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Big Picture / Inner Game
09-24-2011, 04:06 PM
Soup, I really tried to read that post and couldn't get past the first paragraph. The author failed to set up his point for me well enough to move beyond it. I did skim some of the middle though and it seemed to touch on your general question of whether it's possible to change yourself at a core level.
What do you mean by that, though? The reason I ask is that I'm not sure you have to change that much to get what you want. I believe, and I tell my 12 year old son this, that what you need is passion.
We are who we are. We don't need to change who we are to get girls, but if we've not been successful at it we each need to find that passion that motivates us to think about how our interactions with others either lead to success or failure. That's learned behavior and it can be acquired with perseverance.
If you work on building attraction, if you think about how your interactions with women either build attraction, or fail to build attraction then you are acquiring the skill set necessary to achieve your goal, in this case getting into a girls pants. The critical point there is that you have to be working at it; thus you need passion. If you care, if you need to get laid, if you want to fuck then you have to figure out how to get women to want to fuck.
For me, I've always wanted to fuck women and have never had a problem with it. I look at every woman and the first thing I do is decide whether I would or wouldn't. Then I figure out whether I could or couldn't. What I'm working on now is figuring out whether I can increase the size of the 'could' group and decrease the size of the 'couldn't' group. I think about it all the time. I study it. I analyze every interaction I have with every woman I have, no matter how casual the interaction or how off limits she might be. I want women to like me and to want to be with me.
I have not read Bang (my copy is in the mail) but I know that it has a large section on inner game. Therefore, you may take or leave what I have to say. For me, inner game is about my own personal passions. It's taken me many years of introspection and the help of a therapist to come to grips with who I am and what I want. I'm comfortable with it. I'm happy, successful and passionate about what I do. Women can sense that and they are attracted to it. Unfortunately, there is no formula for this but I will say this. Before my inner game was solid, I was a mess and I now realize how sensitive people were to it; I made them uncomfortable. Now I go out of my way to make sure I make people comfortable with me or figure out why I failed to do so. But I have not changed myself at a core level. What I've done is accepted myself and learned to project that acceptance on other people. This is all learned behavior. However, I was not able to learn it until I was ready to accept myself for who I am.
The greatest challenge with all of us is that, with some exceptions, we are not aware of ourselves at a level that allows us to modify our behavior to give ourselves the chance to accomplish what we want. We protect ourselves and our egos and avoid self scrutiny. You have to be ready to listen in order to hear. That requires trust in who you are listening to. Trust requires tight inner game which for me means that unshakeable sense of self. Not arrogance, but hard won self awareness. Therefore you have to find that sense of self inside yourself and the trust it takes to listen in order to learn. Perhaps that's what the article you posted was getting at. I hope what I've written is more accessible than that.
My final thought on this, for now, is that you don't have to change a whole lot, but you do need to project well. To project well you either have to be a 'natural' (someone who does everything right but doesn't know why) or you have to work on it. To work on it you need passion, otherwise you'll stay home playing Mario Kart instead of gaming girls.
