Hey people, long time lurker, recently registered on RVF, this is my SECOND post. I'm going to be 38 in two months and I'm a long-time Leykis listener, but many things happened in my life that prevented me from dipping my toes in the world of dating/gaming/fucking women for a long time. The basic concept of not being beta has been with me since my early 20s because of Leykis, but there's always something missing without the rest. In other words, just listening to Leykis on and off for about a decade from 2002-'12 wasn't enough for me to not actually BE beta. I knew what I was; I just didn't know how to avoid being it.
I went through a really long angry phase that I've worked passed and my life is mostly in order. I have a lot of things working in my favor and I'm more fortunate than most. Without going into a lot of detail, I might not have the highest paying job in the world, but I'm financially secure beyond my wildest dreams. I live in a luxury apartment 0.3 miles from work and I walk to my office every day, even in bad weather. There are hugely popular bars within two blocks of my place where sluts of all ages (but mostly 20s) routinely wear little clothing (even in really cold weather) and get drunk. I have to learn how to better capitalize on the bar game.
I've read lots of opinions on the internet and watched lots of youtube videos. I've read Men On Strike by Helen Smith and Women's Infidelity by Michelle Langley, as well as lurking RVF periodically for over a year. I've also been watching Corey Wayne videos lately, and I think they're mostly good, but I can't quite put my finger on what's missing. Both Leykis and Corey Wayne offer great starting points, but I don't feel like either of them offers a complete roadmap to an abundance of pussy. Maybe Corey Wayne just drags out his stories too much and it gets boring for me. I've also listened to a handful of Paul Elam videos, including his debate with Roosh that's on youtube.
Additionally, about a year ago, I joined a meetup group dedicated to discussing No More Mister Nice Guy by Robert Glover, and some of the perspectives I've gotten from other guys in that group are interesting. I'm not trying to take any position about any of the conflicting philosophies of all the people I've just mentioned, but I'm simply pointing out that I have a rather well-rounded exposure to and understanding of lots of different redpill (or redpill-esque) perspectives, and I think each one has a little something good to offer.
Anyway, I'm not really sure what I want out of life, long term. I'm single, never married, no kids, got the snip when I was 30 (greatest decision I ever made, should have done it sooner, but now I'm getting to a point where I don't feel like I've put my sterilized status to good use and taken full advantage of it), and I grew up in an environment in which I never witnessed any affection whatsoever between my parents. The way sex was dealt with in my household growing up was rather weird. My father was lackadaisical and nonchalant, often joking around and making references to getting girls with big tits to ride next to him on a roller coaster so he could watch them bounce (and maybe cop an "inadvertent" feel), and he made little to no effort to hide his huge porn stash. Still, we never had "the conversation." I don't know which one of us was more uncomfortable about it, but suffice to say, it never happened, and that's another factor that messed with my head for a number of years.
My mother on the other hand was much more uptight about sex, or at least about shielding me from it when I was really young, probably in some horribly misguided attempt to help me maintain my "childhood innocence." One time when I was about four years old, I was with my parents and grandparents walking through JC Penney and I started running around looking up the dresses of mannequins, and everyone except my father went nuts, shaming me and making me feel like my simple curiosity about human anatomy was somehow wrong and something I should feel guilty about. They should have been commending me for knowing, even at that young age, not to run up to real random women and start "grabbing them by the pussy."
They should have recognized that by only attacking mannequins, I was demonstrating a reasonably decent understanding of what is or isn't appropriate. Instead of an age-appropriate lesson in response to my normal, natural, healthy curiosity, I was treated to overhearing the condemnation of my parents coming from my grandparents about how I was going to grow up to be a "pervert" and that it was my parents' responsibility to "fix" me. That and a lot of other similar shit that happened throughout my childhood really fucked me up for a long time.
I ended up repressing my sexual desire for decades, well into my 20s and early 30s. I never told my father I got snipped before he died, and my mother still doesn't know, but she is absolutely clear on my stance against having children and doesn't expect grandchildren. I really don't know what she thinks at this point - maybe she thinks I'm gay or asexual or some version of MGTOW (not that she's familiar with the actual term MGTOW). I rarely talk about sex with her now, and when I do, it's usually in the context of talking about friends of mine who are getting married or having difficulty with their LTRs or whatever - never really does the topic swing around to me or my pursuit of women. I guess I'm still ashamed of my own sex drive when talking TO HER, but not really to anyone else anymore. I suppose it's good that she now lives 2500 miles away.
Ideally, I would like to ultimately end up in a LTR, but there are so many factors working against that, plus I'm not done with being a total manslut. I've missed way more opportunities of women throwing themselves at me or at least giving me a clear green light than I care to admit. Psychologically, I think this all is rooted in my childhood, and I'm not sure I'm 100% over all those issues, but I do know that I want to make up for all those missed chances. I've worked really hard trying to figure myself out over the past few years, and I'm in the best mental place I've been in for as long as I can remember, maybe the best of my entire life.
But I'm not getting much pussy and that's a problem. It's now time for me to turn to RVF for help. The last girl I banged was the aggressor. That was back in October. I tend to friendzone myself, or at least I used to. The reason I got that bang had more to do with her nymphomania than any strategy I applied to her. I met her at a group meetup on a Saturday night and we agreed to get together to see a movie Sunday night. On the escalator up to the theater, she stuck her tongue down my throat. I didn't have to escalate or strategize or do much of anything really. It was something that happened "TO ME." It was not something that I MADE HAPPEN. I have to get better at making things happen and getting notches for myself.
Two hours of making out and a movie theater blow job later, we went back to my place and fucked. I banged her again two nights later, but then she went a little crazy because she was remarkably insecure and somehow, even at the age of 40, didn't seem to understand that two bangs within half a week of meeting somehow doesn't equate to me wanting to be in a LTR with her. I cut strings that Thursday and haven't talked to her since. She was going to be way too much trouble, especially with her two teenage kids.
But now I'm in a long dry spell and although I continue going to meetups and interacting with lots of people and having an overall good time whenever I'm out, it hasn't translated to dates or bangs or really much of anything.
I'm not on facebook for privacy reasons and I hate all the online dating sites, probably because I suck at using them and I never seem to get good results. I'm not good at cold approaches most of the time, although I have my moments. I don't experience what I would call AA, since there's really no anxiety to speak of, but I often get tongue-tied and I'm just plain clueless about how to open. I don't get nervous; my mind just goes blank. Much more often than not, I say nothing and let the opportunity fade away. I know this has to change. Once in a while I think of something good to open with, and sometimes I get the number. But the next problem is that once I get the number I don't have a long track record of effectively following up.
Sorry for the long length of this intro post and sorry if I rambled at any point. I'm not really sure what my best next steps are going to be, and although I feel like I'm definitely on the right track, I seem to have stalled out, and the goal of mastering the art of spinning plates with ease still feels so far away. After completely cutting ties 11 months ago with a woman I was emotionally invested in on and off for nearly 10 years (but only banged once) and after reading the Michelle Langley book, I'm really jaded about LTRs, and I think it's women's nature to be promiscuous, so I want the next best thing, which is a steady flow of pussy in and out of my bed. A lot of the anger I referenced earlier revolved around my bitterness at my not being in a position to lock a woman down; once I realized the problem is not me, but them, I let go of all that shit. Now I just want to fuck and enjoy my dick and my apartment and my money and all the good things I have going for me in life.
I went through a really long angry phase that I've worked passed and my life is mostly in order. I have a lot of things working in my favor and I'm more fortunate than most. Without going into a lot of detail, I might not have the highest paying job in the world, but I'm financially secure beyond my wildest dreams. I live in a luxury apartment 0.3 miles from work and I walk to my office every day, even in bad weather. There are hugely popular bars within two blocks of my place where sluts of all ages (but mostly 20s) routinely wear little clothing (even in really cold weather) and get drunk. I have to learn how to better capitalize on the bar game.
I've read lots of opinions on the internet and watched lots of youtube videos. I've read Men On Strike by Helen Smith and Women's Infidelity by Michelle Langley, as well as lurking RVF periodically for over a year. I've also been watching Corey Wayne videos lately, and I think they're mostly good, but I can't quite put my finger on what's missing. Both Leykis and Corey Wayne offer great starting points, but I don't feel like either of them offers a complete roadmap to an abundance of pussy. Maybe Corey Wayne just drags out his stories too much and it gets boring for me. I've also listened to a handful of Paul Elam videos, including his debate with Roosh that's on youtube.
Additionally, about a year ago, I joined a meetup group dedicated to discussing No More Mister Nice Guy by Robert Glover, and some of the perspectives I've gotten from other guys in that group are interesting. I'm not trying to take any position about any of the conflicting philosophies of all the people I've just mentioned, but I'm simply pointing out that I have a rather well-rounded exposure to and understanding of lots of different redpill (or redpill-esque) perspectives, and I think each one has a little something good to offer.
Anyway, I'm not really sure what I want out of life, long term. I'm single, never married, no kids, got the snip when I was 30 (greatest decision I ever made, should have done it sooner, but now I'm getting to a point where I don't feel like I've put my sterilized status to good use and taken full advantage of it), and I grew up in an environment in which I never witnessed any affection whatsoever between my parents. The way sex was dealt with in my household growing up was rather weird. My father was lackadaisical and nonchalant, often joking around and making references to getting girls with big tits to ride next to him on a roller coaster so he could watch them bounce (and maybe cop an "inadvertent" feel), and he made little to no effort to hide his huge porn stash. Still, we never had "the conversation." I don't know which one of us was more uncomfortable about it, but suffice to say, it never happened, and that's another factor that messed with my head for a number of years.
My mother on the other hand was much more uptight about sex, or at least about shielding me from it when I was really young, probably in some horribly misguided attempt to help me maintain my "childhood innocence." One time when I was about four years old, I was with my parents and grandparents walking through JC Penney and I started running around looking up the dresses of mannequins, and everyone except my father went nuts, shaming me and making me feel like my simple curiosity about human anatomy was somehow wrong and something I should feel guilty about. They should have been commending me for knowing, even at that young age, not to run up to real random women and start "grabbing them by the pussy."
They should have recognized that by only attacking mannequins, I was demonstrating a reasonably decent understanding of what is or isn't appropriate. Instead of an age-appropriate lesson in response to my normal, natural, healthy curiosity, I was treated to overhearing the condemnation of my parents coming from my grandparents about how I was going to grow up to be a "pervert" and that it was my parents' responsibility to "fix" me. That and a lot of other similar shit that happened throughout my childhood really fucked me up for a long time.
I ended up repressing my sexual desire for decades, well into my 20s and early 30s. I never told my father I got snipped before he died, and my mother still doesn't know, but she is absolutely clear on my stance against having children and doesn't expect grandchildren. I really don't know what she thinks at this point - maybe she thinks I'm gay or asexual or some version of MGTOW (not that she's familiar with the actual term MGTOW). I rarely talk about sex with her now, and when I do, it's usually in the context of talking about friends of mine who are getting married or having difficulty with their LTRs or whatever - never really does the topic swing around to me or my pursuit of women. I guess I'm still ashamed of my own sex drive when talking TO HER, but not really to anyone else anymore. I suppose it's good that she now lives 2500 miles away.
Ideally, I would like to ultimately end up in a LTR, but there are so many factors working against that, plus I'm not done with being a total manslut. I've missed way more opportunities of women throwing themselves at me or at least giving me a clear green light than I care to admit. Psychologically, I think this all is rooted in my childhood, and I'm not sure I'm 100% over all those issues, but I do know that I want to make up for all those missed chances. I've worked really hard trying to figure myself out over the past few years, and I'm in the best mental place I've been in for as long as I can remember, maybe the best of my entire life.
But I'm not getting much pussy and that's a problem. It's now time for me to turn to RVF for help. The last girl I banged was the aggressor. That was back in October. I tend to friendzone myself, or at least I used to. The reason I got that bang had more to do with her nymphomania than any strategy I applied to her. I met her at a group meetup on a Saturday night and we agreed to get together to see a movie Sunday night. On the escalator up to the theater, she stuck her tongue down my throat. I didn't have to escalate or strategize or do much of anything really. It was something that happened "TO ME." It was not something that I MADE HAPPEN. I have to get better at making things happen and getting notches for myself.
Two hours of making out and a movie theater blow job later, we went back to my place and fucked. I banged her again two nights later, but then she went a little crazy because she was remarkably insecure and somehow, even at the age of 40, didn't seem to understand that two bangs within half a week of meeting somehow doesn't equate to me wanting to be in a LTR with her. I cut strings that Thursday and haven't talked to her since. She was going to be way too much trouble, especially with her two teenage kids.
But now I'm in a long dry spell and although I continue going to meetups and interacting with lots of people and having an overall good time whenever I'm out, it hasn't translated to dates or bangs or really much of anything.
I'm not on facebook for privacy reasons and I hate all the online dating sites, probably because I suck at using them and I never seem to get good results. I'm not good at cold approaches most of the time, although I have my moments. I don't experience what I would call AA, since there's really no anxiety to speak of, but I often get tongue-tied and I'm just plain clueless about how to open. I don't get nervous; my mind just goes blank. Much more often than not, I say nothing and let the opportunity fade away. I know this has to change. Once in a while I think of something good to open with, and sometimes I get the number. But the next problem is that once I get the number I don't have a long track record of effectively following up.
Sorry for the long length of this intro post and sorry if I rambled at any point. I'm not really sure what my best next steps are going to be, and although I feel like I'm definitely on the right track, I seem to have stalled out, and the goal of mastering the art of spinning plates with ease still feels so far away. After completely cutting ties 11 months ago with a woman I was emotionally invested in on and off for nearly 10 years (but only banged once) and after reading the Michelle Langley book, I'm really jaded about LTRs, and I think it's women's nature to be promiscuous, so I want the next best thing, which is a steady flow of pussy in and out of my bed. A lot of the anger I referenced earlier revolved around my bitterness at my not being in a position to lock a woman down; once I realized the problem is not me, but them, I let go of all that shit. Now I just want to fuck and enjoy my dick and my apartment and my money and all the good things I have going for me in life.