[Soundbyte]

I literally cannot ignore anything or anyone around me. Other people are able to ignore so easily. I see this a lot in my behavior. I don't ignore text messages or calls. I feel like if I do not want to talk to them, I just tell them rather than ignoring them. when people are talking to me, I cannot ignore them easily. This is how I was raised, and it's hard to turn from it.

[Meliorare93]

I recommend:
https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Gi...0062457713

[Dalaran1991]

(05-23-2018 02:35 AM)Soundbyte Wrote:  

I literally cannot ignore anything or anyone around me. Other people are able to ignore so easily. I see this a lot in my behavior. I don't ignore text messages or calls. I feel like if I do not want to talk to them, I just tell them rather than ignoring them. when people are talking to me, I cannot ignore them easily. This is how I was raised, and it's hard to turn from it.

Get ignored, used and burned for a few times and you learn to ignore shit pretty quickly.

Or start ignoring things bit by bit and realize that you dont matter. People still gonna do things with or without you; they wont get mad because you didnt call back or show up. If they do, remember you owe them nothing.

If you live in a big metropolitan city you really need to learn not to take peoplet at their word else you go crazy. Im not even talking about girls flaking.

[nola]

If you're letting random shit rent space in your head then you have too much time on your hands. When you keep yourself busy and focus on improving your station in life, health, friendships, network and experiences you'll quickly notice that things that used to bother you before become small potatoes.

And if it's girls doing things that bother you then you're giving them to much attention which translates to power which results in getting burned sooner or later.

[Hypno]

This article is tangentially on point:

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2018/05/...eta-males/

Roissy makes the point that your success in interactions comes from power and status, and these are perceived.

Not only can you fake it until you make it, but you can make it a habit and practice this.

So talk to every one - uber drivers, secretaries, janitors, sales clerks, cashiers, etc. Most people do day game and only talk to targets. That is a mistake. Warm up being social with people with less power than you. Make a game where you try to learn something about each person. Make a game where you ask each person to do something for you - could be very minor, like directions somewhere or advice on an outfit. The former is a way to express interest in people (Dale Carnegie). The latter is a way to demonstrate your power in the relationship.

On a date, you might say something like "I like girls who wear high heels" or something like that. Then reward her for her compliance, You look great in those shoes, not many women can pull that look off as well as you do.

This doesn't have anything to do with ignoring things, but rather focusses on the quality of your interactions with everyone. If you work on this, it might take care of your other problem.

[Soundbyte]

(05-23-2018 03:24 AM)Dalaran1991 Wrote:  

(05-23-2018 02:35 AM)Soundbyte Wrote:  

-snip-

Get ignored, used and burned for a few times and you learn to ignore shit pretty quickly.

Or start ignoring things bit by bit and realize that you dont matter. People still gonna do things with or without you; they wont get mad because you didnt call back or show up. If they do, remember you owe them nothing.

If you live in a big metropolitan city you really need to learn not to take peoplet at their word else you go crazy. Im not even talking about girls flaking.

Thanks for this. I do get ignored a lot, so I usually just finish whatever it is I'm talking about and I disengage.

I believe in the golden rule (lol) so I respond to people as soon as I can. My family is the opposite, so I will pay attention to how they ignore others.

(05-23-2018 07:59 AM)nola Wrote:  

If you're letting random shit rent space in your head then you have too much time on your hands. When you keep yourself busy and focus on improving your station in life, health, friendships, network and experiences you'll quickly notice that things that used to bother you before become small potatoes.

And if it's girls doing things that bother you then you're giving them to much attention which translates to power which results in getting burned sooner or later.

You are right about me having too much time. I am working on that. If I try to ignore someone, i get this feeling in the back of my head. So I usually just respond to people/texts/calls as soon as I can because I will be able to forget about it and do something else.

(05-23-2018 08:17 AM)Hypno Wrote:  

This article is tangentially on point:

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2018/05/...eta-males/

Roissy makes the point that your success in interactions comes from power and status, and these are perceived.

Not only can you fake it until you make it, but you can make it a habit and practice this.

So talk to every one - uber drivers, secretaries, janitors, sales clerks, cashiers, etc. Most people do day game and only talk to targets. That is a mistake. Warm up being social with people with less power than you. Make a game where you try to learn something about each person. Make a game where you ask each person to do something for you - could be very minor, like directions somewhere or advice on an outfit. The former is a way to express interest in people (Dale Carnegie). The latter is a way to demonstrate your power in the relationship.

Thanks for the response. I guess that I express an over interest without a proportionate demonstration of power. I gotta pick up that book by Mr. Carnegie.

[ChefAllDay]

(05-23-2018 02:35 AM)Soundbyte Wrote:  

I literally cannot ignore anything or anyone around me. Other people are able to ignore so easily. I see this a lot in my behavior.

I don't know your age, but I will say it gets so much easier as you get older, say 35+. It also helps to assume your the only one around who matters, but make everyone around you feel like you know them and are listening to them. People and things are easier to ignore when you have your own shit sorted out. Carnegie was a genius, definitely worth reading his work.

[Jetset]

(05-23-2018 03:34 PM)Soundbyte Wrote:  

I believe in the golden rule (lol) so I respond to people as soon as I can. My family is the opposite, so I will pay attention to how they ignore others....You are right about me having too much time. I am working on that. If I try to ignore someone, i get this feeling in the back of my head. So I usually just respond to people/texts/calls as soon as I can because I will be able to forget about it and do something else.

1) Get organized. Read up on Getting Things Done system or something like that, structure your time and tasks so that you don't have to think about them. I use a calendar (anything that has where/when nailed down) and to-do list in tandem (anything less specific than that) with a note-taking database so I can clip interesting travel articles, etc., directly to it and search later when I need them. This will help get rid of that feeling, taking everything tactical out of your head so you can see clearly enough to think strategically, GTD refers to it as "mind like water".

2) Rethink how you interpret the Golden Rule. There's nothing wrong with that, but would you really want the people you care about to drop everything and pay attention to you whenever you text them? The world would descend into chaos if we all did this, and then nobody would get what they want. Instead, apply a supplemental test: "Why the fuck would I do this?"

[Hypno]

(05-23-2018 03:34 PM)Soundbyte Wrote:  

Thanks for the response. I guess that I express an over interest without a proportionate demonstration of power. I gotta pick up that book by Mr. Carnegie.

Two different concepts you are confusing.

Dale Carnegie just said that if you are sincerely interested in other people then that will cause them to like you.

The article at Heartiste I linked explains how power is communicated in relationships. If you ask your waitress for a refill, you are signalling that she is there to serve you. If you tell a date that you like it when women wear high heels, you similarly convey power in the relationship - you are subtly expressing a request/demand/expectation.

The point is you practice being alpha and powerful by engaging in these power conversations with people where you have greater power. If you go on a job interview, start a conversation with your Uber driver, the security guard, the receptionist, etc. When you then speak to someone with equal or greater power than you, you will subconsciously express more power than you otherwise would have.

[Soundbyte]

@Jetset.
You really hit the nail on the head! I have been relying on my memory and I sometimes forget things. I also just do things when I want to and it probably is not helping my case. Also I don't really drop everything but you are right about my priorities not being where they should be.

@Hypno.
I saw my mistake and read the article. I already got the book somewhere, so ill read it. But in hindsight I allow too many people to have that power over me because I usually think " i'm not busy, so why not" I think that I should be more self-entitled or something, and not worrying about everyone else a lot. Thanks again.

[LINUX]

Why exactly do you feel like you need to stop being this kind of person? Do you feel like this makes you weak or something?

I'm on the exact opposite path, I'm trying to ignore people less and listen more.

[Soundbyte]

Well, It's mainly because I'm always trying to help people out, and not a single one of those people even try to keep up with me in any way. For example I recently wanted to introduce a former classmate of mine to a friend who is part of a team that the classmate just joined. He just ignored my messages. I'm not really bothered that much because it is what it is.

I really don't feel weak, rather I feel like I am continuously wasting my time trying to pay attention to people . I learned to respond quickly to messages and calls from my father who almost always answers his phone in a timely manner.

[bgbusiness]

Yeah, great comment by others and I agree with them.

Other advices that I would add is that, when you have done a thousand or two thousand cold-approaches, you become really nihilistic and stop giving a F.

This happened to me and I had to kind of backtrack and calibrate to the other people's feelings, emotions, etc...
(So ignoring things are not the end solution. If you just ignore, ignore ignore, and can't read social cues, you will come off as a sociopath or a psychopath.)

I would say that the key is the balance between the two.
Now days, I understand how people are feeling, what they are thinking, but I don't care for the most part if it doesn't change who I am. I think age and experience definitely helps.

I used to give a fuck a lot in high school, but I am turning 25 in couple months and really have changed my personality dramatically that there are only few things that I care about...

I recommend watching this video several times...
It will help you understand how to balance the "intent" and "freedom"...
I think the key to life is mastering the doublethink or accepting two paradoxical ideas and really embracing them to be successful.