Quote: (10-10-2017 08:50 PM)Hazaer Wrote:  

hey guys, am in a sticky situation. There is this girl who I approached and got the number a couple days back. I kind of accidentally called her and then hung up but I didn't mean to call her. Then I texted her that I called her by mistake and I am still getting used to this phone and 'how are you?'

Really kind of screwed up, should have just talked to her. What do you guys suggest I do?
I was thinking of letting her reply (now I doubt that is going to happen) and then call her up to ask her out for a drink, was thinking of texting her before this mess but now that I backed out of this call, don't want her thinking that it was because I am too scared to call or something.

Thoughts?

Quote: (10-10-2017 09:09 PM)fitness2569 Wrote:  

You are thinking too much. Do the simplest thing

Got a message later saying 'Hi how are you?'
Called her up much later (not immediately after the message) to set a date to hangout, got the voice machine, left a simple call me back message. Looks like a no reply.
Did she change her mind or was it a flake all along?

Quote: (10-11-2017 06:32 AM)Hazaer Wrote:  

Quote: (10-10-2017 08:50 PM)Hazaer Wrote:  

hey guys, am in a sticky situation. There is this girl who I approached and got the number a couple days back. I kind of accidentally called her and then hung up but I didn't mean to call her. Then I texted her that I called her by mistake and I am still getting used to this phone and 'how are you?'

Really kind of screwed up, should have just talked to her. What do you guys suggest I do?
I was thinking of letting her reply (now I doubt that is going to happen) and then call her up to ask her out for a drink, was thinking of texting her before this mess but now that I backed out of this call, don't want her thinking that it was because I am too scared to call or something.

Thoughts?

Quote: (10-10-2017 09:09 PM)fitness2569 Wrote:  

You are thinking too much. Do the simplest thing

Got a message later saying 'Hi how are you?'
Called her up much later (not immediately after the message) to set a date to hangout, got the voice machine, left a simple call me back message. Looks like a no reply.
Did she change her mind or was it a flake all along?

Frankly, at the moment you are both just fucking around with your phones. You've haven't even been able to speak to one another yet or suggested a solid time to meet and been turned down.

It's not really "no contact" material and you're going to derail the thread.

Probably better off posting here or forgetting about it entirely.
thread-28919-page-126.html

C'mon, man -- Butt Dialed Excuse 101.
Is this not obvious?

Quote: (10-11-2017 06:32 AM)Hazaer Wrote:  

Quote: (10-10-2017 08:50 PM)Hazaer Wrote:  

hey guys, am in a sticky situation. There is this girl who I approached and got the number a couple days back. I kind of accidentally called her and then hung up but I didn't mean to call her. Then I texted her that I called her by mistake and I am still getting used to this phone and 'how are you?'

Really kind of screwed up, should have just talked to her. What do you guys suggest I do?
I was thinking of letting her reply (now I doubt that is going to happen) and then call her up to ask her out for a drink, was thinking of texting her before this mess but now that I backed out of this call, don't want her thinking that it was because I am too scared to call or something.

Thoughts?

Quote: (10-10-2017 09:09 PM)fitness2569 Wrote:  

You are thinking too much. Do the simplest thing

Got a message later saying 'Hi how are you?'
Called her up much later (not immediately after the message) to set a date to hangout, got the voice machine, left a simple call me back message. Looks like a no reply.
Did she change her mind or was it a flake all along?

This reminds me of this:






Anyway...

-----------------------------------------------------------------

for those having trouble keeping their mind off of their ex, it's important to occupy yourself. Spend timer with friends, working on personal projects hobbies and interests, and spend time with other women.

These things will remind you the world is much bigger than the girl you use to be with. Take a trip somewhere, change jobs, move; something more significant that will break you out of your comfort zone and breathe new life into your stagnation.

I banged an ex about a week ago, big fucking mistake. Ain't no such thing as something for nothing. No contact is a RULE for a reason. I fucked up and forgot about that just to hit that release valve. Just remember, once shit's gone toxic there isn't any going back. Only more negativity, so act accordingly.

Quote: (10-15-2017 09:35 PM)Rhyme or Reason Wrote:  

I banged an ex about a week ago, big fucking mistake. Ain't no such thing as something for nothing. No contact is a RULE for a reason. I fucked up and forgot about that just to hit that release valve. Just remember, once shit's gone toxic there isn't any going back. Only more negativity, so act accordingly.

Yes. I've just learned the hard way that the truth of the above inviolable. My email exchanges (scroll up) led to the same. I should have listened to those warnings...should have listened.

You know, you try to end on a peaceful note with a woman but the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Right when I first met her it seemed this woman had a dual-personality. I don't give a shit what the clinical diagnosis is (BPD/HPD/NPD) other than it manifests itself in enticing come-ons followed by all sorts of nastiness the next day if you don't pedestalize. It doesn't matter how deep and sincere the talks are when I see her...she's just going to flip out later, then a pause, and then the mea culpas start.

The bottom line is she lies.

She claimed she went to her therapist and realized she wasn't in love with me, that it was only an infatuation, and was angling for booty-call service. OK, fine, I think. Maybe she's made progress. She says if she sees me just once it will be enough and she can "move on". But when push comes to shove she's busy crying in my arms asking me why, oh why, it is I won't love her... Total bait and switch BS. Then she blames it on the alcohol and repeats a fresh bootycall offer, I go out there, and it goes smoother, although during the evening she admits she told the therapist she WAS in love with me. Anyway, I think I reach some sort of final peace by the time I head home. But the next day, because I didn't text her a proper enough thank you message for the bootycall, I'm an asshole again. Even though she says she won't email me again, I know damn well she eventually will, apologetically, like she always does. I have to break that cycle.

My stupid failures aside, I'm detecting a pattern here and I could use some advice, even though it might be more suited to its own topic:

I have tried to date women close to my own age (40s) and a pattern is emerging of women who I think are literally going insane as a function of having realized they've hit the wall and are sabotaging relationships by using their pussy like a bear-trap.

This is in addition to however much accumulated baggage she may have from her ex-husband and other boyfriends. I've always been open to fixer-uppers but the damage I'm encountering each time is turning out to be more than I can deal with. Like this women regularly gets hate-filled ALL-CAPS venom from her ex-husband.

For instance, I turned down one woman on a first date who totally wanted to seriously date me after she told me she her ex-husband abuse story which culminated in her getting smacked to the ground. I felt sorry for her, but her way of coping with it was to be very aggressive, very defensive, and I knew I'd be walking on eggshells from day one. So I'm not totally clueless, but there seem to be problems lurking in unexpected places because of how some women can suddenly shift moods.

I'm starting to wonder whether there are any well-adjusted single women in my age bracket.

Anyway, going forward I am going to have a total zero-tolerance policy for red-flags and never ever take a woman's word as sincere.

My girlfriend and I broke up after 5 months, she claimed she doesn't like me any more, she hadn't seen me in a month. Honestly the part I am sad about is how easy it was to have sex with her, I didn't have to game or any thing. Whats annoying me is she is already flirting with other guys and its been three days. She claimed to "be going through stuff" and she didn't want to have a relationship any more. I have not contacted her since but I still think of her to much. She had said she wants to remain friends and maybe date this upcoming summer when I'm back. No way I let that happen.

Quote: (10-24-2017 06:20 AM)_nick_ Wrote:  

My girlfriend and I broke up after 5 months, she claimed she doesn't like me any more, she hadn't seen me in a month. Honestly the part I am sad about is how easy it was to have sex with her, I didn't have to game or any thing. Whats annoying me is she is already flirting with other guys and its been three days. She claimed to "be going through stuff" and she didn't want to have a relationship any more. I have not contacted her since but I still think of her to much. She had said she wants to remain friends and maybe date this upcoming summer when I'm back. No way I let that happen.

Sounds like she just wants to sow her "girl oats", and do some carousel riding. Perfect candidate for the 'no contact' thread.

Meanwhile, going forward try to screen chicks better for relationships. The ease with how you had sex with her coupled with the ease of how she bounced on you should tell you something.

Keep your resolve Nick and get back out there

I feel like every girl that dumps their bf goes through the same playbook. Starting off with being hot and cold, saying I'm confused, sex starts dropping and then they say to you that they need space and still want to be friends.... does every girl plot this out with everyone of their gfs beforehand? Also keep in mind...no woman EVER drops her bf before she has someone on the on deck circle...that is a fact!

Quote: (10-24-2017 06:20 AM)_nick_ Wrote:  

I have not contacted her since but I still think of her to much. She had said she wants to remain friends and maybe date this upcoming summer when I'm back. No way I let that happen.

Quote: (10-25-2017 12:12 PM)Minnesotadrake Wrote:  

I feel like every girl that dumps their bf goes through the same playbook. Starting off with being hot and cold, saying I'm confused, sex starts dropping and then they say to you that they need space and still want to be friends.... does every girl plot this out with everyone of their gfs beforehand? Also keep in mind...no woman EVER drops her bf before she has someone on the on deck circle...that is a fact!

The bad news is that NO man can be shiny at all times - any novelty stops being a novelty as a function of time, that's normal. Sooner or later, she'll find a new shiny guy, spiking her emotions. The good news is, he'll stop being shiny (just as you did...) and the cycle repeats ab ovo (otherwise there would be virtually no busy dating market - people would pair off once, and that would be the end of it).

One moment you're the shiny one, the other, you aren't. Recognise which one you are with which girl, ideally have multiple women in your life - that's the only way to have an upper hand in this game and play, instead of being played.

I just provided the link in another post, but think worth linking here as well. Mate switching hypothesis says it all. Or, succinctly in five words - females are hypergamous by nature.

Best thing is to, metaphorically speaking, treat women for sex/romantic purposes as children in big toys and games filled store. Then you'll never get disappointed. Ignore at your own peril.

^-- consistent with my ideas of Shorting a relationship once you know the spark is over for you.

If a guy feels the spark decline first, he's got even less of an excuse not to end things before her, because he's now open to seeing when she feels it decline, and we all know what happens then.

Almost like a prisoner's dilemma, head it off at the pass.

Quote: (12-22-2015 07:49 PM)Mr.Brown Wrote:  

Great thread. In a few words walk away and never look back

Wish I found this thread and forum a few years ago, would have saved me a lot of time.

Quote: (10-15-2017 09:35 PM)Rhyme or Reason Wrote:  

I banged an ex about a week ago, big fucking mistake. Ain't no such thing as something for nothing. No contact is a RULE for a reason. I fucked up and forgot about that just to hit that release valve. Just remember, once shit's gone toxic there isn't any going back. Only more negativity, so act accordingly.

I banged an ex I had not seen in 4 years over the summer, big mistake. That opened up all the emotions on her side, and she tried to get clingy all over. When I tried to keep it FB status, she got pissed and stopped returning calls.

I got yet another email out from my clinger ex to notify me that she's taking her therapy more seriouisly now in order to try to drink less and learn to "love herself" instead of using men to fill the void in her life. All good, but how much of this is just an elaborate wind-up to "take me back because I've groooown" scheme?

My problem in the past was thinking I could effectively friend-zone her as an email penpal. I have learned that a meaningful dialogue of any sort creates intimacy that bleeds over into desire on one or both sides.

I find it hard to completely block email communication but I just made sure when I responded to this one it was little more than an acknowledgment that I read it and not an invitation to get back into a pen-pal groove.

I know the problem starts at this stage and I have to take ownership of my role in it. If she does try to reestablish some regular email correspondence I will have to shut her down.

^I had a similar situation with my most recent ex. We were friends and still texted all the time. We went to go see a show a few months ago and had a blast. Seemed like that spark was coming back.

Nope, she finally told me that she was getting serious with a guy after telling me she wanted to talk about our relationship and seeing if we had the chance to get back together.

I was dating too and fucking girls but her saying that made me ghost. I deleted everything. I blocked her on social media, deleted her number, pictures of us, anything that reminded me of her.

Life goes on.

Don't let your emotions suck you back into the bullshit.

Quote: (12-14-2017 10:42 AM)Remington Wrote:  

...she finally told me that she was getting serious with a guy after telling me she wanted to talk about our relationship and seeing if we had the chance to get back together.

That's the problem. Exes reconnecting are really just trying the reverse-monkeybranch because they are having trouble finding new/better guys. The overture to get back together can't really be anything other than tenuous and half-hearted. When they're first reaching back, it feels like a validation. But when they trade up you feel like you were just used.

I think exes are equivalent to porn as far as being an easy crutch. The temptation is super-hard to resist. Even when you realize you can't function as a couple you know there's enough comfort and trust to just turn off your higher-brain functions and fuck. And it seems, that there are so many damn hoops to jump through to get into a woman's pants, that it's tempting to go back to the well again. If you're at a state of peace with an ex you just know, almost by instinct, that her body will just let you slide right back into place like a hand in a glove, but then you learn time and again that the drama soon follows.

Everything is relative in the sexual marketplace.

I think with my clinger ex the temptation is severe because she sets an artificially low bar for herself. She's older now and heavy, but she's got a cute face and a super-feminine facade. She could wind up with better guys than her track record indicates, but her self-esteem is so low that she settles for some real losers, losers who can't even get it up properly in the sack.

So as we did the back and forth thing I didn't feel particularly threatened by the guys she dated in the interim because I just took it for a given that they'd be worse. The last guy she described to me seemed really good because he treated her like a princess--the way she kept wishing I would. He even started talking about marriage. But as we all know, women are sick in that they are most attracted to guys they can't get. It's Spock's old adage "After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting." Some women are addicted more to the tension of desire than its fulfillment.

Yeah, this one is a broken record that just keeps spinning, but my clinger ex sent me the usual email pitch for a bootycall. These exchanges always start the same way. Starts humble, talks about all the therapy and self-improvement she's working on, hints at just hanging out as friends, seeing a movie sometime, yada yada. I don't take the bait, she does everything she can to avoid getting angry over the rejection and backs off. Then a couple days go by and she comes back for another pitch like a salesman that won't take no for an answer. I have to admit that there's a part of me that feels flattered to have a woman do all the pursuing like this, and that's probably why I don't just let the emails dead-end in my trash-bin, but she's not the kind of woman I want pursuing me.

I hear all these stories from guys who claim to have casual bootycall girls who never give them grief. I'd love to have one to keep my balls drained but even though she now swears up and down she'd be cool with this arrangement, I can't trust her any farther than I can throw her.

So I had to turn down a guaranteed lay last night and that is really difficult, but probably worse for her than me.



Knowing this thread is here helps keep me on the straight and narrow.

Quote: (12-22-2017 11:34 AM)questor70 Wrote:  

Yeah, this one is a broken record that just keeps spinning, ....

... I have to admit that there's a part of me that feels flattered to have a woman do all the pursuing like this, and that's probably why I don't just let the emails dead-end in my trash-bin, but she's not the kind of woman I want pursuing me.

You are allowing it to continue.
As a result you're having the same problems you were having when you posted about it 3 months ago in September.

What you're doing, replying, and having a conversation is rewarding her behaviour and encouraging it. Tell her to stop contacting you, grow and move on.

No Contact works.

Much love for this thread. Stay strong fellas.

Even just saving her phone #, email, having her on social media is bad news. You may not want to contact her 99% of the time. Then you have a bad day and/or a cold streak.

You look at her Facebook, remember the good times and that line of communication is still open. You hit her up, hang out and it's off and running again until you eventually break up for the same reasons as you did before.

That's why you go no contact. It's a literal "booby" trap and these hoes are great at setting them. Pretending they changed. Delete all contact avenues. Remember this is the NO CONTACT thread.

No contact has usually been easy for me -- what's hard, and SUPER VALUABLE is no lookie.

Don't even look at glimpses of social media. You are secretly hoping you'll see something juicy and upsetting, and at the same time hoping you won't.

Even a new profile picture will have you spinning wheels if you're in a vulnerable state (read: haven't been keeping busy!).

Other bullshit -- I remember never using Venmo except a few times with younger friends, and one particular girl. I hadn't seen her face in a few years, but had to use Venmo again a while later and saw her in the "newsfeed" -- hah. I chuckled. Over it by then, but it was simple to click "hide this user".

Part of the problem I have with creeping on my old exes facebooks pages is that I love the motivation it gives me. I've had such an incredibly successful year since breakup by my standard. I blocked her so it would finally come to an end. I don't need her for motivation any more.

It was an incredible, eye-opening experience. I went beta in the end, lost frame, and lost a girl that promised me the world and was below my usual standards. I hadn't paid that much attention to mid term game before then, and advanced myself greatly with that. I made it to the top of my field, made a ton of investment cash, banged a decent amount of hotter girls, had some epic trips and now i'm convinced I have post-relationship luck, even though the breakup was painful.

I have a different opinion on women now, summarized as:

~What the fuck do you give a shit about this bitch for? You’re a fucking man, a warrior. A bitch should give you pussy and food. You don’t need comfort from a bitch, you get it from yourself.

Whether that is healthy in the long run, it's to be determined.

delete.

Has anyone here broken up with a girl and blocked his ex on his apps immediately during the break up, gone back in to his lesser used apps and emails later to do the same and found that the ex-gf has -counter-blocked- him on there since?

Any idea what gives, what's going on there..?

*(did she realise belatedly that she should have been more helpful in all kinds of specific, observable ways >>including small, day-to-day administrative tasks<< and is now, finally, trying to make up for it? )