Chicks falling in love...
12-20-2011, 02:38 AM
I think most women struggle with casual relationships, though some fight the impulse to push for more. Most chicks, no matter how independent, or cool with the arrangement they seem, will feel like they're being used only for sex if you don't occasionally do "couple" activities. The more she sees of you, and has sex with you, the stronger her attraction for you grows and the deeper her feelings get, no matter how much she may try to fight that. As men we're good at dealing with the reality of situations, and adhering to codes and rules. Women struggle with that. You've laid out your intentions, and the situation is what it is. That doesn't stop women from wishing for more, and occasionally pushing for it even if the situation, as it is, doesn't allow for that. Don't cut her off. As long as things are to your liking, let HER end it if she can no longer live with the arrangement. Don't blame her though...women can't help feeling the way they do.
I've been through this situation 3 times in the past few years or so. I banged a chick in Phoenix a couple of years ago, and she immediately thought that meant we were in a relationship. She wanted to spend hours a day on the phone, on webcam, texting, and just trying to keep tabs in general. She flat out asked me to move in with her in Phoenix - she already had this whole future planned out, and I was just trying to figure out if I'd go back to Phoenix at some point to fuck her again. I had to tell her point blank I wasn't going to move to be with her, and she wasn't coming to NY to be with me. She was hurt, but it brought her back to reality.
Another chick I fucked in London actually had the potential to be a long-term, long-distance thing, but she basically cut ME off, because I had the audacity to go to Rome for a vacation, instead of coming back to London a third time. And I told her in person that I was taking the trip, because I had a friend there (free lodging) that was moving soon, so I needed to cash in. The trip coincided with my birthday, but that wasn't the reason I was going. She got kind of quiet when I told her my plans, but when I was actually in London she acted funny when I called. She stopped responding to communication. Generally acting like a bitch. Finally, when we talked she said she felt like she was getting shortchanged because I went to Rome for a week, but was only in London for weekends. She works during the week, and is tired. She also attends school (she's Brazilian, and takes English classes), so she's busy during the week. She lives outside of central London in Surrey, and I can't stay with her, so it would be really expensive to pay for a hotel for 7 to 10 days. She can only chill with me on the weekends anyway. Again, in her mind, I was supposed to be be coming to London EVERY time I had a spare moment, when in reality she knew I wasn't moving there, and she wasn't moving here. Even though she still makes no effort to communicate ( occasionally I'll chat with her when she's online, and she always asks when I'm coming back to London), I haven't totally cut her off. I can still hit if I want to, but I don't know if I'll bother. I'm trying to pipeline NEW London shit, and she'll be a backup now. She's gained a lot of weight (I see the pics on FB), so I might not want to hit anyway. If I do, she'll be my first ever HATE FUCK..HA HA!
For years I had a GREAT thing going with a married chick in the LA area in Cali. I have friends out there, so I'm out there a couple of times a year at least. Sometimes I'd fly out and spend the weekend with her (she'd get "time off" from the family to do whatever she wanted. One time, while the family was back in Spain and she was taking courses to renew her teaching certificate, I chilled for a few days in her house, fucking in the bed her kids were conceived in. SWEET). It was one of the greatest relationships I've ever had. In fact, no chick was sweeter to me. We wrote, sent cards, emailed, chatted, talked on the phone, etc. All the things people in LTRs do, and the distance prevented things from getting too out of hand. But we were talking one day about why things worked so well between us, and I realized something. She had no plans to divorce her husband and break up her family - I didn't want that. What we had was perfect. But deep down, she was imaging a future. I told her I thought things worked so well because there wasn't going to be marriage or children in our future. All of those things were basically stripped away already, and it was just us enjoying the relationship for what it was. She got REALLY quiet. I asked what was wrong, and she said she couldn't talk anymore and hung up. Later, she said she was upset because she never looked at our relationship in terms of limitations! Even though she had no plans to divorce, she still IMAGINED that we were something more. That was part of the escape. At that time, she was really unhappy (the husband had confessed to cheating, and wasn't going to stop. In fact, she found out he was fucking another bitch back in Spain too). She actually thought he might divorce HER, which was why she wanted to get back to work just in case (they have 3 kids, but her husband wanted her to stay home with the last one). She had begun to see me as her saftety valve, while I saw the distance relationship as ideal because at a distance you're separated from drama (she acknowledged as much - she said if I were closer, it would have been difficult for her not to want to see me every day). He eventually found out what was up (he knew she was in love with someone because she was actually HAPPY...HA HA!), and decided he wanted to save his marriage and stop fucking around. So she said goodbye for a while, but reinitiated contact recently on MSN Messenger on the sneak.
Bottom line...as a man, just enjoy the relationship as it is and always make sure it suits you. For the time you're together, make her your focus and be attentive. For me, the beauty of distance relationships is that you can be all-out intense for those short periods, then get a break. If she can't handle things as they are, it's up to her to be in or out.
"The best kind of pride is that which compels a man to do his best when no one is watching."