[TheMoscower]

Hi guys,
I wonder if this should go to another part of this forum, please move it if I have placed it to a wrong place.

I am looking for some experience from older/younger but more experienced guys about marriage and serious relationship for the people who were picking up girls through all their years and finally decided to have a family.

Damn, is it possible?

I dont know. For 15+ years of my life the only type of relationship I had with women was sex. I was never targeting something different. I cant remember the times I was buying flowers to a girl (which is very common here in Russia as a sign of respect and serious plans etc). Now I think of having children and having a family, I am living with a girl now, and everything is actually good, except for one thing - I miss the life I had when I was single There are pros and cons, its not a problem to estimate them, but I just want to know - how you have handled this problem when you are the guy who used to have a lot of women and used to be on your own, and then - you are the guy bound to some girl..

1. you try to find a way to mess with other girls? secretly?
2. you set it with your girl in advance. you can do what you want with other girls.
3. you meet professional women
4. you just dont need other women
5 something I dont know?

Any advice and experience is appreciated. And welcome to Moscow

[MikeS]

I'm past 40 now, fucked enough girls - particularly the last six years, while also being in a few non-cheating relationships part of that time - of varying nationalities and sexual inclinations to no longer feel I have missed out on anything vital in that area, and I'm also starting to feel an increasing desire to find a woman to settle down with and possibly or likely have kids with.

I think if I was in an LTR where sex frequency didn't start slowly declining after the first year, year-and-a-half (thankfully I've never been around long enough to see it go lower than a couple of times per week on average), I could probably stay away from cheating.
If our sex life did become unsatisfying and I didn't feel prepared to leave the relationship (eg. kids still at an early age) I imagine I would cheat. However I suspect the potential mess, stress, emotions and fear of getting caught having affairs would compel me to just pay for it instead, whether it was just one regular pro who could be trusted not to cause complications or half the attractive hookers in the city. Can't be sure though, maybe I would feel compelled to having affairs with regular women instead, but I think it would be vastly more risky and messy.

[RatInTheWoods]

(09-19-2018 05:22 PM)TheMoscower Wrote:  

Now I think of having children and having a family, I am living with a girl now, and everything is actually good, except for one thing - I miss the life I had when I was single

You are just not ready to settle down, wife up and have kids yet.

When it happens, it happens. If you are not feeling it, don't try force it.

It may never happen for you.

I would advise against trying to force it, you will end up with a divorce and messed up kids - like the rest of us :-)

[Mariner]

I married a hot girl who had a slutty look in her eyes. I thought this would mean I could convince her to let me do what I want after a while. Wrong. She drowned me in the most boring lifestyle imaginable. On top of that, she thought I should be thankful for that lifestyle just because she's pretty and I'm not. I just couldnt bear that shit and left. There are men who are able to live with a boring person, but not all men are like that.

[Guitarhappy420]

Monogamy and marriage are unnatural and unhealthy for men. Women want it, not men. Wanting such is a sign of gender dysphoria, like you're a woman in a man's body. Don't do it. Look around you at what happens to monogamous men. I'm trying to help you. Just don't settle down with one or you will become a sexually frustrated wallet.

[Meliorare93]

(09-21-2018 10:20 AM)Mariner Wrote:  

I married a hot girl who had a slutty look in her eyes. I thought this would mean I could convince her to let me do what I want after a while. Wrong. She drowned me in the most boring lifestyle imaginable. On top of that, she thought I should be thankful for that lifestyle just because she's pretty and I'm not. I just couldnt bear that shit and left. There are men who are able to live with a boring person, but not all men are like that.

The Boredom is real... I've been with the same woman for more then 15 years now. I got all what I didn't want 15 years ago... A house, a kid, a garden, a steady job and a lousy sex life.

NOW... I do have to admit, I love my kid... I never wanted kids but having a kid is probably the best (and worst) thing that ever happened to me. Having a kid is quite the paradox but not in the scope of this thread.

About the lousy sex life... I'm wondering if I should cheat on my wife... There still remain parts of old beta me struggling with this. I think it's amoral but then again I'm not getting as much sex as I want. I guess only time will tell if I will ever cheat or not.

But having the same wife is boring... Women change, men probably also change, so the nice sex hungry chick you know will change. How she will change is partly up to you. Don't make the mistakes I've made and don't become a complaint beta who thinks happy wife is a happy life THIS IS NOT THE CASE. You are responsible for your own happinesses only you.

Now I don't want to sound totally negative it has it's good parts too. Financial stability because of the two incomes. If there are troubles in your life you always have someone to count on (she more on you then you on her though lol). Etc.

I'd advise some deep inner reflections before you go all in...

[MongolianAbroad]

(09-21-2018 11:18 PM)Guitarhappy420 Wrote:  

Look around you at what happens to monogamous men.

They don't get herpes or AIDS frequently, for one.

[MongolianAbroad]

DELETE

[TheMoscower]

(09-20-2018 07:21 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

(09-19-2018 05:22 PM)TheMoscower Wrote:  

Now I think of having children and having a family, I am living with a girl now, and everything is actually good, except for one thing - I miss the life I had when I was single

You are just not ready to settle down, wife up and have kids yet.
When it happens, it happens. If you are not feeling it, don't try force it.
It may never happen for you.
I would advise against trying to force it, you will end up with a divorce and messed up kids - like the rest of us :-)

RatInTheWoods, I dont think one can get ready for it. Simply because it is in our instincts to date many women. But from the other hand it is in our blood to have children and ensure our clan will live after us. One can be tired of dating for some period, as I was, but then the desire comes back. I just dont see a solution here.

[TheMoscower]

(09-21-2018 11:18 PM)Guitarhappy420 Wrote:  

Monogamy and marriage are unnatural and unhealthy for men. Women want it, not men. Wanting such is a sign of gender dysphoria, like you're a woman in a man's body. Don't do it. Look around you at what happens to monogamous men. I'm trying to help you. Just don't settle down with one or you will become a sexually frustrated wallet.

I agree with this point. Living with one girl is a big sacrifice for almost every man. But we do it for the possibility to have children. Dont you think its worth to trade your freedom for the chance to have descendants?

[masta]

Dude from the realest perspective, my chick literally said she would be happy if she had my kid because she knows our son would be handsome. I broke the 4th wall with her. We've done anal, ass to mouth, everything. She is the modern day woman. She has absolutely no emotions whatsoever. If I was a dumb ass who didnt't know any better, I would wife her. 90% of females in 2018 are either insecure or entitled. They are trash.

[OCZ]

Women changr with time as I think guys do to. The horniness will decline as you start getting used to each other. Things will get boring eventually, therefore I recommend you and the girl have shit in common. You need to share a hobbie, a mind set, damn even the music. Because if you and the girl are too different those differences will start to become annoying for both of you and add the less sexual activity and shit will start to go down.

It is a hars choice to stay put to a girl and you will start missing your old single lifestyle and look more often to other woman. Sleeping around while living with a girl may prove a difficult task if you don’t want to get cought, up to you. But as some guys said before, if you don’t feel it and start missing shit in the early stages it will only get worst. You really need to feel comfortable, thus never force that shit into you.

[quaker13]

(09-22-2018 05:18 AM)TheMoscower Wrote:  

(09-21-2018 11:18 PM)Guitarhappy420 Wrote:  

Monogamy and marriage are unnatural and unhealthy for men. Women want it, not men. Wanting such is a sign of gender dysphoria, like you're a woman in a man's body. Don't do it. Look around you at what happens to monogamous men. I'm trying to help you. Just don't settle down with one or you will become a sexually frustrated wallet.

I agree with this point. Living with one girl is a big sacrifice for almost every man. But we do it for the possibility to have children. Dont you think its worth to trade your freedom for the chance to have descendants?

I live with my wife and having my kid was the 100% best thing to ever in life happen to me. That said, it's true about the sexually frustrated part. My wife knows Im an assassin with bitches and yet she makes no real attempt trying to satisfy after we got married and especially after the kid. She either knows Im fucking around and rightfully so or she's delusional. The good thing is she makes a fair bit more than me, appx 3 times, so I don't have to worry about keeping the lights on if i ever lose my job. She also bought me an IWC and AP (both watches i would have had to save for at least 2 years to buy) over the years so that somewhat softens up the sexual infrequency

[Guitarhappy420]

Having children is way over rated. What do men get out of it? It's for women and their fulfillment. Having descendants is a little abstract, risky, and it's an emotional need that's better suited to womanly emotions. For many parents children turn out to be a major source of all kinds of heart break.
I hate to say this because I really don't want to appear to condescend to young men and their aspirations, however, I'm pushing 70-ish and I don't know any couples that are happy in their marriage, have a functional sex life (unless they're only a year or two into their 3rd, 4th or 5th marriage). And a surprising number are estranged from their adult children. Marriage or monogamy is a rough business. Go there at your own peril.

[Jefferson]

Yes, children are for women and their fulfillment. But men get a lot out of it as well. Unconditional love, at least for ten - fourteen years, sometimes longer. It's fun to spend time with children sometimes. You get satisfaction from passing on your genes, no doubt about it. It's true that the marriage suffers because of the children, and of course any woman gets older and is no longer as attractivce as she was. But women make our life better, generally, that's why we chase after them. What's the alternative? Live alone, have soulless fucks with the odd woman and no real connection with anyone, just bang chicks who are after money? Most guys want a decent woman, even Roosh is talking of finding a woman to settle down with.

[Jungle]

(09-23-2018 01:25 AM)Guitarhappy420 Wrote:  

Having children is way over rated. What do men get out of it? It's for women and their fulfillment.

Do you have any kids? If yes, could you expand on why having kids is overrated? If no, do you think not having kids has left you secretly regretful/resentful?

You were given the gift of life, was your life overrated? From my perspective life is fucking amazing, therefore creating life is amazing and precious.

(09-23-2018 01:25 AM)Guitarhappy420 Wrote:  

Having descendants is a little abstract, risky, and it's an emotional need that's better suited to womanly emotions.

Why? Could you expand on that? Humans have been doing it forever that's essentially why you and I are alive to this very day, so I'm genuinely curious as to the argument against having kids. Also, just to zoom out and see things from a broader perspective, do you offer any other alternative for civilisation e.g. cloning, robots, longevity pills etc?

(09-23-2018 01:25 AM)Guitarhappy420 Wrote:  

For many parents children turn out to be a major source of all kinds of heart break.

Not trying to be philosophical or existential here, but isn't anything valuable in life going to bring heartbreak? I mean, that's the whole point of life, it includes the entire range of emotions, both good and bad, no? Also, what's the alternative that you offer... trying to never feel pain or consequences of anything?

(09-23-2018 01:25 AM)Guitarhappy420 Wrote:  

I hate to say this because I really don't want to appear to condescend to young men and their aspirations, however, I'm pushing 70-ish and I don't know any couples that are happy in their marriage, have a functional sex life (unless they're only a year or two into their 3rd, 4th or 5th marriage).

I'm very naive with such things I suppose... but from what I understand - biologically, 70 year olds aren't supposed to have "good" sex lives are they? I mean, what are you expecting?

(09-23-2018 01:25 AM)Guitarhappy420 Wrote:  

And a surprising number are estranged from their adult children.

I'm curious, have you noticed any correlation which the quality/type of the parenting and whether they are estranged from their children?

(09-23-2018 01:25 AM)Guitarhappy420 Wrote:  

Marriage or monogamy is a rough business. Go there at your own peril.

Thank you