From Craigslist, Women Seeking Men:

[She is 39]

SWF looking for a younger SWM for dating, romance, intimacy and friendship. Not just sex. [As if some young cat wants an old fat chick. But not just any young cat will meet her requirements.] If you want casual nsa hook-ups do not respond.

ME: 5' 6" tall, BBW/plus size, cougar. Very pretty in face [Q: Why do all fat chicks think they are pretty in the face? A: Because so many guys have told them that, which is euphemism for "I might consider you if you were human-sized rather than wildebeest-sized], look great in lingerie [With a corset. And horrible naked]. Smart, witty, professional, 2 degrees [as if anyone cares]. Never married, no kids and don't want kids [kinda late for that now anyway, ain't it?]. I am a caring, sweet person, have courtesy and I am a great friend. Drug and Disease free and non-smoker [my vice is FOOD, yummy yummy FOOD]. Light social drinker. Blond/blue, DD boobs [and a belly to match]. Loves kissing, extended foreplay, giving and receiving oral. Sex with condoms required. [LOL. As if she wasn't a disaster and asking for way too much already, you can't even hit it raw] I am an anal virgin but I am open to some light finger insertion and I love anilingus [Any fat asshole eaters in the house?] but we can talk about this sort of thing later.

Other things I like: talking dirty, wearing lingerie, toys, fantasies and roleplay on occasion, sex in unusual places, dabbling in light D/s on occasion---I am slightly kinky. I am ok with it if you are bi. I am open and experimental to a degree.

You: Tall (5'9 or taller), skinny/slender to toned to athletic. [Because fat dudes repulse her!] I am not really into big beefy muscular dudes.[Because seeing their dietary discipline makes her feel like a fatty] You should be considered attractive in the face. Also, I require 7" minimum in your manhood [Makes sense. First four inches is just to reach past her fat thighs]---and will want to see pics. You should LIVE FOR and LOVE giving oral sex [I just threw up a little in my mouth]---I want it frequently and you should be an oral expert or don't bother to get up with me. You MUST be DDF too and be ok with using condoms. I want a guy who is ok with dating a BBW. Some guys say they are but what they really mean is that they want to F one in private.[Yeah, that's pretty much all dudes who contact you.] I want a man who will adore me as I am right now, even though I am actively slimming down and exercising.[LOL]

My goal is as we mesh and become more intimate and our relationship develops, I will then go on the pill because I would like to have a greater depth of pleasure and intimacy with you.

The reason I write about all of this is because sex is very important to me, and I want to be with a guy who can satisfy me sexually because I have a very high drive and want intimacy as much as possible. Beyond that---I also require a guy who is ok with PDA and being touchy-feely with me. I want a man who likes to hold hands, hug, put his arm around me, kiss me in public---generally show his affection. In private I enjoy close intimacy too---spooning, holding each other, etc. If you are not that type of guy---please do not contact me. If you are married or you have a GF, leave me alone. I don't play that way, and I want a relationship--not a hook-up.

I prefer guys who are highly intelligent and who have a sense of humor. I also like guys who are caring, kind and honest. If you consider yourself a closet nerd that will not bother me. I love books, reading, writing and intellectual pursuits as much as I love the outdoors [Didn't realize driving to Dunkin Donuts is considered an outdoors activity] ---so quiet types are not an issue for me. We can talk more about this if we connect.

I hope what I have written resonates with someone...I am very real and hope you are too. I will want to trade pics with you---face pics WITHOUT sunglasses and without a hat. Please use the word RELATIONSHIP in your response or I will NOT answer the response because of CL Spam. Thanks!

The sad part is that the vast majority of guys are so weak and desperate that she is not really delusional by putting up such demands.

My guess is that she will probably get plenty of responses.

Gotta look on the bright side sometimes brah!

Sure, she's not a legendary Pokemon (hot skinny super model bitch), but the bitch does have things going for her. Most low-tier Pokemon (fat bitches) out there are just low tier because they don't do shit to improve their lives. In the fattie department brah she's legendary if you ask me.

She's just wanting to be captured (fucked) and taught how to level up (get her shit even better) by a good trainer (guy who has a lot going for him.).

I say, hit her up brah. Sure she's not a legendary Pokemon at first. But the good thing about game is that all Pokemon are different, but you could help level them up.

Edit: Like Technics said there's gonna be a lot of trainers (guys) out there with shitty trainer skills. Since you've been trained by the best gym leaders on this forum (roosh and other guys who slay shit loads of pussy.) I ain't the best trainer out there, but best believe I'mma be a Pokemon master because this is where the best Pokemon trainers talk

Nice deconstruction! These aged fatties are always so intent on getting their pussies licked because no man wants to stick his head near their stinking, steaming vaginas, it's an instant boner kill. Might as well ask a guy to stick his face into the dumpster outside a slaughterhouse. And she wants her hairy buthole kissed too? Yikes!

I'm sure the chick got deluged with replies, but not one from her dream guy.

Quote: (11-18-2012 01:59 PM)painter Wrote:  

Nice deconstruction! These aged fatties are always so intent on getting their pussies licked because no man wants to stick his head near their stinking, steaming vaginas, it's an instant boner kill. Might as well ask a guy to stick his face into the dumpster outside a slaughterhouse. And she wants her hairy buthole kissed too? Yikes!

I've heard fat chicks say that guys don't like to eat pussy. Of course, the reality is that most guys don't like to eat fatty pussy.

If they did a survey asking in-shape girls and fat girls if guys liked to perform cunnilingus, the difference would be clear.

Quote: (11-18-2012 01:59 PM)painter Wrote:  

I'm sure the chick got deluged with replies, but not one from her dream guy.

I'd like to not believe this, but I suspect you guys are right. After all, she knows that she loves analingus - must be because some male life form [can't really be called a man, or even a guy] has performed this on her fat ass.

Haha, great idea for a survey! The fatties would blow a gasket: "Wait, every guy you were with ate your pussy?"

My other thought was how dark of a place a guy must be coming from to reply to her with enthusiasm: "Yes goddess, I'll eat you out until my tongue falls off. I'll lick your asshole like a triple scoop ice cream cone. Sit on my face until my legs stop kicking." What's even worse is being rejected by this chick means you've hit absolute rock bottom.

i should stop reading this forum

Nowhere in her post do I see her getting specific about whether or not she reciprocates oral, but as a fattie, I'll assume that's all some dudes may have allowed her to do, so she's probably good at it...HA HA! She may be so demanding now because she's tired of guys NOT fucking her, and just getting a head clinic while playing with her tits a little, then bouncing. She now refuses to settle for anyone that won't give her the full sexual treatment, while offering to do just about anything sexually for a guy with the hopes that a chubby-chaser will bite (so long as he doesn't ADMIT to being a chubby-chaser - fat chicks want to be loved despite being fat, not because of it).

Timoteo you hit the nail on the head. I know a guy who perfected that technique. He would pull the fattest chicks out of the bar, no shame at all, drag them home and pass out on them after the bj. If they were still there in the morning he would promise to fuck 'em, saying he couldn't get hard without the bj and surprise pop on them again. Lot of pissed off fatties went storming out of that house.

Sadly, there is a porn category devoted to the demands and fantasies she describes. It is called "face sitting" and usually involves some kind of absurdly overweight woman smothering a guy by doing just what the title promises. I almost had to vomit when my friend sent me a link to shock and embarrass me (think goat.cx)

attracitve, fit, young std free guys should consider themselves lucky to eat this aging fattys asshole only after a serious relationship has been formed.

Painter,

This is hilarious. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on the fatty, I suppose.

I always heard about some guys giving fatties the go-ahead just for BJs but I never did it myself nor have any close friends who did (or admit it, at least), so I did wonder if it was kind of a myth/stereotype.

Quote: (11-18-2012 09:38 PM)painter Wrote:  

Timoteo you hit the nail on the head. I know a guy who perfected that technique. He would pull the fattest chicks out of the bar, no shame at all, drag them home and pass out on them after the bj. If they were still there in the morning he would promise to fuck 'em, saying he couldn't get hard without the bj and surprise pop on them again. Lot of pissed off fatties went storming out of that house.

It's definitely not a myth. I was always in awe of this guy because I was always stupid enough to fuck the fattie and have to live with the disgust. Apparently he did this to one chick four or five times and she kept falling for it, haha.

One of his best stories: we're at the bar, 2am, he elbows me and says "see that chick over there?" I look and this girl is at least 230 pounds, just gross (okay maybe a "cute face" haha). He goes and chats her up, and as I watch, her friend who is close to 300 pounds joins the conversation. He pulls them from the bar, grinning like a fool at the rest of us on his way out and we're dying laughing.

Next day he says he got the double bj that night and in the morning. Claims he wouldn't even let them take their clothes off. I always wondered how his bed could handle over 600 pounds!

Quote: (11-19-2012 09:04 AM)painter Wrote:  

It's definitely not a myth. I was always in awe of this guy because I was always stupid enough to fuck the fattie and have to live with the disgust. Apparently he did this to one chick four or five times and she kept falling for it, haha.

One of his best stories: we're at the bar, 2am, he elbows me and says "see that chick over there?" I look and this girl is at least 230 pounds, just gross (okay maybe a "cute face" haha). He goes and chats her up, and as I watch, her friend who is close to 300 pounds joins the conversation. He pulls them from the bar, grinning like a fool at the rest of us on his way out and we're dying laughing.

Next day he says he got the double bj that night and in the morning. Claims he wouldn't even let them take their clothes off. I always wondered how his bed could handle over 600 pounds!

You gotta get your boy to tape one of these encounters! And maybe his bed couldn't handle the load - he may have some fucked up springs in his mattress now.

To the OP, Assman.
Well said, I liked your analysis, I'm still curious about one thing, is there a way to see her pictures?
It would make the thread perfect. lol

Quote: (11-19-2012 09:04 AM)painter Wrote:  

It's definitely not a myth. I was always in awe of this guy because I was always stupid enough to fuck the fattie and have to live with the disgust. Apparently he did this to one chick four or five times and she kept falling for it, haha.

One of his best stories: we're at the bar, 2am, he elbows me and says "see that chick over there?" I look and this girl is at least 230 pounds, just gross (okay maybe a "cute face" haha). He goes and chats her up, and as I watch, her friend who is close to 300 pounds joins the conversation. He pulls them from the bar, grinning like a fool at the rest of us on his way out and we're dying laughing.

Next day he says he got the double bj that night and in the morning. Claims he wouldn't even let them take their clothes off. I always wondered how his bed could handle over 600 pounds!

This is just way too funny

This actually provoked me...

Reminds me of all the demands of a medieval queen, this one got the same entitlement.

Every once in a while I think what's going to happen here when all the topics have been covered. Are we all just going to say bye or just troll each other. Then a thread like this pops up and I think nope there's always more..

I meet neither her height nor her penis size requirement.
Guess I don't have a chance with attractive girls if I'm not even good enough for a fattie.

Quote: (11-19-2012 02:18 PM)IQVX Wrote:  

I meet neither her height nor her penis size requirement.
Guess I don't have a chance with attractive girls if I'm not even good enough for a fattie.

Wanted to fix that for you but I'm still missing the result element.

+ = ???

Quote: (11-19-2012 02:27 PM)FretDancer Wrote:  

Wanted to fix that for you but I'm still missing the result element.

+ = ???

Well, I didn't intend for this to become an equation... but nevertheless...

+ =

Yeah we still laugh about that all the time. Too bad he got married so no videos, but his wife is actually cute and skinny. This thread gives me an idea for a Fun With Fatties thread, but I don't think that would be very constructive for the forum. We'd all be puking.

Quote: (11-19-2012 05:50 PM)painter Wrote:  

Yeah we still laugh about that all the time. Too bad he got married so no videos, but his wife is actually cute and skinny. This thread gives me an idea for a Fun With Fatties thread, but I don't think that would be very constructive for the forum. We'd all be puking.

Do it.

BBW + Cougar. Like not only buying an old car, but buying a CRAPPY old car. Like a "classic pinto" or a "vintage reliant"