[dknightbro]

This is something I've been wondering.

Is there really a need for ego in game? Or why do so many gamers have the need to prove themselves to others in game? Some guys like to collect pics of the girls like a collection & share with other guys.

For example, if I'm with a girl I couldn't care less if other guys know unless asked. I'm definitely not thinking of how I'm gonna impress other guys later when I'm with her.

I get the drive to improve in game by gaming progressively better looking girls, but it has baffled me why some gamers see the need to draw validation from the girls they hooked up with or from other guys.

It also gets kind of annoying if some guys overdo it and constantly chest thump about how good they are at hooking up with girls. It's like their whole identity is tied up to this pursuit that you can't even have a normal conversation with him without his ego getting in the way.

[sonic boom]

Who cares. Pretty much every competitive field of significance has men displaying their egos to an audience, whether it's money, sports, or pussy.... it's just something guys do.

[dknightbro]

Actually, yes I don't care. Was just bored.

[ShuaiGe]

Delete

[torridon747]

Ego like many psychological manifestations serve a potent functionality to the defense of your mind. You basically cannot exist without ego. That said it's important to keep it in check by being self aware and objective. There is a certain separation that is healthy to grow and on the other end of the spectrum there's sociopathy

[Noir]

Ego =/= self esteem.

Ego = your self perception of your skills and who you are. What you have built up in your mind as yourself. i.e. what you think you are -> can be built on bullshit but you believe it

Self-esteem = how valuable and worthwhile you feel about yourself i.e. what you know you are -> is built from feedback from all your experiences and how well you do in certain arenas

With ego, it wants to be liked. With self-esteem you are liked by yourself. The former is specific and the latter is general.

Let's look at some (micro) examples of your ego being a hindrance when out or pulling:

Scenario 1
Chicks are shit-testing you and you respond like an idiot because for some reason or another you forget flirting is teasing and playful and that shit-tests are basically pressure on your frame.

Your ego steps in and causes you to respond like a fool and get blown out.

a) Ego steps to salvage the interaction because you can't take rejection after investing into the interaction

b) Ego intervenes because bitches ain't shit but you feel you HAVE to let her know this

It's protecting itself.


Scenario 2
You've been chatting her up and her interest is waning as per goldfish attention span of clubs/bars.

What the fuck, does she not like me? How dare she?

a) Your ego is hurt -> you start qualifying/selling yourself which makes you look weak. You're either full of yourself or full of shit, thanks ego.

b) You're so far up your ass that you are offended this woman would not devote the time of day and you become snarky (seen this happen too many times)

Guess who's going home? Thanks for playing loser, see you later. At least you 'showed' her and you have no 'chinks in your armour'.


Scenario 3

You got her home, you were aloof and unreactive when necessary and put her on the spot when you needed to (qualified her). You did something right to get her home at least.

You're in bed and it's getting heated and she gives you the classic permutation of 'stop/this is going too fast'. LMR.

You could either do a classic 1 step back and then 2 steps forward and be cool/understanding/channel that energy. It's natural.

Or you could freak the fuck out because this woman has the audacity to not put out immediately and insult you, your game and your efforts. What the fuck, we're in bed and you're pulling this shit on me etc etc.

Thanks ego. You question yourself and insecurities form.

Ego has the tendency of interrupting your rhythm and making you look like an idiot because you take things personally and if you suppress it, it will eventually appear and be congruent with your actual self.


Scenario 4

You made out, you may have fucked but you got something and a number to follow up on too.

You message her something light and flirtatious in the best case. In the usual case, you omit any comfort building or 'bringing her back in the zone' and go straight for logistics.

Naturally, she doesn't want to be rude as she is aware you invested (hooked up) and plays along.

Girls have a tendency to not say no outright so this goes on and she eventually stops responding or you set up a meet and she flakes/cancels.

You made mistakes but hey, what the fuck man. You make a bigger error in judging her like you would judge your mates and freak out (internally).

Hello ego my old friend...

You decide it's a good idea to do any of the following (and by ego I mean YOU):
- stop responding
- take it personally
- shame her

You win some you lose some. Hopefully, you learn that you didn't warm the engine up correctly and rushed into it due to your excitement. You forgot she's probably messaging 4 other guys and she's in the 'zone' of how she was with at least one of them, not you. Your ego has the tendency to blind you in this aspect.

When we say 'charge it to the game' it's for specific logistic or luck based factors, this is not one of them.

This is why staying humble about this shit will do you good. There's always someone better than you. There's always someone killing it where you aren't. I don't harp on about having jedi level game because I don't; it's circumstantial based off your environment (hence I don't care for SEA posts banging 50 women a year etc.)


@OP

You describe an interesting theme of 'fucking to prove worth to peers'. If so, you are either < 21, fragile, both or unsuccessful in other spheres of your life. Basically, wanting acceptance off a communally valued trait. Getting laid in your example.

Problem: Your idea and self esteem is drawn from others' idea of yourself than your own confidence.

It's the bandaid over the wound when the wound needs to be amputated.

Either way, you shouldn't really let it bother you.

You pull women? Good for you bro. That's great, really. If it makes you happy and more pleasant, then go for it.

My life remains unchanged with/without that information and it's just another person seeking validating and mining for my attention and positive re-enforcement.


On a macro level of ego and being untouchable:

This forum harbours a lot of negativity towards female and their behaviour as if it's something extraordinary. Their ego steps in and blames women for 'not being good' enough (classic projection) instead of looking inward and changing their focus.

Why of course, it's women and they are problematic!

I am perfect. I am so perfect I registered online to discuss methods and strategies on how to fuck these problematic women. I don't care that they're problematic because my standards permit that and I will grace them with my stupendous presence. Captain fix-a-ho is here.

Zoom out and consider that you can choose what you focus on and that it changes as you progress through the long term screening process; meet -> dates -> bangs -> exclusivity -> moving in -> realization of mistake (kidding)


A person's ego is a defense mechanism for their fragile self that has deeper issues. It manifests in a persona/image they display to the outside world; the 'mask'.

When you're comfortable with yourself and aware of the above, you can sense this in others and it's interesting yet funny and occasionally offputting.

Women have a sixth sense in sensing this hence being congruent being attractive. It's not your ego, it's your self-worth, identity and esteem.

In real life, I don't discuss pulling, lays, women with many people except for 2-3 because I prefer to be a doer than a talker.

When out, I don't take things personally, because it's not. I am more concerned with having fun and taking things personally is the opposite of having fun.

I discussed this elsewhere, it's applying 'osmosis' to shit that comes your way and ignoring all signals, behaviour, emotions that are undesirable/negative.

Easier to change your perception of others than others themselves (characters, not signals).

Guys who are good are comfortable and don't need to announce they have game, they just do. This is from their self-worth, self-esteem and experience in knowing they are good. The proof is in the pudding and they are happy with their sex lives and social interactions with women.

Guys who are unsure will mine for feedback and send out signals. Fishing for compliments if you will. Girls do this all the time. Guys with massive egos do this too because those egos need nourishment in the form of compliments. When they don't receive them for a while, the ego comes out looking for some.

The more feedback -> the bigger the ego.

Half of it is results and the other half is the admiration of the 'results' (to whatever extent that may be).

If I am pulling 5 women a year and my friends are not, then I will consider myself to be amazing. If I am pulling 50 and my friends are on double, I will feel the need to improve. It's relative. Same goes for location (am I pulling in Milan or Cebu)? + quality + experiences etc etc.

So no, I think ego is weak.

I remember when I was starting out I read this somewhere and it nailed it for me:

"The most attractive person is the one who is more invested in his own idea of himself instead of others'."