[sharksfanguy88]

I saw an old friend I hadn't seen in a while last year and we started chatting. He had been traveling a bit and growing his business, and I asked him what was going on in his life.

"I'm in wife hunting mode."

I thought this was pretty interesting, because I had never heard anyone say it so bluntly before. The guy is a successful, good looking dude, 34 years old, and he was very open about the fact that his next long term girlfriend was probably going to be his wife.

It all makes perfect sense, but I guess I just haven't ever heard any friends openly say it this way. All my friends are either married with kids, or in "Fuck bitches get money" mode, but no one ever talks about taking steps towards the transition of settling down.

At first, I was curious, and asked him a few questions about it. "Why are you in such a rush to get married? You're still young."

His reply was VERY telling. And it actually changed my thought process quite a bit recently. He said:

"I'm in wife hunt mode now, because I don't want to be stressed out about it and rush it later". He pointed out to me that he very likely would want to date a girl at least 1-2 years before proposing - so if he meets his future wife today, he's married at 36. If he meets her in 2 years, he's 38. He argued that it's the single biggest, most important decision of your life. It's picking the person that you wake up next to for 40-100 years, it's picking the mother of your future children. Dudes spend decades on their careers and their bodies and their bank accounts - why is it so insane to think that finding the woman you'll be with forever might be worthy of a multiple year investment?

At the end of the day, that's the game most of us are playing, right?

This made a lot of sense to me, and I've decided to activate wife-hunt mode.

This does not mean I'm absolutely jonesing to get married tomorrow - but it does mean that I definitely will get married at some point, it'll be the biggest decision of my life, and I want to massively influence and positively increase the variables I can control.

If you view game, and self improvement in general, as steps along the journey to finding the woman you'll be with forever, my opinion is that you're investing in the single biggest decision of your life - and that's a great thing. I have been a self-improvement junkie for a while now, but I was also dealt a pretty good hand in life to start with. Made some good bets too. I'm a 32 year old, 6'1" white dude. No six-pack but in good shape. 7 figures in the bank and can work wherever I want. Kill count is at 64, have been in 4 LTRs that were 1 year+. I've been able to optimize and improve almost every aspect of my life that I've focused on and put effort towards, and I'm curious if anyone else is in the same boat, and is doing the same thing in trying to find their future wife.

So, my question to the forum:

- Are you in wife hunting mode?
- Does your game change at all while in wife hunting mode? Do you approach less or more? Do you cut women off more frequently after the first day / first week / first month?
- Have you taken bigger and bigger steps to making this wife hunt mode investment? (changing cities, more gym time, new job, going out more etc.)

I'm sure there are plenty of serial pimps on this forum who have no intention of settling down, and are going to call me a pussy that's being crushed by society's expectations. That's fine. I get the lifestyle choice and I admire it. But I just don't see myself as a 50 or 60-year old dude trying to pull 20 year olds out of book stores and happy hours and parks. Settling down is gonna happen, it's a massive decision, and I want to maximize the fuck out of it.

Would love your thoughts.

[HankMoody]

Here is pretty much the cycle of game in a nutshell...

- You start out wanting a girlfriend. Nothing too much. Just a girl to share your life with and go on vacations with. We just want a #2.
- For whatever reason, it's not working out. You wonder why. So you start Googling stuff and find "game."
- You find our little niche of the internet. All da playas.
- "Game" actually works and you start doing decently with women. Now you're in clubs, on OkCupid, Bumble, whatever. You're dating and hanging out with chicks on the regular. Good stuff.
- After awhile, you're like "all this dating is a lot of time and energy that I could be spending doing (whatever)." It gets boring and you get spent.
- Then you become happy with developing as a man, living your lifestyle, and doing whatever. Women come, and women go. It's not really a big pursuit, they just sort of happen when they happen.

To answer the question, do you want a wife?

However, I think better question is whether you want to be a husband ...

When you're married, you have to share finances and potentially kids. Can you live together in the same house? Is she going to piss you off when she leaves her shoes in the middle of the living room? Are you going to freak if she buys a $500 pocketbook on your card? What about when she puts the toilet paper on the wrong way? Does she want kids? Do you? Do you want to start a family? Do you want to come home to the sound of nothing sometimes? How do you want to raise your children? Are your values shared?

On the other hand, when you're married up, you don't come home to the cat and Playstation every night. Every night you have a nice girl in your bed that cooks stuff, does laundry, and figures out how to pay your parking tickets online. Your kids are probably cool, too -- now you've got a little personal army to watch football with. Maybe coach a soccer team with your wife cheering them on.

You also have unlimited sex always available (probably more than you want if you're doing it right).

Depends on what you want out of life.

[TheFinalEpic]

No.

[Bikal]

(12-02-2018 04:01 PM)HankMoody Wrote:  

Are you going to freak if she buys a $500 pocketbook on your card?

Yes because what's the difference between a $500 pocketbook and a $50 one as they're both for writing, is the paper in the $500 one made of rhino horn or something? $500 to take notes, not worth it in my book.

[HankMoody]

(12-02-2018 04:29 PM)Bikal Wrote:  

(12-02-2018 04:01 PM)HankMoody Wrote:  

Are you going to freak if she buys a $500 pocketbook on your card?

Yes because what's the difference between a $500 pocketbook and a $50 one as they're both for writing, is the paper in the $500 one made of rhino horn or something? $500 to take notes, not worth it in my book.

Well, that comes down to the girl you choose to marry. Some of them like expensive pocketbooks; some of them don't. Some of them use your bank account to buy stuff, some of them don't.

Do you want to live alone, or do you want to live with someone? Do you want to fuck a bunch of different girls every night, or fuck the same girl? Do you want kids?

What are you trying to accomplish?

[sharksfanguy88]

(12-02-2018 04:01 PM)HankMoody Wrote:  

However, I think better question is whether you want to be a husband ...

Interesting point.

(12-02-2018 04:14 PM)TheFinalEpic Wrote:  

No.

Shut me the hell up.

(12-02-2018 04:29 PM)Bikal Wrote:  

(12-02-2018 04:01 PM)HankMoody Wrote:  

Are you going to freak if she buys a $500 pocketbook on your card?

Yes because what's the difference between a $500 pocketbook and a $50 one as they're both for writing, is the paper in the $500 one made of rhino horn or something? $500 to take notes, not worth it in my book.

This guy fucks.

[TheFinalEpic]

(12-02-2018 07:26 PM)sharksfanguy88 Wrote:  

(12-02-2018 04:14 PM)TheFinalEpic Wrote:  

No.

Shut me the hell up.

You have to realize that the second you start chasing something, that's when it begins to allude you. Specifically with women, but with money as well. The minute you decide that the next girl that you date is going to be your potential "wife", you're going to run into a brick wall.

You don't get into a relationship because you want one. You get into one because you serendipitously find one, when you were looking the least. The same with business; you don't get the contracts you NEED, you get the ones that you don't give a fuck about, because you have so much else going on.

The rich become richer my man.

So, what you need to be doing is getting out there and meeting a ton of women, establishing rapport, gaming a ton, fucking some of them, plating them, and then when you least expect it, there she will be. But not before then, and most definitely not when you are searching for her.

Enjoy life as it is, and you will get everything coming to you. When you start wanting, then you will always be wanting.

[sharksfanguy88]

(12-02-2018 08:22 PM)TheFinalEpic Wrote:  

The same with business; you don't get the contracts you NEED, you get the ones that you don't give a fuck about, because you have so much else going on.

No.

(12-02-2018 08:22 PM)TheFinalEpic Wrote:  

So, what you need to be doing is getting out there and meeting a ton of women, establishing rapport, gaming a ton, fucking some of them, plating them, and then when you least expect it, there she will be. But not before then, and most definitely not when you are searching for her.

Enjoy life as it is, and you will get everything coming to you. When you start wanting, then you will always be wanting.

Poetic, but this wasn't what I was asking. I'm curious if other guys on this forum are changing their game at all (more or less approaches, cutting women off earlier if they're not LTR material) if they're closer to locking a woman down long term.

Appreciate your thoughts though.

[Jozi]

I only spend time on girls now that has the potential to become the mother of my children. So if I am to approach a girl or spend time having dinner/drinks with her, I must be able to say that from what I have seen of her up until that point, she has the potential to become something more than sex toy. This has cut down the amount of sex I am getting and have also forced me to delete dating apps like Tinder.

Sex gives me nothing more than short term pleasure, and the time investment is not worth it. In the beginning I could put 50 coins of time into the machine and get 500 out in terms of pleasure. As the years has gone by the 500 has been reduced to maybe 10. So, it makes no sense putting 50 time coins into the machine only to get 10 pleasure coins out of it. I rather jerk off then because the time investment is much lower.

[The_e_man]

As much as I don't want to admit it to myself - I think I am.
Been in the game for quite a few years now, entered triple-digit notch count territory a couple years back. And I am definitely going through a period of ennui. I rationalized it at first by saying I'm simply improving as a man, and my need for quality is coinciding with this as a result. But also, I can't help but feel like a drug addict needing a bigger and bigger high. I used to be ecstatic when bringing home an average looking, maybe even slightly chubby girl home from the bar to sleep with (hence my large notch count), but now it feels like a girl isn't even worth pursuing if I don't see her as top shelf and super cool and super hot. Like the "game dopamine" receptors in my brain have been desensitized and I need bigger and bigger thrills.

Anyways, before I derail too much from your initial question, I think that this has led me into deluding myself that there's a perfect girl (or girls) out there for me. And I want to find her. Funnily enough, I thought I had met this girl when we started talking back in the summertime. She is by all accounts the most beautiful girl I have ever spoken to thus far (can you see my pedestalization seeping through?) and she liked me a lot at first but once I actually started catching feelings I slowly became more and more beta with her, breaking all my rules and whatnot, and I have made her slowly and slowly lose interest in me and slip away.

So yes, I'm in wife hunting mode, and I am absolutely terrible at it and I wish I weren't.

[MongolianAbroad]

I am.

Traveling the world in wife hunting mode.

Mid 30's, had four 3 year-ish relationships, and open to marriage now. Could take a year, two, three, or a decade, no idea, but I am now open to marriage. I've actually never been into sleeping around, I prefer LTR's. I'm good looking, so America has never been difficult in regards to getting laid, I've turned down more girls than I've slept with, I've just never really had anything to prove to anyone or to myself in that area, as is often the case with some of the folks that go on bang missions abroad.

So in regards to now, there's a lot of "next" due to red flags or just for any other incompatibilities. For example a girl today asked me to visit her in her island, gorgeous girl, beauty queen, but she's got a small tattoo. Can't do it.

She's like, "Just give me a baby, please...I mean babies." Comes from a well off family, they own an inn in a national park in the country I'm in, and other businesses. She likes my look and wants a baby from me, I have like an Italian/Spanish footballer look when I work out, a little over 6' tall, pleasing proportions, so she likes that, plus my accomplishments. I've known her for about a year, and I'm tempted, she's been trying to get me to court her for the whole time I've known her, and she's just so insanely hot, but, no. Beauty queen half my age.

The tattoo, though...I just can't do it. She's so fine, though, but it's dangerous talking to her, every time I talk to her I get the urge to hop on a plane and rail her an hour later.

[lunchmoney]

As a guy entering my Mid 30's, I can see how this could be a thing. That said, there is a very strong argument you can make for those who elect to not marry. Unlike women, whether you marry for the first time at 30, 35, or 40, it's fine as long as you are stable financially and have vetted "the right one".

[James Bond Next level]

I am in wife hunting mode and it has been a year since my shift of focus. Sluts don't interest me so much anymore, I'm even starting to find them unattractive with their degenerates ideas and condescending attitudes. I'm still new at this, so I'm only giving ideas of what I'm doing.

There are 3 aspects I changed for this wife hunting: logistics, mindset and game. Let's explore them together.

Logistics
I was living in the capital: the % of degenerates is through the roof. Definitely not a fertile ground for our search. So I moved to a smaller city (1M inhabitants counting the surroundings) and find the attitudes and hotness of the girls better. As a future plan B, I'm currently starting a business to be in 1-2 years location independent. If nothing works here, I'll go to more traditional countries

Mindset
Before going any further, it's time for introspection: are you really ready to settle down? Are you willing to stop chasing tails for something more long-term? I suggest you find your owns reasons. If you can't, I got bad news for you...
Another aspect is compromises: there will be aspects of your girls that you will not like no matter what. However, a good video of Jordan Peterson helped me make my peace with it. It was about how us humans don't have a clue about what we want, so how the partner should know? The key is communication, mutual progressive training so she becomes even more of what you want

Game
Chasing sluts and chasing potential wife is very different. First, a boner test is not sufficient for a potential wife. So get used to less sets, less sex (until you meet a partner of course) and way more screening from you. Prior of meeting her, I would suggest you make a list of what you really want (and need) of her. Forget the futile and keep the bare minimum on it so you will have a strong basis of comparison.
Also, less bad boy attitudes and more comprehension. But what will make the players here shake is time: take it to get to know the girl more deeply and don't rush sex on date 1. I'm not saying to develop oneitis but still.
Where to meet a potential partner changes too. Forget tinder, clubs and most of bars. Daygame or social circle seems like the best


I won't lie to you: the change is hard, you have to discard a lot of habits and get new ones and I'm still in the process. Maybe it's not so fun anymore, but at least I don't feel like I'm wasting my time with dumb girls. Yes they have sultry eyes and know how to make us horny, but it's only good for one night, nothing more. Time to grow up and get serious

[Bingos]

Why so everything?

[MaceTyrell]

(12-02-2018 08:22 PM)TheFinalEpic Wrote:  

(12-02-2018 07:26 PM)sharksfanguy88 Wrote:  

(12-02-2018 04:14 PM)TheFinalEpic Wrote:  

No.

Shut me the hell up.

You have to realize that the second you start chasing something, that's when it begins to allude you. Specifically with women, but with money as well. The minute you decide that the next girl that you date is going to be your potential "wife", you're going to run into a brick wall.

You don't get into a relationship because you want one. You get into one because you serendipitously find one, when you were looking the least. The same with business; you don't get the contracts you NEED, you get the ones that you don't give a fuck about, because you have so much else going on.

The rich become richer my man.

So, what you need to be doing is getting out there and meeting a ton of women, establishing rapport, gaming a ton, fucking some of them, plating them, and then when you least expect it, there she will be. But not before then, and most definitely not when you are searching for her.

Enjoy life as it is, and you will get everything coming to you. When you start wanting, then you will always be wanting.

Very well said, and the bolded parts are my exact thoughts on this. None of my good girlfriends came from actively searching for a girlfriend. Being in such a mindset sounds feminine (don't mean that as an insult) - they say they want a boyfriend and then just try and fit someone to the role. They are then typically miserable.

It's an unfortunate catch-22 that even I'm still trying to wrap my mind around. But it is what it is, so the best we can do is hope an acceptable woman falls into our orbit.

[Bikal]

(12-02-2018 04:39 PM)HankMoody Wrote:  

Well, that comes down to the girl you choose to marry. Some of them like expensive pocketbooks; some of them don't. Some of them use your bank account to buy stuff, some of them don't.

Do you want to live alone, or do you want to live with someone? Do you want to fuck a bunch of different girls every night, or fuck the same girl? Do you want kids?

What are you trying to accomplish?

To clarify, I have no issue with whatever sums of money being spent however there are some things that I'd be pissed about and a $500 book for taking notes is one of them, I could understand and even encourage a $500 Mont Blanc (I've got a Meisterstück worth $1k) but a pocketbook?

As for the rest, I'll eventually settle down and have a son, I know what I want and I know how to get there while increasing my personal wealth, not allowing it to be fluttered away on shit is a good way to preserve it, clothes, watches, experiences etc. are all fine

[GT777733]

There's probably 3 things I'd say to the question 'Are you in wife hunting mode'

1) No matter what mode you are in - dating involves two main variables - you (in your control), and the available girls (largely out of your control).

Even if you are looking for a wife or a girlfriend, and you have put yourself through a decade of self improvement, you are still subject to the overall quality of your options (which are outside of your control mostly - you can't control how many attractive girls with virtuous behavior [whatever you consider virtuous behavior to be] there are in the world - in my experience it's a combination of random chance and good timing to meet these girls for each man).

You might want a wife - but, can you find an attractive one that fulfils your criteria and passes the screening process? That's the million dollar question.

Are you going to overlook red flags just to get married and have a family? If so, which ones? How much risk are you putting yourself at if you do do this

If you date down on looks for a more wholesome girl - can you still stay attracted to her after 15 years+ when she's pumped out a few kids (and her body starts getting flabby), maybe doesn't work out as much as she used to, isn't as sweet as she used to be, might put more time into your kids, pets and friends than you, or if you guys grow apart personality and life goals wise?

2) Relationships and marriages are marathons, not sprints

It's very easy to get into a relationship or marriage. People do it all the time

Getting a wife or girlfriend is the easy part

But, can you keep everything together over the long term?

That's the real test.

What good is getting into a marriage, only to get divorced 5-6 years later and try dating again as a single parent paying child support - all because you biologically felt you needed to get with someone, or you felt social pressure. That sh*t can get super super messy.

Look at the stats for cheating and divorce. Then consider with cheating in particular, not everyone is going to report infidelity truthfully.

You need to find someone you can stay with for decades and have a healthy relationship with and grow an empire with.

Can you do that, and what sort of person will that be with?

3) What type of marriage do you want to have, and what do you want out of it

Are you going into the marriage expecting a full on traditional monogamous marriage, or is that concept unrealistic to you now with who you are and the way the world is?

What do you expect out of a wife?

What do you expect out of children and a family?

Are you prepared for all the sacrifices a marriage and family requires?

What will be the end goal and will it be worth it?

Some people love their partner and family, but I also know a heap of broken/distant families that barely speak to each other, or pretend everything is fine and there's lots of lying, stealing, leaching and negativity going on - it's like one big movie everyone is acting in where the same scenes are played over and over and no one ever gets out of it.

Overall:
Every guy is different - has experienced different things, expects different things, wants different things.
From what I see - most guys that get married sacrifice something major in their partner or lifestyle for the reward of having kids/a family, and a steady partner.
Guys that stay single might find it hard to commit to one girl (for various reasons - not necessarily because he's a player - he may just know female behavior too well), might find marriage too much of a losing scenario (for various reasons), or might find meaning outside of relationships to help impact the world around them that offsets having a family.
I do think that the older you get though, either the more fragile/vulnerable you get, or maybe it's a biological or life experience thing - relationships do cross your mind more. But, if you think about them logically and not idealistically - some of that can go away.
If you look throughout history - some great great people never had any kids and instead used their life to achieve/create things and change things.

I don't see a perfect solution to be honest. There are rewards and drawbacks or risks to each lifestyle choice.

I think part of growing up is accepting that you can want something and do your best to make that thing happen, but you may not be able to fully make that thing happen as you want it to due to reasons outside of your control (despite your best efforts).

Figure out which choice is going to deliver you the most happiness and fulfilment overall, and help you positively impact the world around you, and figure out what you need to do to maximise that choice.

Sometimes the best approach is to put yourself in a situation where you have a well balanced life, have healthy future goals that you're working on, and let things happen organically and not overthink or over analyse it too much. Natural things have a way of working and attracting each other anyway.

[MongolianAbroad]

(12-03-2018 03:25 PM)MaceTyrell Wrote:  

It's an unfortunate catch-22 that even I'm still trying to wrap my mind around. But it is what it is, so the best we can do is hope an acceptable woman falls into our orbit.

Hope is for women.

It's also considered a four letter word in finance.

[NoMoreTO]

(12-03-2018 03:25 PM)MaceTyrell Wrote:  

[quote] (12-02-2018 08:22 PM)TheFinalEpic Wrote:  

You have to realize that the second you start chasing something, that's when it begins to allude you. ...
You don't get into a relationship because you want one. You get into one because you serendipitously find one, when you were looking the least. The same with business; you don't get the contracts you NEED, you get the ones that you don't give a fuck about, because you have so much else going on.

Very well said, and the bolded parts are my exact thoughts on this. None of my good girlfriends came from actively searching for a girlfriend. Being in such a mindset sounds feminine (don't mean that as an insult) - they say they want a boyfriend and then just try and fit someone to the role. They are then typically miserable.

It's an unfortunate catch-22 that even I'm still trying to wrap my mind around. But it is what it is, so the best we can do is hope an acceptable woman falls into our orbit.

Interesting points here...

The fact that you got a girlfriend by accident, can be seen in two lights. You weren't actively looking, so you weren't forcing yourself into something that wouldn't work - good! That said, you might not have been actually applying girlfriend/wife criteria. You just met a hot chick and things progressed, but it didn't work out. Perhaps with more intent, you would have screened these girls out.

To me it goes back to the cheesy 7 habits of success "beginning with the end in mind". If you just meander into a relationship, you might not be paying attention to setting tone, patterns, and expectations which could come back to bite you.

I agree that if you are 'wife hunting' then you might pay the price in spades. Any rushed attitude, or thirstiness whether in game or seeking a wife is something that you have to be aware of.

The business analogy made a lot of sense to me as I have had success being patient and opportunistic. To me this would be like a sales guy who has to wait for "The Big Fish".

There are also sales guys who make their money on volume, going door to door and hustling. But no one is going to buy a sophisticated piece of equipment from someone who they met at their door selling magazine subscriptions. In the same vein, if you meet a girl at the club, or partying on vacation, who gave it up easy to you...this likely isn't wife material, even if you get her into an LTR.

To me you have to be 'on the lookout' for a good wife to actually get a good one. This matches the guys I have seen in industry trying to land "Big Fish". They begin with the end in mind, they plant ideas early, and are thinking strategically from day 1. The client thinks things are just happening organically but in reality there is intention.

The idea that the best things in life happen by accident does seem like a female 'truism' these days. So to me, I can't accept this totally. Neither can I accept a man can go full wife hunt and get good results by forcing the issue. Yes, you can enjoy life and be on the lookout, you don't have to treat life like a computer program on game, but you need intent. To me this is being 'on the lookout' while 'screening / prioritizing' for wife qualities.

[MongolianAbroad]

(12-02-2018 03:16 PM)sharksfanguy88 Wrote:  

I'm sure there are plenty of serial pimps on this forum who have no intention of settling down, and are going to call me a pussy that's being crushed by society's expectations. That's fine. I get the lifestyle choice and I admire it. But I just don't see myself as a 50 or 60-year old dude trying to pull 20 year olds out of book stores and happy hours and parks. Settling down is gonna happen, it's a massive decision, and I want to maximize the fuck out of it.

Would love your thoughts.

If a guy doesn't go into wife hunting mode at some point, then he's very likely to end up marrying one of the sluts he banged and rationalize it as a good decision. That probably describes most American men that gave marriage a shot at one point or another.

Things may or may not turn out all right.

As for me, being a businessman, entering an agreement where if I win, I get to keep my assets, and if I lose, I lose half my assets, plus am financially and possibly emotionally crippled if children are involved (at least for a time), is not something I take lightly. In real estate, 99.99% of problems can be avoided by good deal selection. You don't ever actually want to need the legal documents. You want things to just function smoothly.

A bad deal can cripple you for life.

Wife hunting is really hunting for a good deal. You want the terms in your favor, and you want the other party to be someone with no red flags. Just like if you were doing a real estate deal.

Or you can leave things to chance.

And hope it works out.

It might. It might not. And the consequences can be grave.

[StrikeBack]

I reckon most guys put way more effort into researching what smart phone they're gonna buy next than hunting for a good wife.

It's an old joke down under that most guys would wife up the chick they're banging because "she'll do", and they can't be arsed finding another piece if they break up. Not because she'd honestly make a good wife and mother of his children.

[HankMoody]

(12-04-2018 03:32 AM)StrikeBack Wrote:  

I reckon most guys put way more effort into researching what smart phone they're gonna buy next than hunting for a good wife.

It's an old joke down under that most guys would wife up the chick they're banging because "she'll do", and they can't be arsed finding another piece if they break up. Not because she'd honestly make a good wife and mother of his children.

Dude, there is no question.

iPhone XR.

It's got dope battery life.

I actually bought the cheaper phone due to battery life.

The iPhone XS has a better camera but less battery. I don't need to take pretty pictures, but I do need my phone to last the entire day.

[Aenema]

(12-03-2018 04:53 PM)Bikal Wrote:  

To clarify, I have no issue with whatever sums of money being spent however there are some things that I'd be pissed about and a $500 book for taking notes is one of them, I could understand and even encourage a $500 Mont Blanc (I've got a Meisterstück worth $1k) but a pocketbook?

As for the rest, I'll eventually settle down and have a son, I know what I want and I know how to get there while increasing my personal wealth, not allowing it to be fluttered away on shit is a good way to preserve it, clothes, watches, experiences etc. are all fine

A pocketbook isn't a book for taking notes, it's a purse/handbag

[TheFinalEpic]

(12-04-2018 12:41 AM)NoMoreTO Wrote:  

(12-03-2018 03:25 PM)MaceTyrell Wrote:  

[quote] (12-02-2018 08:22 PM)TheFinalEpic Wrote:  

You have to realize that the second you start chasing something, that's when it begins to allude you. ...
You don't get into a relationship because you want one. You get into one because you serendipitously find one, when you were looking the least. The same with business; you don't get the contracts you NEED, you get the ones that you don't give a fuck about, because you have so much else going on.

Very well said, and the bolded parts are my exact thoughts on this. None of my good girlfriends came from actively searching for a girlfriend. Being in such a mindset sounds feminine (don't mean that as an insult) - they say they want a boyfriend and then just try and fit someone to the role. They are then typically miserable.

It's an unfortunate catch-22 that even I'm still trying to wrap my mind around. But it is what it is, so the best we can do is hope an acceptable woman falls into our orbit.

Interesting points here...

The fact that you got a girlfriend by accident, can be seen in two lights. You weren't actively looking, so you weren't forcing yourself into something that wouldn't work - good! That said, you might not have been actually applying girlfriend/wife criteria. You just met a hot chick and things progressed, but it didn't work out. Perhaps with more intent, you would have screened these girls out.

To me it goes back to the cheesy 7 habits of success "beginning with the end in mind". If you just meander into a relationship, you might not be paying attention to setting tone, patterns, and expectations which could come back to bite you.

I agree that if you are 'wife hunting' then you might pay the price in spades. Any rushed attitude, or thirstiness whether in game or seeking a wife is something that you have to be aware of.

The business analogy made a lot of sense to me as I have had success being patient and opportunistic. To me this would be like a sales guy who has to wait for "The Big Fish".

There are also sales guys who make their money on volume, going door to door and hustling. But no one is going to buy a sophisticated piece of equipment from someone who they met at their door selling magazine subscriptions. In the same vein, if you meet a girl at the club, or partying on vacation, who gave it up easy to you...this likely isn't wife material, even if you get her into an LTR.

To me you have to be 'on the lookout' for a good wife to actually get a good one. This matches the guys I have seen in industry trying to land "Big Fish". They begin with the end in mind, they plant ideas early, and are thinking strategically from day 1. The client thinks things are just happening organically but in reality there is intention.

The idea that the best things in life happen by accident does seem like a female 'truism' these days. So to me, I can't accept this totally. Neither can I accept a man can go full wife hunt and get good results by forcing the issue. Yes, you can enjoy life and be on the lookout, you don't have to treat life like a computer program on game, but you need intent. To me this is being 'on the lookout' while 'screening / prioritizing' for wife qualities.

I think you're missing my overarching point here. You don't go searching for a wife, but that doesn't mean you're not out there meeting women continually. When you're prospecting for business, you talk to everything and anything, and the big contracts come by you continually beating on your craft, getting yourself and your business out there, and by meeting industry players that can further you and your career.

My analogy here is that you need to play a volume game continually in life, because it creates abundance, and an abundant mindset is where you get to find the gems in women, in business, and everything else. You have choice. You get to pick and choose who and what stays in your life. You're not going to find your 'wife' without going through 1000, 2000, hell maybe 10,000 girls (I'm not saying you need to bang 1000 girls, but in your lifetime, I'm sure you've interacted with well over this number).

Sure there are some guys that are 'sniping' their options here, but I don't think that's the best path to finding a woman you can spend your life with.

Now I think that the question about holding women to a higher standard in the OP is one worth addressing. You should be doing this always. Arguably, men not holding women to a high standard is how we've got to the amazing state of women in 2018, where they are dying their hair blue, getting fat, and being insufferable. You should be making cuts as soon as you see questionable behavior (either by demoting them in your roster, or outright nexting them), you should be approaching as much as possible, and continuing to find women that are enjoyable to be around, that make your life better, and that you grow from. You should be doing this with friends as well, because your time is exceptionally valuable, and your sanity is sacred.

My point is that you shouldn't go into an interaction expecting this girl to be your wife. You should continually practice outcome independence, and understand that every single girl you approach could be your "wife", or she could be your next bang, or she could be an absolutely horrible human being. That should just fuel you to continue meeting women, and deciding where they fit into your life as you go.

So to answer OP's 3 questions directly:

- I will never be in wife hunting mode. But if in my travels she comes along, great!
- Your game should be your game as you grow and learn, and shouldn't change because a girl is potentially a LTR candidate, as a couple of guys alluded to here already, the second you start simping and losing frame, you lose the girl; so you game the same as any other woman, that's why this is universal. You should be approaching more, and getting out there as much as possible. You should also be making cuts quickly as your time is valuable. If she's uninterested, you don't see it going long haul, or if she's not a long term candidate, plate her, but don't start buying her dinners and hanging out with her lots, she should then just be for satisfying your sexual needs.
- This is a silly question. If anyone isn't already doing this regardless of their "wife hunt status" they are a lost cause.

[Bikal]

(12-04-2018 10:58 AM)Aenema Wrote:  

A pocketbook isn't a book for taking notes, it's a purse/handbag

In the UK it's a notebook.