[5K2D]

I'd like some advice - is it a bad idea to be open about the fact that one has (high-functioning) autism?
I have the condition (yes, diagnosed by qualified psychiatrists, and for further proof I can't stand bright greens), and I'm one of the lucky ones - while I'm still usually pegged as eccentric, and rightly so, I'm able to adapt to social situations much better than those with more severe symptoms. I also know a few others in my position (adapted well enough to blend in), but none of us are, so to speak, "out". I know there's stigma surrounding the condition, but I have no idea how negative it is.
Basic question - is the stigma bad enough to significantly cripple my approaches? I don't plan on telling anyone I game directly, but word gets around fast at college.
The main factors to balance here are the possibility of reducing societal stigma by being a more or less normal example vs. the fact that it might take much more effort to get laid (unless I can spin the "mad artist" angle, seeing as I play music shows from time to time).

[Bad Hussar]

Why would even bring it up? The one guy I knew who definitely had HFA was the smartest guy I've ever known (Like MIT smart). It's really not anything to be ashamed of.

Since you are high functioning I'm sure you can get by in the world without too many problems. Just be yourself and ignore questions about why you are sometimes withrawn, or whatever your symptoms are. If nothing else it will keep them guessing about you.

[5K2D]

Well, for a couple of reasons - one, I have to ask people if there are areas with bright green in their houses before I visit so I can avoid those areas, and the cleanest way to navigate those situations is to be upfront (I can't think of any other plausible explanation for wanting to avoid greens, and it puts a damper on things if I just leave it unexplained). Second is just to help the destigmatization process - if people know someone with autism who's relatively normal, it will hopefully prevent them from stereotyping or making upfront judgments about the condition or others with it.

[Bad Hussar]

(10-27-2011 12:19 PM)5K2D Wrote:  

Well, for a couple of reasons - one, I have to ask people if there are areas with bright green in their houses before I visit so I can avoid those areas, and the cleanest way to navigate those situations is to be upfront (I can't think of any other plausible explanation for wanting to avoid greens, and it puts a damper on things if I just leave it unexplained). Second is just to help the destigmatization process - if people know someone with autism who's relatively normal, it will hopefully prevent them from stereotyping or making upfront judgments about the condition or others with it.

Mmm, OK, having to avoid bright green might need some explanation. I suppose you could try evasive or cocky/funny answers when asked why e.g. "It's complicated" and move on. If you have to say something I wouldn't make a big deal about it. It's not likes it's a confession or something. Just be casual. Frame it like you would, say, a food allergy. Something that you "have" but can relatively easily deal with.

[kimleebj]

SK2D, this is fascinating. We get posts from many types, but you have a particular issue that might be instructive.

Does your condition prevent you from reading body language and facial expressions? If a girl flips her hair and laughs at your jokes, do you know she likes you? What if she invites you up for coffee? Conversely, can other people read you, or do you have an inner/outer wall that renders you blank? Your solutions might help others here.

Offhand I think you might do better with online dating.

[5K2D]

It doesn't prevent me from reading body language and facial expressions - it just makes it more difficult. I've studied both extensively, and I pick up on these things now. If I focus, I'm actually quite good at it. But I needed explicit instruction/outside help - I don't think I would have worked out on my own that hair flipping is a good sign, for example, and the list of IOIs in Mystery Method literature was invaluable. I still have trouble with subtle prosodic and physical cues, but I think I have the rest down. Usually I get things right (as far as I can tell), but every once in a while something goes completely over my head. This is after years of experience, though - in childhood I did far worse.
The main disadvantage I have is that I don't pick up on social conventions the way most people do - I generally need explicit feedback to figure them out, which is often difficult to come by (I have to ask a trusted friend, or I violate a norm so drastically that someone calls me out on it). I have a mental rulebook of sorts - I don't have to know how the rules work (although it's nice to understand) to use them for my benefit. I have enough experience to pass as an eccentric but otherwise normal person.
I can't definitively state how I am perceived by others, but according to a few reports I come across as enigmatic and distant to those who don't know me well. I don't think I'm easy to read.
I actually do relatively badly with online dating, I'm not sure why. I do far better in real life. I can't communicate the same vibe through text as conversation, it seems. That and I have unremarkable pictures, and there's little incentive to put effort into online dating when you're in college.

Example of stereotyping - any of Roissy/Heartiste's references to "Aspies". This is the kind of thing that makes me want to be open about it so people know that we can adapt (and get laid, too).

[Pusscrook]

5K, quick question....

From what I understand, on average, men with autism are better than women at finding detail and worse at reading emotional states and faux pas .

*Have you ever tried focusing on women who enjoy the mind of a man as opposed to the emotional state of the man?

GIven that you are at a stalemate, I was just wondering if you are tying to bridge the gap by forcing yourself to adapt to that which is unreachable at this time.

[MikeCF]

Among guys? No need to hide it. Guys are way cooler and more accepting than wome. don't bring it up to girls.

[oldnemesis]

(10-27-2011 12:17 AM)5K2D Wrote:  

Basic question - is the stigma bad enough to significantly cripple my approaches? I don't plan on telling anyone I game directly, but word gets around fast at college.

Find your niche. With autism it is unlikely that the most typically discussed here way to get laid would fit you (I'm talking about the "go to a club/bar, approach 100 girls, one of them would be interested in having sex with you tonight") - most likely because your logical brain would reject it as major waste of time and having too low ROI. Therefore finding your niche is much more important in your case. Hobbies, sports, outside interests.

[5K2D]

Pusscrook - what do you mean? Do they normally enjoy the emotional state of the man specifically? Also, wouldn't emotional state be considered part of the mind?

oldnemesis - it's funny you should mention that, the fact that "live performer" is a useful game niche is half of the reason I do it in the first place (the other half being publicity for my recorded work). I was inspired by Roosh's post on situations in which girls approach you - anything that reduces the amount of work I need to do to capture & hold interest works to my advantage. Now that you mentioned ROI though, have you (or has anyone else reading this) kept a logbook/statistics of ROI in given situations?

[iknowexactly]

I don't think you should label yourself except as necessary to work with MH professionals or to reach a level of intimacy with friends ( not chicks) you can't reach without discussing it.

I know MH professionals use labels as a tool, just to save time, every person is different. You aren't the label.

You could make up a number of excuses for avoiding green. " I have a very negative reaction to bright green. I've always had it. "
This helps eliminate questions since you've "always had it," you don't where it came from.

I'm curious as to how disabling seeing bright green is.

If there is a bright green sofa, can you just turn away from it or do you noticably react strongly?

[5K2D]

The best way I can describe it is a feeling of intense disgust, as if one were viewing a couch crawling with large bugs. Probably the only visible reaction is pupil dialation and maybe a slight startle reaction if it's right in front of me when I notice it. It's better if I turn away, but it still makes me uncomfortable and I prefer not to be around it in the first place. I could sit down if pressed, but it would require substantial mental preparation.

[iknowexactly]

I googled aversion green color autism and got a bunch of unrelated stuff. no one will know there's a link if they're not a researcher or have a relative who has it.