Quote: (10-02-2011 03:04 PM)Timoteo Wrote:
..., but how healthy is it for kids to see their dad beaten down? What does that teach them, and in turn, what kind of men do they become as a result?
I think this is one of the most important questions I've seen posed on this forum. We often talk shit about those men who decide to let their women run their lives as if to shame or pity them. But if we are to help our brothers keep themselves out of harms way, I think it is important to detail the consequences of living this most deplorable lifestyle. Many do not understand that the effects are widespread, deeply damaging, and often permanent. More importantly, the consequences are not restricted to one's own life.
Being 28 and ten years out on my own, I can objectively understand and describe what it's like to be raised by a pussy-whipped father. I'm not proud to say it, but my father "wore a skirt" throughout my childhood. Unfortunately, I can often relate to some of the horror stories of bad marriages on this forum and having been a child in this situation I think I can offer a unique and telling perspective on these stories.
For those of you who are considering marriage with a woman who is not quality material, or for those of you who know someone who has already committed to one, I offer you a glimpse of the future:
You will be a bad father and you will create a bad mother.
An out-of-control woman is one of the most dangerous things to a family. The levels of stress alone will kill you physically and emotionally and this constant wear and tear will leave you little left to be a good father. You will lose your patience, your fun-loving personality, your energy, your youthful spirit. You will become a shell of your former self and being unable to cope with your woman will only make her worse over time. Every emotional inch you give her will later become a mile. You may think at first that this is only affecting you. You are wrong. Your woman doesn't suddenly become well-adjusted when she deals with your children. She is still the same tyrannical, naggy, bitchy hag to your children. What's worse is that your children will be under her authority and won't have the option of leaving the home like you will. You will literally be leaving your children with her baggage. You will be the only person capable of saving your children from her and your kids will resent you for doing nothing. Your entire household will be miserable and then...
You will be afraid to go back to your own home.
Your home is your sanctuary. It is a place where you and your family go to have peace and good times together. Nothing should be more sacred to you. Falling into a bad marriage will desecrate this holy place. You will not be able to relax, have fun, or sleep well in your own home. Forget bringing your friends over, especially those that your wife dislikes. Your home will become a place for fights, sexual frustration, agitation, and boredom. Even your vacation time, which should offer you quality time with your family, will feel like prison time. You may find refuge in your workplace and will likely drag your emotional burdens there for your coworkers to deal with and then...
You will become a shitty coworker.
Everyone will hate you. You constantly bring your garbage into work and dump it on the people who are forced to be in your presence. Your coworkers will beg for moments away from you. Personally, I blame most bad attitudes at work on either an inability to get laid or a shitty marriage. Your lifestyle won't just affect your work however...
You will lose the respect of those around you.
You might think you have the ability to somehow hide your bad marriage from everyone. But you don't. Your very friends and relatives will all eventually piece together just how miserable you are. They will lose respect for you quickly since you chose to allow one person, who you are voluntarily with, to ruin your life, your children, and your relationships. Those close to you will distance themselves from you and talk shit about you behind your back. They will eventually cut you off entirely. As your marriage groans forward into the decades many will begin to question whether you were born with testes or whether you have some sort of mental deficiency. But the kids are too young to know any of this, right? Wrong...
You will lose your relationship with your children.
Your kids might not be able to understand language yet, but they'll know who's in charge more quickly than you probably think. If mom is constantly disrespecting dad, dad is not a respectable man. This impression that your children gets will last forever unless you get a divorce quickly and somehow manage to show your kids that you're worth something as a father. You might think that just because your children aren't acting out or giving you lip that they somehow have some reverence for you. You might come to think that they "owe you something" after all your years of putting them through school and getting them braces. Nope. You're not their "father". You're just some guy who put up the rent for them. You're a guy who paid the bills. You're just some guy who happens to be related to them. They might feel sorry for you, so they might still attend the family gatherings and stop by the retirement home sometime, but in the end you're relationship is only a genetic or legal one. There will be no respect to form the basis of a healthy relationship and there's no going back in time to replace it. You're not the only one getting stuck with the bill though...
You will leave scars on your child that could last for decades, if not for life.
Being a pussy-whipped man removes the male role model from your children's lives and they will suffer for it. There will be no one there to teach your children how to be strong and decisive. They will lose much-needed advice on how to manage their relationships and their fears. The early part of your children's lives will be fraught will emotional issues. Your children will find unhealthy ways to cope with your physical or emotional absence and as a result your children will be unable to handle certain aspects of life. They will have bad dreams about you. They will often curse you. They will tell stories about you their whole lives. Your children may grow up to be the very same pussy that you are and the cycle will start all over.
You'll be stuck with a dysfunctional family, older and less capable of caring for yourself. And now that you're grandpa instead of dad you'll be that much more removed from the people you wanted to be near. You'll be so shitty of a dad that your own children won't want THEIR kids around you. In the end you will be a lonely, boring, cranky, old man. You may still be stuck with the same hag who ruined your life but only God knows when you last had sex. You may eventually consider divorce but she might rob you of everything and you're too scared and inexperienced to enter the dating market at such an advanced age. You're "stuck with her" and you'll try to convince yourself that you're not missing out on the countless happy moments that other couples and families are having. You may lie to yourself in perpetuity, but some day you will have to face the mountains of damage you caused to yourself and others, damage so great that you may never come to terms with it.
All because of a shitty woman that you refused to let go of.
Your fear and lack of standards has officially ruined your life and there's no going back. This is the life that you are headed for, spoken from a man with experience. I can tell you with certainty that there is little worse in this world than being attached to a bad woman. I myself have had to deal with deep emotional issues due to this type of upbringing. My abilities with women are subpar for my age and my confidence and life-skills have never fully developed. I often feel like I am starting from scratch in many aspects of my life. Fortunately, I have been distanced long enough from my parents' marriage and thanks to forums like this I am able to learn from the experiences of others and teach myself to live the life I want to live.
I can also learn from my father's mistakes. If there is any one thing I learned from him, it is to never allow a woman to negatively affect my life. I will never settle. I will have a happy woman who wants to make me and my children happy. She will resolve conflicts with me like an adult and allow me to spend time on my own. She will not create drama in my life or embarrass me. She will keep herself in shape and give me good sex. I will be a good husband in return. If this is not in the cards then she is out the door, no matter the cost. I commit to this for myself AND my future family.
I write this for all of you who are entering or considering entering a permanent relationship with a woman of whom you have doubts. I write this for those of you who are watching brothers, cousins, friends, coworkers enter toxic relationships. I want you to consider for a moment the long-term effects that relationship will have on you and all the people around you. I encourage you for your sake and that of your loved ones to act with confidence, courage, and foresight when making these life-changing relationship decisions.
A woman can make or break you. Choose wisely.
