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Should I pursue a LTR with this girl? [2-3 min. read]
#1

Should I pursue a LTR with this girl? [2-3 min. read]

Details

Quick background:

We're both in our early twenties.

She's a senior in university, no job, and lives with family.

I'm out of school and independent, making an extremely good living for my age and can provide a high quality lifestyle. I'm her type (tall, physically fit, etc.), and I'm known as relatively exotic in this country.

We enjoy each other quite a lot, and have spent over 1,000 hours with one another in the past 2 months. Basically lived with each other for 3/4 that time. She took care of me by cooking, cleaning, doing my laundry, giving me massages, etc.

Everything is great...other than the fact that she's a compulsive liar and has horrible communication skills. She even admitted to her compulsive lying recently, and one of her recent lies has caused a major strain in any relationship that is left between us, and I'm unclear of how to proceed. I think it's over, but who knows, there may be recovery to this. I just hate the idea of having all that time wasted with her, but I can't see a future with someone who can't be honest as I think honesty is the core of any relationship.

The story:

Let's call her Sally.

Met Sally on Tinder, and on our first date I brought another girl with me (told her in advance, we were just going out as a group to get drinks and have fun). The other girl got drunk and jealous and threw a temper tantrum in front of everyone while we were out because she saw me dancing with Sally. Sally was upset by this and told me she was just gonna leave to avoid the drama, and I told her okay and sent her off. She didn't respond to me when I messaged her later, but a few days after that I hit her up again and managed to get the bang that night. No harm done except that now she thinks I'm a player, but still continued to see me despite knowing this.

We continue to hang out for weeks, and I live with her and her family for a month or so while getting my living situation sorted (living in a new country). Hung out with her and her family a few times, and even her grandma.

The whole time, I was 100% honest with Sally. I went out to see other girls, and she knew it. She chose to stick around. She confronted me about it once and told me she didn't like it and I told her that until we seal the deal and are in a committed relationship, I'm a single man and will do what I want. She said she understands and it's not my fault because she knew it since the day we met. But after she let me know she had feelings for me, I toned it down and stopped doing that because she showed me her intentions of wanting a relationship.

As soon as I stopped, she started. She started hiding her phone and texting other guys, waking up early in the morning when we were sleeping together to go to another room and respond to messages and I'd wake up and find her there, and even used me as a driver for a booty call and lied to me about where she was going (which I found out later). Complete disrespect. And she lied to me about all of it the whole time with made up stories.

A few days ago (this is like 2 months in now) we had a long conversation about honesty and trust. We came to a mutual agreement, or so I thought, that'd we be honest with one another. Two days later (last night) she went traveling to another nearby country. She told me about the trip a couple of weeks ago saying that it was a school trip and that she's going with her professors and other students. I called bullshit immediately in my mind. I told her to show me her itinerary (said I want it so I know where she is in case of emergencies). She ignored the question twice, and then I finally called her out on her dishonesty and reminded her of the conversation we had just two days prior.

As a result of this lie she told me, I gave her an ultimatum. I told her if I don't get the entire trip itinerary by the end of the night, she should consider the last time we hung out to be the last time we will have ever see each other.

She was shook when she read it. She immediately became extremely apologetic, and came out about the fact that she'd been lying to me all along about who she was texting, the booty call I drove her to, etc. (in spite of my full honesty with her) and that she hates herself for it, but that she has to go on this trip to "figure something out about her mind". LOL. More like get some new dick. Anyways.

I told her I was very disappointed in her because just two days prior we had that long conversation about honesty and here she is lying to me already. I trusted her fully and her family even welcomed me into their home. I told her I'm done and will be going to her family to explain to them what happened in case she tries to lie to them and shame me.

She said I'm the only person she's ever introduced to her family. She says she's scared to lose me the most and begs to give her just one more chance, and that she will tell me everything she's lied about and that there will be no more lies ever.

I sent her one last ultimatum: "This is very easy to test. I'm about to catch you in your final lie. Prove it. If you're scared to lose me, leave him and come back to me now. You ask for one more chance, that is your final chance.". She hasn't read it yet (she's not online, her phone is probably put away as she travels about this new city with this guy she went on a trip with).

Questions

Did I make the right call here giving this final ultimatum? I doubt she'll actually return before the trip ends because she's broke and can't buy a ticket back, but if I don't actually pull through with my ultimatum I'll lose a lot more frame because she'll think she can walk over me and get away with it.

Is this a situation worth healing? Should I even consider taking her back? I admit that I am the one that started seeing other people, but the thing is I was seeing other people since the first day I met her, and she knew it. I was 10000% honest about it. She made the conscious choice to continue seeing me. So I don't think I did anything wrong here.

She not only returned the favor after condemning me for my actions (making her a hypocrite), she also LIED about it the whole time. There's a big difference. Complete and utter dishonesty and disrespect, and broke all my trust for her.

Please advise, I'm not thinking straight.
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#2

Should I pursue a LTR with this girl? [2-3 min. read]

Quote: (12-07-2018 11:29 PM)Boy Wonder Wrote:  

I'm out of school and independent, making an extremely good living for my age and can provide a high quality lifestyle. I'm her type (tall, physically fit, etc.), and I'm known as relatively exotic in this country.

OK. Then you should have no problem getting back in the game from a pure results perspective.

PS - Tall & Physically Fit is every girl's "type"

Quote: (12-07-2018 11:29 PM)Boy Wonder Wrote:  

Everything is great...other than the fact that she's a compulsive liar and has horrible communication skills. I just hate the idea of having all that time wasted with her, but I can't see a future with someone who can't be honest as I think honesty is the core of any relationship.

Are you nuts? Getting into an LTR with a compulsive liar? That would be wasting even more time. Cut your losses now.

Quote: (12-07-2018 11:29 PM)Boy Wonder Wrote:  

Met Sally on Tinder

[Image: facepalm.png]

Quote: (12-07-2018 11:29 PM)Boy Wonder Wrote:  

But after she let me know she had feelings for me, I toned it down and stopped doing that because she showed me her intentions of wanting a relationship.

As soon as I stopped, she started. She started hiding her phone and texting other guys, waking up early in the morning when we were sleeping together to go to another room and respond to messages and I'd wake up and find her there...

Classic. Show a crack in your armor, and it's done. Over.

Quote: (12-07-2018 11:29 PM)Boy Wonder Wrote:  

even used me as a driver for a booty call and lied to me about where she was going (which I found out later). Complete disrespect. And she lied to me about all of it the whole time with made up stories.

[Image: mindblown3.gif]

Quote: (12-07-2018 11:29 PM)Boy Wonder Wrote:  

Is this a situation worth healing? Should I even consider taking her back?

I stopped reading at 'used me as a driver for a booty call'. At that point, there's nothing left to say.

If you have any self-respect, you will immediately torch every connection to this cunt that remains. Block her from everything. Throw away all possessions. Leave absolutely nothing.

Next, I'd suggest reading a lot more material on Roosh's website, this forum, or others (Rollo, etc.)

This would be a good place to start: https://therationalmale.com/2011/08/30/there-is-no-one/

Good luck.

Who I am is just the habit of what I always was, and who I'll be is the result
Reply
#3

Should I pursue a LTR with this girl? [2-3 min. read]

Quote: (12-08-2018 12:13 AM)Synezthetic Wrote:  

Quote: (12-07-2018 11:29 PM)Boy Wonder Wrote:  

I'm out of school and independent, making an extremely good living for my age and can provide a high quality lifestyle. I'm her type (tall, physically fit, etc.), and I'm known as relatively exotic in this country.

OK. Then you should have no problem getting back in the game from a pure results perspective.

PS - Tall & Physically Fit is every girl's "type"

Quote: (12-07-2018 11:29 PM)Boy Wonder Wrote:  

Everything is great...other than the fact that she's a compulsive liar and has horrible communication skills. I just hate the idea of having all that time wasted with her, but I can't see a future with someone who can't be honest as I think honesty is the core of any relationship.

Are you nuts? Getting into an LTR with a compulsive liar? That would be wasting even more time. Cut your losses now.

Quote: (12-07-2018 11:29 PM)Boy Wonder Wrote:  

Met Sally on Tinder

[Image: facepalm.png]

Quote: (12-07-2018 11:29 PM)Boy Wonder Wrote:  

But after she let me know she had feelings for me, I toned it down and stopped doing that because she showed me her intentions of wanting a relationship.

As soon as I stopped, she started. She started hiding her phone and texting other guys, waking up early in the morning when we were sleeping together to go to another room and respond to messages and I'd wake up and find her there...

Classic. Show a crack in your armor, and it's done. Over.

Quote: (12-07-2018 11:29 PM)Boy Wonder Wrote:  

even used me as a driver for a booty call and lied to me about where she was going (which I found out later). Complete disrespect. And she lied to me about all of it the whole time with made up stories.

[Image: mindblown3.gif]

Quote: (12-07-2018 11:29 PM)Boy Wonder Wrote:  

Is this a situation worth healing? Should I even consider taking her back?

I stopped reading at 'used me as a driver for a booty call'. At that point, there's nothing left to say.

If you have any self-respect, you will immediately torch every connection to this cunt that remains. Block her from everything. Throw away all possessions. Leave absolutely nothing.

Next, I'd suggest reading a lot more material on Roosh's website, this forum, or others (Rollo, etc.)

This would be a good place to start: https://therationalmale.com/2011/08/30/there-is-no-one/

Good luck.

You're right, I don't have a problem getting back into the game. Already chatting a handful of new girls from just the past couple days alone, setting up some meetings as we speak. I'm not starving for pussy at all. But I've been through over 60 hookups in my life over the past 5-6 years, and it really gets exhausting and is starting to feel empty. This is why I'm now looking for LTR's. The problem is that I hate starting over from scratch...I'm very busy professionally can't be bothered wining and dining these hoes for introductions and shit. Sally and I were very comfortable together and that comfort is hard to find without a lot of time and money spent, which is why I'm hoping to find a resolution, but I will also accept the fact that there may be none and move on with whatever dignity I have left. I'm very inexperienced when it comes to LTR's (as I've never been in one), which is why some of my questions may seem lame.

I understand your points, especially about the booty call thing. I haven't actually confirmed it was a booty call. The story is that I asked her where I can find weed (I was new to the city) and since she doesn't smoke she didn't know, but she asked around some guys she used to hang around with and one of them had some. She told me and I agreed to drive her there but told her she had to take a taxi back cause I'm not driving with it in my car since it's super illegal in this country. She didn't return home for around 4 hours. It shouldn't have taken her more than 1-2 hours tops. So I was very suspicious of this. I just assumed it was a booty call, but haven't actually confronted her about it. I suspect it will come in the other revelations that she plans to give me about her lies when she returns.

And I certainly don't have oneitis... Even the article you linked says "It’s necessary to differentiate between a healthy relationship based on mutual respect and a lopsided ONEitis based relationship." Despite a bit of lopsided respect from recent events, this is simply a girl I like spending time with and have developed feelings for, and she for me. I do not think she is my soulmate (nor do I think that exists), I do not fantasize about her all day, and in fact she isn't even the most attractive girl of the girls I'm talking with. Are you telling me one should not have feelings? One should not potentially love? That isn't always oneitis. And at a moments notice I have girls in my phone that will hang out with me, etc.

When dating advice starts makes men into emotionless robots I think it has gotten too far. After all, my goal here is not sex (I can get that easily). I can see where that advice fits in with just finding sex and not getting hurt. My goal is long term commitment. Very different.

Anyways, thanks a bunch man, really appreciate your perspective. You've given me a lot to think about. I likely won't continue pursuing this girl, but I'll let her come back, apologize to me, fuck her and let her cook for me some more and just not take her serious. Easy enough to do.
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#4

Should I pursue a LTR with this girl? [2-3 min. read]

Quote: (12-08-2018 12:50 AM)Boy Wonder Wrote:  

Are you telling me one should not have feelings? One should not potentially love? That isn't always oneitis. And at a moments notice I have girls in my phone that will hang out with me, etc.

When dating advice starts makes men into emotionless robots I think it has gotten too far. After all, my goal here is not sex (I can get that easily). I can see where that advice fits in with just finding sex and not getting hurt. My goal is long term commitment. Very different.

When you ask for advice, and someone takes the time to respond honestly and from a position of actual concern, it's a dick move to immediately criticize the advice. And not just criticize either, but to dishonestly frame it as an attack on you, as if this is some kind of argument or debate. It's pretty clear you're either trolling or just an extremely immature dude who can't get enough drama.

Putting words in my mouth like saying I advocate for men to not have feelings? For men to not love? And my advice is for emotional robots only?

Okay kid.

Quote: (12-08-2018 12:50 AM)Boy Wonder Wrote:  

Anyways, thanks a bunch man, really appreciate your perspective. You've given me a lot to think about. I likely won't continue pursuing this girl, but I'll let her come back, apologize to me, fuck her and let her cook for me some more and just not take her serious. Easy enough to do.

Like I said, you really don't want any help or advice.
You will learn the hard way in due time.

#oneitis

Who I am is just the habit of what I always was, and who I'll be is the result
Reply
#5

Should I pursue a LTR with this girl? [2-3 min. read]

Quote: (12-08-2018 01:26 AM)Synezthetic Wrote:  

Quote: (12-08-2018 12:50 AM)Boy Wonder Wrote:  

Are you telling me one should not have feelings? One should not potentially love? That isn't always oneitis. And at a moments notice I have girls in my phone that will hang out with me, etc.

When dating advice starts makes men into emotionless robots I think it has gotten too far. After all, my goal here is not sex (I can get that easily). I can see where that advice fits in with just finding sex and not getting hurt. My goal is long term commitment. Very different.

When you ask for advice, and someone takes the time to respond honestly and from a position of actual concern, it's a dick move to immediately criticize the advice. And not just criticize either, but to dishonestly frame it as an attack on you, as if this is some kind of argument or debate. It's pretty clear you're either trolling or just an extremely immature dude who can't get enough drama.

Putting words in my mouth like saying I advocate for men to not have feelings? For men to not love? And my advice is for emotional robots only?

Okay kid.

Quote: (12-08-2018 12:50 AM)Boy Wonder Wrote:  

Anyways, thanks a bunch man, really appreciate your perspective. You've given me a lot to think about. I likely won't continue pursuing this girl, but I'll let her come back, apologize to me, fuck her and let her cook for me some more and just not take her serious. Easy enough to do.

Like I said, you really don't want any help or advice.
You will learn the hard way in due time.

#oneitis

If I don't want help I wouldn't have wrote this long ass essay. You're doing the same thing you just accused me of by being provocative with your passive aggressive comments.

Anyways, I don't want to fight lol we should help each other out. Apologies.

Like I said, I really appreciate your advice. I'm not running back to her. I am simply going to let her apologize to me and take advantage of her as much as she does to me, while I continue to see other people. I will not commit to her. I will date around like I did in the beginning since she's broken my trust. So no hard lesson to learn there from being hurt by a compulsive liar.

What is wrong with this approach? Please tell me if you know, cause I'm honestly unaware. Not trolling at all.
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#6

Should I pursue a LTR with this girl? [2-3 min. read]

newbie thread.....
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#7

Should I pursue a LTR with this girl? [2-3 min. read]

If you have to write a big long essay about a LTR, the answer is NO.

It is time to move on.

Q: If the way you and her are getting along justifies all kinds of time and effort to even think about a LTR, what is going to happen when and if you are in a LTR?

A: She will wear you down over the course of weeks, months and years.
Reply
#8

Should I pursue a LTR with this girl? [2-3 min. read]

How hot is this chick? She would have to be, like, a 15 for me to tolerate even 1/100 of this behavior.

OP, you said you built up a notch count of around 60 hookups in the past 5-6 years and now you are tired of that and trying to find an LTR. I sympathize. The issue here might be that you don't recognize what an LTR looks like. 60 hookups =/= good training for spotting relationship material. Nor does it give you a huge insight in to how to handle an LTR. A good indicator on this would be that you found this girl on Tinder. I, almost jokingly, attempted to find relationship material on Tinder during my first online dating experiment. I would look to other options, like social circle and apps/sites that don't focus on the hookup.

And drop this chick. Now.

Currently out of office.
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#9

Should I pursue a LTR with this girl? [2-3 min. read]

Boy, forgive this girl. It's not her fault, nor yours.

Then, take care of her, love her.

This is my advice, due to some people only learn in the bad way, so I guarantee you it.
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#10

Should I pursue a LTR with this girl? [2-3 min. read]

Easy, IF you want to keep her around for doing your chores at home, but she is still lying...well just do the same.
Go out for a 'boys night' but fuck with a different girl.
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#11

Should I pursue a LTR with this girl? [2-3 min. read]

I haven't read all of this in detail, but I'm confused.

You met her on Tinder. She's playing you and lying to you. You think she's on a trip with another man and have to give her an ultimatum about it like a bitch who can't just walk away. She obviously thinks you're a joke and/or is a sociopath and will search out ways to grind you down for the remainder of your miserable life.

Then you complain that people here want you to be an "emotionless robot". You are blind. You tell yourself you will "use her", but she has been gaming you the whole time. You will not win, you do not have control of this. People here are telling you to use common sense and help yourself before you end up one of those guys who gives her money to go "shopping" and she uses it to buy her boyfriend lunch.

What could your thought process possibly be here? You've fucked her. Fucking her again will be a lot like fucking her last time. Delete her number and go fuck somebody else.

Hidey-ho, RVFerinos!
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#12

Should I pursue a LTR with this girl? [2-3 min. read]

Girl game recognized.

Oh and the answer? Fuck no this bitch ain't worth anything but a fuck.

OP has been given priceless advice to avoid a bunch of a BS.
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