[boywonder34]

(04-02-2017 10:48 PM)Turnus Wrote:  

You were talking to the same girl for 2-3 hours? Was she the only girl in the bar? After 10-15 minutes (probably not even that long) you should have decided your plan for the night and executed it. Too much of at time investment for no return.

Yea lesson learned. I have a scarcity mentality - I thought "ok, this girl is friendly and is talking, I better stay". My friend actually said to me as I was about to leave that I should talk to other girls. He's absolutely right, but I also thought, well easy for you to say since you can't approach.

(04-03-2017 05:12 AM)Captain Gh Wrote:  

Judging by your post, you bring wayyy to much rationality to Gaming my man! You probably have an extremely rational job.. but when you ain't working you

gotta learn how to turn that off since... it won't help you to smash in the field. Your friend is a young upbeat kinda guy... and that's why he's having success. Learn how to be similar to him, while being yourself.

You are correct - I work in STEM and have been told that I'm way too logical whereas women run on emotions.

(04-03-2017 08:49 AM)Vill@in Wrote:  

However in your story it sounds like you just assumed she would pick your friend over you. But you also make it sound like you both were boring her...if YOU noticed this, this was your opportunity to stand out and take command. Do/say something to stand out and take her interest.
...
Work on your confidence and take control of the conversation. Use this experience as a learning lesson and improve on it.

I do suffer from very poor self esteem, self image and confidence. I don't think women could find me attractive and that is why I assumed she would pick my friend over me - despite the fact she didn't seem to be showing any real iois for either of us until perhaps a bit later. For anyone reading, this is an example of how beliefs create your reality, and my own limiting beliefs forged my reality that night, but I'm sure everyone on this forum is well aware of this and have used it to their advantage!

I got MikeCF's Gorilla Mindset and read it several months ago, but I obviously haven't been putting it into practice otherwise I'd be better now. I'll read it again after my current book.

I'm just at a loss on how to improve my self confidence - I have successes in other areas of my life, I recently passed a martial arts grading, but I didn't really feel that boosted me, despite having to work for it.

This thread here
thread-37819.html
captures it perfectly, that no matter how great your life is going, I can never really seem to shake the feeling that my lack of success with women is tainting other parts of my life that should otherwise bring me joy.

I'm not really enjoying life at the moment because of this treadmill of self improvement (where the pace increases with every year as it is basically an arms race). Life is supposedly about the journey, not the destination, but I feel like I've been in a state of striving and never arriving for too long.

(04-03-2017 05:45 PM)wi30 Wrote:  

Did your friend get the bang?

(04-03-2017 08:19 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

never mind the over analysis, did your mate get the bang?

He told me no.

(04-03-2017 09:34 PM)cascadecombo Wrote:  

Rats right, it's ultimately up to the girl to decide who she wants to go home with. If she wanted you she wouldn't have cared about a 39 minute cab ride.

You're right. Its not as if she would instantly be down for sex upon hearing his place was 5 mins away, conversely if she liked me, the distance to my place wouldn't have an affect.

Additional insights from the replies:
-No need to stay talking to the same girl the whole night.
-Get out of my head - just because something shit happens for 5 minutes doesn't mean I need to write off the whole night emotionally, or check out. If someone handed me $86,400, but I lost $300 due to my own stupidity, I wouldn't then burn the rest of the money. There are 86,400 seconds in a day.
-Sometimes other people can wrong you as well, even friends. Whenever I make mistakes, even the smallest or inconsequential, I feel like I get called out on it, all out of proportion to the actual mistake. However I never do the same to others, (berate them or belittle them) when I see them making mistakes because I'm not a cunty douche. It felt nice writing that out.

Thanks for your wisdom, now it is just a case of remembering it and keeping it in my mind.