[Viralata]

A recent post over at rationalmale(rationalmale.wordpress.com/2011/09/20/letting-go-of-invisible-friend) got me thinking about LDR's

I travel continuously and most of the relationships I've been in the last 10 years have been a LDR, in one form or another. I've learned a few things in dealing with these "relationships", the hazards and pitfalls etc..

I usually spend at least a few months in a particular country either working or climbing, or some combination of both. I tend to enjoy mini-relatonships to ONS, and if I find a young lady with the right "assets" I tend to keep her around. In the past I've maintained the more valuable LDR's once I've left the country. I have even returned, in some cases, at considerable expense, both financially and emotionally, to keep things going. Those days are long over...I swallowed the red pill a few years back. I have no problem walking if the logistics aren't favorable.

I now find my self in another mini-relationship in Peru, one that has the potential to turn into a LDR once I leave in January to return to North America. I have no interest in maintaining an LDR anymore, but I will be returning to Peru next May permanently when I move my base of operations to South America to have better exposure to the South American mining industry. She has also said she wants to come visit me for a couple weeks in NA.

My question is this...given this scenario, I plan on maintaining the relationship, for all practical purposes, but I am going to do whatever the hell I want, with who I want, while I am away. Am I better off just laying things out to her instead of having my cake and eating it too?

I am interested in hearing others take on the implications, both personal and practical of the situation.

If further clarification is needed, just ask. Don't feel the need to pull any punches, please.

[Caligula]

In my pre-game days I was involved in a couple of long distance relationships. It was all the drawbacks of an LTR with none of the benefits (ie. sex). For a girl it's the opposite. She gets all the benefits of an LTR (your attention and commitment) without any of the drawbacks; she can do whatever she likes while you're away.

Now I see it differently.

I have a few girls various cities who are ready to have sex with me when I'm in town. Many despite having a local boyfriend. Because we have history and I don't live there it doesn't, in girlspeak, really count.

The handful I like the most I communicate with once or twice a month. I'll send a flirty text message, ask her for some sexy pics, have phone sex, whatever. Sometimes they send me cookies or presents. I actually like these girls, so it's less a chore and more a fun distraction. I'll easily go a year without seeing any one of them.

Framing is the key here.

If a girl can get away with it she'll want you to call her every day or do cute things for her in absentia. Avoid the trap! Do it on your own terms and you'll be able to keep her hot for you next time you're in town without wasting your time for hours on skype or sending her presents.

Play it right and you won't have to worry about whether it's a long distance relationship or not. You'll be having sex when you want it on your own terms.

Edit - the one caveat is that some girls will be put off by your perceived lack of commitment. She might be looking for something more serious or simply be getting nervous about being your plaything. Attraction isn't the only thing that counts. Learn to spot the signs of this and give her just the right amount of attention if your goal is to keep her around.

[gringochileno]

I strung along a Chilean girl for year in between South America trips and banged her again when I returned. The first week or 2 after I left she would hit me up constantly on Facebook and would be wanting to Skype. I indulged her at first and then ratcheted down her expectations little by little, eventually having no more than a 30-minute IM chat or sending a message that takes a minute to write every few weeks or so (note: the Facebook chat feature where you can make yourself invisible to individual people is invaluable). When she whined about wanting to talk more often I would make up some bullshit about how Gringos aren't as warm and open as her culture and I don't need to talk to her all the time to still care about her, and when she got jealous and accused me of fucking other girls I would generally agree and amplify or find some other way to not take her seriously (e.g. "You're so cute when you get all jealous!" or "Don't worry sweetie, you'll always be #1 in my harem!"). All in all I probably spent under 20 hours total, spread out over a year, to keep the lead warm. I'd say it was worth it, but 3 days after I fucked her I banged a hotter chick and lost interest so in hindsight it probably wasn't too good of an investment.

I wonder if she thought she was in a relationship with me.

[D. Goodnuts]

I'm all about mini-relationships ala The G Manifesto!

[Pilgrim37]

LDR's....in my experience they don't work.
If it's serious and you aren't together at least 7-8 months of the year you both get bored and wonder where it's going.If there's no plan to settle together somewhere it will fizzle out .
Mine lasted around 2 years between UK and Brazil,we saw each other around 5-6 months with 4 meet ups in that time,but with no way to work in Brazil and her unable to move it hit the buffers.

It doesn't matter how great she thinks you are ,if she knows she's going to spend the majority of her year twiddling her thumbs on the weekend and if you haven't called time on it ,she will!

[iknowexactly]

(09-21-2011 07:17 PM)Viralata Wrote:  

I am interested in hearing others take on the implications, both personal and practical of the situation.

If further clarification is needed, just ask. Don't feel the need to pull any punches, please.

The only regrets I've had with leading women on is when I realize they've let their eggs expire while I was gaming them.

If she's 26+, and she wants to have kids, and you keep her on call for 3-4 years, you're cutting into a big chunk of her potential childbearing years.

The problem is I think women are cagey about revealing they want kids because they don't want to scare you off.

One could say, "Well tough luck then, it's her fault." and not give a hoot that she's missed out on something she cares about but was too shy to ask about.

You could just not care at all about her, if you're that type of person.