Hello, everyone!
This is my first post. As I said in the introduction thread, I'm in my mid-twenties, SE Europe, been following the Forum for a while. I registered tonight because I feel that now I can actually contribute to discussions, and not only learn from more experienced players. However, I have an underlying problem which has been going on for years, and I would respectfully ask for councel. As I like writing, I would also like to give you some background about my country, people and mentality, as well as about myself, so I hope the post will be interesting to you guys, if a bit long. I think you'll laugh at my young, naive adventures. So, read, enjoy and help a brotha out.
First of all, a clarification. I do not have real, clinical ED. Only sometimes, my dick fails me out of my nervousness, although I'm now older, experienced, good-looking, and have no reason for that to happen; and let me tell you how it started.
I kissed a girl pretty early for my country's standards (14 years old). Here, most of the people up to 2nd grade of highschool are still kissless due to culture and mentality, vastly different than Western, as well as virgins by the age of 18, or even 20.
I have had a couple of "girlfriends" in the next 2 years, you know, the kid stuff - a month or two of kissing, perhaps some grinding, titty grabbing etc. Everything was looking up.
Then, when I was 16, I had my first "real" LTR.
I was out drinking with my friends on a Saturday night.
Yep, the late sexual blossoming in my culture is contradicted by early drinking (we are Slavs after all) - most of the young folks start drinking about the age of 15. We behave as if we're 5 years older - we wear dress shirts, smoke cigarettes, and it's perfectly normal to do so in downtown bars. It's the norm here, I'm painting a picture.
So, there I was drinking when my girlfriend called me, telling me that she's home alone, and asking me whether I would come. Of course, my friends immediately started pumping me up. I was so nervous about my impending first time that I ordered a double shot of vodka...
So I drank the vodka, told the lads goodbye, and hopped in a taxi. I drove across half the town to my place, had a shower, shaved off my 16-year old excuse for a beard and moustache ("Right, I need to present myself well"), and also took a shit ("I don't know, maybe I'll have to do it at her place, it would be embarrassing?! Better to do it now!"). Took a shower, changed my shirt, took a bottle of wine and out I went. The taxi was waiting outside my house.
As we were passing by a public park en route to her place, I had a flash of inspiration. "Stop the car!", I yelled, as I darted out and picked a beautiful red rose from the park, as the driver laughed. Luckily, he was a relaxed and cheerful fellow. We chit-chatted about the ladies until we reached her home. I paid him and gave him a good tip, and then I rushed the steps to her apartment. We immediately started kissing, and now I'll cut to the chase.
I was partly drunk, nervous, and she was also inexperienced like me. While she lay in the bed on her back, I had to do everything myself - I kissed her all over, fingered her, but she was barely giving signs of life except for breathing deeply. I told her to reciprocate the handwork, to which she enthusiastically grabbed my erect cock and nearly tore it off. "Jesus Christ", I yelled, "calm down, not SO hard!" - after which followed the gentlest, slowest handjob ever, which wouldn't turn on even a 40-year old virgin.
All in all, I was horribly turned off by her lack of... any action whatsoever, and we didn't have sex.
Some time later, we were again home alone. She has at least learned how to wank a cock by this point, so we were doing some good foreplay. Then I reached for the condoms. However, in my young fear and inexperience, I bought the hardest, fattest condoms I could find. After a minute or two of agony, we managed to put one on my cock, but it was really hurting me (and no, I do not have an especially large cock, I was just not used to condoms, plus the condom was one of those "extra safe", thick and painful to wear).
After all that shit, I was finally about to insert it into her, when I got LMR.
I managed go get through her LMR after lying on her for an eternity, kissing and cuddling her, but by then I was again pissed, both because of her LMR and because of the thick condom - and bam, my dick fell.
She wanked me off a couple of times later, I could get it up again, but she was bullshitting all the time with "I'm not ready, perhaps we should try some other time, blah blah blah".
Got rid of her some time later, but those few experiences really shook me. "What is wrong with me, why can't I maintain an erection, am I sick, am I gay, what the fuck?!" Such thoughts can fuck up a young guy.
Still I soldiered on after the breakup, kissed a few girls at the clubs, but didn't get a lay due to non-existing logistics and 16-year old "game". Alright, I was horny again and ready to catch some tail.
Then I had a situation with an another girl. During school break, I was in an another town. I met her through some of my buddies, we kissed etc.
The day before she left, we were sick with fever. As our squad went out, we both lay at our respective apartments and texted each other. Then she said "you know what, fuck this, come over to my place". Again, I did my magic dance, shower, shave, took a bottle of wine and RAN a kilometer or so to her place. With fucking fever.
Long story short, again, we ended up in bed, and just when we were supposed to start fucking, my dick fell limp. I wanted to kill myself.
A short time later, I got myself into a new LTR. She was on the pill, so I fucked her several times, during the whole afternoon, with no problems. A decent first sex. After that, to this moment, everything has been going forwards and upwards.
However, the experiences with those two girls really scarred me. At first, I googled whether I am allergic to condoms, whether I have a condition (ED...), whether I have weak circulation or similar bullshit.
Of course, the problem was in lack of confidence, alcohol, sickness, nervousness and inexperience. Combinations of those.
Unfortunately, even nowadays, when I have sex with various girls, with condoms, SOMETIMES I irationally panic that my dick will fall limp, then all those images of failures from 7 years ago come to my mind.
I generally have a strong frame, but sometimes, when I drink a bit too much, or when I'm tired or burdened otherwise by life, I'll have trouble. Even with my last LTR, who really turned me on and with whom I used to have sex 3 times in a row, I sometimes had those thoughts. Then I would discreetly reach down, feel my cock and tell myself "there you go, you retard, it's standing proud like a flag pole."
My question is: how can I combat that periodical lack of confidence, that bouts of panic if you will, apart from improving my game (which I know is a lifelong process, and am doing it each passing day)?
Do I exercise more to raise my T, do I reduce wanking so that I am more horny when the time comes? As you can see, it's not "go see a doctor"-serious, but it certainly scarred me a little, in a way that 5-6 years of chasing skirts, fucking half a dozen of bitches, kissing about 25 more, approaching at least a hundred and fifty (estimate), exercising regularly can't entirely fix.
I am open to any and all advice.
Thank you for reading through this, guys
BlackHussar
This is my first post. As I said in the introduction thread, I'm in my mid-twenties, SE Europe, been following the Forum for a while. I registered tonight because I feel that now I can actually contribute to discussions, and not only learn from more experienced players. However, I have an underlying problem which has been going on for years, and I would respectfully ask for councel. As I like writing, I would also like to give you some background about my country, people and mentality, as well as about myself, so I hope the post will be interesting to you guys, if a bit long. I think you'll laugh at my young, naive adventures. So, read, enjoy and help a brotha out.
First of all, a clarification. I do not have real, clinical ED. Only sometimes, my dick fails me out of my nervousness, although I'm now older, experienced, good-looking, and have no reason for that to happen; and let me tell you how it started.
I kissed a girl pretty early for my country's standards (14 years old). Here, most of the people up to 2nd grade of highschool are still kissless due to culture and mentality, vastly different than Western, as well as virgins by the age of 18, or even 20.
I have had a couple of "girlfriends" in the next 2 years, you know, the kid stuff - a month or two of kissing, perhaps some grinding, titty grabbing etc. Everything was looking up.
Then, when I was 16, I had my first "real" LTR.
I was out drinking with my friends on a Saturday night.
Yep, the late sexual blossoming in my culture is contradicted by early drinking (we are Slavs after all) - most of the young folks start drinking about the age of 15. We behave as if we're 5 years older - we wear dress shirts, smoke cigarettes, and it's perfectly normal to do so in downtown bars. It's the norm here, I'm painting a picture.
So, there I was drinking when my girlfriend called me, telling me that she's home alone, and asking me whether I would come. Of course, my friends immediately started pumping me up. I was so nervous about my impending first time that I ordered a double shot of vodka...
So I drank the vodka, told the lads goodbye, and hopped in a taxi. I drove across half the town to my place, had a shower, shaved off my 16-year old excuse for a beard and moustache ("Right, I need to present myself well"), and also took a shit ("I don't know, maybe I'll have to do it at her place, it would be embarrassing?! Better to do it now!"). Took a shower, changed my shirt, took a bottle of wine and out I went. The taxi was waiting outside my house.
As we were passing by a public park en route to her place, I had a flash of inspiration. "Stop the car!", I yelled, as I darted out and picked a beautiful red rose from the park, as the driver laughed. Luckily, he was a relaxed and cheerful fellow. We chit-chatted about the ladies until we reached her home. I paid him and gave him a good tip, and then I rushed the steps to her apartment. We immediately started kissing, and now I'll cut to the chase.
I was partly drunk, nervous, and she was also inexperienced like me. While she lay in the bed on her back, I had to do everything myself - I kissed her all over, fingered her, but she was barely giving signs of life except for breathing deeply. I told her to reciprocate the handwork, to which she enthusiastically grabbed my erect cock and nearly tore it off. "Jesus Christ", I yelled, "calm down, not SO hard!" - after which followed the gentlest, slowest handjob ever, which wouldn't turn on even a 40-year old virgin.
All in all, I was horribly turned off by her lack of... any action whatsoever, and we didn't have sex.
Some time later, we were again home alone. She has at least learned how to wank a cock by this point, so we were doing some good foreplay. Then I reached for the condoms. However, in my young fear and inexperience, I bought the hardest, fattest condoms I could find. After a minute or two of agony, we managed to put one on my cock, but it was really hurting me (and no, I do not have an especially large cock, I was just not used to condoms, plus the condom was one of those "extra safe", thick and painful to wear).
After all that shit, I was finally about to insert it into her, when I got LMR.
I managed go get through her LMR after lying on her for an eternity, kissing and cuddling her, but by then I was again pissed, both because of her LMR and because of the thick condom - and bam, my dick fell.
She wanked me off a couple of times later, I could get it up again, but she was bullshitting all the time with "I'm not ready, perhaps we should try some other time, blah blah blah".
Got rid of her some time later, but those few experiences really shook me. "What is wrong with me, why can't I maintain an erection, am I sick, am I gay, what the fuck?!" Such thoughts can fuck up a young guy.
Still I soldiered on after the breakup, kissed a few girls at the clubs, but didn't get a lay due to non-existing logistics and 16-year old "game". Alright, I was horny again and ready to catch some tail.
Then I had a situation with an another girl. During school break, I was in an another town. I met her through some of my buddies, we kissed etc.
The day before she left, we were sick with fever. As our squad went out, we both lay at our respective apartments and texted each other. Then she said "you know what, fuck this, come over to my place". Again, I did my magic dance, shower, shave, took a bottle of wine and RAN a kilometer or so to her place. With fucking fever.
Long story short, again, we ended up in bed, and just when we were supposed to start fucking, my dick fell limp. I wanted to kill myself.
A short time later, I got myself into a new LTR. She was on the pill, so I fucked her several times, during the whole afternoon, with no problems. A decent first sex. After that, to this moment, everything has been going forwards and upwards.
However, the experiences with those two girls really scarred me. At first, I googled whether I am allergic to condoms, whether I have a condition (ED...), whether I have weak circulation or similar bullshit.
Of course, the problem was in lack of confidence, alcohol, sickness, nervousness and inexperience. Combinations of those.
Unfortunately, even nowadays, when I have sex with various girls, with condoms, SOMETIMES I irationally panic that my dick will fall limp, then all those images of failures from 7 years ago come to my mind.
I generally have a strong frame, but sometimes, when I drink a bit too much, or when I'm tired or burdened otherwise by life, I'll have trouble. Even with my last LTR, who really turned me on and with whom I used to have sex 3 times in a row, I sometimes had those thoughts. Then I would discreetly reach down, feel my cock and tell myself "there you go, you retard, it's standing proud like a flag pole."
My question is: how can I combat that periodical lack of confidence, that bouts of panic if you will, apart from improving my game (which I know is a lifelong process, and am doing it each passing day)?
Do I exercise more to raise my T, do I reduce wanking so that I am more horny when the time comes? As you can see, it's not "go see a doctor"-serious, but it certainly scarred me a little, in a way that 5-6 years of chasing skirts, fucking half a dozen of bitches, kissing about 25 more, approaching at least a hundred and fifty (estimate), exercising regularly can't entirely fix.
I am open to any and all advice.
Thank you for reading through this, guys
BlackHussar
