[WesternCancer]

So I went out with some friends last night. Ran into a guy i used to hangout with caveman game that worked negatively (he would go up to girls grab them and try to get the makeout instantly) So I spent most of the night avoiding him. This forced me to talk to as many girls as possible so I could be on the move. Anyways, I'd find myself bailing from the conversation extremely quickly, at the first sign of tension/silence/disinterest. For example I would say my opening line they'd respond short of enthusiastically and I'd just walk away. The farthest I got was with a girl sitting down, we were talking for a few minutes then she checked her phone. That small sign just made me get up and leave.

My question is, has anyone else had this problem before and what is your advice on staying in the conversation to run your game as opposed to letting her control the interaction in the manner I described? Anything you guys tell yourselves when its not going badly, but its not going perfect?

[CJ]

Depends on how extreme the disinterest, etc was. I usually do my approaches from a spot where she has to walk by me, up at the bar when we're both getting a drink, or in a smoking area. That way she has to walk away from me. I try to push every interaction as far as possible, unless I'm the one losing interest.

Sounds to me like Captain Caveman threw you off your game. In that scenario, I'd probably have venue changed or just resigned to relaxing with my friends that were present.

[November]

Everyone struggles with staying in sets at the beginning.

Think about it like working out: If you can only max 30 pushups in a row, you won't increase that number if you only do 25 pushups every day. You have to push yourself beyond what you're "capable" of in order to get better.

One of the things I used to do when I first started was to just stay in set until the girl rejected me or walked away. This led to some awkward fucking interactions and uncomfortable situations, but it does two things for you. First of all, you realize that failure/rejection is not really a big deal. You start to become desensitized to it. Second, you push your limits and it'll be easier and easier for you to stay in set.

If the girl is kind of neutral, just keep plowing through. Keep talking. You'll either end up hooking her or she'll just walk away.

[WesternCancer]

Thanks for the advice guys.

CJ I dig the idea of approaching where SHE has to walk away, this place was packed so much I could not get from one side to another without maneuvering through a crowd. My approaches were along the sides or over my shoulder on the dancefloor, I think I should just stick to dance approaches on the dancefloor. I also like just changing to a different goal for the night, I was there with a bunch of friends so why not go have fun instead of approach when I'm not feeling it.

November: great workout analogy, I think I'm going to try to salvage every set I can unless the girl(s) do/does something that really turns me off, I need to be way less picky at this stage of cold approaching. I think its because I'm used to social circle or game that progresses over time as opposed to a random that I met that night. I also think that if you stay in set you'll practice your verbal acrobatics and bantering skills because your goal is to bang her but she seems disinterested so you have to give your best game at the current point.

[MrXY]

Premature ejection is the number one flaw of beginners game
This is understandable -guys try to avoid rejection by rejecting the girl before she can reject them- thus protecting their ego.
Just try to plow as much as you can-gradually your premature ejection rate will go down.
And learn not to take women so seriously-treat Game as a game and learn to laugh at the blow-outs.

[aries569]

maybe something you can do in your head...

I never like to define it as approaching a girl. I like to see it as moving my body near a girl I'm interested in. It may seem like semantics, but to me it helps me stay calm no matter what. I'll explain.

When I arrive at a bar or party, I move from spot to spot. From that spot, I simply observe. If there are people nearby, I chat them up. If not, I chill. I think a fair way to describe my behavior is aloof in these situations.

When I go to "approach" a girl, I have no intention of talking to her. At least initially. It ends up that I say something to her though right away though. It's almost inevitable also, that she gives a nonverbal sign of rejection. And it is real. I'm not a millionaire or famous, so I know that that is most likely going to happen. When I stay there, the mood is what can only be described as "awkward." Now this is when most guys bail. But, with my mindset, I just go back to chilling.

Then, rinse and repeat. Start a complete new conversation with her after a long, healthy awkward pause. Those awkward pauses become what attract her. It's her rejecting your advances, and you not giving a fuck.

[gringochileno]

(01-17-2012 10:01 AM)November Wrote:  

One of the things I used to do when I first started was to just stay in set until the girl rejected me or walked away. This led to some awkward fucking interactions and uncomfortable situations, but it does two things for you. First of all, you realize that failure/rejection is not really a big deal. You start to become desensitized to it. Second, you push your limits and it'll be easier and easier for you to stay in set.

That's what I do/did. Just stand there and under no circumstances do you leave. Make her be the one to walk away. This tends to go better when you're positioned such that it makes sense for her to be the one to leave, e.g. you have your back to the bar and she's facing you. Regardless, the fact that nobody's forcing you to go anywhere was a huge realization for me. Sure it can get awkward but who fucking cares. Make it uncomfortable for her, not you.

[WesternCancer]

I understand where you guys are coming from, but say you just blew chunks and you were just standing there with your drink, wouldnt it be a "DLV" because everyone can see you getting blown out?

I do agree with the central location, as other bloggers have pointed out theres that one point in the bar with lots of traffic and you just stand there spitting when your "target" comes your way.

[Deluge]

(01-24-2012 02:25 AM)WesternCancer Wrote:  

I understand where you guys are coming from, but say you just blew chunks and you were just standing there with your drink, wouldnt it be a "DLV" because everyone can see you getting blown out?

I think it's best to remove "DHV" and "DLV" from your vocabulary. Your entire persona and everything about you should be a DHV. If you assume you are higher value from the get go the girl will pick up on this in short order.

If a man worries about "DHV"'ing a girl, it will come off as trying to impress her. BAD MOVE.

If a man is afraid that something he did was a "DLV" he will be acting insecure about it. BAD MOVE.

Forget about all that crap.

[WesternCancer]

I try not to use those terms, but sometimes I can't really articulate it more simplistically, hence the quotations around it.