[soup]

There's this cockblocking bartender who consistently tries to make it hard for me. He's seen me mac on a lot of girls and is probably jealous. I've tried tipping him more, but he's a fucking child and doesn't respond. Any advice?

[MiXX]

(11-23-2011 11:52 AM)soup Wrote:  

There's this cockblocking bartender who consistently tries to make it hard for me. He's seen me mac on a lot of girls and is probably jealous. I've tried tipping him more, but he's a fucking child and doesn't respond. Any advice?

Yup, confront him, and tell him to stop cock-blocking you. Now, as the pussy he sounds like he is, he will flat-out deny that he is doing any such thing, as such, be ready to have some SPECIFIC scenarios where he cock-blocked you. Be firm in your request adn demands, do NOT smile at him, he needs to see you mean fuckin' business or he's asking for it!

BEFORE YOU DO THIS, HAVE THE BOUNCERS ON LOCK-DOWN!! All he has to do is ask a bouncer to kick you out and chances are the bouncer will comply and take his side!

If he continues to cock-block you, find the cockiest, meanest looking dude you find, and tell him the bartender was secretly telling girls how he can kick his ass just to get laid.

Try to find another bar/lounge to frequent too, don't place all your eggs in one basket sort of speak.

Mixx

[soup]

I have a feeling that there's nothing I can do about it. I can't make waves at this place, as it is the best spot in my hood to pull. If I try to talk to him directly, he will not get it.. like a woman. I just try to be polite and ignore him because he's got a lot more power than me. I think even the female bartenders get me more. He's totally brainwashed.

[MiXX]

(11-23-2011 12:14 PM)soup Wrote:  

I just try to be polite and ignore him because he's got a lot more power than me.

He's got more power over you, because you already convinced yourself he does...a very beta trait you have there.

Man up, and hold your place - being alpha is not showing women how you can fuck them, it's about standing up for yourself with confidence when you feel some bitch-ass white knight is trying to bring you down for no fucking reason.


This is going to continue until you man up. So, you either:

A) Man up and confront him, or
B) stop bitching about it here asking for advice, when your mind was already made-up that he has imaginary "more power" than you.
C) Find a new bar, even if its far away form you "hood".

** Remember, you are a paying customer, and are entitled to respect, when you give respect to him - you pay him, not the other way around!

Get management involved if you're really that concerned about being blacklisted!


Mixx

[bez]

I agree with mixx,but if your set on continuing to prop up the bar at this venue i wonder if maybe flipping the script on him might change his tune.....
Try setting him up with a girl and make sure he knows it was you that hooked him up.....
I understand this could also be counterproductive but it might turn into a good thing.

[Tuthmosis]

My recommendation is to get management involved from the beginning. Ask for an audience with the boss that night and be respectful, but manly:

"Sorry to bother you, man. I just wanted to raise a concern with you I've had about So-and-So the bartender. Over the past few weeks, he's repeatedly been...[proceed to explain the worst of what he's been doing, "casting aspersions on your character" with other patrons. Tell him you're there, like everyone else, "to have a good time" and "have lots of friends in this bar because I'm known to be a good guy." Also drop that you "tip well." etc. etc.]"

Stay calm and managerial in your tone. But don't go on and on. Don't get aggressive and entitled (saying shit like "I'm a paying customer"). Just make your point cool and smooth. Close with something like:

"I didn't want to confront him publicly about this and create a big problem, so I'm coming to you first. I'd rather talk to him directly, but wanted to get your advice on the matter. This is unacceptable as-is. I like this place and so do a lot of my friends. We all want to keep coming here without the feeling that a rogue member of the staff has it in for us."

Get the manager's name and remember it (you may need to name-drop later). Keep in mind that bartenders are very replaceable and a dime-a-dozen. It is a very coveted job. The manager will either pull him aside or give you the go-ahead to talk with him. If he doesn't give it to you, ask for it. "You probably want to talk to him, but I'd like to talk to him (respectfully of course) about it too. Or, I'm just happy to do it." At that point, you will have neutralized the bartender's bouncer power. He won't try any funny business. He might keep white-knighting, but you will have started a paper trail. Tell people. Even get the bouncers involved. If they're chill, you can feel them out and be like: "what's the deal with so-and-so the bartender?" Guy will be like, "what do you mean?" And you can explain. Beat that asshole at his own game. Smear the fuck out of his character and confront him. Own his-ass.

An alpha deals with all sides of a problem. He doesn't always enter through the front door with force. He navigates to the right spot, then stomps on his opponent.

[Parlay44]

Shit like this pisses me off. He probably got into bartending as a way to meet girls. He obviously doesn't realize that he's "working" and not socializing. Cockblocking is a form of possessive behavior like he's staking some kind of claim on these girls.

[Menace]

Curious to know what the bartender does to cockblock you.

[soup]

Last night he was chatting with three girls on my right. I started to talk with the girl closest to me. Some guy came up to her and asked her to dance. I was like "yeah, you should go dance with that guy " and she smiled back and was like "ok." She got up and I sat down in her seat.

Then the bartender tells me "that seat's reserved." Even the girls were like "no, it's cool if he sits there"

On another occasion I started making out with beautiful Norwegian girl at the bar. Her friends went to the back patio. When she ordered another drink from him, he delivers it with "I think your friends are outside" or "where are your friends?" My jaw literally dropped.

He's also yelled at me "if you tip me more, i'll give you buy-backs" I tipped him more and nothing changed.

I've heard him exclaim loudly when I've kissed-closed different girls in front of him on consecutive nights (or the same night) which leads me to think that this a jealousy thing.


Btw- thanks to everyone here for the feedback.

[alphaspiraton]

Nothing to contribute here, but damn Tuthmosis. Great post. It's helpful advice like this that makes this forum worth frequenting.

Mixx good stuff too

[el mechanico]

"Then the bartender tells me "that seat's reserved." Even the girls were like "no, it's cool if he sits there"

That would have been it right there. At that point you should of pulled him aside and asked if he was a pussy cop and told him to mind himself.
The dude isn't just a blocker but he's a hater as well and has no business tending bar. Next time he pulls that shit or anything like that go at him and punk his ass.

I'm got furious when I read that. What city are you in?

[MiXX]

(11-23-2011 04:32 PM)soup Wrote:  

Last night he was chatting with three girls on my right. I started to talk with the girl closest to me. Some guy came up to her and asked her to dance. I was like "yeah, you should go dance with that guy " and she smiled back and was like "ok." She got up and I sat down in her seat.

Then the bartender tells me "that seat's reserved." Even the girls were like "no, it's cool if he sits there"

When he told you the seat was "reserved" (which is bullshit), I would of smiled and confidently said {looking at the girls} "yup, it's reserved for me - right ladies? I'll take a martini, shaken...not stirred please".....

But, I'm a dick like that...you need to get the girls on your side and if he chellenges you or gets you kicked out, he looks like an ass to the girls.

MIxx

[soup]

I'm in NYC.

Mixx, they totally were on my side and spoke up for me a bit. Thanks for the kick in the ass advice. I think I make too many excuses and don't stand up for my self enough.

Yes, I'm going to agree an amplify next time.

I'm going to go the same spot tonight and I hope this fucking pussy cop is there so he can enviously watch as I slay pussy on his turf.

[el mechanico]

I think Tuth's advice may not work in NYC. They will probably all team up on you.

Walk in and when you get around to see him look for any flaw you can see in his hair or attire and say something like..

Hey Chief, How ya doin today with that shirt?

Next drink....No please, no Thank you........Just say...Scotch-soda or whatever (not strawberry margarita) know what it costs and give him the money with like 50 cents extra and walk away. Keep your bills ready to do this over and over..See how he reacts and report back.

Are you dead sure he's not just joking and you are taking it the wrong way? I could understand that in Cali or some other wussy state but NYC?

He better be joking with you. That shit does not last long up there at all unless it's some strange place.

If a bartender said that up there the response should be more like..Fuckin killin me dude, make yourself useful and get me a drink

[kimleebj]

I admit I am out of my element and don't frequent bars. But has anyone considered making nice with this guy? Tell him you are really jealous because he is "the man" and gets his choice of any ladies. Ask his advice. Tell him to let you know if any of the ladies are there to see him because you don't want to compete with a pro. Then tell the ladies in front of everybody that he is the best damn bartender in the city.

If that fails, then you can be confrontational and politely explain that he is cramping your social interactions. Tell him you respect his position, but you are spending a lot of money on drinks and need his cooperation to get a return on your investment. Then you may get an uneasy truce.

If that fails then you start tipping one penny and complain to management.

Again, this isn't my area. But I'm occassionally amazed by people who don't try communication and diplomacy.

[el mechanico]

I consider a bar to be more like a warzone. The hottest girl is Osama and the rest are Taliban. I'm trying to get them. The staff is considered to be local poppy farmers or tribe leaders that are either harboring and giving false information or the same with a true opposition to the enemy or they are just clueless.

[MikeCF]

(11-23-2011 04:32 PM)soup Wrote:  

Last night he was chatting with three girls on my right. I started to talk with the girl closest to me. Some guy came up to her and asked her to dance. I was like "yeah, you should go dance with that guy " and she smiled back and was like "ok." She got up and I sat down in her seat.

Then the bartender tells me "that seat's reserved." Even the girls were like "no, it's cool if he sits there"

My mentality is this: If you fuck with me, I am going to make your life unpleasant. I will either kick your ass or steal your soul.

Here's what I would have done.

"Whoa, hey buddy, there are two girls here. You are greedy, aren't you?"

Face girls, so you're 45 degree angle away from bartender.

Gesture arm arm towards bartender, look at him, then face girls again.

"I think guy likes you."

Look over shoulder at bartender, while winking at girls, "Hey, if you want, I'll get her number for you."

Face girls.

"So, which one of you likes this bartender."

Now the guy is owned. He won't have shit to say. He'll look like an ass. And he'll avoid you whenever you come in.

[el mechanico]

(11-23-2011 07:55 PM)MikeCF Wrote:  

(11-23-2011 04:32 PM)soup Wrote:  

Last night he was chatting with three girls on my right. I started to talk with the girl closest to me. Some guy came up to her and asked her to dance. I was like "yeah, you should go dance with that guy " and she smiled back and was like "ok." She got up and I sat down in her seat.

Then the bartender tells me "that seat's reserved." Even the girls were like "no, it's cool if he sits there"

My mentality is this: If you fuck with me, I am going to make your life unpleasant. I will either kick your ass or steal your soul.

Here's what I would have done.

"Whoa, hey buddy, there are two girls here. You are greedy, aren't you?"

Face girls, so you're 45 degree angle away from bartender.

Gesture arm arm towards bartender, look at him, then face girls again.

"I think guy likes you."

Look over shoulder at bartender, while winking at girls, "Hey, if you want, I'll get her number for you."

Face girls.

"So, which one of you likes this bartender."

Now the guy is owned. He won't have shit to say. He'll look like an ass. And he'll avoid you whenever you come in.

Maybe out west but NY no. He will have something to say and it will probably be good. These dudes that bartend for the most part have super quick wit unless he's some retard that someone was forced into hiring.

[soup]

I would want to minimize conflict, because that's giving him an excuse to get me bounced. I'd like to deal with it indirectly, like Tuth's thing.

I think that it's all me- there's something I'm not doing that would make this guy, and all the other amogs, back off.

[el mechanico]

(11-23-2011 08:35 PM)soup Wrote:  

I would want to minimize conflict, because that's giving him an excuse to get me bounced. I'd like to deal with it indirectly, like Tuth's thing.

I think that it's all me- there's something I'm not doing that would make this guy, and all the other amogs, back off.

Conflict + Northeast states = respect

[MikeCF]

(11-23-2011 08:03 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

Maybe out west but NY no. He will have something to say and it will probably be good. These dudes that bartend for the most part have super quick wit unless he's some retard that someone was forced into hiring.

Based on the guy's tactics (bush leage hating), he won't have any fast comebacks.

If he had quick wit, he would have come up with something better than, "That seat is taken" is non-clever.

[Gmac]

I agree with Mech. Don't bring management into it, you will only end up pissing him off more.

[el mechanico]

(11-23-2011 08:43 PM)MikeCF Wrote:  

(11-23-2011 08:03 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

Maybe out west but NY no. He will have something to say and it will probably be good. These dudes that bartend for the most part have super quick wit unless he's some retard that someone was forced into hiring.

Based on the guy's tactics (bush leage hating), he won't have any fast comebacks.

If he had quick wit, he would have come up with something better than, "That seat is taken" is non-clever.

I think he was joking and soup fell for it. He was testing his confidence. Typical NE shit.

[Tuthmosis]

(11-23-2011 08:49 PM)Gmac Wrote:  

I agree with Mech. Don't bring management into it, you will only end up pissing him off more.

Fuck that guy. Who cares if he gets pissed? He's already hating on soup and scrambling his game. What's he going to do: fuck it up more? Right now he cockblocks him at his whim. He's basically a gatekeeper to his pussy. Fuck. That. Shit.

The point here is to neutralize the bartender's power: his ability to go to the bouncers or management to get him booted, or even banned, from the establishment. If you confront him straight (which, of course is what you would do will a real man), this guy is enough of a little bitch to get you kicked out and that's it. Confrontation or question of his fake-ass "authority" is liable to "piss him off" too.

To the bouncers and management, you'd just be another semi-drunk asshole who they had to kick out that week. You can't scare the guy by trying to intimidate him with your alphaness, because he's obviously power-tripping on the little bit of influence he has in that place. He's confident behind that counter. The best move is to take the legs out from under him (the power of his post), and then confront him when he's unarmed. At that point, you're known to the management and you're not going to get kicked out no-questions-asked. New York is no different than LA or any other big city I've spent time in, in my opinion.

Show respect, show manliness, and--most importantly--be strategic, and you will get a lot further. This works in any place.

[Gmac]

If he's a good, popular bartender and a moneymaker, the management isn't going to give a flying fuck that he's cockblocking you. Unless you're a regular who drops a good amount of cash throughout the year, that route is rarely ever going to work.

And I never said "intimidate him with alphaness." Make it disadvantageous for him to cockblock you and you win.

Quote:

Show respect, show manliness, and--most importantly--be strategic, and you will get a lot further. This works in any place.

Agreed... to a point. A man only gets my respect after he's earned it.