Dealing with a breakup with someone your considered a potential 'one'
02-20-2019, 01:33 AM
I feel like I'm personally being asked this question.
I've been around social dancing for many years, known how to dance for over a decade now. My thing is salsa, but I've also rubbed elbows in the bachata scene.
There are couples where the man doesn't dance, and the woman does, that have made it work.
It is exceedingly rare, but it happens.
What do these couples have in common? The woman understands the inherent risk of her situation. She has an addiction. And the failing of any addiction is exposure. Having junk food in the house makes it a lot more likely you'll eat junk food. BUT. That doesn't mean there are people who will still choose to eat celery and carrot sticks over junk food even when faced with the choice.
Back to those successful couples. How they handle this obstacle is largely out of the guys hands, unless he knows the ins and outs of social dancing intimately and knows how to carefully ask for specific behaviors without insisting on ultimatums. So, what do the women do that makes them successful?
They are never, ever, ever alone with people of the opposite sex.
Not for a drink, not for dinner, not for practice, not even walking to her fucking car. Not platonically or in any context. It is entirely possible for women to be respectful to their significant other in a social dancing context, even sensual bachata. She's in a public venue, and for many of these dancers, it's really a lot like a sport. A way to experience flow. There may be 'pretend' flirting, but it goes no further. The issue is, that dancing is often a springboard for more, and you get so many rounds to do it. There's no other activity in the world where a guy has 3-4 minutes to step up and make a first impression on an attractive girl, by physically touching her and not even having to say a word. Moreover, a girl can have anywhere between 10-40 dances in a single night. Multiply that by however many times a week she goes out. How many people here approach even near that number of new women per week? I'm sure there are a few here, but not many. The exposure is HUGE.
There's a lot of physical communication going on there, but if the communicating continues beyond that, that's where the real problem is. If you lose track of her for extended periods of time. If she's arriving at home past 2 AM, if she's meeting up to 'practice' with random guys 1 on 1, if you can't reach her by text at times when you should reach her, all these are huge red flags.
You also mentioned it was like 'her second job.' It sounds like she may be on a team. That's even more worrisome, because these people have the further benefit of extended repeated proximity, and often, 1 on 1 practice.
In short, to quote Mike Tyson, her defense must be absolutely, positively impregnable. Fucking ELITE. If not, it simply will not work. If she is good looking, she will meet a guy smooth enough, interesting enough, successful enough and aggressive enough to do the deed. Dancing is a powerful motherfucking drug.
As a final note, you may look at her as 'the one' now, but it's highly possible you may have dodged a bullet. Being a serial sensual bachata dancer is HIGH on my list of red flags. It says a lot about her that she is that addicted to something so romantically 'dangerous.' It's the absolute biggest, most attention whoring and dramatic social dance there is. I fucking hate it. If she liked salsa, it would be a different story, although with a lot of the same tripwires.
I think, and I hope, in time, that you will realize she was dope, she was great, she may have even become a good mom.
But she was definitely not perfect.
