[Thomas the Rhymer]

Do you have any long term vision for your life?

Let's say your life had been perfect, parents never divorced, what would be the ideal version of you in some parallel universe?

I'm trying to clarify if there are any long term goals we can encourage you to strive for.

[Brebelle3]

(05-25-2018 11:59 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

Real story and talk mate, raw but thats real life.

We are here for you, and don't ever think that it's not possible to get a whole lot better from here.
You can and will walk forward from here. I'm not saying its going to be easy, but I am saying its going to be worth it.

I can support the move to Cambodia. Its such a WTF shock and change that I can see it being a life changing event.

Fuck sitting around the old haunts feeling blue and waiting for something to happen.
Get out there and have the adventure of your life mate.

You will learn, you will grow and you will harden up and expand your strength.
The lessons you will get from this adventure will serve as a foundation to build bigger and better things on.

One thing Cambodia will teach you is, we have no right to complain and feel sorry for ourselves, around you will be poverty, hard luck and difficult lives that you can witness people enduring and enjoying with more courage and grace than you have ever seen in the west. That kind of experience sinks in and stand you in good stead to face our relatively small adversities with a shrug.

Knuckle down and stay the course, now is not the time to pussy out.

Rattie x

Wow man, just wow! I wake up this morning and read this.

Let's do it! Let's roll the dice of life and ducking take a shot.

I've seen this story play out a hundred times here at home. I could easily spew some smooth talkin Billy Dee Williams (for you older gents) bullshit, and have my ex wife in bed tonight. But the cycle of destruction would continue.

The second, and I mean the second I get things smoothed iver, I know I'll go back to that weed smoking, antisocial, lazy, hermit. It's time to change. It's time to humble myself and build my frame back up, but stronger.

I'm completing my itinerary today. I'm going to fucking crush this life the best that I can.

Don't ever think you guys and this site doesn't matter. I was drawn here nearly 2 years for one thing, to research different parts of the world for travel. I had no idea that this place would become my place of solace and community.

I believe God put you all in my life, even if I don't know ANY of you personally. I look forward to buying you guys a beer or offer a warm embrace for the help that's been given.

I got this.

[Brebelle3]

(05-26-2018 02:49 AM)Thomas the Rhymer Wrote:  

Do you have any long term vision for your life?

Let's say your life had been perfect, parents never divorced, what would be the ideal version of you in some parallel universe?

I'm trying to clarify if there are any long term goals we can encourage you to strive for.

Read above my friend, you guys have already done the work.

My vision is to breathe. One big hulking breath followed by one big long exhale. Can't happen here, ibut t'll happen soon.

[PapayaTapper]

Brebelle3

Its obvious that youve been thinking about "the move" for a long time and that if you dont do it you will forever wonder "what if". So you need to go if only to get it out of the "potential" realm and into "reality" as to avoid regretting not ever answering that "what if?" Little in life is worse than regret

That said I have the following 2 suggestions.

1. Continue the work that you've started in answering the "What do I really want?" question. You really need to find that answer in order to build a life, no matter where you are geographically, that pulls you forward by desire rather pushed by fear

2. Dont feel you need to "scorch the Earth" in order to leave. I get the sense that you may feel the need to burn everything to the ground in your wake so that you dont have the option to come back. This will cause unnecessary pain to those (like your daughter) that you will likely regret later. The people that truly care about you will want you to find happiness and will, after the initial shock, wish you the best.

After all we live in a world that is smaller than ever. Theres no place you can go that you cant come back from or loved ones come visit you in less than a day. Nothing need be permanent. You may not like Cambodia but end up loving Thailand or Vietnam, or Ukraine for that matter

If you succeed in answering the the "what do I really want?" question then you wont need a "fall back" plan. Your life will have purpose that will pull you forward wherever that leads you.

[Brebelle3]

(05-26-2018 09:51 AM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

Brebelle3

Its obvious that youve been thinking about "the move" for a long time and that if you dont do it you will forever wonder "what if". So you need to go if only to get it out of the "potential" realm and into "reality" as to avoid regretting not ever answering that "what if?" Little in life is worse than regret

That said I have the following 2 suggestions.

1. Continue the work that you've started in answering the "What do I really want?" question. You really need to find that answer in order to build a life, no matter where you are geographically, that pulls you forward by desire rather pushed by fear

2. Dont feel you need to "scorch the Earth" in order to leave. I get the sense that you may feel the need to burn everything to the ground in your wake so that you dont have the option to come back. This will cause unnecessary pain to those (like your daughter) that you will likely regret later. The people that truly care about you will want you to find happiness and will, after the initial shock, wish you the best.

After all we live in a world that is smaller than ever. Theres no place you can go that you cant come back from or loved ones come visit you in less than a day. Nothing need be permanent. You may not like Cambodia but end up loving Thailand or Vietnam, or Ukraine for that matter

If you succeed in answering the the "what do I really want?" question then you wont need a "fall back" plan. Your life will have purpose that will pull you forward wherever that leads you.

Yes, you are very perceptive. This idea of leaving it all has been with me for some time. You could probably say I've had one foot out the door for a few years now.

1. I'm beginning to believe that what I want is to see the world. I want to experience the realness of everything that's out there; the grit and grime, the beauty, the cultures and alternative ways of life, and the attitudes of other people. I want to force myself to live, not exist. I just exist here man.

I get bored easily here. It's the same fat, selfish, and sad people every day. There has to be more than this out there.

2. You are so dead on. In the past, I haven't just wanted to pour some gas on things and hope it burns. No, I want to saturate it and watch that motherfucker burn to the ground. And if there's a piece still standing, I'll light that shit up some more. I know that I have to speak my peace respectfully and ask for forgiveness from people prior to leaving.

I need your advice here. I still have responsibilities here i.e., coaching my club volleyball teams to Nationals. I've been with them for 6 months, coaches them through 17 tournaments, and our finals are June 25-28 in Orlando. I have purchased my flight to leave the US on June 21. I know what leaving will do to these girls and just as importantly to the parents that have spent in excess of $10,000 for their daughters to play, but I want to just vanish in the night. Meaning, I want to coach them up until June 21 and then just disappear like a thief in the night.

I can't handle the backlash of what leaving will provide.

How would you handle this situation? I probably already know the answer. Just need affirmation.

[PapayaTapper]

(05-26-2018 10:49 AM)Brebelle3 Wrote:  

(05-26-2018 09:51 AM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

Brebelle3

Its obvious that youve been thinking about "the move" for a long time and that if you dont do it you will forever wonder "what if". So you need to go if only to get it out of the "potential" realm and into "reality" as to avoid regretting not ever answering that "what if?" Little in life is worse than regret

That said I have the following 2 suggestions.

1. Continue the work that you've started in answering the "What do I really want?" question. You really need to find that answer in order to build a life, no matter where you are geographically, that pulls you forward by desire rather pushed by fear

2. Dont feel you need to "scorch the Earth" in order to leave. I get the sense that you may feel the need to burn everything to the ground in your wake so that you dont have the option to come back. This will cause unnecessary pain to those (like your daughter) that you will likely regret later. The people that truly care about you will want you to find happiness and will, after the initial shock, wish you the best.

After all we live in a world that is smaller than ever. Theres no place you can go that you cant come back from or loved ones come visit you in less than a day. Nothing need be permanent. You may not like Cambodia but end up loving Thailand or Vietnam, or Ukraine for that matter

If you succeed in answering the the "what do I really want?" question then you wont need a "fall back" plan. Your life will have purpose that will pull you forward wherever that leads you.

Yes, you are very perceptive. This idea of leaving it all has been with me for some time. You could probably say I've had one foot out the door for a few years now.

1. I'm beginning to believe that what I want is to see the world. I want to experience the realness of everything that's out there; the grit and grime, the beauty, the cultures and alternative ways of life, and the attitudes of other people. I want to force myself to live, not exist. I just exist here man.

I get bored easily here. It's the same fat, selfish, and sad people every day. There has to be more than this out there.

2. You are so dead on. In the past, I haven't just wanted to pour some gas on things and hope it burns. No, I want to saturate it and watch that motherfucker burn to the ground. And if there's a piece still standing, I'll light that shit up some more. I know that I have to speak my peace respectfully and ask for forgiveness from people prior to leaving.

I need your advice here. I still have responsibilities here i.e., coaching my club volleyball teams to Nationals. I've been with them for 6 months, coaches them through 17 tournaments, and our finals are June 25-28 in Orlando. I have purchased my flight to leave the US on June 21. I know what leaving will do to these girls and just as importantly to the parents that have spent in excess of $10,000 for their daughters to play, but I want to just vanish in the night. Meaning, I want to coach them up until June 21 and then just disappear like a thief in the night.

I can't handle the backlash of what leaving will provide.

How would you handle this situation? I probably already know the answer. Just need affirmation.

There's no need to hurt others needlessly. Its bad for them but also bad for you.

Quote:

Little in life is worse than regret

If in the past you've let your anger at your past wreak havoc then dont do that anymore....else your just creating more negative past. Stop adding to the shit pile

Time to stop letting the past win and rob you of today and tomorrow

Finish this commitment. What great way to start anew.

Change your ticket. The rest of the world will still be there a week later.

[Thomas the Rhymer]

What I'd like to add to this discussion, is that if you're going to Cambodia, make sure you're in the right mindset that you are going there to seize new opportunities in life, not to run away from your old problems.

If you're just running away, you will probably find that all your problems will just follow you wherever you go, because they're there in your emotional baggage.

If you're in the mindset seeking new opportunities, you will find productive ways to grow and expand while you're out there.

So I agree with the other posters that there is no reason to just flat out ditch and burn your bridges at this stage. You might find all you do is just export your past crappy attitude to a new country. You're not going to magically become a new person in a new country, you are still going to have the same psychological hang-ups, just in a new environment with new challenges.

If you can end things neatly and cleanly before leaving, then you may as well do so, not only because it's decent to do, but because psychologically you're maturely putting an end to a chapter rather than immaturely just running away.

[Brebelle3]

Thanks guys, what I figured. And yet, I sit here thinking "there's no way I can do that." Why? Because Ive never done the stand-up thing. I'm a quitter and a pussy.

I had a couple very interesting and amusing things happen to me today. I got to the gym and when I tried to open the door of my car, the handle snapped inside the assembly. I literally couldn't get out through that door. I had to open a new door to get out. I'm experiencing that very thing in life. I can't get out through the door I've used forever, I have to open a new door even though it may be more difficult. WTF!

Once inside the gym I see a girl that I used to work with. I've been messaging back and forth with her and made it clear I'm dtf. She is too. She just broke up about a month ago with a coworker that I didn't know very well. So I figured I'd try to fuck her since I didn't give a shit about him. Now here's the insane part. About a week ago he came to ME and asked for advice concerning his breakup. He has no idea what I'm going through, but I tried to instill the red pill philosophies I've learned here so he could cope. I've been a shoulder for him, trying to fuck his ex, and I see her at the gym today.

Maybe I'm reading into everything right now for hidden messages, but that's just crazy imo.

[PapayaTapper]

(05-26-2018 01:44 PM)Brebelle3 Wrote:  

Maybe I'm reading into everything right now for hidden messages, but that's just crazy imo.

Actually its not a coincidence. Your point of view is like a "filter". Different filters catch different stimuli

Here's an exercise: Imagine if you were to be part of a special program that for every time you saw the color yellow and took a picture of it you would receive $1000.

-Do you think your perspective of the color yellow would be different than it is right now?

-Would you not "filter" for the color yellow differently ?

Of course most people (assuming most are motivated by financial reward) would have a heightened awareness of the color yellow because their point of view regarding a color has totally changed

Your "filters" re meanings are changing. That proves that they can change

Now that you know your point of view can change, the next step is to direct the change(s) with your desired intent

[crispytaco]

I missesd something. What happened to your biological daughter from your 1st marriage?

[flanders]

I don't think I'm going to get a whole lot of engagement for this one, but assuming everything is true here, I haven't seen many people take life paths like this that weren't hardcore into some kind of substance abuse. What you've been doing, going off to Thailand, etc; isn't working, so you have to try something else.

You mentioned briefly that you might be bipolar. That's not something that should be dismissed immediately without talking to a medical professional. Depending on your location there are almost always services available that can make this affordable or even free.

I know people who have had erratic, racing thoughts that compelled them to do impulsive things on a whim, and once their emotional rollercoaster spun out and crashed they spent all their mental energy backwards rationalizing why they did something. Which they kept doing, for years, until they talked to somebody about it and realized it was not normal.

All the well-intentioned advice and Tony Robbins books in the world won't treat a brain illness. A lot more people out there than you think are fucked up in the head. Many of them live relatively full lives in between brief episodes of treatment.

Step back from your situation and consider - do you honestly believe an average 43 year old man with no substance abuse issues lives the life you do? Do you think the difference between them and you is a Tony Robbins book and "mentors"? There's no need to beat yourself up over making bad decisions if the root cause amounts to an illness, though others probably won't see it that way.

I doubt any psychiatrist hearing your story is going to rule out anything (they may have some interesting questions for you to think about) so carefully consider your options before taking any pills they take you.

What I'm getting at is that if you're going to a psychiatrist and you made up your mind that you want drugs before you go in there, you're very likely to walk out with a prescription for something. You step to somebody whose job is to listen and dispense pills and they're probably going to do their job.

You might find it's not for you (that's fine), it might not have the answers you're looking for. But again, the pills might give you enough space and clarity to make good decisions that will enable you to be a better man for your sake and your family's sake. There's value in that you're not going to find in Cambodia.

[Brebelle3]

(05-26-2018 11:38 PM)crispytaco Wrote:  

I missesd something. What happened to your biological daughter from your 1st marriage?

She lives with her biological daughter and goes to the same school as my stepdaughter.

My bio is on 8 different medications, diagnosed with bipolar, anxiety, depression, etc.

3 years ago, whIle I was running my own business, she attempted suicide by cutting her arms. My 1st ex and me had her in no less than 4 mental hospitals.

About 6 months later, she went to school and accused the "teacher of the year" of physically hurting her. Didn't happen

A month later she went to school and accused me of strangling and attempting to kill her. Didn't happen, but I spent the next 6 months having CPS come in to my house for visits. It took that long to clear my name even though the alleged incident happened while my 2nd ex wife, stepdaughter, and stepson were feet away.

I'm scared to be around her or what she might say or do. She's a lesion one week a vegan the next. She cries EVERY DAY at sxhool. She has a behavioral therapist that is staffed by the school with her all the time.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

[Brebelle3]

She lives with her biological mother, aorry

[Brebelle3]

(05-27-2018 02:28 AM)flanders Wrote:  

I don't think I'm going to get a whole lot of engagement for this one, but assuming everything is true here, I haven't seen many people take life paths like this that weren't hardcore into some kind of substance abuse. What you've been doing, going off to Thailand, etc; isn't working, so you have to try something else.

You mentioned briefly that you might be bipolar. That's not something that should be dismissed immediately without talking to a medical professional. Depending on your location there are almost always services available that can make this affordable or even free.

I know people who have had erratic, racing thoughts that compelled them to do impulsive things on a whim, and once their emotional rollercoaster spun out and crashed they spent all their mental energy backwards rationalizing why they did something. Which they kept doing, for years, until they talked to somebody about it and realized it was not normal.

All the well-intentioned advice and Tony Robbins books in the world won't treat a brain illness. A lot more people out there than you think are fucked up in the head. Many of them live relatively full lives in between brief episodes of treatment.

Step back from your situation and consider - do you honestly believe an average 43 year old man with no substance abuse issues lives the life you do? Do you think the difference between them and you is a Tony Robbins book and "mentors"? There's no need to beat yourself up over making bad decisions if the root cause amounts to an illness, though others probably won't see it that way.

I doubt any psychiatrist hearing your story is going to rule out anything (they may have some interesting questions for you to think about) so carefully consider your options before taking any pills they take you.

What I'm getting at is that if you're going to a psychiatrist and you made up your mind that you want drugs before you go in there, you're very likely to walk out with a prescription for something. You step to somebody whose job is to listen and dispense pills and they're probably going to do their job.

You might find it's not for you (that's fine), it might not have the answers you're looking for. But again, the pills might give you enough space and clarity to make good decisions that will enable you to be a better man for your sake and your family's sake. There's value in that you're not going to find in Cambodia.

I understand your point.

I've never done more than smoking pot.

I've been on at least 10 different depression or mood stabilizing medications over the years.

Diagnosed with depression social anxiety /agoraphobia when I was 22. Started on Prozac. I've been on zoloft, celexa, lexapro, paxil, etc.

While I was in Thailand I decided enough was enough. I had been on antidepressants for 20 years and nothing had changed. I weaned myself off them.

I've had 5 different doctors over the years and I feel like none if them give a shit about what I'm telling them. I've met with at least 7-8 psychologists and I feel like none of them give a shit.

I'm a chameleon. I can fit in with any person or group. I don't appear on the surface to have any issues. I've been told by countless people that I'm "destined for greatness" or "you're really well spoken-well put together." Then, after a little bit of time, the mask comes off and they see the true me. Most people freak out at my lack of control.

It's why my business failed, countless jobs have failed, 2 marriages, kids, friends and family.

When I say I'm alone, I mean alone.

[Thomas the Rhymer]

You're beginning to sound like you have borderline personality disorder.

If true, you will never really heal until you figure out what it is about stability that terrifies you so.

[flanders]

(05-27-2018 08:14 AM)Brebelle3 Wrote:  

I understand your point.

I've never done more than smoking pot.

I've been on at least 10 different depression or mood stabilizing medications over the years.

Diagnosed with depression social anxiety /agoraphobia when I was 22. Started on Prozac. I've been on zoloft, celexa, lexapro, paxil, etc.

While I was in Thailand I decided enough was enough. I had been on antidepressants for 20 years and nothing had changed. I weaned myself off them.

I've had 5 different doctors over the years and I feel like none if them give a shit about what I'm telling them. I've met with at least 7-8 psychologists and I feel like none of them give a shit.

I'm a chameleon. I can fit in with any person or group. I don't appear on the surface to have any issues. I've been told by countless people that I'm "destined for greatness" or "you're really well spoken-well put together." Then, after a little bit of time, the mask comes off and they see the true me. Most people freak out at my lack of control.

It's why my business failed, countless jobs have failed, 2 marriages, kids, friends and family.

When I say I'm alone, I mean alone.

I'm not a medical professional but I don't see any mood stabilizers on the list (tegretol, depakote, lamotrogine, lithium). If you've tried any mood stabilizers and they didn't do anything then as far as I know you've run the gamut. From some of the psychiatrists I've talked to its .. generic tranquilizers and meshuggah cocktails of shit after that.

Modern medicine hasn't figured out everything yet. Maybe you're just wired differently. In that case godspeed space cowboy.

[tomzestatlu]

This thread and it´s content has been on my mind for few days.
Well, I am much younger and definitely I can´t give you such life advices. But I must say I find myself with similar thoughts like you have. I´m 25.
Similiar problem I feel is the lack of any vision of life. Sure I can see myself living life like the society do, but I am not sure if it ever could satisfy me. I probably don´t know what is happiness. I think I can reach goals that majority can´t. But once I reach something, I crumple it up like a paper and throw away. I felt some kind of fullfilment 2 years ago, because I was 23 years old and I just reached everything I wanted to (got degree, got very well paying job I dreamed about and worked years fot it, got a girl I desired,...). Over last 6 months I´ve thrown everything away and started from the bottom with knowledge, that everything I will get in future I will get with knowledge that "I should", but definitely not "I desire". And then probably throw it away.

Enough of myself. I am sorry I can´t help you with my lack of experience, but definitely I will watch this thread. Let us informed about yourself.

[Brebelle3]

(05-31-2018 02:29 PM)tomzestatlu Wrote:  

This thread and it´s content has been on my mind for few days.
Well, I am much younger and definitely I can´t give you such life advices. But I must say I find myself with similar thoughts like you have. I´m 25.
Similiar problem I feel is the lack of any vision of life. Sure I can see myself living life like the society do, but I am not sure if it ever could satisfy me. I probably don´t know what is happiness. I think I can reach goals that majority can´t. But once I reach something, I crumple it up like a paper and throw away. I felt some kind of fullfilment 2 years ago, because I was 23 years old and I just reached everything I wanted to (got degree, got very well paying job I dreamed about and worked years fot it, got a girl I desired,...). Over last 6 months I´ve thrown everything away and started from the bottom with knowledge, that everything I will get in future I will get with knowledge that "I should", but definitely not "I desire". And then probably throw it away.

Enough of myself. I am sorry I can´t help you with my lack of experience, but definitely I will watch this thread. Let us informed about yourself.

It's good to know that we are never alone. We all can connect or relate to others. That's why this site is so incredible.

I appreciate you sharing tomzestatlu. Learn, just keeping learning as much about you as possible. I realize that no amount of money, fame, admiration, pussy, or any of that shit matters if you don't no HOW you tick. It's hard to meet that dark person, but it's paramount to be able to climb out of that fucking rabbit hole.

As for Thomas the Rhymer, I want to personally thank you for your insight. I started doing some research on BPD and met with my Dr and my therapist. They are convinced that I have borderline personality disorder.

He has started me on Lamictal and a low dose of xannies for sleep

I don't want to take meds, but I've never been exposed to a mood stabilizer. I'm going to at least try.

I resigned as a HS coach, because I want to begin focusing on me. I can't help anyone until I fix me first. I'm choosing myself right now (btw, James Altucher is the shit). I'm in complete monk mode, reading, researching, working as much as I can, eating nothing but good healthy natural foods, in the gym 7 days a week, saving every dime, meditating, and just absorbing anything and everything positive that I can.

tomzestatlu, shoot me a PM anytime man, I'll be here for any of you the same way you've been here for me.

[Dragan]

Workout. You don't even have to call it a workout, go on some long walks, and you will feel better immediately. Progress to something more intense once you are physically active.

Realize you can run from your problems, but they usually find a way to follow you, unless you're really good at turning over a new page in life. (Had this happen to me when I expatriated from the US). In all honesty, English in Cambodia is probably not a bad idea. It might give you that spark you need in your life to really start enjoying things (especially new things).

Correct bad habits, especially alcohol because it will be immensely destructive in the medium to long term. Schedule the shit out of your life, and keep busy.

Some people are better at having a handle at things than others. A therapist, etc, may not be a bad idea at all. Sometimes we need need others to tell us what we're doing wrong and give us advise for improvement.

Be social, as much as you can be. As you fence yourself off from society, you actually start to feel worse.

Work a lot, work helps get your mind off your issues.

Hope this helps.

[the-dream]

I'd seriously avoid those drugs, they'll just add an extra serious problem to your life and will not fix anything. I've not heard of Lamictal before but Xanax is no joke.

[Thomas the Rhymer]

(06-02-2018 08:46 PM)Brebelle3 Wrote:  

As for Thomas the Rhymer, I want to personally thank you for your insight.

You're welcome.