[firat113]

Sorry if this belongs in the newbie section, but i thought this question is directed mostly to the experienced users.

My friend brought up a problem that had me thinking. He's a 22 year old guy, who's only had sex twice before, with his girlfriend of 6 months, so he's very inexperienced. He's always been against one night stands and wanted to go the LTR way, but recently started to get frustrated and wants to find a girl to have sex with, to improve his sex game and gain experience as he feels like most girls he's dating/flirting with expects something off him already because 1) He's 22 years old. And 2) He has a great muscular body, and girls always presume that he gets laid a lot and therefor have high expectations when it comes to sex. And he's so insecure about disappointing that he started having sexual anxiety.

He is decent in game and pulls girls in nights out and makes out with them, gets numbers and they seem to want to meet. But at this stage he always backs off or gets second thoughts. He can escalate but never close, because he's scared of prematurely ejaculating/sexual inexperience.

He told me there's this girl that is a little chubby, but decent face that wants him to come over and fuck her, and be fuck buddies. I told him, go for it, you can bang her and improve your lasting time in bed, if that's what you're insecure about. Get experience off that one girl, and then you can build confident for better looking girls. And she isn't bad looking.

But he's telling me that he is having a hard time doing this, because he's not physically attracted to this girl, and it's hard for him do this thing. It's like he's forcing himself to do it, and it won't be a pleasure thing. Also another fear of his is, let's say he decides to go have sex with this girl and she finds out his inexperience and/or she gets annoyed that he can't last long in bed, she wont give him a second chance. This way, how can he ever improve, if girls stop seeing him after one night.

So my question to you guys is... How did you start building up your sexual game? When you were virgins/beginners. Did you settle with a below average girl / a girl you're not really attracted to, to improve your sex game and wanted to last longer in bed? Or what suggestions should i pass along to my friend. Would you go for it if you were in his position?

I told him that this is all just in his mind, and some girls won't mind sticking along, and giving him time to improve if they like him as a person. He's scared of something before he even tried. And that he could always pleasure them in other ways than with his dick.

[JackinMelbourne]

a) She needs to pass the boner test before anything else can happen
b) Tell him this: nobody will even remember in a year!

Still wouldn't go for fatties tho... unless secretly that IS his thing. But average to start off with is standard procedure. Might be a great girl. Looks aren't everything.. which is why he should be careful in case he "falls in love" with a fatty. That oxytocin hit could easily hook a noob...

Edit: forgot to answer your main question. I started off the old fashioned way, learning the ropes from porn and going to town on my high school girlfriend that I actually did find attractive. It's best to learn the ropes while young with the same chick because it's new for both parties and she'll be just as inexperienced and self conscious. Either way, your mate needs to get good at foreplay, finger banging and muff diving so he can buy time before he blows, or while he is recovering for the proper session. The first shot will always be a buildup release so way more likely to cum early if he's into her. So make her cum first and then she won't really care as much and round two will always be decent for both.

[firat113]

Absolutely @JackinMelbourne, she isn't a fatty, i think chubby is a wrong word here. She is probably average, with a little extra around the hips. I think it's because he cares so much about his body and trains a lot, that he has adopted the "female fitness body" vision, and that's what attracts him in girls, but i told him he needs to lower his standards a bit if he wants to gain experience.

[Salvadore]

"A friend".

Depends on how low you go. Obviously it would be shameful to bang a fatty or someone completely hideous but a decent nice and polite and geeky girl who is a 6 might be a good idea.

When I was in my best shape I almost got more turned on by myself knowing I was making pussies wet rather than the girl herself.

[kaotic]

Here's a thought - no matter who he fucks - he might not last long.

You've already won by sticking your dick in a girl, so why the hell does it matter how long you last?

Most girls who are attracted to a guy will forgive or overlook some of his flaws.

This guy sounds completely neurotic about his sexual desires and fears. He's got way too many hangups.

If he can pull attractive girls, why the hell would he stoop lower than his sexual market value?


He need to work on his inner game before he starts fucking anything.

To be honest, he has to have a "fuck it, I don't care attitude" when it comes to his fear of cumming fast with an attractive girl.

You know there's thing called a "second round" of sex right? Hell he might kill that pussy on the second round.


This guy is half assing his claimed "Decent game" if he isn't closing these girls.

He needs to get over his fear, stop giving a shit, and bang these girls out.

[SeaFM]

Some of the best lays I've had were with women with below average looks, but excellent bodies.

Boner test indeed.

Your dick always knows.

If she makes you want to fuck her....then fuck her.

[debeguiled]

How can fucking a girl who doesn't give you a boner help sexual confidence in any scenario?

[firat113]

@debeguiled he wants to improve his sexual experience /fuck better, last longer etc, not sexual confidence. Once he's experienced enough and stops being afraid of sex with girls, because of performance anxiety, then his confident will automatically go up. Do you follow the idea?

@SeaFM I feel what you're saying, but in this scenario the body is the lacking point. The face is average. The body is below average. Or atleast below his standards for what turns him on. But as you said, boner test indeed.

@kaotic excellent reply, i will have him read all of this. "He needs to get over his fear, stop giving a shit, and bang these girls out." completely agree, that's what i have been preaching to him for a while now.

[PapayaTapper]

(04-27-2018 06:13 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

This guy sounds completely neurotic about his sexual desires and fears. He's got way too many hangups.

OP ^This...

Tell your "friend"

More fucking

Less,... way way... less thinking

[Laner]

I remember the hottest women I have fucked. And the ugliest. The fastest I ever came was with the ugly one, so there is no rule about Hot=Quick and Ugly=Long.

I went through the same thing as your friend at about 20. I was always trying not to bust and I think this had the opposite effect. I tried to tell myself that it was because these chicks were hot, because I am not circumcised, etc. But it all came down to my mind.

I stopped giving a shit. I stopped licking (most) pussy. If I popped too soon, I would just say "first rounds for me, second round is for you" with a confident and happy demeanor. It worked and my sex life became much better.

And you know what? Your buddy will be surprised to know just how many girls out there absolutely love a quicky. It involves aggression and risk, but a quick 30 second round will leave a woman dripping and gagging for more. It fucks with her head in a way that a long, passionate session will not. Double the headfuck if you smash her ass in a risky place.

[Tiger Man]

There seems to be two different questions being answered on here.

Does your "friend" want to improve his game or his sexual performance? Or, is it both, as one can feed the other?

If he wants to improve his game, that is largely social, specifically with all the hangups you mentioned. That means developing a social circle, becoming comfortable in a range of social situations, and approaching. He doesn't even have to close (and he probably won't), but he has to put in that work. He doesn't sound like a natural.

As far as sex, I disagree with the idea that having sex with several women will help with that. It might lower performance anxiety (provided he is sober and in a good frame of mind). But, to really improve one's performance, a guy should get a semi-regular girl who is very sexually open (or who can be opened up). Then, experiment with everything.

Buy She Comes First by Ian Kerner. There are several other books, some of which are actually better. But, that is a good starting point. Read legitimate blogs and online sources. And, again, experiment. According to almost all of the women I have spoken to, most men are awful at sex - really, just bad. Learning how to do it right can pay dividends for the rest of your life, whether you want to stay single or get monogamous and married.

As to the attractiveness of the girl in the equation, I don't think it would be impossible to pull a passable girl in to this scenario. I, personally, would not go dumpster diving on this one. In fact, I generally advise men to stay away from the sub-par women. A small set of men seems to be able to have sex with anything, just like a small set of women can have many, many sexual partners with no ill effects. But those types are rare. In the worst case scenarios, a man who consistently takes down ugly women (even just for practice) can either train himself to only go after low-quality girls, or develop some sort of psychological complex related to sex (and that will affect him in the future).

And, as a last note - If he is really as neurotic as you say, maybe enter a slightly different social circle. This will simultaneously help with social game, as well as insulating from possible fallout if he epically screws it up.

TL;DR - I would focus on locking down one girl and practising my sexual techniques with her, while also approaching and developing my social game.

[bgbusiness]

There were some girls that I thought were ugly, but the body still passed the boner test.
I fuck them doggy or have them hugging me close when fucking and I didn't have to look at their face.
One girl in particular had one of the tightest pussy ever and it turned out to be one of my favorite sexual experiences last year.
I would rate her body 7, but face a 4. Not my proudest bang, but the sex was one of the best in my experience...

Sometimes the girls you find 5s or 6s turn out to be ah.maze.ing sex.
On the other hand, you will have an 8 and you realize that the sex was boring and just "meh."
Never know until you fuck them...

[Cyr]

I was in a vaguely similar position to the OP's friend (had been on a fairly long dry spell and was a bit anxious about having sex again and not performing well), so I can say with confidence that he should definitely just try to fuck a bunch of girls, even if theyre not stellar in order to get some confidence back. It was an excellent decision by me. His game will improve markedly.

[lonewolf1992]

I don't know, I consider myself a very visual person. I believe most men are, I banged two 5s last year and it was ok, but the satisfaction I get when I see a girl with a cute face blowing me or looking at her eyes while banging from behind is one of the best things in sex.