[TheGrowth]

Probably an age-old situation but I'm not one of those guys that uses game to get chicks in order to meet the end goal of eventually finding "the one".
I was, and I found "the one" who is everything, 99% of what I want. The other 1% she can't give me, and that 1% is the need to experience a different vagina every so often.
I've mulled this over for years now and it's at the point where I don't want to be one of those guys who just cheats on their gf left and right and then comes home.
That and I detest the non-bachelor lifestyle.

So the question is this, for those who've been in a similar situation, what's the easiest way to let 'er down?
Right now the upfront honesty of "hey I need to fill my life with a variety of vaginas" (in less callous terms) and then dealing with the hurt feelings afterwards is the plan unless I hear something better.

[kaotic]

Your decision isn't exactly black and white but we also need more details about you, about her, about your relationship.

How old are both of you, how long have you been together, what makes her check off 99% in your book?

We need some details here.

[Lunostrelki]

A woman is never going to supply 100% of what you want. That extra 1% you need to figure out for yourself, be it putting more energy into raising kids, creating something, or spiritual pursuits.

[BlastbeatCasanova]

Age-old question indeed. As I’ve gotten a little older I understand a little more how guys settle into relationships with a decent chick that treats them well. I’ve sern it with a few of my friends lately. One broke up with his gf but after getting back into field and dealing with some of the standard garbage chicks out there he took her back.

As for me, I feel what you’re saying so hard. I’ve got a great chick who is way more into me than I am her. But I can get the desire for new pussy out of my head. I’ve even been dreaming about it

[Cr33pin]

Your age and the time invested in the relationship are pretty important to know before we can give you proper advice.

Growing as a man with a great girl over a decent amount of time creates something that no amount of meaningless sex with random thots can ever come close to. Banging random hoes is fun and all but its a very temporary high and a empty one at that. I spent 10 years with a amazing girl that I ended up leaving to go overseas and life the RVF dream..... I can tell you this, once the novelty of lots of thots wears off you may find yourself up at night listening to sad love songs on YouTube and crying yourself to sleep..... dont ask me how I know

[griffinmill]

I broke up with a long-term girlfriend about 5 years ago. We had been going out for 7 years (yes, 7 long years) and I was significantly "beta" back then so even though I wasn't 100% into her I settled with her thinking it was the right thing to do. She was a good girlfriend despite her jealous streak.

I had only banged around 5 girls up until being with her and there came a time in my relationship that I badly needed to explore the field more. I cheated on her a few times, which I'm not proud of, before finally doing the right thing and breaking up. I panicked about a month into the break-up and tried to get her back, but like all women she had already moved onto new dick (new dick she is now married to).

I banged over three times as many women in the year of the break-up than I had before having met her. I was mid-30s and the peak of my SMV. I made the break at just the right time. Now, with the benefit of hindsight, and 5 years later, should I have stayed with her? No, because though I've not had a long-term relationship since, nor have I found a girl like her since who I could laugh about stupid shit with, the decision I made was the right one at the time and I needed to get all those lays out of my system.

There are no easy answers. If you're not some beta simp you don't need to cling for dear life to a long-term girlfriend. She can be replaced. As you get older it becomes more difficult to replace her, but the other side of that coin is you stick with her and break up later - and then enter the dating marketplace older, and with lower SMV.

Also understand that the feelings you're experiencing are not unusual. Every man experiences them in a long-term relationship, it's just that 90% stay with their girlfriend and cheat. This is not a sustainable situation.

[questor70]

(11-26-2018 07:33 PM)TheGrowth Wrote:  

I found "the one" who is everything, 99% of what I want. The other 1% she can't give me, and that 1% is the need to experience a different vagina every so often.

I hate to go there, but when I read the above, what it's telling me is that you're not in love with her. You know how love is blind? When you're "in love", variety takes a back-seat. You can say you love her, but you're not "in love" with her.

My opinion is that long-term monogamy only works in those rare cases where two people fall in love and manage to keep reviving that feeling given that biology wants to make it wear off. You can still love the other person after but it will start feeling more like a friend or a sister. It's enough to want to maintain a connection but that butterly feeling in the chest won't be there anymore. That's when the impulse to cheat will creep in.

[Jefferson]

I'm in a similar situation. Also thought I found the one, 19 year old girl, laughing always, hard worker, good cook, everything perfect. Then she wanted children. Fast forward 17 years and she's changed completely, still slim but just cruising past the wall and serious as hell. She wanted children and they are the focus of her life.

Women change. They look out for themselves and their children in the first instance. This is inevitable. You will not be what you were to her after children arrive.

You will die, and you will do so spiritually alone, no woman or children will be a comfort. So until that happens do what makes you happy, you have only one life. This is not a dress rehearsal.

And btw, there is no easy way to let her down. I told her face to face and when she started crying instantly it is something I will never forget. So my advice, do it in the form of a letter or video message. If you do it face to face, when you see a woman's dreams shatter and her face contorted in pain, anguish and tears, it's not something you will forget.

[The Golden God]

I had the same feeling as you...

2 year + relationship with a girl that I thought was 99% great except for those few things.

After time goes on other girls start to catch your eye in a way that she can't.

In my girls case she was a cool person who was very laid back and mellow. While dating her I started feeling like I needed someone with a little more personality and passion.

I'd end up frustrated and annoyed with her because she wasn't fulfilling what I needed at the time, even if she was "great" in my eyes.

I chalked it up to this.

A guy might love chocolate ice cream and eat it all the time.

But after chocolate ice cream every day for years, he's gonna start to wonder how those other flavors taste.

If you want to see what this girl is about, go for it. There's nothing wrong with testing out a mini-LTR with a girl who's company you enjoy.

But I don't think that feeling is going to go away.

[Cr33pin]

(11-27-2018 10:08 AM)Jefferson Wrote:  

And btw, there is no easy way to let her down. I told her face to face and when she started crying instantly it is something I will never forget. So my advice, do it in the form of a letter or video message. If you do it face to face, when you see a woman's dreams shatter and her face contorted in pain, anguish and tears, it's not something you will forget.

Thats gonna be a +1 rep from me Cotton

My girl of over a little over 10 years drove me to the airport so I could start my world tour. The actual goodbye hug and kisses weren't that terrible but then I got on the escalator and turned back to give one last wave an there she was..... completely losing it, haunts me to this day.

There are no right or wrong answers. There is making a choice and then making the best of it and making which ever route you chose work. I would have had hella regrets if I had stayed in Murica with that girl and always wondered "What if I had just gone out and traveled the world and experienced new cultures, foods, nature, girls, ect. when I had the chance" it would have always lingered in the back of my mind. Then there is the other side of the coin which is where I'm at now. Almost 40 and tired of hanging outside Forever 21 in third world country malls asking hot teens who I have nothing in common if then know where the pet shop is. I have a notch count higher then Einsteins IQ and nothing to show for it except cool memories and stories of debaucherous conquest. I actually ran into my ex at the grocery store a few months back when I was back in my hometown... she strolled by with her new baby with the bluest eyes imaginable. We very briefly spoke in passing an that was that...
I think for me one of the harder parts of the situation is being with a great gal for those ten years is that now.... there is always something there to remind me (like the 80's jam) Anyways this is not some pity party this is a honest memoir about the reality of these kinds of choices and consequences of them. Don't get it twisted... I'm still out here doing my thing and enjoying my life. Like any fisherman, this is my story about "the one that got away"

[Jefferson]

There is no shame at all in being honest about a terrible loss.

I have deep sympathy for your situation because I fear I am doing the same, give up a woman many would consider perfect, plus two beautiful lovely children.

Because I felt like I had to get out and experience life, that staying in that house would be the slow death of me.

However, the loss that decision entails, to lose such a woman....I will always think of her. I will never forget the moment I told her I would leave her, for another woman. There was no pretense, no game, just pure grief, crying, tears...pain. How I wished there was another way. How I wished I'd never told her face to face. I can never undo this memory now.

But what is the alternative, to trade your perpetual unhappiness for a moment of pain? It's not a fair trade.

You are right, there are no right answers, we have to do the best we can. Bearing in mind, this is the only life we have.

How will we be happier? Only we can know.

[debeguiled]

That was a great post, Cr33pin.

It can be hard to justify following an undefined path that is still just a feeling sitting there undefined in your chest when you are faced with a crying girl who says she knows exactly what she wants, and it is also what society says you are supposed to do.

Still, I have more memories of high school male friends whose girls just ghosted because they thought they could do better, and here he is a year later, calling you at midnight, and the two of you walking around in the dark on the grounds of the high school, and him still asking what happened and why.

Seems like a lot of the times, the girls have that one good cry and rebound pretty damn fast for all their talk.

[kaotic]

@jefferson @Cr33pin

Mine wasn't as gnarley, but face to face, and seeing her cry for a bit then her telling me as she got out of the car "if you ever change your mind let me know". You'll never forget that.

We were together 2 years, probably hottest girl I dated, and the convo got serious about kids and family. (We did have an abortion) She was head over heels for me but was looking at a 5 year plan at where she wanted to be.

Funny enough it'll be 3 years in December since I dumped her, even more funny enough, she got with another dude a few months later.

Here you think you'll be the one to Alpha Widow her - but good/hot women never stay single for long man.

Alot of the senior guys on the forum helped me see why she wasn't a seriously good candidate to have family with.

It also probably didn't help that I was always fucking around and chasing/banging new girls on the side, but she had my heart.

thread-52295.html

There's so much advice on there that I read it from time to time, to remind me of why I took the actions I did and what I should look for in women in the future.

Matter of fact a recent woman in my life awoken some emotions I haven't had in awhile that I still need to write about, unfortunately that burned fast, hot, then burned out as fast as it started.

More and more I'm looking at women in my life as potential partners - could be cuffing season, could be the holidays, hell could be me being in my early 30's and surrounded by friends who have kids.

One thing I've always known is that a woman is never going to "complete" you, she can only compliment your life and support your dreams and goals.

The other stuff you've gotta figure out on your own and make the best of it.

[Jefferson]

Kaotic, you'd never forget it, true. I really wonder if it is more about timing. The family, children set up is basically the end. You'd only engage in that if you have nothing left to experience or to give, as a man, except child care. In your early 30s, it was way too young for me to focus on children.

A woman will not be the only focus, now. But if you are very wealthy, have lots of money and power, if you don't have someone who loves you is your life not incomplete? Is it not the ultimate prize?

[kaotic]

Family and Children shouldn't be the "end" of a man's life.

Love isn't an entitlement for men, it's not handed out to every single one, it takes skill and game to find a good woman to love.

Not many men have those skills (excluding this forum).

There's plenty of rich and powerful men who are in love with their own careers and passions, where women are secondary to their own life goals.

[Jefferson]

They shouldn't, but in terms of the enjoyment of different young women, great sex, life's enjoyment as we know it, it's the end. You'd enjoy the children, maybe some hobbies. But life would be very different.

Yes, it takes skill, but also finding the right one. When you found that person, you would be very lucky. There may only be a handful of women who speak to us on that level, who have that right tapestry of personality, looks and other qualities that set alight our own feelings. I do not think it will happen very often, even if there isn't the 'One', there are very few.

There are indeed men who are rich and powerful and in love with their careers to whom women are secondary, like Howard Hughes. All their life they crave the love of a woman, but never get it and turn crazy or bitter later on. Like Nietzsche or Schopenhauer.

Then the are men for whom women are very important, but have a great career, and just make the wrong decisions. Like Sinatra. They also end up unhappy.

Speaking of which, what a brutal read that thread was. Looking back, do you still think you made the right decision?

[BassPlayaYo]

(11-27-2018 12:53 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  

Kaotic, you'd never forget it, true. I really wonder if it is more about timing. The family, children set up is basically the end. You'd only engage in that if you have nothing left to experience or to give, as a man, except child care. In your early 30s, it was way too young for me to focus on children.

A woman will not be the only focus, now. But if you are very wealthy, have lots of money and power, if you don't have someone who loves you is your life not incomplete? Is it not the ultimate prize?

The notion that your life in incomplete without someone who loves you is the same old brainwashing talking point pushed out to men so that they can "conform" to the relationship ideology and keep the "system" chugging along. If you've ever been in a relationship and paid attention you would know that women do not see "you". The always see "you" in the context of the relationship and they only care about "you" in the context of the relationship and anything you do that doesn't "support" the relationship is viewed as a threat.

Ultimate prize is a personal thing but if you subscribe to the belief that the women is the ultimate prize you're setting yourself up to be "gamed".

[Jefferson]

Actually it's what Chateau Heartiste wrote, that love is the ultimate prize, and that a life without love is not complete, they're not known for their conformist system compliance:

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2007/07/06/love/

I hear what you're saying, of course women also look out for their own benefit. It's perfectly true and perfectly legitimate. However, they actually see MORE than you are. I literally had this girl write to me I was her 'Salvation', I find Glory in loving you, her exact words, you actually start to think maybe it's going too far.

I don't mean a woman is the ultimate prize, but the added love in your life is. You can be rich, but if someone does not love you, your life is not really full. You can have endless notches, but if someone does not love you, your life is not really full.

Of course you have to be careful not be gamed by the wrong person. But you just have to keep an eye on whether that woman loves you, you'll know, on whether you get what you want, you'll know. If those two are covered you can't be gamed, you wouldn't mind giving her what she needs either. Because you get what YOU want. Makes sense?

[kaotic]

(11-27-2018 02:32 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  

They shouldn't, but in terms of the enjoyment of different young women, great sex, life's enjoyment as we know it, it's the end. You'd enjoy the children, maybe some hobbies. But life would be very different.

No it's not the end, you need to get that out of your head.

Quote:

Yes, it takes skill, but also finding the right one. When you found that person, you would be very lucky. There may only be a handful of women who speak to us on that level, who have that right tapestry of personality, looks and other qualities that set alight our own feelings. I do not think it will happen very often, even if there isn't the 'One', there are very few.

You're still held up on the notion that there is "the one", it bleeds in your writing, like I said before, you find the best woman that compliments and supports your life and is your cheerleader.

Quote:

There are indeed men who are rich and powerful and in love with their careers to whom women are secondary, like Howard Hughes. All their life they crave the love of a woman, but never get it and turn crazy or bitter later on. Like Nietzsche or Schopenhauer.

Then the are men for whom women are very important, but have a great career, and just make the wrong decisions. Like Sinatra. They also end up unhappy.

Hughes died still enjoying his life.

Sinatra had other issues he was battling also.

You have to be a little crazy to be rich and powerful and that comes with it's own problems - they aren't like your average red pilled man.

Quote:

Speaking of which, what a brutal read that thread was. Looking back, do you still think you made the right decision?

Did it hurt dumping her? Yes

Did I cry like Uncle Cr33ping? Maybe

Was it the right decision? YES WITHOUT A DOUBT, it absolutely was the right decision, there was no way in hell I was ready in any aspect to have a family or a child, I still am not ready for that.

I laid myself bare to the forum and was extremely honest in my analysis of that relationship, 3rd parties were able to see many red flags where in reality she wasn't that great of a choice to have a family with.

As time passed I was able to realize this too and found some pretty cool women in life, but as per usual, I haven't had a serious GF since her 3 years ago, just summer flings or cuffing season relationships, of course I've had my main rotations that have been around.

(11-27-2018 02:57 PM)Jefferson Wrote:  

Actually it's what Chateau Heartiste wrote, that love is the ultimate prize, and that a life without love is not complete, they're not known for their conformist system compliance:

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2007/07/06/love/

I hear what you're saying, of course women also look out for their own benefit. It's perfectly true and perfectly legitimate. However, they actually see MORE than you are. I literally had this girl write to me I was her 'Salvation', I find Glory in loving you, her exact words, you actually start to think maybe it's going too far.

I don't think they see more than us, better yet, maybe they're blinded by their love and devotion to you.

It all depends on the girl and your situation.

Quote:

I don't mean a woman is the ultimate prize, but the added love in your life is. You can be rich, but if someone does not love you, your life is not really full. You can have endless notches, but if someone does not love you, your life is not really full.

You've loved your friends and family long before you had love for a girl. You can live without the love of a woman.

You don't need a woman's love to be "fulfilled", that's a silly notion.

[Jefferson]

(11-27-2018 03:42 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

No it's not the end, you need to get that out of your head.

I wish you were right, but if I had to dedicate myself fully to raising children I don't think the kind of relationships with young and attractive women I like would be possible. You'd live for the family, the children, and ultimately a wife that will hit the wall and will look like the elder Brigitte Bardot.

(11-27-2018 03:42 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

You're still held up on the notion that there is "the one", it bleeds in your writing, like I said before, you find the best woman that compliments and supports your life and is your cheerleader.

It wouldn't be enough if she just supports my life and is my cheerleader. I'd need her to fulfill a long list of character traits, physical traits criteria, and I do think maybe five women or so I've met would speak to my emotions on that level. If I can't love her I don't think it would be enough. There may not be just the one, but there's a very limited list of women that would fulfill that list, maybe five.

(11-27-2018 03:42 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

Hughes died still enjoying his life.

Hughes certainly lived for his work. However, sought the love of women all his life. When Jean Peters divorced him it was not his choice. If you asked him if he wanted to be loved by Jean Peters, Ava Gardner, he would probably have said yes. But he couldn't buy their love ultimately. He didn't seem happy at the end.

(11-27-2018 03:42 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

Sinatra had other issues he was battling also.

What issues do you mean?

(11-27-2018 03:42 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

Was it the right decision? YES WITHOUT A DOUBT, it absolutely was the right decision, there was no way in hell I was ready in any aspect to have a family or a child, I still am not ready for that.

You're right. You need to be careful before you start a family. I was with a woman for ten years and did not feel ready. I relented, for her, and whilst I love my children, it has complicated my life very seriously.

(11-27-2018 03:42 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

You've loved your friends and family long before you had love for a girl.

Yes, but come now, that is not the same kind of love, is it?

(11-27-2018 03:42 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

You can live without the love of a woman.

You can, but sadly we both know you'd be happier with it.

(11-27-2018 03:42 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

You don't need a woman's love to be "fulfilled", that's a silly notion.

Is it?

When they asked Goethe how happy was he in his life he replied 'I had maybe four weeks of happiness'.

My guess, those were the times he was in love.

I wish you were right, but I think without the love of a woman all the money, power and one night stands in the world will not truly be enough.

[kaotic]

There's no debating you about this anymore man.

You think a woman completes your life, that's fine.

I don't believe love is mandatory for "happiness" or to "complete" your life - and those definitions varies person to person.

I do believe in being able to love a woman, but a man pieces himself together, she's not that 10% that was left empty.

If you're empty or incomplete because you don't have the love of a woman in your life - that speaks volumes about your mindset.


I'm gonna agree to disagree with you on this.

[Jefferson]

Fair enough kaotic.

Life is not all about mindset though. There are realities that no amount of mindset will bend.

Ultimately, the fact that being loved by a woman will make your life better, complete your life, is one of those annoying realities.

You piece yourself together, you build cities, corporations, get a nobel prize, fuck ten thousand women, ultimately your life will be better with a woman who loves you.

All the men, who chose work over women, Newton, Hughes, Schopenhauer, Nietzsche, all deeply unhappy.

[questor70]

Unhappiness is really the default sentiment of the human condition. This is even more true of women, who are, as we know, never satisfied.



So these women who become enthralled with you one day could be divorce-raping you the next. All you know is at that moment in time they were into you, nothing more, nothing less. And as we also know, women are more resilient at moving on than guys are. They'll look like it's the end of the world for them at the moment you dump them, and a week or two later they will be posting happy photos on their facebook with their new guy and pretending he's Prince Charming with just as much sincerity as she once did you. In fact, she'll probably be telling him how awful you really were and she just didn't see it.

So you really have to be ruthless in pursuit of your own happiness on your own terms. Women's lives are rarely crushed by a breakup.

[Jefferson]

Very true questor.

We need unhappiness, but we need happiness too. Both sides of the coin exist for a reason.

Of course all kinds of bad things can be done by women. If she moves on and moves in with another man it was never true love to start with, because it would not end if it were.

Are we so afraid of unhappiness though that we therefore give up even the chance of happiness?

I lived with a woman for 18 years, after I found someone else my wife still wanted to forgive me and still loved me. Not all women are fickle.

The worst is if the person who loves you is not who you want.

Surely though, in that ruthless pursuit of your own happiness you would need to include a woman who loves you? Nobody who has to live without a woman who loves him can truthfully say his life would not be better if the right woman loved him.

So yes, pursuit of happiness, but that would include a woman that loves you.

[asdfk]

Quote:

So the question is this, for those who've been in a similar situation, what's the easiest way to let 'er down?
Right now the upfront honesty of "hey I need to fill my life with a variety of vaginas" (in less callous terms) and then dealing with the hurt feelings afterwards is the plan unless I hear something better.

Let me first say that the grass looks always greener on the other side.

You have expectations about how new vagina will feel. But you can't predict the future. You have no idea how you will respond until you actually do it.

You might like it or you may not.

If you like this woman a lot and it's 99% that you love, there's nothing wrong with the relationship. It's just that as a consequence of a relationship there is a closed door. And you daydream about what is behind it.

I'll say it again: there may be great experiences behind it or crappy experiences, or experiences that change from the former to the latter.

You will give up a woman you love in favor of uncertainty?

I wouldn't do that.

There's also a chance that if you bring it up you feel in the moment that you don't really have a desire to do it anymore. Once you point out to her you see a closed door, you might just realize it is you who is holding the key.

It might be scary or against the party line on this forum, but discussing this desire may lead to unexpected good things.

She might even accept that you will bang some strange every now and then. More women are OK with this than you think.

If you choose to go for that lifestyle, realize that the experience of others on this forum (good or bad) might be completely different from how it will feel to you.

If you currently enjoy your relationship and love her and it's only about strange pussy, please think again for throwing out the baby with the bathwater.