This forum has been a goldmine of knowledge and I've tried adding as much of my intel as possible the past few months. Wanted to get some advice, especially after a few recent dates where I've gotten ghosted after a 1st date, or even worse, been completely friendzoned. I posted this on another thread briefly, but wanted to start a new one to get a wider net of opinions. I live in New York City, am American, and most are online dates (90%+)
I was doing a brief tally and I would say that around 30% of the women who I go on first dates with want to see me again (i.e. respond back to my texts and initially want to see me again). Out of that 30%, a few more flake over text over time haha.
Anyways, thinking about my date game over the past few days and I feel like the following are my biggest hurdles:
1) The women always seem to want to ask the basic questions (where did you grow up, what do you do for fun, what do you read for books, any pets, etc.) and I get caught up in just having a basic conversation the entire time. Anytime I do bring up a more intimate/riskier/interesting question, the girl doesn't seem to have any response. And then they gear the conversation back into basic shit again and ask shit like "what's my favorite color?" right after I attempt to make the conversation more interesting. To make matters worse, almost ALL of the girls I've been on dates with are the most basic women ever - there's literally nothing interesting about their lives except for "hanging out with their friends", "watching netflix", and "going out for brunch and margaritas". It's insanely hard to keep a conversation going when that's all I have to work with.....And then at the end of the date they tell me how there was "no connection"
I've had many, many dates where I make out heavily but still get no text back after. Crazy.
2) Adding onto my point from above, when I do try to make the conversation more interesting, then sometimes they either get 1) weirded out or 2) just don't feel comfortable with answering it.
My solution to all of this: I can start off the conversation for the first stage with normal/comfortable talk, but then need to lead and force the conversation to get more intimate/sexual asap and most importantly, absolutely stay away from basic topics and start asking more intimate questions that trigger and play around with her emotions. Even if she tries to stray away from those questions, continually lead her into them. I do admit that I need to do a better job of keeping frame, eye contact, etc as well. My kino is on point though and I generally do a good job with this.
Examples of more intimate/emotional questions:
What are you afraid of? (making her think of the last time she was afraid)
What is your most treasured memory? (triggering positive emotion)
What is your most terrible memory? (triggering negative emotion)
How close are you to your family? (triggering family emotions)
What's the most embarrassing thing you've done (triggering another emotion)
etc.
The only way to get a connection is through hitting her emotions, not through logical talk.
How do all of you get a conversation/date more intimate? How do you hit her emotions? Thoughts?
I was doing a brief tally and I would say that around 30% of the women who I go on first dates with want to see me again (i.e. respond back to my texts and initially want to see me again). Out of that 30%, a few more flake over text over time haha.
Anyways, thinking about my date game over the past few days and I feel like the following are my biggest hurdles:
1) The women always seem to want to ask the basic questions (where did you grow up, what do you do for fun, what do you read for books, any pets, etc.) and I get caught up in just having a basic conversation the entire time. Anytime I do bring up a more intimate/riskier/interesting question, the girl doesn't seem to have any response. And then they gear the conversation back into basic shit again and ask shit like "what's my favorite color?" right after I attempt to make the conversation more interesting. To make matters worse, almost ALL of the girls I've been on dates with are the most basic women ever - there's literally nothing interesting about their lives except for "hanging out with their friends", "watching netflix", and "going out for brunch and margaritas". It's insanely hard to keep a conversation going when that's all I have to work with.....And then at the end of the date they tell me how there was "no connection"
I've had many, many dates where I make out heavily but still get no text back after. Crazy.
2) Adding onto my point from above, when I do try to make the conversation more interesting, then sometimes they either get 1) weirded out or 2) just don't feel comfortable with answering it.
My solution to all of this: I can start off the conversation for the first stage with normal/comfortable talk, but then need to lead and force the conversation to get more intimate/sexual asap and most importantly, absolutely stay away from basic topics and start asking more intimate questions that trigger and play around with her emotions. Even if she tries to stray away from those questions, continually lead her into them. I do admit that I need to do a better job of keeping frame, eye contact, etc as well. My kino is on point though and I generally do a good job with this.
Examples of more intimate/emotional questions:
What are you afraid of? (making her think of the last time she was afraid)
What is your most treasured memory? (triggering positive emotion)
What is your most terrible memory? (triggering negative emotion)
How close are you to your family? (triggering family emotions)
What's the most embarrassing thing you've done (triggering another emotion)
etc.
The only way to get a connection is through hitting her emotions, not through logical talk.
How do all of you get a conversation/date more intimate? How do you hit her emotions? Thoughts?