File this one under: There is no such thing as a unicorn.

Sounds like you vetted her well before you started dating: intact family, no tattoos, moderate alcohol consumption, etc. I went the same route once and chose to wed a woman who would pass all the slut-tests contained here and on RoK. But alas, after seven years it doesn't matter how strong your frame, it's a battle between you alone and an entire cultural superstructure hellbent on cultivating and celebrating hypergamy. It's a war that cannot be won, brother. You're already RP though so even while the sting is there and will be there for sometime, you are already equipped with the right tools to move past it. Just bank the lesson: there is not a single woman whose value is worth the risks of marriage in the Western world.

Quote: (02-09-2015 05:51 PM)Sharkie Wrote:  

So this happened.

Ive been a long term relationship with a girl for 6 years.
Yes there were a few on the side. Yes she knew, I was open about it.

We practically grew up together. I turn 26 in a week.
Being redpill doesn't take the sting out of it though.

I should've seen it coming. The first hair color, the first tattoo, the suddenly single brood of hens around her, the uptick in drinking, the increasing time between texts, the random nagging...

I knew what I was doing. I spaced out my texts. I upped the asshole act marginally. I made sure to be seen with hotter girls. I started working out harder. I maintained a rock solid frame. The sex was good.

Or did I?

I tried to get her to stop the excesses. In my mind she was still the good, feminine, Sharkie-adoring girl I would always end up marrying after 3 years. I lost my shit a couple of times at her behavior.

We'd been having a rough couple of months. We met today after not talking for two days. Hugged. I could smell the perfume Id got her for her bday. Yet there was something off, the viper in my stomach tightened for a brief second. There was something off.

We sat down, ordered food. In the middle of a generic conversation, she started sobbing. People at other tables stared. I maintained my calm, waiting for the inevitable to come out. She told me she fucked another guy on Saturday. She was drunk, and it happened. I know the guy, and every fiber of my conscience wanted to murder him. Sure, dont hate the player, hate the game.
Perhaps I couldve prevented this. Whatever.

And its over. Im not a judgemental guy, but that was the line. There was no coming back from it. I put down some cash, and walked away.

We go way back. Her family loves me. My family loves her. So many memories.
One flash. All gone.

I am a man. I can handle anything, I thought. And yet the sting was there.
In a way I feel relieved. Freed. And another part of me wanted to shout and rant at the stupidity of it all.

Ive deleted her number. Ive deleted her off facebook. Ive removed all the remnants of her physical presence. Ive approached like a monster, channeled my anger into work and the gym.

And yet, the bitter aftertaste remains. It will stay on for a while, but there's nothing that can be done about that. Eventually it will fade too.

Oh well. Onward and upward.

Edit. Seven years, actually.

My sympathies, man.

This sucks, but you realize that, accepted it and moved on. As far as "the bitter aftertaste" goes, after 6 years, it will never totally disappear. But, like acquiring a taste for something, it will become less and less offensive over time and something positive you can use.

The number one thing now is for you to take care of you. Whether that means going on a fuck binge, traveling, or taking a few days and saying "fuck it" and doing jack, you've earned it.

And obviously, you don't need to be reminded not to give in and either take this bitch back or have anything to do with the prick that she fucked; that's the worst thing you could ever do. That would be disrespecting yourself.

Thanks for this.

It just made me realize that I've let myself get snared in some dumb shit, but you just walked away from a 7 year relationship. My condolences, friend, but it looks like you were able to pull yourself out of the mire before shit really hit the fan and you married this chick who has carte blanche to get skewered by every guy she wants while you're powerless.

OP:
I left a 4 yr relationship way too late in 2013 (age 29). I should have got out at the 2 yr mark.

You're at a great age to be single. You'll reach the peak of your powers around age 27 and it won't decline until mid-late 30s.

Mourn the relationship, don't rush anything (no rebound girlfriends), and get on with your life. Approaching and dating right now is not a bad idea at all. The last thing you want is to be totally alone. Just don't get close to any of them. Meet lots

If its what you want, you'll eventually find the right woman...Whatever that means to you.

Good luck, man.

Enjoy being single, your gonna kill it.

Find a chick a few years younger who looks up to you.

My two cents:

TRAVEL.

Being with a person for so long tends to cause a person to lose track of where his partner ends and he begins, even if you had mistresses. Traveling alone will reconnect you with who you are at your most primal level. It doesn't have to be some lengthy trip or exotic destination. It can be a week in Montreal or a three month sojourn across the Siberian landscape. The point is only to go alone, for in that isolation you will find the right combination of time to reflect on yourself and your mission as well as meet and mingle with people of different backgrounds.

Girls that I want to have sex with get placed in one of two categories.

(1) Girls who have already proven themselves unworthy of marriage in some way or another.

(2) Girls who show marriage potential.


Girls in category (1) get to see me no more than once a week so that they never get the chance to start thinking of me as a boyfriend, except when the hamster runs really fast. They can keep getting their snatch pounded by me once a week as long as they remain attractive and don't cause drama or ask for more involvement in my life.

Girls in category (2) get broken up with as soon as I write them off as non-maritable for me. I figure that they deserve a clean break and once they've had the benefit of feeling like they might stand a chance with me long term, I owe it to them to make it abundantly clear that no, they do not.

The good news is that very, very few women come anywhere near being in category (2), so whatever hearts are broken are only broken on account of the woman in question completely ignoring clearly stated statements of non-commitment.

That's not on me.

Quote: (02-10-2015 12:33 AM)youngblazer Wrote:  

Enjoy being single, your gonna kill it.

Find a chick a few years younger who looks up to you.

hell yes.

Women already lapse into thinking they're your mother. Don't give them another reason to think that by dating a woman who is around your age or older.

It's looking like I'm about to be back in the game after about 5 years as well. Thought she was the one to wife up but long term life ideals have us going in different directions (live life vs work til you die).

Is there a thread that's about getting guys back up to speed with the current scene? If there isn't can someone create one? I'm in my early thirties and can't be the only one.

So much shit has apparently changed. For example I couldn't tell you swiping left from right and the last girl I fucked when we were on a "break" the metting was setup from a phone call.

I know the basic game hasn't changed as it still works if I flirt when I'm out with friends, but it seems that thers ton's of new digital distractions and date logistics have changed.

Sharkie: There is no doubt that you'll feel the pain as you should. On this forum, and elsewhere, there is all this alpha talk of not caring/nexting her -- the reality is that we're also humans with emotions. There is no doubt that it'll hurt for some time, but keep this in mind: In the long run, you will be better off.

Honestly, reading your post makes me realize that my relationship with the top girl is nearing the end. Although, we haven't been together for less time (3 years), she's girl that's probably better than 95% of the females out there. However she wants us to move in, see each other more than 1-2 times a week. I can't do it -- not just because I can't be tied down to her, but also because I have other stuff (work, investments) going on. I'm probably dragging this one for too long and will soon be where you are.

Take time to reflect, brotha. After that move on towards improving yourself. Remember that everyone dies alone, so live your life with richness of experiences.

Quote:Quote:

I should've seen it coming. The first hair color, the first tattoo, the suddenly single brood of hens around her, the uptick in drinking, the increasing time between texts, the random nagging...

This is the worst part - the slow corruption and degradation of someone you once loved, knowing that you are powerless against the onslaught this fucked up society throws at you.

Quote: (02-10-2015 12:42 PM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  

Quote:Quote:

I should've seen it coming. The first hair color, the first tattoo, the suddenly single brood of hens around her, the uptick in drinking, the increasing time between texts, the random nagging...

This is the worst part - the slow corruption and degradation of someone you once loved, knowing that you are powerless against the onslaught this fucked up society throws at you.

Are we really powerless?

Hindsight is always 20/20 but if the OP had told this girl before it was too late that tatts & hair dying are not cool with him, would it have changed the outcome? If you tell a girl that it's not OK (or in chick speak, "that's a turnoff") and she ignores you and does it anyway, then that's straight defiance and she's either downgraded or cut off, but I think you have a chance to establish your frame and set up a test for her to comply to, if you really care to.

Quote: (02-10-2015 12:42 PM)Handsome Creepy Eel Wrote:  

Quote:Quote:

I should've seen it coming. The first hair color, the first tattoo, the suddenly single brood of hens around her, the uptick in drinking, the increasing time between texts, the random nagging...

This is the worst part - the slow corruption and degradation of someone you once loved, knowing that you are powerless against the onslaught this fucked up society throws at you.

Yeah. This. The madness of it all.

She got a tattoo for her birthday, the physical representation of the meaning of my name in an old tongue. Her brood tattled on about how true her love was.
I felt uncomfortable about the tattoo and made my opinions known, but once the rot starts setting in, there isn't much one can do except accept it or leave the relationship.

I rationalized it at that time (it was my name, after all), but really, the signs were all there. Like you guys've already pointed out, staying after the person you love starts losing it is a mistake. Six years counted for something, but I suppose it was only my mind obfuscating signs that were clear as daylight.

The last couple of months we fought about her decisions but yeah, it was like getting Smeagol to drop the One Ring.

A few guys PMed/texted me yesterday saying how they were going through something similar, and its refreshing to know that at least the guys here at RVF are willing to walk away from these relationships.

Thanks for the responses guys.
I suppose the only way to really let go is to commit oneself wholly to a new cause...its worked for me before, and its obviously working for a lot of you.

Over and out.


EDIT: Rockhard -- Yes the best response is to put your foot down and tell her. If she cares about you enough, she will change...unless the corruption has set in full foce.
I did tell her and we had a couple of fights. But you cant keep on telling her. You have your own goals, problems and issues. If she changes, she changes. In my case, she was unable/unwilling to, and it wouldntve changed the outcome.

Constantly complaining does not work because she will just rationalize that you dont love her or respect her or a load of other bullshit, and she will lose attraction for you.

You draw the line, and if she crosses it, you walk.
For me the line was cheating. For others, it may be something else.

You cant convert a hoe, even one who started out normally.

This sounds so familiar to something i went through about 18 months ago. I had been with a chick for 6 years, she got some new tats, started hitting the gym hard (excellent, but she wasn't doing it for me), started going out with a bunch of people from work regularly, becoming distant.

The rot had started, I didn't really put it all together until it was over.

Its crazy how similar so many of these stories are. Women really do follow trends, and we are pretty much powerless against them. It would be nice if they could think for themselves, but I digress.

Adapt or die I suppose.

I had a similar experience where we grew apart after a 6-year relationship. It sucks a lot at first to think about all of the shared experiences of the past, but after your grieving period start looking forward to the new experiences and women of the future.

Re-build the frame of being a confident single man as you Ease yourself back into dating and relationships. While the tools have changed (online dating, distractions, etc) the game never will. Best of luck.

The game is always changing.

People have to adapt to the changes.

When you find yourself in a position where you have to go back out into the world and find the right person/people to be in your life, you have to ask yourself if you're actually ready to play.

I think the best thing to do after a relationship is over is really be in your own zone. Women don't like to be alone, so they quickly try to have something else going afterwards, and those rebounds often end up nowhere.

We're not women.

Take the time for yourself to get your mind and body right.

Also take the time to look at your own life and look at areas that need to be improved. Maybe you need to get caught up on some bills. Maybe your relationship caused you to be neglectful towards other friends and family, take that time to reconnect.

A lot of dudes want to get back into the game, and don't realize they're not actually ready to play. Furthermore, we often meet people in the course of just living life, those who are trying to force the issue often find themselves frustrated and confused.

I also don't agree completely with TravelerKai that it was OP fault. You can't make a bitch a unicorn just because you are the right guy for her...that's like every feminist say. If they think is what they want, at first yes, they change for you for the first years, than it's inevitable that her real personality will come up...and 6 years is a lot. Also, this changes a lot. For a period a time she may think that you are the perfect guy for her, but when a better guy(in her mind) comes in, you are not the right for her anymore...experienced this first hand.

I don't have personal experience, but I have friends that have/had affairs with engaged women and they all say that their fiancee is everything they wanted, still they cheat. It's true that they like in the affair that animal sex, the alpha male, the other stuff, but if that was offered from the fiancee she won't consider him marriage material, she will be craving for the sweet affectionate guy because only in feminist dreams the guy is a sex machine, alpha player that makes all ladies wet and it's also loyal, very sweet, caring, buys her gifts, etc...

Quote: (02-11-2015 12:34 AM)bewater Wrote:  

only in feminist dreams the guy is a sex machine, alpha player that makes all ladies wet and it's also loyal, very sweet, caring, buys her gifts, etc...

A woman can not know what a man is capable of being because she is not one.

You just described staple characteristics of two different men; one is called a player, one is called a simp, they don't mix.

We're better off not worrying about what women want; they don't know.

Quote: (02-11-2015 12:34 AM)bewater Wrote:  

I also don't agree completely with TravelerKai that it was OP fault. You can't make a bitch a unicorn just because you are the right guy for her...that's like every feminist say. If they think is what they want, at first yes, they change for you for the first years, than it's inevitable that her real personality will come up...and 6 years is a lot. Also, this changes a lot. For a period a time she may think that you are the perfect guy for her, but when a better guy(in her mind) comes in, you are not the right for her anymore...experienced this first hand.

I don't have personal experience, but I have friends that have/had affairs with engaged women and they all say that their fiancee is everything they wanted, still they cheat. It's true that they like in the affair that animal sex, the alpha male, the other stuff, but if that was offered from the fiancee she won't consider him marriage material, she will be craving for the sweet affectionate guy because only in feminist dreams the guy is a sex machine, alpha player that makes all ladies wet and it's also loyal, very sweet, caring, buys her gifts, etc...

You just proved my point! Women fucking lie! If you believe anything that comes out of a woman like this mouth, you are the fool. Those cheating bitches said that, but realtalk, their fiancee's do not have everything they wanted. They probably just had everything they needed instead. There is a big fucking difference between the two. For probably 90% of all women that has denied me or rejected me, I was probably 100% everything they needed in a man, but I was probably 40-50% and less of what they wanted in a man.

Women in their prime take their checklists very seriously. Only when they either:

1. Lose their SMV.
2. Get too old.
3. Concede to social/family pressure

They start taking things out of their checklists and make concessions. Players and game aware men are probably the only ones that can identify the desperation in a bitch. Essentially we are peeping their game. Betas and chumps don't and essentially get locked down with a broad that is full of shit like this.

If you have everything a woman wants and needs, other dudes become completely and utterly invisible to that woman. Other men literally fade into nothingness, irrelevancy, and oblivion. You become their whole world. You cannot even ask them questions about other men or male celebrities without a dismissive remark or them changing the subject because they truly give zero fucks about any other men other than you, with maybe the exception of their own father or male family members.

You're a free man, enjoy this freedom, use the extra time to better yourself. It's a great age to be single and red-pill aware. You're bound to have many great experiences if you're able to put in the work from now onwards.

However, don't be afraid to take some time off, maybe go on a short trip and use it to recover from the end of the relationship, don't rush it.

Quote: (02-11-2015 12:34 AM)bewater Wrote:  

I also don't agree completely with TravelerKai that it was OP fault. You can't make a bitch a unicorn just because you are the right guy for her...that's like every feminist say. If they think is what they want, at first yes, they change for you for the first years, than it's inevitable that her real personality will come up...and 6 years is a lot. Also, this changes a lot. For a period a time she may think that you are the perfect guy for her, but when a better guy(in her mind) comes in, you are not the right for her anymore...experienced this first hand.

I don't have personal experience, but I have friends that have/had affairs with engaged women and they all say that their fiancee is everything they wanted, still they cheat. It's true that they like in the affair that animal sex, the alpha male, the other stuff, but if that was offered from the fiancee she won't consider him marriage material, she will be craving for the sweet affectionate guy because only in feminist dreams the guy is a sex machine, alpha player that makes all ladies wet and it's also loyal, very sweet, caring, buys her gifts, etc...

Dude, okay three things.

1) It is irrelevant whose fault it was. Men will be men and women will be women, and it takes two to tango.

Once its over, its over. You learn what you can, and then move the fuck on. That's all that really matters.

2)

Quote:Quote:

For a period a time she may think that you are the perfect guy for her, but when a better guy(in her mind) comes in, you are not the right for her anymore...experienced this first hand.

Yeah, but this is all women regardless of time in a relationship. Its only the exit barriers that change.

3)

Quote:Quote:

they all say that their fiancee is everything they wanted, still they cheat.

Look at a woman's actions not her words, like we say here at RVF.

On a side note, when women start harping on and on about how their boyfriend is perfect, it should set your alarms off. Not the occasional gushing of pride or love because of whatever, but when a woman harps and harps, you can bet that her mind is wandering or she's started feeling dissatisfied in the relationship.

Damn, sounds fucked-up, Sharkie.
Back to fucking quality women, enjoying varied pussy, and continuing on your journey, it seems.
Good luck, man.
This bullshit will pass over, and you'll thank God when you get a hotter girl and have LTR experience under your belt.

I feel you OP. I've been there. Got the t-shirt.

If I could go back in time and give advice to my former self, I'd say that getting over this won't happen overnight. At the time, I just wanted to end the pain period as quickly as I could, by focusing on other things. But that wasn't realistic. It took me a good 6 months before the real pain began to subside. And 1 year before I was genuinely "over it". Fresh novelties are fun. But they're not a replacement for the thing you once had. There isn't a magic shortcut to recovery. Not after 6 years together.

Embrace this new chapter in your life. Suffer well. You'll come out the other side changed, but stronger.

I agree with tk that 6 years is too long. It should have been 2 years max. Why didn't anyone leave?
Unless both u think of not marrying and has an accord.

@Sharkie

What have you learned from this situation?

What can you generalize about man/woman interactions that will help you in the next situation?

WIA