Quote: (01-16-2019 04:44 PM)moneyshot Wrote:
So here's my life situation right now. It is pretty dire for someone who aspires to live the prototypical red-pilled lifestyle. (I firmly believe in RP philosophy, but do not really "live it" at all.)
I am a 27-year-old college dropout (was a sophomore at business school, dropped out sophomore year) living in the suburbs of a major US city, about 45 minutes from the main hub. I live with my parents, who are in their mid-60s; I am on disability due to having semi-frequent grand mal seizures, from which I have suffered multiple serious physical injuries both at home and previously work. These forced me to quit my job several years ago. My parents do not support the idea of living outside the home or holding a job because of my seizures, which are mostly, but NOT completely controlled with medication.
Unless you are hoping to leave the United States for work, I recommend not going back to finish your bachelors degree as it would most probably take another two years at least in the business degree really isn't worth much unless it's just a work visa thing. However, it may be beneficial (this depends on what you want to do) to go to your local community college and inquire as to how many of your credits they will accept and what it would take now for you to complete an Associates degree in something that you could either do from home or within an environment in which you could quickly get help if you should start to have another seizure.
Quote:moneyshot Wrote:
My monthly disability checks are our only current source of income, and they pay for our monthly expenses for the most part; our apartment is HUD-subsidized, so thankfully the rent is low. (It is in a good "active adult [read: oldster] community".) I have ~$2000 in credit card debt and about $5k in student loan debt. We need but do not have a car, and my dad is the only one who can legally drive anyway, so we borrow my spinster aunt's (mom's sister) car, which is a reliable, recent-model-year small SUV.
Do you mean that you are fully supporting both of your parents as well as yourself and living with them? How much per month are you getting in disability and what do you have to do to get that money? By this, I mean do you have to go to regular appointments at a hospital or physically remain close to a particular office?
Would it be at all possible for you to set aside a percentage of your disability income (such as 10% or 20% per month for example) for the purpose of paying off your credit card and student loan debts? Are these debts accumulating interest?
Why is your dad the only one who is legally allowed to drive?
Quote:moneyshot Wrote:
My mom is not in the best of health (has had multiple strokes, which run in her side of the family, for one), and has just learned she will need major neck/spine surgery that might prevent her from working an outside job possibly ever again. My dad has not had many physical health issues, but has major depression issues which he will not admit to, and has not held a job for almost a decade. (I am hesitant to call him a deadbeat because he is not outwardly an asshole or leecher, nor does he drink or do drugs. He has hoarding tendencies, though, and we currently are renting an inexpensive storage unit for our extra stuff, of which 95+% belongs to my parents.)
My love life is non-existent, and I do not put any effort into changing that, nor do I indulge in porn or even masturbation at all. I do not have any sexual interest in men or bisexuality–just resignation to the fact that right now it's just not possible to make romantic inroads with anyone right now.
I could suggest that you try to convince your father to sell or Goodwill the majority or entirety of his hoarded possessions, but it is highly unlikely that you will be able to change your father's hoarding tendencies. For your dad's depression issues, I recommend getting him
The Feeling Good Handbook and
Feeling Good by Dr. David D. Burns. I have personally owned both of these books myself and I find Dr. Burns's method to be very helpful for those who seek to address depressive issues without simply swallowing a bunch of medications with unknown side effects and addictive qualities.
There is really nothing I can say about your mom other than that you should look into getting her on disability and/or welfare. Frankly, you should look into doing that for your father as well if for no other reason than so that you will not be the only person bringing in money.
When you say that you are resigned to the fact that it is not possible for you to make romantic inroads right now, do you mean that you do still have a desire to do so but you simply do not believe that it is possible for you at this time or do you mean that you do not even have the desire?
Quote:moneyshot Wrote:
I am not happy with this situation. I fear that I am approaching (or have passed) a point of no return in terms of prospects of living my own life–either get out and hope my parents can stay in relatively good health and find a source of steady livable monthly income for the rest of their days, or stay home and have the luxury of steady income and housing but live an incel lifestyle well into my 30s, possibly longer. The aunt I mentioned earlier has remained single her entire life, and ended up taking care of my grandmother for 30+ years in her old age and ill health until she died (my grandmother that is–my aunt is 70, and also lives in a different part of the complex we live in, but she is showing early signs of "deterioration" mentally.)
I recommend those two books that I just mentioned to you as well. I suggest that you get your hands on a copy of both of them so that you and your parents can all read them and utilize the method that Dr. Burns explains in them. When you start using these two books, you will see why I am recommending them to you.
In order for you to not be doomed to an indefinite incel lifestyle, you will need to at least get out of that neighborhood. Are you in a town or city where you can find another place to live so that you can have your own life but at the same time be close enough to help and take care of your parents if that is something that you need and/or want to do?
Again, I recommend that you look into getting at least one if not both of your parents on welfare and disability as well as any other form of government assistance (to include home caregivers) that they are eligible for so that they will not need your disability income and you can use that income to get yourself on your feet. I am not saying to throw your parents into a nursing home. I am only saying that the help and assistance programs are going to be there whether you make use of them or not so you might as well make use of them. This also goes for your grandmother/aunt.
Quote:moneyshot Wrote:
I think I have generally covered all the bases here, and if I haven't by all means let me know; please advise as to steps I can realistically take to achieve my RP short-, medium- and long-term goals. I fear I am the metaphorical frog in a slow-boiling pot of water on the stove.
The good news is that, at 27, you are nowhere near the wall and you have plenty of time to get yourself sorted.
If you really want me to just tell you straight up what to do, here you go. I recommend that you complete the following 10-step plan in order:
1. Get a copy of
The Feeling Good Handbook and
Feeling Good by Dr. David D. Burns. Read them, make a daily habit of practicing the cognitive behavioral therapy techniques outlined within, and share them with your parents and your aunt/grandmother.
2. As I've said, get your parents and your grandmother/aunt on every government assistance program that they are eligible for so that they have a source of income and help which is not directly tied to you.
3. See if it is possible for them to get some kind of home caregiver to just check in on them from time to time (this could likely be included in a government assistance program).
4. Once you have done those two things, look into what forms of government assistance you yourself are eligible for to include things like vocational rehabilitation, bus passes, etc. this is so that you can, as quickly as possible, get yourself on your feet and into a position where you have some confidence and can start establishing some sort of independent income for yourself.
5. Pay a visit to the admissions office of your local community college and ask them how many of the credits from your incomplete business degree they will accept toward the completion of an Associates degree in some sort of low stress trade or medical profession that you can either do from home or within an environment where help would be easily accessible if you should start to have another seizure. As quickly as possible, you want to get yourself to a place where you can at least potentially be economically self-sufficient both for financial reasons as well as for your self-esteem.
6. After doing all of these things to get yourself into as securable financial and health position as possible, figure out (and this may be what the help of some form of government assistance as well) how to get yourself into your own house or apartment, whether that be somewhere near your family so that you can be involved in their care or in another city. Preferably, you should seek to find a place that is near some form of public transportation such as a bus stop so that you do not have to worry about having a seizure while you're driving.
7. Once you have found yourself a place, pay a visit to your local Department of Labor office and schedule a meeting with a career counselor so that you can get your resume in order, start sending out resumes, and get yourself into some kind of job so that you have something to structure your day around, get you into contact with other people who are not elderly, and give you a sense of purpose. I recommend getting an in-person job and not messing with online business stuff until you are already secure in your employment and routine so that you can just dabble in it as a hobby in your free time if you just really want to. I've been messing with online business stuff for years now and I can tell you that, if you don't have a normal job and are doing online business stuff only it can be devastating when a business fails because you have nothing else to fall back on and it can also be very isolating because your schedule does not match with anyone else's and you spend the majority if not the entirety of your day alone and even spend most of your leisure time alone as well because your schedule quickly gets weird so social life can be hard as scheduling meetings with friend and such is difficult and, when you can, your lifestyles and experiences are so different that you have little if anything in common to do or talk about with them. With an in-person job, you will be spending the majority of your day with other people whom you will talk to, share experiences with, and have reason to hang out with outside of work.
8. As soon as you get yourself into a comfortable routine with your disability and other government assistance, taking care of day-to-day things in your own place such as cooking and laundry, visiting your parents (if that is something you desire to do regularly), and working at your new job if you are able to get one, figure out what things in your life are truly essential enough to spend money on each month and determine what, if anything, you would need to downsize or cut out in order to budget 10 to 25% of your total monthly income for paying off your debts until they are gone so that you will never have to think about them again.
9. Once your debts are gone, continue budgeting the same percentage of your total monthly income but now for savings. Do this until you have at least six months worth of income in your savings account and then continue doing it indefinitely as a permanent habit. This is so that you will always have some amount of money socked away in case of some sort of emergency (sudden medical issue, tuition at school, need to buy a plane ticket and hotel room to attend a certification seminar for your job, etc.). This will go a long way towards making you feel more secure. Do not put this money into the stock market or anything like that. Keep it in your savings account because it is not investment money, it is emergency money. It is good practice to always maintain no less than six months worth of income in your savings/emergency fund. This means that, if you should have an emergency of some kind and have to use the money in your savings/emergency fund, it should be your priority to restore the original balance of that account as quickly as possible after the emergency has been dealt with.
10. When you have successfully managed to do all of this, start using your free time when you are not working to study and practice game. Given your situation, I strongly recommend focusing primarily if not exclusively on "social circle game" in addition to getting a copy of Roosh's newest book,
Game, if you can. To that end, I recommend using this game knowledge to build a circle of friends, acquaintances, and professional contacts around yourself so that you can connect yourself to females through your social connections and also generally enjoy the company of and interaction with other people with whom you have things in common. In this same vein, I recommend that you pursue one major hobby outside of anything work or game-related such as playing a classical instrument, ballroom dancing (this is great for meeting females by the way), dog training, or really anything that you can find a local group for. Check Facebook, Meetup.com, Couchsurfing, and whichever websites are relevant to your area to find a local group that you can attend at least once a week to pursue this. It goes without saying that learning how to eat healthy (this is simple - if it has a nutrition label on it, it is bad for you) and developing a daily workout routine should be part of all this. Stay hydrated.
I hope that this helps you and try not to beat yourself up. Life is difficult but you don't have to make it unnecessarily more so by being hard on yourself.
Waqqle
