Quote: (03-08-2012 10:28 AM)Neo Wrote:
Quote: (03-07-2012 08:43 PM)Skyhigh Wrote:
I'm not in this position but I probably have to prepare early.
Hypothetical: You have a GF. Everything is decent. But she wants to go out clubbing (without you) a lot or has a lot of girls nights out. How do you show that you don't like it without being the jealous BF or controlling BF? What about if she hangs out with her male "friends". How do you lay down the law that it is not acceptable without looking like a butthurt jealous loser?
I find the best answer to your question is to just eliminate the problem at it's source. What I mean is date girls who don't try to make you jealous and who genuinely want to make you happy. Despite the myriad of slores out there, girls like that still exist.
+1. The decision point is not when you're deciding how to respond to her desire to go clubbing. It's when you're choosing a GF, and picking the right one. Personally, if a girl tells me she goes clubbing regularly, I immediately think she's a worthless twat good for nothing but sex. The things that would make a girl like clubbing regularly would make me not like her as a person. But you may be different - you might like a girl who happens to go clubbing a lot. There is a tendency among pickup guys to attribute waaaay too much influence to what
you do, and not enough to
who she is as a person, before you ever met. There are things you can do, but there are also pre-existing tendencies influencing her actions. Don't take the blame for everything.
Part of my problem with clubbing is that for me to want to commit to a girl, I have to be very high on her list of priorities. Every girl has them - work, friends, hobbies, sleep, etc. It seems like more than ever, girls today may want a boyfriend, but they aren't willing to make him a priority. They fill their calendar with dumb inane shit, don't take breaks from their friends to honestly find a man, and when they do, they don't make him much of a priority. I've mentioned this to non-RVF guys and girls, and they say my requirement that I be a top priority for her is controlling, domineering, stifling, whatever. But I'm just not inspired to commit when the girl herself won't give me my proper due. If you're so 'independent,' you can do without my commitment, and we'll just bang. This mentality also makes 'independent' women and pussy ass dudes really really mad.
If she's routinely doing stuff like this, she takes you for granted, she doesn't respect you all that much, or is just indifferent. Psychologically, the fact that she's putting other things above you is devaluing you in her mind. Otherwise, if you were so valuable, why wouldn't you be a higher priority?
It's easy to mistake sex for affection. But even if girls aren't fucking more guys than say twenty years ago, I definitely see them getting less attached, sex becoming more detached from affection, the whole thing becoming a mechanical transaction. That means when they do fuck you, it means a whole lot less, and that your relationship with her will not change as much as it did in the past. Your relationships have much less foundation than they once did, and she is not giving up as much for them.
Antitrace has a good response too.
