I just broke off a 6 year relationship - Printable Version
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I just broke off a 6 year relationship - Wahawahwah - 02-09-2015
So this happened.
Ive been a long term relationship with a girl for 6 years.
Yes there were a few on the side. Yes she knew, I was open about it.
We practically grew up together. I turn 26 in a week.
Being redpill doesn't take the sting out of it though.
I should've seen it coming. The first hair color, the first tattoo, the suddenly single brood of hens around her, the uptick in drinking, the increasing time between texts, the random nagging...
I knew what I was doing. I spaced out my texts. I upped the asshole act marginally. I made sure to be seen with hotter girls. I started working out harder. I maintained a rock solid frame. The sex was good.
Or did I?
I tried to get her to stop the excesses. In my mind she was still the good, feminine, Sharkie-adoring girl I would always end up marrying after 3 years. I lost my shit a couple of times at her behavior.
We'd been having a rough couple of months. We met today after not talking for two days. Hugged. I could smell the perfume Id got her for her bday. Yet there was something off, the viper in my stomach tightened for a brief second. There was something off.
We sat down, ordered food. In the middle of a generic conversation, she started sobbing. People at other tables stared. I maintained my calm, waiting for the inevitable to come out. She told me she fucked another guy on Saturday. She was drunk, and it happened. I know the guy, and every fiber of my conscience wanted to murder him. Sure, dont hate the player, hate the game.
Perhaps I couldve prevented this. Whatever.
And its over. Im not a judgemental guy, but that was the line. There was no coming back from it. I put down some cash, and walked away.
We go way back. Her family loves me. My family loves her. So many memories.
One flash. All gone.
I am a man. I can handle anything, I thought. And yet the sting was there.
In a way I feel relieved. Freed. And another part of me wanted to shout and rant at the stupidity of it all.
Ive deleted her number. Ive deleted her off facebook. Ive removed all the remnants of her physical presence. Ive approached like a monster, channeled my anger into work and the gym.
And yet, the bitter aftertaste remains. It will stay on for a while, but there's nothing that can be done about that. Eventually it will fade too.
Oh well. Onward and upward.
Edit. Seven years, actually.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - jariel - 02-09-2015
One of the mistakes a lot of us make is staying in relationships too long.
If you thought you would have married her after three years, and it didn't happen, there's no reason you should have ended up with her for seven.
She proved to you that she wasn't someone you should marry, you knew it, and you acted accordingly. The problem? You stuck around too long.
Do yourself a favor and read this, I just posted it last night, it's very applicable to your situation:
http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-44957.html
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - Wahawahwah - 02-09-2015
Quote: (02-09-2015 05:57 PM)jariel Wrote:
One of the mistakes a lot of us make is staying in relationships too long.
If you thought you would have married her after three years, and it didn't happen, there's no reason you should have ended up with her for seven.
She proved to you that she wasn't someone you should marry, you knew it, and you acted accordingly. The problem? You stuck around too long.
Do yourself a favor and read this, I just posted it last night, it's very applicable to your situation:
http://www.rooshvforum.network/thread-44957.html
Thanks, I meant to say in three more years.
These changes started happening about six months ago. But yeah.
The linked post is good.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - sixsix - 02-09-2015
It's natural that it stings, because you lost someone that was a big part of your life and with her you lose those shared experiences. Just go through those emotions and mourn that loss, at least knowing that you have a crucial advantage that many don't: knowledge of the dynamics and the know-how to direct your future from here on out.
It sucks and it should suck, but only for a while. And then get moving again. As a young man you have time and nature on your side.
I've been going through the same mourning, even though it was not her but me fucking up. Keeping my eyes on the future and realizing my power by remembering why I was successful in the past, helped a lot. But it still stings. Part of life and makes you finally understand a lot of love songs.
Best of luck, mate.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - CleanSlate - 02-09-2015
Just be happy you didn't marry her. Or worse, have kids with her - that would have probably ruined your life.
I've been there, too (sans the kids, thank the big guy up there!)... chin up, and keep moving along with your life.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - Cheetah - 02-09-2015
Quote:Quote:
Ive removed all the remnants of her physical presence.
Isn't that a shame. There might come a day when you want to look back at the good days you've had with her during those 7 years.
Quote:Quote:
Edit. Seven years, actually.
Isn't that some magical number when many couples break off?
Quote:Quote:
And yet, the bitter aftertaste remains. It will stay on for a while, but there's nothing that can be done about that. Eventually it will fade too.
You said it yourself. At least she didn't seem to go behind your back sneaking around with this guy for a long time without you knowing.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - TravelerKai - 02-09-2015
Unless you think she is worth marrying, there is no reason to have a LTR go past 2 years. Each year past that, she will grow more bitter than you have not moved towards marriage and validating her efforts being with you. Also it's selfish of you to hold a bitch that long. Give her up to someone who can give her all that shit she wants. Family, marriage, resources, etc. Just because you know game, does not excuse selfish behavior on your part. Be more responsible with what you know. No one should string a girl along for anywhere near that long. That's too much. She shares some of the blame as well for being that fucking stupid, but you were not providing enough leadership in the first place. Once a woman spoils out, it's too late too late to fix em. Also, the fact you felt intense jealously towards her new lay, further shows how selfish you were. You knowing her parents meant nothing. You basically teased them. She needed an older and more serious man that could keep her in line.
Don't get too down on this. Next time, just learn to game being more upfront with these women and with what you want goal wise. If you do not know what you wan't, don't hold any bitches to any obligations as well. Let her go and move on.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - Travesty - 02-09-2015
Quote: (02-09-2015 06:09 PM)Cheetah Wrote:
Quote:Quote:
Ive removed all the remnants of her physical presence.
Isn't that a shame. There might come a day when you want to look back at the good days you've had with her during those 7 years.
That Was Beta.
Quote: (02-09-2015 06:09 PM)Cheetah Wrote:
Quote:Quote:
And yet, the bitter aftertaste remains. It will stay on for a while, but there's nothing that can be done about that. Eventually it will fade too.
You said it yourself. At least she didn't seem to go behind your back sneaking around with this guy for a long time without you knowing.
How could you or him possibly know this or trust her?
She starts copping that behavior probably wasn't the first guy.
Quote: (02-09-2015 06:17 PM)kaotic Wrote:
As for the OP you did the damn right thing, to be honest, I'm surprised she didn't cheat on you sooner, especially since she knows you had other girls on the side.
Someone has a loaded gun to your head.
They ask, do you think this was the first time it happened? Wrong answer means a bullet.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - kaotic - 02-09-2015
Quote: (02-09-2015 06:09 PM)Cheetah Wrote:
Quote:Quote:
Ive removed all the remnants of her physical presence.
Isn't that a shame. There might come a day when you want to look back at the good days you've had with her during those 7 years.
Quote:Quote:
Edit. Seven years, actually.
Isn't that some magical number when many couples break off?
I've always had a question about this ? Is there really a number we can peg on when to dump ?
What if you aren't intent on marrying her, yet you enjoy your time with her ?
Are we not allowed to engage in a LTR if we're not going to marry ?
As for the OP you did the damn right thing, to be honest, I'm surprised she didn't cheat on you sooner, especially since she knows you had other girls on the side.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - CelMasc - 02-09-2015
As cliche as it is...
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
-Nietzsche
You'll come out of this on top. Give it time, and stay dedicated to improving yourself.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - Wahawahwah - 02-09-2015
TravelerKai, your comments are a bit confusing.
We were together because we enjoyed each other's company. I never held her hostage, and we met each others' parents because theyre part of the same social circle not because we planned on getting married or whatever. Honestly, thats not even on the cards right now.
The intense jealousy bit? Isnt that natural? I dont blame him or whatever. Its happened. Better to cut ones losses and move on.
Ive always been upfront about my goals.
Anyway, it doesn't matter. Thanks.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - Aphex - 02-09-2015
Give yourself some time to be alone. Don't rush into anything with other chicks yet. Reflect, improve, move on. This type of shit happens and you'll come out better for it and in a better position. It's hard to see now, but clarity comes with time.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - CactusCat589 - 02-09-2015
You're smack-dab 26? You came out of this as a great age to be. She on the other hand has another year or two before she begins the long slide. She sabotaged her best chance at marrying a high-value guy, i.e. you.
The concrete thing you can take out of this is that now you know you can trust your instinct. You knew when the game was up months ahead of when she fessed up. In the future if you have the feeling in your gut, end it right then, don't drag it out.
As far as she is concerned, deny her closure by never letting her see or hear you again. Show her that, yes, you can throw away six years of history like so much trash.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - TravelerKai - 02-09-2015
Quote: (02-09-2015 06:19 PM)Sharkie Wrote:
TravelerKai, your comments are a bit confusing.
We were together because we enjoyed each other's company. I never held her hostage, and we met each others' parents because theyre part of the same social circle not because we planned on getting married or whatever. Honestly, thats not even on the cards right now.
The intense jealousy bit? Isnt that natural? I dont blame him or whatever. Its happened. Better to cut ones losses and move on.
Ive always been upfront about my goals.
Anyway, it doesn't matter. Thanks.
Women lie brother. They all want that next level shit. Even the hoes that tell you they will never get married. They are just saying that shit to you. Unless they are broken, too masculine, over-exposed to shit, she was waiting on you brother. Women are wishy-washy and say one thing, but deliberately or subconsciously do another thing. Some are too afraid to tell you what they really want. They are hoping they can change your mind in some other kind of way.
Women constantly seek:
1. Attention
2. Validation
3. Approval
What gives them this? Some man putting all his resources into them and public declaration, which come from social proof. (a wedding surrounded by friends and family for example)
All bitches (especially Westernized ones) think they are tough and hard until Mr. Right comes along or that man they really think they want.
Anyway, you gave her nothing she really wanted. Believe it or not, most women do not want a never-ending platonic relationship. Dudes need to stop lying to themselves about this shit. She was waiting on you and you did pretty much nothing and you were unable to read through her body language and actions.
I also bet she probably cheated on you before, maybe she did not go all the way, but she probably "talked" to other dudes at a minimum. Some women like to test the waters first before taking a plunge. No way to know 100% without more information, but I would not be surprised.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - ChazKGB - 02-09-2015
thread needs pics of girl for me to give opinion.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - jariel - 02-09-2015
TravelerKai is spitting that grown man, tough love, super-duper real talk.
The girl who tells you she doesn't want marriage, yet stays in a relationship with you for years on end, is the same girl who will treat you like you're her husband -- whether you realize it or not, after a certain amount of time and certain circumstances, you're in a de facto marriage.
Once you got to a place where you were actively fucking other chicks and she knew about it, the relationship was over in spirit. You should have dipped, she only continued to play along because she did at least care for you.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - jariel - 02-09-2015
Quote: (02-09-2015 06:32 PM)TravelerKai Wrote:
I also bet she probably cheated on you before, maybe she did not go all the way, but she probably "talked" to other dudes at a minimum. Some women like to test the waters first before taking a plunge. No way to know 100% without more information, but I would not be surprised.
This is no doubt, especially if we're talking about a chick who likely has more than a few dudes who have let her know she can get it.
Those dudes already have her number. They're likely co-workers, fellow classmates, guys who can afford to run convenience game without coming across as strangers who are just trying to pick her up -- she'll turn those guys down.
I'd put money down that the guy she fucked was not someone who just picked her up via day game, but more likely someone she already knew casually.
Women aren't like men, they don't go far outside of their boundaries to hunt for dick, simply because they don't have to.
Proximity is key, that is why so many guys try to get in where they fit in as friends before putting a real bid in.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - Wahawahwah - 02-09-2015
I wrote to rant and hopefully add yet another data point to the RVF repository.
Thanks for the comments guys. I know there's no way to know, but I still think this was a first. But whatever, it doesnt matter and honestly, your guesses are as good as mine.
TK, Jariel, I realize now about some things I hadnt taken into consideration with reference to LTRs, and your "selfish" comment. Thanks.
ChazKGB - Now shes positively a 1 lookswise, so no pics sorry
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - pitt - 02-09-2015
I don't understand why some of you are blaming the OP for this.
I am actually surprised that she had the courage to tell you what happened, many girls wouldn't tell you anything, I guess she was not that bad, sure she is not marriage material but at least she had the decency to tell you what happened.
Few years ago we ran a train on this married chick who acted pretty decent, if you saw her, you would assume she is marriage material. The guy that is still married to her is a very alpha guy and he has no idea that his wife banged my crew like a true slut.
A relationship involves two people, as much as you are running game in that relationship, it's impossible for you to control all outcomes, game is not a tool that suddenly changes women's nature.
You did your part, unfortunately she was stupid enough to make a great guy leave.
Next her and I guarantee you that 10 years from now, you will thank that bitch for doing that shit.
Don't blame yourself for anything.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - Cheetah - 02-09-2015
Quote: (02-09-2015 06:16 PM)Travesty444 Wrote:
Quote: (02-09-2015 06:09 PM)Cheetah Wrote:
Quote:Quote:
Ive removed all the remnants of her physical presence.
Isn't that a shame. There might come a day when you want to look back at the good days you've had with her during those 7 years.
That Was Beta.
Quote: (02-09-2015 06:09 PM)Cheetah Wrote:
Quote:Quote:
And yet, the bitter aftertaste remains. It will stay on for a while, but there's nothing that can be done about that. Eventually it will fade too.
You said it yourself. At least she didn't seem to go behind your back sneaking around with this guy for a long time without you knowing.
How could you or him possibly know this or trust her?
She starts copping that behavior probably wasn't the first guy.
Quote: (02-09-2015 06:17 PM)kaotic Wrote:
As for the OP you did the damn right thing, to be honest, I'm surprised she didn't cheat on you sooner, especially since she knows you had other girls on the side.
Someone has a loaded gun to your head.
They ask, do you think this was the first time it happened? Wrong answer means a bullet.
You think it's beta to keep remnants such as pictures of something that was part of your life for 7 years? Of course you might take down the pictures from the wall and out of the frame but I wouldn't throw away the pictures.
Of course we or OP can't be sure that she didn't cheat before and therefore we can only say what it seems to be. She seemed to be conscience-stricken and if that was sincere why did that happen now and not before should she have cheated before? As has been pointed out she has most likely 'talked' to guys before but that is obviously not as bad as banging them.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - jariel - 02-09-2015
Quote: (02-09-2015 06:51 PM)pitt Wrote:
Few years ago we ran a train on this married chick who acted pretty decent, if you saw her, you would assume she is marriage material.
You can't see marriage material. You have to dig into a woman and find out what she's about before you can go anywhere near that classification.
Also, I'm not blaming the OP. I just said for whatever reason he realized this chick wasn't "that chick" and he should have left a long time ago.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - Cheetah - 02-09-2015
Quote:Quote:
I've always had a question about this ? Is there really a number we can peg on when to dump ?
'Sorry bitch, time is up'. I've heard that 7 years is a milestone for LTRs to get past. I don't know if it's true but when I hear about LTRs ending I've never heard about 6 or 8 years but 7 years seem to be more common.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - kaotic - 02-09-2015
Quote: (02-09-2015 07:08 PM)Cheetah Wrote:
Quote:Quote:
I've always had a question about this ? Is there really a number we can peg on when to dump ?
'Sorry bitch, time is up'. I've heard that 7 years is a milestone for LTRs to get past. I don't know if it's true but when I hear about LTRs ending I've never heard about 6 or 8 years but 7 years seem to be more common.
I guess I don't have many friends who were in such long relationships.
Typically they end after 2ish years.
Come to think of it my best friend is going to propose to his woman, they've only been together a few years.
I'd think you'd know by year 2 or 4. 7 just seems like a waste of time.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - Cheetah - 02-09-2015
Quote:Quote:
I guess I don't have many friends who were in such long relationships.
Typically they end after 2ish years.
You hear about friends of friends etc.
2 years might be another milestone, Travelerkai also mentioned this timeframe. As to the 7 year milestone I just found out that there is a name for this, 'the seven-year itch'.
I just broke off a 6 year relationship - ChazKGB - 02-09-2015
what flags have you not collected yet? get back to work.