Hey, an update.
I went to my psychologist about this. He said I was making myself unnecessarily miserable and suffer more than I have to when I think this way- that basically my mindset was an "in between" mindset. When I feel unfulfilled, anything I would do I'd feel bad because I wasn't working. Yet when I had to do the groundwork to actually find a job in the first place, I just found it too difficult to actually do. This went on for close to a year where I would go back and forth between trying to find work and not. I even discussed this thread, that I talked to people online about finding work.
He suggested that I "make peace", at least temporarily, with the fact that I would be unemployed for now and not to be focused on work until I was in a better place. His reasoning was that he had many other clients who were unemployed and they were able to lead perfectly fulfilling lives. So he told me I shouldn't think about finding work for now and focus more on the rest of my life and get back the feeling that gives me meaning and purpose in life.
At first I was very hesitant to accept this because it really felt like I was a failure. And the RVF/self improvement mindset that you have to work your way to a better life. I had a bit of a breakdown and was crying for about an hour. But I figured he was probably right on this. I could look for work any time I want. I just have to work on myself first. It sort of lifted a weight off my shoulders, relieved my stress, and gave me closure.
I went to my psychologist about this. He said I was making myself unnecessarily miserable and suffer more than I have to when I think this way- that basically my mindset was an "in between" mindset. When I feel unfulfilled, anything I would do I'd feel bad because I wasn't working. Yet when I had to do the groundwork to actually find a job in the first place, I just found it too difficult to actually do. This went on for close to a year where I would go back and forth between trying to find work and not. I even discussed this thread, that I talked to people online about finding work.
He suggested that I "make peace", at least temporarily, with the fact that I would be unemployed for now and not to be focused on work until I was in a better place. His reasoning was that he had many other clients who were unemployed and they were able to lead perfectly fulfilling lives. So he told me I shouldn't think about finding work for now and focus more on the rest of my life and get back the feeling that gives me meaning and purpose in life.
At first I was very hesitant to accept this because it really felt like I was a failure. And the RVF/self improvement mindset that you have to work your way to a better life. I had a bit of a breakdown and was crying for about an hour. But I figured he was probably right on this. I could look for work any time I want. I just have to work on myself first. It sort of lifted a weight off my shoulders, relieved my stress, and gave me closure.