[eXpatriated]

In advance, let me appologize for the wall of text I'm about to put out there. With that out of the way...

Currently in the middle of medic school-I figured it would be a decent idea to start with our local EMS team as a basic to get the experience I'd need to excell in class. Problem being, long hours + cute nurses/medics (my current problem-more on that in a sec) = the beginning of the end of my current relationship.

I've always been a player at heart, and it took me a long time to settle into the idea of being with one person for any extended period of time. I'm not here to whine about that though-I'm here to whine about how much the logistics of the game have changed since I was in it. Maybe I'm just getting old, but it used to be enough just to smile, be polite...I'm sure I'll adjust with time though.

All this leading up to my current situation. I'm still floating between partners for the time being, thought I've started to have a certain recurring partner-she picks up quite a few of my shifts under the pretenses of, "I enjoy working with you". Now, if that's all there was to it, I'd probably say forget it and keep working on my bar game. Lately, things have been getting more personal though.

We started a long texting marathon yesterday (while with different partners obviously)-both of us are Agnostic, and the previous night we had both been told we were going to hell by a Christian patient who had inquired about our religion (it's Tennessee, so go figure). We had been joking back and forth about who all was on the train to hell with us, when I had a moment of inspiration and decided to see how far I can take it, and asked her out for a drink. To which she responded saying that she only had two days off which she was using to visit her parents.

Ok...no big deal. I misinterpreted the situation, so I politely text her back, say no problem, appologize for any real or perceived lines crossed, and basically try to end the conversation (on a good note since we both have several more days this month we have to work together that I really don't want to be awquard). Told her to get some rest and I'd see her Friday (this was her 18th straight day working)...not really expecting another response. 10 minutes later..."You didn't cross any line, silly ass. And stop being so damn pious lol."

Today-same situation. On my way with an out of town transfer, she starts another text marathon (though nothing about an outside-of-work meeting was brought up). Every time I would try to end the conversation (I believe on ending conversations on high notes instead of waiting till they fizzle to the point of being nothing more than repetitive lol's) she would follow up with another question trying to spark back up the conversation.

The thing that's driving me crazy? Every time I try to compliment her (which trust me, isn't constant, but enough to-in my past experiences-pique her interest) I get something to the effect of "Compliments are so self-deprecating". Really. How do you respond to something like that?

I somewhat see where she's coming from. Divorced, 6 years older than me (tho still as close to a 10 as I've ever seen), screwed over recently by a guy she worked with-basically...JADED. lol But there's something undeniably attractive about a woman that is drop dead goregous, has amazing taste in music, plays video games, and to top it all off: intelligent and independent.

So to all the experts on how the game works NOW-as opposed to when I would have known what to do four or so years ago. Any way I can tighten up my game? Am I just wasting my time? I'll admit, I'm a bit sprung on this girl-but if it's a waste of time I'd rather just keep hitting up the local bars for quick flings.

Thanks!

[Hangover]

(05-22-2009 01:32 AM)eXpatriated Wrote:  

So to all the experts on how the game works NOW-as opposed to when I would have known what to do four or so years ago. Any way I can tighten up my game? Am I just wasting my time? I'll admit, I'm a bit sprung on this girl-but if it's a waste of time I'd rather just keep hitting up the local bars for quick flings.

It seems that you're quite into her for a good reason - you're attracted to strong independent personalities. As much as has been said here about being aloof and mysterious (all good behaviors in themselves), jaded women require an understanding. You don't have to become her girlfriend but they are attracted to nicer, more understanding side of you because they have been burned in the past. I have been with quite a few jaded ones and this has always been the case.

Also, more experienced and burned women can generally see through the BS which is much of the game is about. You're better off being sincere sometimes. Keep the mystery too, though.

[eXpatriated]

While I understand what you're saying, I guess my experience w/women lately has been the type that are satisfied with smooth talk/the mysterious type. Quickly learning the more I hang around her that she isn't that type.

I'm currently working on the sweet/sincere approach (and actually being *GASP* truly sincere) and have gotten her to open up quite a bit about her past relationships and what she's looking for. The problem being? What she says she wants is completely different from what she acts like she wants-typical female, I suppose. Of course, I'd probably be a bit fucked up myself if I had been in a 6 year relationship where I was degraded/beaten on a daily basis. Everyone else at work has told me to give it up-but I'm hardheaded. I see something I want, 9 times out of 10 I'm going to get it.

Worried my reputation might be fucking me here though-I've slept with two girls that work there as well, and things typically move quite quickly through the grape vine. Both were on a friends-with-benefits type basis, but I wonder if that's keeping her from opening up with me physically.

A bit of progress tho! She cancelled the trip to her parents-I asked if she was still up for a drink, to which she replied, "I know your type. But you still may hear from me in the morning." (Which is a given at this point). She wasn't taking her own comment very seriously either, I don't think, seeing as she was smiling and winking.

Sweet girl-don't want to fuck her up and turn her into a lesbian or anything, and seeing as that I'm not necessarily ready to settle back down, do you think it would be a bad idea to back off?

[Hangover]

Re: being sincere. You can't have a "sincere" approach. You are either sincere or not, you can't really fake it unless you're a good actor, and women have an unusually high sense for BS, better than most of guys.

Re: your reputation. This could be a double-edged issue. On the one hand, jaded women can be extremely wary of players and would want to find someone who's more serious. On the other hand, women might have a mission to change and tame you, as most of the times they try, so they would see a challenge in trying to get a player to change into a nice, bathrobe and slippers-wearing, dog loving type of guy.

Should you break it off? Dude, it's up to you. If you are into quick bang with no consequence, then yes. If you see you and her being together in the long term and you don't want to be remembered by her as another one of those men who treated her like shit, then drop the player attitude and invest into her. Although most people here would disagree Again, it all depends on what YOU want from this. Make up your mind - that's manly and sexy.

[Trotter]

Being a mother is a game changer. Women don't quite think and react the same way as when they were young and single. Y&S usually means aloof, willing to take risks, and looking for fun. Being a divorced, single, mother changes the line of thinking in almost 180 degrees. More than likely she's looking for a long term provider rather than a fling. That can be especially true if her life schedule is as hectic as you describe. If anything she's deciding if you're worth taking the risk on. Her thought processes is more calculated than an easy-going, fun-loving, 18yo chick without responsibility. It almost sounds like to me she's lonely and just looking for a companion (or buddy).

However, she's still a woman. Tease her quite a bit more, no complimenting at all, keep the environment fun without going too far with it. Also display some disinterest of her as being a romantic prospect. The next time you ask her out don't ask but simply tell her. Then preface it with something like "If you promise me you'll behave..."

[eXpatriated]

Actually, she's not a mother. But it's cool. =) And honestly, the more we talk the more I wonder if she is just looking for something on a friends w/benefits level. She's starting to open up w/me more about her past (other people informed me about her past relationships and it wasn't till today that she told me herself). Hence, she says, the reason she's so cynical and mistrusting. She continues to insist that we need to go out for drinks-just a matter of finding a day we're both off. IDK, I'm going to ride it out and see what happens, though I don't really feel like jumping back into another LTR. She might make a hell of a wing-woman though, or if nothing else, major social-proof (and a good friend to boot).

[Trotter]

Where did I read that she had a kid and divorced? Ahh, I must have inferred after reading "divorce". Alas, belay the previous.

[Hangover]

(05-26-2009 02:25 PM)Trotter Wrote:  

Being a mother is a game changer. Women don't quite think and react the same way as when they were young and single. Y&S usually means aloof, willing to take risks, and looking for fun. Being a divorced, single, mother changes the line of thinking in almost 180 degrees. More than likely she's looking for a long term provider rather than a fling. That can be especially true if her life schedule is as hectic as you describe. If anything she's deciding if you're worth taking the risk on. Her thought processes is more calculated than an easy-going, fun-loving, 18yo chick without responsibility. It almost sounds like to me she's lonely and just looking for a companion (or buddy).

However, she's still a woman. Tease her quite a bit more, no complimenting at all, keep the environment fun without going too far with it. Also display some disinterest of her as being a romantic prospect. The next time you ask her out don't ask but simply tell her. Then preface it with something like "If you promise me you'll behave..."

I don't know if I agree at all. I've dated a couple of single mothers and they could cut through your game quite effectively. More than once I've heard sarcastic remarks about men being pretty plain about being aloof and somewhat disinterested. I still think that being sincere works a lot better with this type. At least it has for me.

[Roosh]

You asked her out once and she said no while not encouraging you much to do it again. You can't ask again unless the situation turns in your favor.

Go cold for a bit and see what she does. Be curt/abrupt in text messages or don't reply at all and have a lame excuse ready.

Edit: I see i'm late to the game. Now it seems more like a logistics problem.

[eXpatriated]

We've actually went out a couple times since I last posted. Nothing more physical than a quick kiss, but that's progress, no?

She's starting show more signs of interest-been paying close attention to her body language and the things she says/way she acts around me. I was teasing her a few days ago about her trust issues w/men, to which she responded, "Most men are pieces of shit. But I trust you." Taking it slow (as well as keeping other options open), but I have been being completely sincere with her which seems to be working better than the usual approach suggested on these forums/Roosh's guide (which admittedly worked well on the two girls I had hooked up with before her).

Still looking at all aspects of the situation-I feel like if I hook up with her it's going to be a LT type deal. Not that that's a bad thing-25% of the women here need dental insurance, 50% of them are basketcases that want to drag me to church, and 24.9% are just plain ignorant. She happens to be in that .1% that actually fits me pretty well. Not to mention the fact that I'm getting OLD. LOL There's only so many more years I'm going to be able to pick up women of the quality I've become accustomed to.

Playing it slow and seeing how it goes-I appreciate the advice from everyone though.

[Hangover]

(06-08-2009 01:34 AM)eXpatriated Wrote:  

Still looking at all aspects of the situation-I feel like if I hook up with her it's going to be a LT type deal. Not that that's a bad thing-25% of the women here need dental insurance, 50% of them are basketcases that want to drag me to church, and 24.9% are just plain ignorant. She happens to be in that .1% that actually fits me pretty well. Not to mention the fact that I'm getting OLD. LOL There's only so many more years I'm going to be able to pick up women of the quality I've become accustomed to.

Playing it slow and seeing how it goes-I appreciate the advice from everyone though.

It seems that you're on the right track for what you want from her. LT is different from 3-night stands and requires different philosophy, i.e. not game. Would be curious to know how it goes.