skim through shit writing was excellent because of the years I spent being "educated"?

This means I spent years of reading bad writing from professors and other academics, so I developed an ability to skim through crap. Like this blog post.


But since you want satisfaction, and I'm procrastinating from meaningful work right now, let's pick apart this post:

The 1st paragraph:

Quote:

“Nice Guys” love to complain about the fact that girls never like them. “Blah blah blah, woe is me, I treat her flawlessly, but she still likes that asshole.” We’re inclined to feel bad for them. They really are so sweet, and they say the right things, and they are always there for us. They are the ones who help us carry things, shovel our cars out of the snow, and bring us soup when we are sick. They plan out the perfect dates, they buy us the best and most thoughtful gifts, and they aren’t afraid to tell us how they really feel. They seem to do everything right…but we still don’t want them. It seems stupid. Is something wrong with us? No, absolutely not. There is a reason, and I hope, after having put it in these terms for them, nice guys will finally understand the error of their ways.

First of all, we automatically know this paragraph sucks because we could delete the entire thing, and the central message of the blog post would be the same.

Next, the first three sentences all lack identification of the nouns. I'm not retarded, so I know that she's a girl talking about nice guys, but if I didn't have my cultural context I'd have no fucking clue who or what she's talking about.

Quote:

They really are so sweet, and they say the right things, and they are always there for us. They are the ones who help us carry things, shovel our cars out of the snow, and bring us soup when we are sick. They plan out the perfect dates, they buy us the best and most thoughtful gifts, and they aren’t afraid to tell us how they really feel.

Redundant. You call this concise? This is diarrhea. Not to mention - she's just listing cliches. That's another negative point.

Quote:

They seem to do everything right…but we still don’t want them. It seems stupid.

What seems stupid? The fact that girls don't like nice guys? Again, there's no way to infer this without understanding the cultural context. Terrible writing.

Quote:

Is something wrong with us? No, absolutely not. There is a reason, and I hope, after having put it in these terms for them, nice guys will finally understand the error of their ways.

The question of whether or not there is something wrong with women is beside the point. No need to mention it at all.


Let's rewrite the first paragraph:

Quote:

How come guys who give women their respect and affection receive so little in return from women? As a woman, let me tell you an easy analogy to show where nice guys err with women.

See? Now this is clear and concise, and this tells the reader everything about the rest of the blog post. I won't go through the rest of the blog entry, I think my point is clear.